1 step forward, 2 steps back...
Well, I honestly thought that Bob understood my situation, and was going to wait about the rent, but he put the check through, which means I am now overdrawn at the bank. If I do not do something soon, I am going to lose that apartment---which I have regarded as an almost foregone conclusion from the time I moved in---I have never believed that I could hold on to something I wanted so much as that.
I am tired of feeling as though I am making no progress, feeling cautiously optimistic, trying to act on that optimism and make some positive decisions about my future, and just a few days later feeling my legs knocked from under me again. I am tired of having to go looking for help from family and friends.
At some point you have to be able to take care of your responsibilities, to be in a position where you can give more than you take, and to be able to respect yourself at the end of the day. I am not anywhere near that place in my life, and I cannot wait any longer. I would rather be dead than be this person any longer. That's the plain truth.