born of frustration
So, here's a little update for anyone who's interested.
I was going to move down to Bloomington, stay w/ my eldest sister, Cathy, for a while, work, and save some money. Well, that didn't happen. I've been having some car trouble, so I decided to wait about going down there until I got that taken care of. In the meantime, I've been staying in the basement of my good friend, Eric, and feeling none-too-good about it, to be quite frank.
So, anyway, my friend John's dad, Gary, said he could fix my car---for which I am very grateful, natch---but it was going to take some time (and he's not feeling too well lately), so I figured I could put off going down to Bloomington for awhile. Well, a couple days ago, I hit a manhole cover, and my whole exhaust system came off---"So, I got that goin' for me."---which gives me one less thing to worry about. Right now, it is attached to the luggage rack of the Volvo w/ a coat hanger. In addition, the headlights have been acting hinky. This evening (just about an hour ago, I guess), I decided to go out and play around w/ the fuses and see if I could get 'em workin' again. I thought I had it, and I opened the hood to look at somethin', then, when I went to close the hood, one of the arms broke, which means the hood doesn't close. So, like the man said, if it's not one thing, it's two (or three). What're-ya-gonna-do?
In other, much happier, news, I am getting married on 15 April to a lovely woman named Yasmin. She is very independent, quite intelligent, and pragmatic (quite unlike myself), and for some reason, she loves me. At this point, it seems silly to go to Bloomington when I will have to be back so soon for the wedding. We are getting married during her Easter Break, then she goes back to finish her last semester at Nassau Community College on Long Island. She is eager to be out of NYC when the semester is done. I hope to convince her to move to Bloomington, rather than Valparaiso. We will see...
~The above paragraph, which I have stricken, but not deleted, refers to a great mistake I almost made, one which would have seriously damaged my sanity. This whole "marriage" situation was, in fact, a scam cooked up by a woman I had previously dated, who wanted her friend Yasmin to be able to stay in the US, instead of having to go back to Turkey. They both felt I would just play along---and, maybe I would have, had they been honest w/ me from the beginning, and reasonable once I found out and got angry. They were terribly affronted when I had the audacity to get mad! I am so glad I called that off... god, I cannot imagine the other outcome. [added, 9 March 2004]~
Uuhhhh... what else...?
I've not watched 'the Simpsons' in more than a week... I feel ill.
Today, I got an e-mail from my friend, Darlene, who said that our mutual friend, Alison, and I are too emotionally-needy and -unstable, therefore she and her husband were going to need to take a break from our friendship for the next couple months. She also said that I should not get married. [As it turns out, of course, she was right about that one.] Last week, her husband, Jesse, told me I should put off all my plans for two weeks and go stay at a local psychiatric facility. They both believe that my life has become very erratic, and the choices that I've been making are nonsensical, and perhaps self-destructive. Well, that could be true. But, the truth is, my life does not have to make sense to anybody but me... and, frankly, it does not even have to make sense to me, at least, not all the time. I know that they mean well, but other people's concern is sometimes a lot more of a burden, and less of a help, than they want to believe.
These past 6 months or so have been very trying, I must admit, but I see better days ahead. I am committed to certain tasks that lie before me, like organizing the Spring conference for the local ACLU chapter, and they give definition and meaning to the time that I spend. Other than that, I am happy to be alive, eager to receive every moment for all it's worth, and I am grateful for the time I have. I've wasted too much time w/ worry and regret. I am filled, these days, w/ a kind of revolutionary hope, that's the best way I can describe it, for what Theodore Roszak called "the visionary commonwealth".
"Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world."
That's where I'm going. I wish you all well.
I was going to move down to Bloomington, stay w/ my eldest sister, Cathy, for a while, work, and save some money. Well, that didn't happen. I've been having some car trouble, so I decided to wait about going down there until I got that taken care of. In the meantime, I've been staying in the basement of my good friend, Eric, and feeling none-too-good about it, to be quite frank.
So, anyway, my friend John's dad, Gary, said he could fix my car---for which I am very grateful, natch---but it was going to take some time (and he's not feeling too well lately), so I figured I could put off going down to Bloomington for awhile. Well, a couple days ago, I hit a manhole cover, and my whole exhaust system came off---"So, I got that goin' for me."---which gives me one less thing to worry about. Right now, it is attached to the luggage rack of the Volvo w/ a coat hanger. In addition, the headlights have been acting hinky. This evening (just about an hour ago, I guess), I decided to go out and play around w/ the fuses and see if I could get 'em workin' again. I thought I had it, and I opened the hood to look at somethin', then, when I went to close the hood, one of the arms broke, which means the hood doesn't close. So, like the man said, if it's not one thing, it's two (or three). What're-ya-gonna-do?
In other, much happier, news, I am getting married on 15 April to a lovely woman named Yasmin. She is very independent, quite intelligent, and pragmatic (quite unlike myself), and for some reason, she loves me. At this point, it seems silly to go to Bloomington when I will have to be back so soon for the wedding. We are getting married during her Easter Break, then she goes back to finish her last semester at Nassau Community College on Long Island. She is eager to be out of NYC when the semester is done. I hope to convince her to move to Bloomington, rather than Valparaiso. We will see...
~The above paragraph, which I have stricken, but not deleted, refers to a great mistake I almost made, one which would have seriously damaged my sanity. This whole "marriage" situation was, in fact, a scam cooked up by a woman I had previously dated, who wanted her friend Yasmin to be able to stay in the US, instead of having to go back to Turkey. They both felt I would just play along---and, maybe I would have, had they been honest w/ me from the beginning, and reasonable once I found out and got angry. They were terribly affronted when I had the audacity to get mad! I am so glad I called that off... god, I cannot imagine the other outcome. [added, 9 March 2004]~
Uuhhhh... what else...?
I've not watched 'the Simpsons' in more than a week... I feel ill.
Today, I got an e-mail from my friend, Darlene, who said that our mutual friend, Alison, and I are too emotionally-needy and -unstable, therefore she and her husband were going to need to take a break from our friendship for the next couple months. She also said that I should not get married. [As it turns out, of course, she was right about that one.] Last week, her husband, Jesse, told me I should put off all my plans for two weeks and go stay at a local psychiatric facility. They both believe that my life has become very erratic, and the choices that I've been making are nonsensical, and perhaps self-destructive. Well, that could be true. But, the truth is, my life does not have to make sense to anybody but me... and, frankly, it does not even have to make sense to me, at least, not all the time. I know that they mean well, but other people's concern is sometimes a lot more of a burden, and less of a help, than they want to believe.
These past 6 months or so have been very trying, I must admit, but I see better days ahead. I am committed to certain tasks that lie before me, like organizing the Spring conference for the local ACLU chapter, and they give definition and meaning to the time that I spend. Other than that, I am happy to be alive, eager to receive every moment for all it's worth, and I am grateful for the time I have. I've wasted too much time w/ worry and regret. I am filled, these days, w/ a kind of revolutionary hope, that's the best way I can describe it, for what Theodore Roszak called "the visionary commonwealth".
"Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world."
That's where I'm going. I wish you all well.