(no subject)
Much as I complain, I'd have to concede that I'm happy with how I look; the hair's a bit mad, at times, but it's interesting and I'm glad to have curly hair. I've got pretty good skin (I've managed to avoid spots, mostly), and I'm just...normal. I'm fine. I'd never feel the need to change it, whether painfully or by some other method.
However, EVERY TIME a camera is turned on me, I turn into some kind of twisted-face, weird, Krusty the Clown-haired, cringing wreck. Even if I pose beforehand. My face grows to twice its normal size, my hair sticks out (especially whenever there's a hat involved), my eyes...God knows what they get up to. It's driving me mad.
I know this sounds moany and I'm probably exaggerating, but it's starting to grate. It always catches the worst possible angle, and I feel so much less secure about my appearance whenever I see photos of myself. I look stupid. I look ugly. I hate it.
It's made somehow worse when Cathy's involved, because she's so gorgeous that it kind of shows me up (not that that's her intention or fault, obviously) when we're in photos together; the dissonance in looks seems vast, to me. She looks composed, she can smile easily. I look ridiculous. I'll be honest; sometimes, in my utterly insecure moments, I wonder why she's attracted to me. Particularly with those photos on display. There's about five or so public photos of me (Facebook, etc) that I like. That's it. I hate most of them, and yet people I know just...have it. They can appear and look relatively normal. Their hair stays in place, for a start.
Gah.
I'm ungrateful; I know, and I've become a lot more secure in myself since I came to uni, I really have. My confidence has ratcheted up in these past few weeks. But every so often, I just look at myself and wince.
Anyway, I need to cheer myself. I'm listening to the Top Gear team and Justin Hawkins singing Red Light Spells Danger at the moment, something which I find strangely moving, not sure why.
ETA: Oh my God, I've just realised; Red Light Spells Danger - Jack/Ianto. Just look at the lyrics. I can imagine that being Jack's thought process around Children of Earth time.
God, I'm pathetic.
However, EVERY TIME a camera is turned on me, I turn into some kind of twisted-face, weird, Krusty the Clown-haired, cringing wreck. Even if I pose beforehand. My face grows to twice its normal size, my hair sticks out (especially whenever there's a hat involved), my eyes...God knows what they get up to. It's driving me mad.
I know this sounds moany and I'm probably exaggerating, but it's starting to grate. It always catches the worst possible angle, and I feel so much less secure about my appearance whenever I see photos of myself. I look stupid. I look ugly. I hate it.
It's made somehow worse when Cathy's involved, because she's so gorgeous that it kind of shows me up (not that that's her intention or fault, obviously) when we're in photos together; the dissonance in looks seems vast, to me. She looks composed, she can smile easily. I look ridiculous. I'll be honest; sometimes, in my utterly insecure moments, I wonder why she's attracted to me. Particularly with those photos on display. There's about five or so public photos of me (Facebook, etc) that I like. That's it. I hate most of them, and yet people I know just...have it. They can appear and look relatively normal. Their hair stays in place, for a start.
Gah.
I'm ungrateful; I know, and I've become a lot more secure in myself since I came to uni, I really have. My confidence has ratcheted up in these past few weeks. But every so often, I just look at myself and wince.
Anyway, I need to cheer myself. I'm listening to the Top Gear team and Justin Hawkins singing Red Light Spells Danger at the moment, something which I find strangely moving, not sure why.
Click to viewETA: Oh my God, I've just realised; Red Light Spells Danger - Jack/Ianto. Just look at the lyrics. I can imagine that being Jack's thought process around Children of Earth time.
God, I'm pathetic.