We. We are. We are sniffling.
I'd like to preface this by saying that I do know that this is all self-indulgent bollocks. Just had to vent, stupid as it all will sound.
I honestly think I'll never be able to watch Children of Earth again. I keep planning to (intercut with something like Green Wing, maybe), but then I learn something new or re-watch a clip or hear a bit of the soundtrack and it just...oh God, I can't describe it. My chest starts to hurt and I know that I couldn't watch it without completely breaking down.
The sad thing is, I miss series two and what it stood for so much. That's not to say that series three wasn't good; it was completely brilliant. Better, even, in terms of the writing and acting of certain parts of it. But...series two was series two. It was months long of squee; spoilers filtering through and filming pictures and speculation and jammed-to-the-brim trailers and it was all so ridiculously exciting. I'd never really been part of fandom before, and it was wonderful. I have a vivid memory of staying at my Granny's house just after Christmas; I was listening to Regina Spektor's song Field Below on loop and highjacking my Grandpa's computer to look at spoilery pictures. And when I was meant to be asleep I'd watch the trailer. And silently squee. Stupid as it all sounds, it was fun, in a quiet way.
And that was before series two even started! Every week between episodes was just a riot; I loved it. Even when it was over; that sense that it had been such a brilliant ride.
I didn't feel that with Children of Earth (well, not especially. You should have seen me the night of the preview. I was bouncing off the walls. Literally.). And I know that that's not the showmaker's fault, because it was drama. Real, adult drama, not cracky madness to make you squee. Drama's not meant to do that. It's meant to make you on edge, make you utterly absorbed by the story; so much so that when something catastrophic happens (i.e. the deaths in Days Four and Five), it just guts you.
And, without meaning to make this entirely about me, I think this is an indication of my turning into an adult. Torchwood defined my later adolescence in a strange way; ever since I was fifteen. Very nearly sixteen. Now, I'm getting into adulthood, slowly; I'm living in a new place, doing new things, starting (sort of) to take responsibility for myself. It's working, bizarrely, in tandem with fandom; time to move on from childhood, from what I know, time to move on from my bonkers show. And I have done it (with a considerable amount of crying for the show part, which did worry me for a while - but then again, I've known I was going to leave home at eighteen for about ten years prior), but occasionally, it just hits me; this longing for before. Because it was all so much more happy when I was younger.
But that's life. It moves on, it loses its whimsy. I know it's terrible to compare the process of living to a small little sci-fi show and how it ends up, but it was such an integral part of my life that it seems apopros. Ish.
Gagh. I miss it. I may have to do a re-watch. Of series two, that is. Again, couldn't watch series three. Not unless I had the guys from Unskippable playing in the background during Ianto's death; "Suit guy has now levelled up to...Unconscious Man."
(See it here; it's just hysterical.)
Reassure me, someone. I feel lost and Torchwood-less.
I honestly think I'll never be able to watch Children of Earth again. I keep planning to (intercut with something like Green Wing, maybe), but then I learn something new or re-watch a clip or hear a bit of the soundtrack and it just...oh God, I can't describe it. My chest starts to hurt and I know that I couldn't watch it without completely breaking down.
The sad thing is, I miss series two and what it stood for so much. That's not to say that series three wasn't good; it was completely brilliant. Better, even, in terms of the writing and acting of certain parts of it. But...series two was series two. It was months long of squee; spoilers filtering through and filming pictures and speculation and jammed-to-the-brim trailers and it was all so ridiculously exciting. I'd never really been part of fandom before, and it was wonderful. I have a vivid memory of staying at my Granny's house just after Christmas; I was listening to Regina Spektor's song Field Below on loop and highjacking my Grandpa's computer to look at spoilery pictures. And when I was meant to be asleep I'd watch the trailer. And silently squee. Stupid as it all sounds, it was fun, in a quiet way.
And that was before series two even started! Every week between episodes was just a riot; I loved it. Even when it was over; that sense that it had been such a brilliant ride.
I didn't feel that with Children of Earth (well, not especially. You should have seen me the night of the preview. I was bouncing off the walls. Literally.). And I know that that's not the showmaker's fault, because it was drama. Real, adult drama, not cracky madness to make you squee. Drama's not meant to do that. It's meant to make you on edge, make you utterly absorbed by the story; so much so that when something catastrophic happens (i.e. the deaths in Days Four and Five), it just guts you.
And, without meaning to make this entirely about me, I think this is an indication of my turning into an adult. Torchwood defined my later adolescence in a strange way; ever since I was fifteen. Very nearly sixteen. Now, I'm getting into adulthood, slowly; I'm living in a new place, doing new things, starting (sort of) to take responsibility for myself. It's working, bizarrely, in tandem with fandom; time to move on from childhood, from what I know, time to move on from my bonkers show. And I have done it (with a considerable amount of crying for the show part, which did worry me for a while - but then again, I've known I was going to leave home at eighteen for about ten years prior), but occasionally, it just hits me; this longing for before. Because it was all so much more happy when I was younger.
But that's life. It moves on, it loses its whimsy. I know it's terrible to compare the process of living to a small little sci-fi show and how it ends up, but it was such an integral part of my life that it seems apopros. Ish.
Gagh. I miss it. I may have to do a re-watch. Of series two, that is. Again, couldn't watch series three. Not unless I had the guys from Unskippable playing in the background during Ianto's death; "Suit guy has now levelled up to...Unconscious Man."
(See it here; it's just hysterical.)
Reassure me, someone. I feel lost and Torchwood-less.