Suit guy has now levelled up to "unconscious man".
Want to know something really sad?
I'd quite like to re-watch Children of Earth; it's been a while since I saw any of it back, and I know there's a couple of things I missed that I'd like to check out.
But I'm too scared to do it, because I know that the last two episodes will just break me into little pieces again; even if it's only for a couple of hours. Too bloody scared to let my emotions take hold of me again; ridiculously overblown emotions coming into play over something that isn't even real.
From what I can tell, you always recall certain events in your life that have made you cry more tears than you thought you had. Obviously, I'm still pretty young, and my life, thankfully, has been free of major trauma and unhappiness, and the things that can cause it. And yet, Ianto's death will always stand out in my memories as being one of those periods of just endless crying; over and over, at random moments, until my eyes were pink and I had a huge headache, and I just couldn't stop. I couldn't even sleep; I tried to sleep, but was on Twitter at four in the morning that night, because I just couldn't concentrate on anything else.
The extremity of that reaction still worries me. I know multitudes of other fans experienced it as well (which was absurdly gratifying; despite fandom splintering down the middle, it gave us a sense of communal grief, which was comforting), but it still stuns me that I broke down so spectacularly. It worries me, to be honest; anyone who knows me knows that I'm a crybaby (stress and frustration gets me upset rather than angry), but...what happens if something awful happens to me later in life, and I don't respond the same way? Will that mean I'm more invested in fiction than reality? Or that reactions to personal events rather than communal ones will be different?
Gah, I don't know. I'm probably overreacting.
Basically, er...well, that post got away from me. Long story short; I'm scared to watch Children of Earth because I don't want to make myself raw again. And I'm worried that that raw quality won't carry on through, and I'll have to re-evalue my, er...values.
This post makes no sense. I blame the garden apples I've just eaten. They clearly contained hallucinogenic worms of some sort.
I'd quite like to re-watch Children of Earth; it's been a while since I saw any of it back, and I know there's a couple of things I missed that I'd like to check out.
But I'm too scared to do it, because I know that the last two episodes will just break me into little pieces again; even if it's only for a couple of hours. Too bloody scared to let my emotions take hold of me again; ridiculously overblown emotions coming into play over something that isn't even real.
From what I can tell, you always recall certain events in your life that have made you cry more tears than you thought you had. Obviously, I'm still pretty young, and my life, thankfully, has been free of major trauma and unhappiness, and the things that can cause it. And yet, Ianto's death will always stand out in my memories as being one of those periods of just endless crying; over and over, at random moments, until my eyes were pink and I had a huge headache, and I just couldn't stop. I couldn't even sleep; I tried to sleep, but was on Twitter at four in the morning that night, because I just couldn't concentrate on anything else.
The extremity of that reaction still worries me. I know multitudes of other fans experienced it as well (which was absurdly gratifying; despite fandom splintering down the middle, it gave us a sense of communal grief, which was comforting), but it still stuns me that I broke down so spectacularly. It worries me, to be honest; anyone who knows me knows that I'm a crybaby (stress and frustration gets me upset rather than angry), but...what happens if something awful happens to me later in life, and I don't respond the same way? Will that mean I'm more invested in fiction than reality? Or that reactions to personal events rather than communal ones will be different?
Gah, I don't know. I'm probably overreacting.
Basically, er...well, that post got away from me. Long story short; I'm scared to watch Children of Earth because I don't want to make myself raw again. And I'm worried that that raw quality won't carry on through, and I'll have to re-evalue my, er...values.
This post makes no sense. I blame the garden apples I've just eaten. They clearly contained hallucinogenic worms of some sort.