I've lived so many lives.
Well, here I am; eating my second bacon sandwich of the evening (which can't be a good idea), watching the Torchwood fandom explode with rage, from a clear distance, and I have a meme, nabbed from the Queen of Newport herself; insevens. Have a look!
Leave me a comment with "Across the stars" in the subject line. I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better. Update your journal with the answers to the questions. Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.
Righto; here are the questions Rae asked me. I'm sorry for any rambling and undeveloped ideas that may engulf the following post. Oh, and there are Children of Earth spoilers herein.
1. Do you have any pets and if not, would you like them?
I don't have any pets, and that's probably a wise idea; our family don't lend themselves to being pet-owners. We're always out doing Something Important, and my brother and mum are allergic to even the slightest whiff of cat. However, there was Mickey. Mickey, my little brown and white rabbit, given to me on my thirteenth birthday; five and a bit years ago, when I was recovering from an operation I'd had. He was utterly adorable, and thinking about it, me looking after him just epitomises my childhood; I'd feed him every day, clean out his hutch, lug huge bags of strawdust from the shed, go out on my bike every day after school to search for dandelion leaves for him to eat (I even scoured the school field for them, once), and basically doted on him like all kids with new pets do. Until he died, suddenly, whilst I was out at, and this is true, a junior school disco. Such innocence, back in the day. To this day I have no idea what was wrong with him; I was probably missing out on something important. I haven't had a pet since then (he didn't even last a year!), but I do look back fondly on those days. He was adorable!
So, um...didn't really answer the question. No, but I'd quite like a cat, when I one day live on my own, and my brother isn't sneezing all over the shop. Fingers crossed!
2. Which character do you most revere in fandom, and why?
Captain Jack Harkness, for being one of the funniest, sexiest, most interesting, most desolate, ruthless, and utterly other characters I've ever known of. Just thinking about his future is breathtaking, and horrifying; he has centuries, millenia at his disposal, and has to live through each death, has to consign them to his past and try to carry on. He's just epic; traversing the line between good and utterly amoral. He'd be far less intriguing if he were solely a hero; the unsavoury and frankly absolutely horrific aspects of his life (the torturing, the coldness, the killing of his own grandson to save the world, for Christ's sake), gives him a dimension that makes him hard to trust, hard to rely on; just like he's seen by others, like Ianto and Gwen. He's fascinating, and there is so much time, and so many stories to delve into. This is why I thought the ending of Children of Earth was so stunning; it was utterly devastating that he has to leave his life behind, the life that we have seen and loved, but on the other hand, the thought of him travelling across the stars, trying to remember, trying to forget, to forge new beginnings out of the endings he created, is just brilliantly complex and beautiful, in a tragic way. It makes my chest ache; fandom dissatisfaction be damned.
Also, he refuses to look at sexuality in terms of labels, which is utterly brilliant and just what I need to see; I seem to get no end of weird looks by having the same views. Just not including aliens and serial flirting, of course.
3. Name some of your biggest fears eg spiders, heights etc.
Definite claustrophobia; it's not at drastic levels, but depending on how many people are bloody crowding me, it can get pretty bad; if I'm stuck, surrounded by people in a space not big enough for them all, if I'm jogged and jostled and squashed and can't see, I will panic. Not overtly (at least, not in front of all the people), but it's there; my breaths will speed up, I'll get jittery and nervous and want nothing more than to get out of there. My height comes into it, as well; I'm really small, so the masses are always taller than me, and I can NEVER see over. Ever. It's a pain in the arse. The last time it happened was on the tube after Pride; Lucy and I were hustled in and I felt close to losing it. It's not the most fun experience. It's the same for four surrounding walls, too; I utterly hate lifts and always take the stairs, and that scene in Kill Bill when the Bride is buried alive in a coffin? My worst nightmare, right there. *shudder*
I also have a really, really strong irrational dislike of stickers, too. Urgh, they're horrible; I hate them. I never wear them, don't like touching them; live in fear of getting labels or something stuck to my shoes. I have no idea why I hate them so much. An OCD-esque tendency, perhaps?
4. Where would you most like to live / what time period?
I have about six different answers to this question, and I could never decide between the revolutionised seventies, a glimpse of the industrial revolution in the Victorian times, ninety years into the future I'll never see, if only for a curious glimpse, and so on and so on. Despite all that, though; the one period I've always wanted to see is the 1940s, in the war. My Nana was fifteen by the time the war ended, yet she still remembers it vividly, and I'd give everything to see it all for real; both the iconography of that period (the bomb shelters, the gas masks, the air raid sirens, the fashions, the signs, the taped-up windows, the inspirational posters - Dig For Victory!), and the way in which they lived; the fear mixed with the determination, the cautiousness and the thrift, the adaptations, at the same time. I'd cheat, really, like any other coward would; want to skip over the perpetual devastations and disasters of bombings, and fear. Just to witness the fierceness with which Britain defended itself. The scratchy wirelesses. The bunk beds in the shelters. Glenn Miller, and Big Ben. I've been spoiled in how safe my life has been thus far; they struggled back then, but it was glorious, in a strange sort of way.
As for where; I've told myself I'm working in increments. I'm getting a bit bored of life in this town, now that I'm hopefully on the cusp of leaving it for a while; if all works out for this first increment, I'll live in Cardiff, move onto London one day, then give America a try, if only for a week or so. New York, Chicago, Seattle. I dream of big cities and car horns, hot dog stands, buildings so high it hurts your neck to look at them.
5. What inspires you to write fic?
Gaps in the brickwork. This is why I love Torchwood so much, in a way that's slightly different from Doctor Who; we're given ongoing storylines and characters, and themes, but at the same time, there are so many little spaces that are begging to be filled; moments not shown on screen, covert looks and expressions and motives (Sleeper is brilliant for this, actually); all there to be explored through our own extension. It's brilliant. Endings, too, as well as gaps; I've never been keen on romcoms, because they always end on the happiest, most final possible note, and there's no sense of after. It's the same with Torchwood fic, to a certain extent; after the episodes are over, after artefacts and bodies have been packed away and the Hub closed off or, in the case of Children of Earth, the dust has settled; where do we go from here? Where do they go home to, and what do they do when what we initially see is over? So many opportunities, and openings for creativity.
Of course, as the brilliant insevens and her prompting communities can tell you; all ordinary things in ordinary life can be related back to fantasy writing; in a world of insanity, and aliens, and action, how do those characters react to the ordinary? What do they say to each other in the course of a day? Does Ianto really not like ice cream? If you're attached to the characters to the extent that you are in a fandom environment, it's both puzzling and fun to try and get inside their minds; see how they tick. And what happens when they stop ticking.
But not fixes. Never; not for me, at least. What's done is done.
...Christ, I really can write about myself far too much! Apologies for the rambling, but that is me. God only knows if anyone will read this, but if you do, comment away! Let me get to know you better. I'll have to think up five rather obscure ones for lillyankh, methinks.
Right. I've decided to forego clubbing, tonight; in favour of relaxation and a bath; as well as the fact I have very little money at the moment, no transport, and I haven't arranged to meet up with anyone. Plus, I spent last night virtually sleepless and pissed, anyway. Out of the friends I was with (discounting the two that went to bed early and missed out on the drinking games!), I'd call myself the second most sober out of five. Sober enough to remain lucid, anyway. This is all still quite new to me, even though I've been drunk a few times by now, mostly since I turned eighteen. Bring on Fresher's Week; drunkenness will be familiar by then!
Leave me a comment with "Across the stars" in the subject line. I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better. Update your journal with the answers to the questions. Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.
Righto; here are the questions Rae asked me. I'm sorry for any rambling and undeveloped ideas that may engulf the following post. Oh, and there are Children of Earth spoilers herein.
1. Do you have any pets and if not, would you like them?
I don't have any pets, and that's probably a wise idea; our family don't lend themselves to being pet-owners. We're always out doing Something Important, and my brother and mum are allergic to even the slightest whiff of cat. However, there was Mickey. Mickey, my little brown and white rabbit, given to me on my thirteenth birthday; five and a bit years ago, when I was recovering from an operation I'd had. He was utterly adorable, and thinking about it, me looking after him just epitomises my childhood; I'd feed him every day, clean out his hutch, lug huge bags of strawdust from the shed, go out on my bike every day after school to search for dandelion leaves for him to eat (I even scoured the school field for them, once), and basically doted on him like all kids with new pets do. Until he died, suddenly, whilst I was out at, and this is true, a junior school disco. Such innocence, back in the day. To this day I have no idea what was wrong with him; I was probably missing out on something important. I haven't had a pet since then (he didn't even last a year!), but I do look back fondly on those days. He was adorable!
So, um...didn't really answer the question. No, but I'd quite like a cat, when I one day live on my own, and my brother isn't sneezing all over the shop. Fingers crossed!
2. Which character do you most revere in fandom, and why?
Captain Jack Harkness, for being one of the funniest, sexiest, most interesting, most desolate, ruthless, and utterly other characters I've ever known of. Just thinking about his future is breathtaking, and horrifying; he has centuries, millenia at his disposal, and has to live through each death, has to consign them to his past and try to carry on. He's just epic; traversing the line between good and utterly amoral. He'd be far less intriguing if he were solely a hero; the unsavoury and frankly absolutely horrific aspects of his life (the torturing, the coldness, the killing of his own grandson to save the world, for Christ's sake), gives him a dimension that makes him hard to trust, hard to rely on; just like he's seen by others, like Ianto and Gwen. He's fascinating, and there is so much time, and so many stories to delve into. This is why I thought the ending of Children of Earth was so stunning; it was utterly devastating that he has to leave his life behind, the life that we have seen and loved, but on the other hand, the thought of him travelling across the stars, trying to remember, trying to forget, to forge new beginnings out of the endings he created, is just brilliantly complex and beautiful, in a tragic way. It makes my chest ache; fandom dissatisfaction be damned.
Also, he refuses to look at sexuality in terms of labels, which is utterly brilliant and just what I need to see; I seem to get no end of weird looks by having the same views. Just not including aliens and serial flirting, of course.
3. Name some of your biggest fears eg spiders, heights etc.
Definite claustrophobia; it's not at drastic levels, but depending on how many people are bloody crowding me, it can get pretty bad; if I'm stuck, surrounded by people in a space not big enough for them all, if I'm jogged and jostled and squashed and can't see, I will panic. Not overtly (at least, not in front of all the people), but it's there; my breaths will speed up, I'll get jittery and nervous and want nothing more than to get out of there. My height comes into it, as well; I'm really small, so the masses are always taller than me, and I can NEVER see over. Ever. It's a pain in the arse. The last time it happened was on the tube after Pride; Lucy and I were hustled in and I felt close to losing it. It's not the most fun experience. It's the same for four surrounding walls, too; I utterly hate lifts and always take the stairs, and that scene in Kill Bill when the Bride is buried alive in a coffin? My worst nightmare, right there. *shudder*
I also have a really, really strong irrational dislike of stickers, too. Urgh, they're horrible; I hate them. I never wear them, don't like touching them; live in fear of getting labels or something stuck to my shoes. I have no idea why I hate them so much. An OCD-esque tendency, perhaps?
4. Where would you most like to live / what time period?
I have about six different answers to this question, and I could never decide between the revolutionised seventies, a glimpse of the industrial revolution in the Victorian times, ninety years into the future I'll never see, if only for a curious glimpse, and so on and so on. Despite all that, though; the one period I've always wanted to see is the 1940s, in the war. My Nana was fifteen by the time the war ended, yet she still remembers it vividly, and I'd give everything to see it all for real; both the iconography of that period (the bomb shelters, the gas masks, the air raid sirens, the fashions, the signs, the taped-up windows, the inspirational posters - Dig For Victory!), and the way in which they lived; the fear mixed with the determination, the cautiousness and the thrift, the adaptations, at the same time. I'd cheat, really, like any other coward would; want to skip over the perpetual devastations and disasters of bombings, and fear. Just to witness the fierceness with which Britain defended itself. The scratchy wirelesses. The bunk beds in the shelters. Glenn Miller, and Big Ben. I've been spoiled in how safe my life has been thus far; they struggled back then, but it was glorious, in a strange sort of way.
As for where; I've told myself I'm working in increments. I'm getting a bit bored of life in this town, now that I'm hopefully on the cusp of leaving it for a while; if all works out for this first increment, I'll live in Cardiff, move onto London one day, then give America a try, if only for a week or so. New York, Chicago, Seattle. I dream of big cities and car horns, hot dog stands, buildings so high it hurts your neck to look at them.
5. What inspires you to write fic?
Gaps in the brickwork. This is why I love Torchwood so much, in a way that's slightly different from Doctor Who; we're given ongoing storylines and characters, and themes, but at the same time, there are so many little spaces that are begging to be filled; moments not shown on screen, covert looks and expressions and motives (Sleeper is brilliant for this, actually); all there to be explored through our own extension. It's brilliant. Endings, too, as well as gaps; I've never been keen on romcoms, because they always end on the happiest, most final possible note, and there's no sense of after. It's the same with Torchwood fic, to a certain extent; after the episodes are over, after artefacts and bodies have been packed away and the Hub closed off or, in the case of Children of Earth, the dust has settled; where do we go from here? Where do they go home to, and what do they do when what we initially see is over? So many opportunities, and openings for creativity.
Of course, as the brilliant insevens and her prompting communities can tell you; all ordinary things in ordinary life can be related back to fantasy writing; in a world of insanity, and aliens, and action, how do those characters react to the ordinary? What do they say to each other in the course of a day? Does Ianto really not like ice cream? If you're attached to the characters to the extent that you are in a fandom environment, it's both puzzling and fun to try and get inside their minds; see how they tick. And what happens when they stop ticking.
But not fixes. Never; not for me, at least. What's done is done.
...Christ, I really can write about myself far too much! Apologies for the rambling, but that is me. God only knows if anyone will read this, but if you do, comment away! Let me get to know you better. I'll have to think up five rather obscure ones for lillyankh, methinks.
Right. I've decided to forego clubbing, tonight; in favour of relaxation and a bath; as well as the fact I have very little money at the moment, no transport, and I haven't arranged to meet up with anyone. Plus, I spent last night virtually sleepless and pissed, anyway. Out of the friends I was with (discounting the two that went to bed early and missed out on the drinking games!), I'd call myself the second most sober out of five. Sober enough to remain lucid, anyway. This is all still quite new to me, even though I've been drunk a few times by now, mostly since I turned eighteen. Bring on Fresher's Week; drunkenness will be familiar by then!