"There was a fox, cooking eggs! On a speedboat!" "Oh for God's sake, not again..."
On Radio 4: "And then it's back to John Humphries! 'WHERE ARE THE BOMBS? WHERE ARE THEY? Am I a bomb? Is this pen a bomb? Get up so I can kick you again, you lying fuck!'"
On American foreign policy: "Donald Rumsfeld, who's one of those faces of the administration, said he didn't want to deal with old Europe; he was far more interested in New Europe...when he said 'New Europe' he meant places like Scruvovia, Vivonia, Jujovia; places where tractors are ministers, and people sit down to a dinner of boiled radiators. Places that aren't that swish, really, and are going to do whatever America says because they're hoping one day to see a photograph of a pot of jam."
On Zen: "Two monks are walking over a bridge, there's cherry blossoms falling all around them, and one of them says, 'You know, I'm very thirsty.' And the other one says, 'Yes, but I'm quite tall.'"
On homosexuality: "If somebody said to me, 'Oh, I went out to dinner; everybody else was gay', I'd say 'Big deal.' But I would also immediately get loads of images in my mind of loads of tall guys with floppy fringes carving thin slices of swan. Bursting into tears because the pudding looks so beautiful!"
On euphemisms for homosexuality: "Well, if I have to spell it out! Apparently, he's...still picking up twigs in the springtime. Oh yes! One of the old British hairdressers! Likes his toast done on three sides, if you know what I mean."
Dylan Moran, I love you with every fibre of my being. Seriously. I've watched Monster and Like Totally dozens of times and still keel over with laughter every time. And I'M SEEING THE NEXT TOUR LIVE! HURRAH!
Next thing to do is re-watch Black Books, which will be even better.
ETA: FELLATING A SMURF! How the hell did I forget that?!
On American foreign policy: "Donald Rumsfeld, who's one of those faces of the administration, said he didn't want to deal with old Europe; he was far more interested in New Europe...when he said 'New Europe' he meant places like Scruvovia, Vivonia, Jujovia; places where tractors are ministers, and people sit down to a dinner of boiled radiators. Places that aren't that swish, really, and are going to do whatever America says because they're hoping one day to see a photograph of a pot of jam."
On Zen: "Two monks are walking over a bridge, there's cherry blossoms falling all around them, and one of them says, 'You know, I'm very thirsty.' And the other one says, 'Yes, but I'm quite tall.'"
On homosexuality: "If somebody said to me, 'Oh, I went out to dinner; everybody else was gay', I'd say 'Big deal.' But I would also immediately get loads of images in my mind of loads of tall guys with floppy fringes carving thin slices of swan. Bursting into tears because the pudding looks so beautiful!"
On euphemisms for homosexuality: "Well, if I have to spell it out! Apparently, he's...still picking up twigs in the springtime. Oh yes! One of the old British hairdressers! Likes his toast done on three sides, if you know what I mean."
Dylan Moran, I love you with every fibre of my being. Seriously. I've watched Monster and Like Totally dozens of times and still keel over with laughter every time. And I'M SEEING THE NEXT TOUR LIVE! HURRAH!
Next thing to do is re-watch Black Books, which will be even better.
ETA: FELLATING A SMURF! How the hell did I forget that?!