If At First The Episode Doesn't Succeed... Write, Write It Over
In light of today's discussion...
The Mutant Challenge
Congratulations! You've just been hired by Mutant Enemy.
Well, not so much hired as "brought in at the last minute" -- Douglas Petrie's got a nasty case of the measles and is, alas, not going to be able to pen his assigned script.
In the writer's room, you're told what needs to happen in the script you'll be writing. Lucky you -- you get to write the pivotal season moment when Buffy and Spike break up!
"We've already hired Marc Blucas for the episode," Jane Espenson informs you. "Petrie's got a mad crush, and we promised him. So you have to use Riley in some capacity, okay? Make sure to give Blucas a big enough part that he doesn't refuse to come back again if we need him. Maybe he could figure into the breakup somehow..."
"Take Spike's shirt off," Marti Noxon foams at the mouth. "Better yet -- make him all the way naked! Alll the waaaaay!!"
"Marti, if you don't stop that, James is gonna gain weight on purpose," Stephen DeKnight warns. "He's already threatened to..."
"Muscles... so... shiny," Marti twitches. Drew Greenberg wipes the drool from her chin with a special sponge kept for this purpose.
"It'd be nice if the episode related back to the general theme of the season," Rebecca Kirshner muses. "Y'know, the whole 'grow up' thing that we talked about..."
"FIREFLY!!" bellows Joss as he streaks past the doorway on his way somewhere else.
Everyone sighs.
Marti jerks wildly in her chair. "Anal fisting! With chains!"
"Will someone get Marti's Thorazine, please?" Jane asks.
"The important thing to remember," David Fury assures you, "Is that Spike is evil. He doesn't have a soul, okay? Mention that at least once. He's evil. Evil. Buffy shouldn't be led astray by how pretty he looks, with his sculpted cheekbones and pouty lips and big blue eyes that seem to stare into your very soul..."
He shakes himself. "Like I was saying... EVIL!"
"Will someone get David's Thorazine, please?" Jane asks.
"Oh, and don't put Spike and Dawn in the same room. Too much sparkage," Drew explains. "If they have to be in the same room, keep them at least ten feet apart."
"Maybe they could have a nice phone call? The fans do miss the Spawn," Stephen suggests.
"Please," Rebecca chuckles, "Have you seen how much sexual chemistry James has with a handset?"
Drew nods. "We had to cut that scene in "Wrecked" where Spike eats a banana pop 'cause the camera guys kept fainting..."
They all pause, remembering the moment, goofy smiles stretching across their faces.
Rebecca ends the silence. "Y'know... I mean, just a suggestion, but... we've kinda got this thing here Joss started... y'know, the whole 'happy couple moment equals doom' thing. Like, Buffy and Angel, with the soul-loss... or Giles and Jenny Calendar right before she died... Oz, Willow, and the Pez witch..."
The staff nods.
"I'm giving Anya this speech, in the episode after yours? Heart-ripper," Rebecca says proudly. "And then there's the whole Willow/Tara thing... well... you'll see."
"So yeah," Stephen chimes in, grinning. "Make it hurt. Give Buffy and Spike the sweetest Spuffy moment ever before you blow it up... really seem like those crazy kids are finally gonna make it work. Get everyone sailing up on a cloud of hope for them before you shoot them out of the sky That'd be awesome. Yeah, make it so even the Bangels cry."
The rest of the staff claps in appreciation, drowning out David's plaintive "But he's evil..."
"Anyway," Jane says, "That's what you need in the episode. You got it?"
"Um... break Spike and Buffy up, but give them a special moment first," you reply, squinting down at your legal pad. "Use Riley, give him some screen time. Tie it in with the theme, don't put Spike and Dawn in the same room... and, um, anal fisting and chains."
"Plus the evil," David reaches over and taps your pad. "Evil. Write that down. E-V-I-L."
"And no anal fisting and chains," Jane says firmly.
Marti lets out a low-pitched whine of misery.
"But do make sure and take Spike's shirt off," Jane sighs in resignation.
"E-V-I-L," you write on your legal pad. "T-A-K-E S-H-I-R-T O-F-F."
"Well," David Fury says brightly, taking your pad and pen and underlining the word 'EVIL' seven times. "Looks like you're ready to start writing!"
Jane shakes your hand. "Welcome to Mutant Enemy."
The Mutant Challenge
Congratulations! You've just been hired by Mutant Enemy.
Well, not so much hired as "brought in at the last minute" -- Douglas Petrie's got a nasty case of the measles and is, alas, not going to be able to pen his assigned script.
In the writer's room, you're told what needs to happen in the script you'll be writing. Lucky you -- you get to write the pivotal season moment when Buffy and Spike break up!
"We've already hired Marc Blucas for the episode," Jane Espenson informs you. "Petrie's got a mad crush, and we promised him. So you have to use Riley in some capacity, okay? Make sure to give Blucas a big enough part that he doesn't refuse to come back again if we need him. Maybe he could figure into the breakup somehow..."
"Take Spike's shirt off," Marti Noxon foams at the mouth. "Better yet -- make him all the way naked! Alll the waaaaay!!"
"Marti, if you don't stop that, James is gonna gain weight on purpose," Stephen DeKnight warns. "He's already threatened to..."
"Muscles... so... shiny," Marti twitches. Drew Greenberg wipes the drool from her chin with a special sponge kept for this purpose.
"It'd be nice if the episode related back to the general theme of the season," Rebecca Kirshner muses. "Y'know, the whole 'grow up' thing that we talked about..."
"FIREFLY!!" bellows Joss as he streaks past the doorway on his way somewhere else.
Everyone sighs.
Marti jerks wildly in her chair. "Anal fisting! With chains!"
"Will someone get Marti's Thorazine, please?" Jane asks.
"The important thing to remember," David Fury assures you, "Is that Spike is evil. He doesn't have a soul, okay? Mention that at least once. He's evil. Evil. Buffy shouldn't be led astray by how pretty he looks, with his sculpted cheekbones and pouty lips and big blue eyes that seem to stare into your very soul..."
He shakes himself. "Like I was saying... EVIL!"
"Will someone get David's Thorazine, please?" Jane asks.
"Oh, and don't put Spike and Dawn in the same room. Too much sparkage," Drew explains. "If they have to be in the same room, keep them at least ten feet apart."
"Maybe they could have a nice phone call? The fans do miss the Spawn," Stephen suggests.
"Please," Rebecca chuckles, "Have you seen how much sexual chemistry James has with a handset?"
Drew nods. "We had to cut that scene in "Wrecked" where Spike eats a banana pop 'cause the camera guys kept fainting..."
They all pause, remembering the moment, goofy smiles stretching across their faces.
Rebecca ends the silence. "Y'know... I mean, just a suggestion, but... we've kinda got this thing here Joss started... y'know, the whole 'happy couple moment equals doom' thing. Like, Buffy and Angel, with the soul-loss... or Giles and Jenny Calendar right before she died... Oz, Willow, and the Pez witch..."
The staff nods.
"I'm giving Anya this speech, in the episode after yours? Heart-ripper," Rebecca says proudly. "And then there's the whole Willow/Tara thing... well... you'll see."
"So yeah," Stephen chimes in, grinning. "Make it hurt. Give Buffy and Spike the sweetest Spuffy moment ever before you blow it up... really seem like those crazy kids are finally gonna make it work. Get everyone sailing up on a cloud of hope for them before you shoot them out of the sky That'd be awesome. Yeah, make it so even the Bangels cry."
The rest of the staff claps in appreciation, drowning out David's plaintive "But he's evil..."
"Anyway," Jane says, "That's what you need in the episode. You got it?"
"Um... break Spike and Buffy up, but give them a special moment first," you reply, squinting down at your legal pad. "Use Riley, give him some screen time. Tie it in with the theme, don't put Spike and Dawn in the same room... and, um, anal fisting and chains."
"Plus the evil," David reaches over and taps your pad. "Evil. Write that down. E-V-I-L."
"And no anal fisting and chains," Jane says firmly.
Marti lets out a low-pitched whine of misery.
"But do make sure and take Spike's shirt off," Jane sighs in resignation.
"E-V-I-L," you write on your legal pad. "T-A-K-E S-H-I-R-T O-F-F."
"Well," David Fury says brightly, taking your pad and pen and underlining the word 'EVIL' seven times. "Looks like you're ready to start writing!"
Jane shakes your hand. "Welcome to Mutant Enemy."