Second Chances: The Booze Cruise (Jim/Pam) Rated T (1/10)
Title: Second Chances: The Booze Cruise (Part 1/10)
Author: greenfish
Rating: T (language)
Spoilers: The Booze Cruise (S2)
Pairing: Jim/Katy, Jim/Pam, Pam/Roy
Word Count: 9890
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, God help me. I just play with them.
Summary: What would you do if you had to relive the worst day of your life, again and again?
Author's notes: This is a response to the "Groundhog Day" challenge nominated by nomadshan on the TWOP forums, a while back. Yes, I am very slow. Shut it. My immense thanks to hugs and Moxie and fireworkfiasco for their beta help.
Chapter One: The Worst Day of Jim's Life (Again)
Day One
---
When Jim came home the night of the booze cruise, his head was pounding. He'd had a few drinks, but it wasn't the alcohol that had brought on the massive headache. How many ways could he count what had gone wrong that night?
He found out Katy was a cheerleader in high school. He was dating a cheerleader.
Roy set a wedding date, for real.
Roy was drunk when he set the wedding date.
Roy told Michael that the first proposal "didn't mean anything."
Jim had broke up with Katy.
Katy spent half the night crying in the bathroom after they broke up.
He told Michael about his feelings for Pam.
He had the chance to finally say something to Pam that night, and he blew it. And now it was too late.
Jim felt like an asshole for breaking up with Katy, but he just couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't stand her anymore. Her bubbly personality. Her effusive happiness for Pam and Roy. Her fucking ridiculous idea that maybe someday, that would "be them."
Really, that was the straw that had broken the camel's back. He had never, ever once, seen himself marrying Katy. His relationship with Katy had been a sham. A way to pass the time. A way to try and convince himself that he wasn't really in love with Pam. Tonight, watching Pam and Roy together -- she looked so happy -- it was too much --
And then Katy -- making him give a toast -- a toast! It made him angry all over again, thinking about it. What was she thinking? How was she so oblivious?
He had been so close ... so close in that moment on the deck, with Pam, to breaking. So close to losing that fragile restraint that kept him from saying what he really felt.
It was possibly, categorically -- the worst night of his life.
Mark was sitting on the couch when Jim came through the room. He had his feet on the coffee table, his girlfriend Jennifer lying across him. They both looked up when he walked across.
He nodded at them at he grabbed a glass and a bottle of Scotch from the cabinet. "Do we have aspirin?" Jim asked.
Mark looked at him. "Bad night?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"There's Advil in the upstairs bathroom."
Jim watched as Mark gave Jennifer a knowing look. Jim pretended to ignore that. "Thanks," he mumbled, ambling up the stairs with a glass in one hand, the bottle in the other.
Jim set the Scotch on the sink and dug out the aspirin, fighting with the cap. He swore as he reached for his glass, filing it halfway, before studying himself critically in the mirror. He looked awful. His eyes were bloodshot, lined with dark rings, his shirt was un-tucked and wrinkled, and he just wanted to cry. Popping the Advil, Jim downed half the glass in one swallow, feeling his throat burn; then familiar warmth spread over his stomach and into his chest.
There was no point in letting this horrible night drag on. He just needed a good night's sleep. Taking the bottle and glass with him, he finished off the rest of the glass and poured himself a quarter more. (Just enough to make sleep come that much faster.) Things would be better in the morning.
Jim set the bottle of scotch and the glass on the nightstand next to his bed. He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.
Day Two
---
The radio was blaring when he woke up the next morning. It was some annoying R&B/rap song that made him immediately press the snooze button. Jim used to use the regular alarm, but found that it annoyed him so much; he just shut it off instead of pressing snooze. After being late two days in a row (which Michael didn't let go for the next three weeks), he had settled on a Top-40 radio station as his "alarm." It was annoying enough to wake him up, but not annoying enough to turn off completely.
He blinked, looking up at the ceiling. Thoughts of last night flooded into his brain. Ugh. The stupid booze cruise. Breaking up with Katy ... Roy setting a date for the wedding. Damn it.
He lay in bed for a few moments, contemplating things. What was work going to be like? What would he say to Pam? He hadn't really said anything to her after Katy made him give that stupid toast. Of course, she'd been too busy paying attention to Roy to notice anything he would have said.
Sitting up in bed, he braced for the initial rush of pain that usually followed a night like the one he had. Odd. No headache -- no hangover -- that was weird. He had felt like crap the night before. He glanced over at the nightstand, which was bare.
Funny, he thought he had brought a bottle of Scotch into his room last night. Maybe he was drunker than he thought. Maybe Mark had put it away, trying to save him the embarrassment.
Jim thought back to last night. He remembered everything, though: coming home with a massive headache, seeing Mark and Jennifer on the couch, drinking the Scotch, falling into bed ...
He shrugged and shut the radio off. He should be happy that he didn't have a hangover. Work was definitely going to suck, but it wouldn't be much different than other days.
Except today, he knew Pam was getting married for real. In only four months.
He blocked that thought out as he got into the shower.
"Ow!"
Jim rubbed his head as he got into the shower. Damn it, he had done the same thing yesterday. Someone tilted the showerhead all the way down again. Probably Jennifer -- she was a lot shorter than them and usually did that when she stayed over at their place.
Grumbling, he tilted it back up to full height again and started the water. It's just another day, Jim. You can make it.
---
He walked into the office that morning, slowly, trying to process everything that had happened yesterday. How would he talk to Pam? Would she be weird about him? Would she talk about Roy all the time, now that they were getting married for real in six months? What would Jim say to her? The questions circled around his brain as he came up to her desk. Jim forced a smile onto his face as he took off his coat. "'Morning, Pam," he said.
"Good morning, Jim," she replied, smiling at him. She didn't necessarily seem any different, but on the other hand, what did he expect? It wasn't like she wasn't engaged all along.
Jim had to stop himself from sighing aloud. He didn't really want Pam to know how much last night had upset him. After all, they were supposed to be friends. She was his best friend in the office - hell, his best friend period, and what kind of friend would he be if he acted upset about what had happened?
"Okay, then," he said, going to sit down at his desk. Easier said than done, obviously.
It wasn't until he went into the break room around 9 am that he realized things were a little weird. He was going for a bag of chips out of the vending machine when he noticed that Dwight's office supplies were still in there. Well, that was odd. Jim remembered giving Dwight a bag of nickels to buy them all back yesterday. He thought of Dwight huffily walking back to his desk, cradling his things, glaring in Jim's direction for the rest of the morning.
But, still -- here they all were - back in the vending machine again? Weird.
He shrugged to himself, never one to pass up a joke on Dwight, even if it was the same joke he had played on him yesterday. (Just another chance to see Dwight get mad again.)
To be honest, Jim thought it was odd when he'd seen Steve, the vending machine guy, come into the office again that morning. Jim had been back by Toby's desk at the time, arguing about company policy with him. (The same thing they'd been arguing about yesterday, actually. Hmm. Dwight never let anything go.) Pam had probably just seized the opportunity to prank Dwight again while he was with Toby... she was so great.
As he was about to head back towards the main office, Dwight came into the break room.
"Jim," he said.
"What's up?" Jim asked, turning around. He smirked to himself, wondering what Dwight was going to say this time.
"This is not funny. Why is my stuff in here?"
Jim decided to play dumb. "I don't know ... that's weird. Oh -- look, a dollar for a picture frame. So cute. Is that your mom?"
"No, I -- look, I'm not paying for this. I know you did this, because you're friends with the vending machine guy--"
"Steve?" Jim asked. "Look, Dwight, I can tell you, I may have been somewhat responsible the first time, but, really--"
Pam walked in at that moment, as if on cue. (Just like yesterday, he thought to himself.) "Ooh, what do I want, what do I want?" she said, putting money into the machine. "Oh, pencil cup!" She pushed the button, causing Dwight's metal pencil cup to fall. She had taken that yesterday, too. Jim remembered it sitting on her desk. She'd kept it for half the day until Dwight agreed to buy it back from her.
"Oh, no, no, no, no -- that's my pencil cup," Dwight said.
"I don't think so. I just bought it," Pam said.
Jim was starting to get a really odd sense of having heard this before. It was probably just because Pam had taken the pencil cup the day before.
"I think so," Dwight said, "and you're going to hand it over to me."
Pam grinned at Jim, then Dwight, holding the pencil cup. "I love these," she said.
Jim had to concentrate in order to keep a straight face. She was ridiculously cute. And Dwight -- why was Dwight acting like he had no idea? Jim kept expecting him to complain about the fact that they'd already done this to him, and Hello, Jim, the joke's old, now, give it up, or something like that. But, still -- nothing. Dwight was acting like they hadn't been through this already.
"Okay, fine," Dwight said, rooting through his jacket. "Where's my wallet?"
Jim looked at the vending machine. There it was again -- "There," he said, "J-1." Pam smiled at him when he did that. She was adorable. Again, he had that thought: Roy doesn't deserve that. He knew it was wrong; Pam had chosen Roy, not him, but he couldn't help himself. Damn.
Dwight reached into his pockets. "You know, I don't have any..."
Jim looked at him; then reached into his pocket. To his surprise, he pulled out a bag of nickels. Where had those come from? Hadn't he given those all to Dwight yesterday?
This is getting a little weird, he thought, but handed Dwight the bag. "Here are some nickels," he said, and without waiting for a response, turned and walked out, Pam following him. He started to go back to his desk, but stopped, heading towards Pam's instead. He watched her walk around the counter. She started replacing her usual "Scranton Chamber of Commerce" pencil cup with Dwight's pencil cup, filling it with fresh pens and pencils. She put it on the top counter; in the exact same spot she'd put it yesterday. Jim looked at it and then at Pam. (Probably just a coincidence.)
"Pam," he said, leaning over her desk, "Do you get the feeling something really weird is going on?"
"No," she said, looking up at him strangely. "Like what?"
"I don't know; all morning, I've had this really odd sense of deja-vu, like I've been through this day before -- yesterday, in fact."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Jim sighed. "It's probably nothing. I think I just ... had too much to drink yesterday. I don't know."
Pam tilted her head at him, but didn't respond. Jim smiled crookedly at her and shrugged. "Well," she said, "hopefully not too much, because there'll probably will be a lot of that tonight, knowing Michael."
Jim gave her a strange look. He didn't remember anything planned for tonight. He went back to his seat as a sick feeling fell into the pit of his stomach. Oh God, he thought. Had they all agreed to go to some celebration event for Pam and Roy last night? That wouldn't be completely unlikely - after the announcement, he'd spent most of the trip out on the deck, especially after the looks Katy kept giving him inside. Maybe the rest of the office had planned something while he was outside. He sighed to himself. Maybe he could get out of it somehow.
No. He'd have to go. For Pam.
Maybe he could ... feign being sick, and leave early. Say something about having had too much to drink the night before ... something.
Anything so he wouldn't have to watch more of Pam and Roy being all ... together. Damn it. He had completely blown it yesterday. He had the chance to actually tell her how he felt and he blew it and now he had to go to some stupid engagement-wedding date-celebration party thing because he was a moron and actually let Roy go ahead and fucking set the date instead of telling Pam how he actually felt, which maybe -- who knew? Maybe it would have changed something.
Probably not, but now he'd never know because he blew it. Pam was engaged and was getting married in four months.
Sure, Michael had made that comment about how "engaged ain't married," but what did that really mean? It didn't mean anything. Pam was getting married to Roy, for real now. And Jim? Jim Halpert was just the loser that couldn't make it happen. He breathed out slowly, and turned around just in time to watch Dwight saunter back to his desk with all his office supplies in hand. Dwight dropped the remainder of the nickel bag on Jim's desk. Jim was surprised there were even nickels left. Honestly, he thought Dwight used them up the day before.
He wondered again how the bag of nickels had gotten in his pocket in the first place.
Jim felt out of it. Maybe yesterday had affected him a lot more than he realized. Maybe he was suffering from some rare form of post-traumatic broken heart syndrome, or something. Maybe he was going crazy. It would probably be funnier if it weren't so sad.
---
"Hello everyone," Michael said as he came in. As usual, Rick, one of the cameramen, and the sound guy, Mike, were waiting by the door for him.
"Hello, Michael." Dwight always said hello to Michael when he came in. No one else usually did.
"Where are we going?" Phyllis asked, which immediately caused Jim to turn.
What did Michael know about tonight's event? Was this 'event' somehow related to Michael? Was he planning some kind of company-sponsored celebratory event? Knowing Michael, that really wouldn't have surprised Jim. Michael would take any excuse to have a party.
"Na --- ha ha ha ... hahahaaaa," Michael said, fleeing into his office, and shutting the door. Jim looked at Pam, and then at Michael's closed door.
---
Pam grabbed him by the arm about fifteen minutes later. "Rick wants us in the conference room! He wants us to talk about Michael's event!"
He stood up, getting that strange sense of deja vu again.
"So, tell us about Michael's event," Rick said.
The camera was positioned on the tripod, waiting for them to start their 'talking head.' (They were supposed to discuss things, like what they thought was going on in the office, or if Michael did something dumb. Pam often made him join her when she wanted to talk about things that were particularly funny. She called it "tag team confessional.")
"Last week, Michael sent out this mysterious memo," Pam started.
Jim looked down at the piece of paper Pam had given him. "Um, I'm sorry -- but isn't this the same memo from yesterday? For the Booze Cruise?"
Pam looked at him oddly. "What are you talking about?"
"The Booze Cruise, Michael's 'camaraderie' event?"
Pam giggled at him. "Just read the memo."
Jim looked at her once more before continuing: "It's time for our first quarter camaraderie event. So pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, some rubber soled shoes, and a ski mask.'"
"A ski mask? And a swimsuit?"
"Yeah," Jim said, "remember - we saw this before, because I said, 'So we can rob a bank, and escape through the sewers.'"
"No..." Pam said. "What else did 'we' say?"
"Well, then you said something about 'brushing our teeth,' I think. I don't know," Jim said. "It’s not really important." He frowned and got up. Pam stood up at the same time, staring after him. He knew she was looking at him, but he was trying not to think about it.
It just didn't make sense. This was the exact same list they'd gotten yesterday, for the Booze Cruise. Why would he be recycling this? Were they actually going to use a swimsuit this time? Or was that to throw them "off the scent" again?
---
Jim sat down at his desk, mulling things over. Why did it seem like everything was like the day before? It was a new day. It was Friday, right? He clicked on his computer calendar.
January 12, 2006. 9:46:33 am. That couldn't be correct. That was yesterday's date. It wasn't yesterday, was it? That wasn't possible.
Jim looked over at Dwight, who was currently arranging most of his desk supplies to fit in his locked, bottom drawer. "Hey, Dwight. What's today's date?"
"January 12th." Dwight looked up at him suspiciously. "Why?"
"Nothing, I'm just trying to... figure out something."
What the hell? Was Dwight lying to him? Unlikely. Was he going crazy? Had yesterday not really happened? Had yesterday been Wednesday, not Thursday? What was going on?
---
Michael called them all into the conference room late that morning to go over the mysterious "event" of the night. Jim just wanted to run away. He just knew-- it had to have something to do with Pam and Roy's upcoming wedding; it would be very Michael to do something like that. When he got to the conference room, he noticed Pam and Roy sitting together at the back. He suddenly felt nauseous. Jim clutched his stomach lightly as he sat down at the table in front of them.
"It is now time to announce the destination of this year's retreat." Michael paused for dramatic effect.
Jim felt confused. 'This year's retreat' --? What did that mean? Maybe this wasn't about Pam and Roy, after all.
"We are going on a harbor cruise of Lake Wallenpaupack."
What? Jim heard Dwight pumping his fist behind him. Wasn't that exactly what they had done yesterday? What was going on?
"It's a booze cruise!" Michael said, grinning.
"All riii-ght," Meredith said.
Jim was about to speak up when Ryan said, "I have a test for business school tomorrow night -- is it all right if I skip the cruise and study for that?"
"Nope," Michael said. "This is mandatory. Don't worry; you're going to learn plenty. This is gonna turn your life around."
Jim watched the scene unfold with a sense of helplessness. A Booze Cruise? This was ... the exact same event they'd gone on yesterday. But -- how? He vaguely remembered Ryan saying something about a test for business school yesterday as well. It didn't ... make sense. It was like everything that had happened yesterday was happening all over again. But it couldn't...
"I'm already in business school," Ryan was saying.
Michael went to say something else when Kelly said, "Wait -- Michael. Why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit?"
Jim turned and looked at Kelly and then at Michael, as he said, "To throw you off the scent."
"But I already bought a bathing suit..." Kelly started to say, when Jim interrupted her.
"Hey, is it just me, or did we already go over all of this?" Jim said. "I mean, didn't we go on the Booze Cruise yesterday?"
Everyone turned and looked at him. Michael gave him a funny look. "I don't know what you're smokin' dude, but give me some of that."
"What are you smoking?" Creed asked from the back of the room, as Dwight said:
"That is illegal, and I demand that you relinquish any illegal drugs or substances immediately."
Jim turned around to look at Dwight. "What?"
Michael said: "Jim, no one knew about the Booze Cruise until five minutes ago, when I told everyone. Well, except for Stanley, but that's because he was complaining about my comment about the overnight bag." Michael sighed, giving Stanley a look.
Stanley looked up from his crossword puzzle and made a non-committal noise in Michael's direction.
"But -- what about my bathing suit, Michael?" Kelly asked.
"Just, keep the tags on and you can return it," Michael said, sounding annoyed.
"But I already took the tags off."
Jim watched the conversation continue on, just like it had yesterday. It was crazy, like watching your life unfold from the outside. He knew if what had happened already was any indication, Michael was going to introduce Brenda next, the girl from corporate training. Sure enough:
"Okay, I know what you're all thinking. Who is this smart little cookie? Her name is Brenda... Something..."
Jim took a deep breath. Surely, it was going to be a long day. Could he really do this over again? Should he? Why did this day seem to be repeating itself? Did no one else remember that they had already done this, just yesterday?
---
He approached Pam after the meeting was over; after Roy had went back downstairs to the warehouse and she was alone at her desk again.
"Pam, you have got to tell me I'm not crazy. We already went on a Booze Cruise yesterday, don't you remember? With the snorkel shots and Michael dancing and later getting tied up by Captain Jack?" Jim consciously avoided saying anything about Roy setting a wedding date.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, looking up at him. "Who's Captain Jack?"
"The captain of the boat ... the captain of the Booze Cruise... you're telling me you don't remember any of this?"
Pam shook her head, giving him a look.
"You think I'm crazy."
"Yes."
"Fine. But if I'm right, which I know I am, you have to do a snorkel shot."
"I think you're setting me up, Halpert. You just want to see me drunk."
More than you know, Pam.
---
If things were supposed to happen the way they did yesterday, Jim knew he could expect Katy at show up at the office at around ... oh, ten after five that night. Almost everyone from the office had either left from work, or was stopping at home to pick up their spouses, significant others, etc. The event started at six, and yesterday, Katy had met him at the office beforehand. He figured, based on the way everything else had been going, it would be exactly the same. Which meant they were technically still "dating." God.
"Pam! How are you?"
Jim looked up and noticed Katy standing in front of Pam's desk. Pam flinched upon her approach. Funny, he hadn't noticed that before. Jim always had the sense that Pam really didn't like Katy that much. In fact, he would never admit it to himself, but that was part of the reason he was dating Katy at all -- because she was so much of what Pam was not.
She was glamorous, silly, anti-intellectual, extremely bubbly, obviously fond of her body and not afraid to show it off ... Save for the last part; he might as well have been dating Kelly. Damn.
That realization hit him in the gut. He watched as Katy continued to ask Pam details about her life -- did she see last week's Desperate Housewives, and oh my God, wasn't it just fantastic?
Jim stayed in his chair, avoiding having to go up and greet her. He already knew how it was going to end. He was going to break up with her. The question was whether it was going to happen sooner or later, really.
"How's the engagement going?"
Jim twitched. He could hear the reluctant tone in Pam's voice as she said, "Oh, you know -- it's going -- kind of like the Energizer battery. It keeps going..."
"And going," Katy finished, giggling. "That's so clever! You're so clever, you know that?"
Pam laughed lightly. "Yeah... Hey, I imagine that Jim's probably looking for you, isn't he?" She looked over at him purposefully, where he was - up to that point - carefully avoiding their gaze.
Jim looked up finally, and forced himself to smile at both of them. He stood up and gave Katy a quick peck on the cheek. He didn't look at Pam when he did it. "It's nice to see you, thanks for coming tonight."
"Of course - we don't get to spend enough time together anymore," Katy said, squeezing him at the hip. "I hope you're not avoiding me."
Jim chuckled, not looking at her. "Oh, of course not," he said.
He stole a glance in Pam's direction, and caught her eye for a split second before she looked away.
"You know, Dwight's in the break room right now. We should really go ask him how his man-purse -- I mean, bag -- is holding up. I haven't really seen him bring it in here since he bought it from you."
Katy giggled. "I still can't believe you talked him into buying it for himself. I thought he was so creepy and weird, too!"
"Oh, he still is," Jim said as they headed back towards the break room. "You don't even know the half of it."
---
Katy filled the car with meaningless chatter the entire way to the dock. Everything she said meant nothing to him. She talked about the newest venture she was working on - introducing a cosmetics line along with the purses she was selling. "I'm up to two parties a week, and I've been visiting at least a dozen businesses during the week. My sales have been phenomenal, Jim."
"That's great."
Jim's mind was not on Katy at all, not in the least. If this wasn't a dream, or even if it was a dream -- this was obviously a sign. A sign that he needed to do something, anything. But what? Do what?
"I've been selling so many of the fake Louies, I'm going to have to restock this week ... Jim, are you listening--?"
"Oh, yeah," he said, turning to look at her. "Sorry, you were saying something about reordering 'Louies?'" Jim had no idea what she was talking about, or who the hell 'Louie' was. It really didn't matter.
He remembered something Ryan told him once: "If you just say 'yeah,' and 'uh huh' on regular intervals -- and that's the key, making it regular enough so that they really think you're listening, you can completely zone out and not really ever have to listen to them at all. It's great." Ryan had gotten this odd faraway look in his eye then, and suddenly Jim had realized that Ryan had no idea what a good relationship was about.
Of course, either did he, apparently: he was the one sitting in a car with someone he couldn't care less about. He hadn't really seen it until yesterday. It was like everything had suddenly come into hyper-focus, and when he looked at Katy, she wasn't really the pretty redhead he had been dating for several months; she was an shallow, ridiculous human being that he wanted nothing to do with. Katy had never really known him. He had never allowed himself to get that close to her. He had already taken her this far, though. Maybe if...
"Katy, I think we need to talk."
She looked at him, confused about the fact that she'd just been interrupted. She wasn't used to being interrupted. "About what?"
"Have you really ... thought about where this relationship is going?"
"All the time," Katy said. "I'm so glad you're finally bringing this up. You know, my family's from upstate New York, and I was thinking that maybe we could take a trip up there so you could meet my parents ..."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa - stop. I wasn't exactly thinking that far ahead. Um."
Katy looked over, concerned. They were pulling into the parking lot of the harbor.
"Just what are you saying, Jim Halpert?"
"I'm just wondering ... if this is really working out." Jim pulled his car into a parking space.
"If ... what is working out?" Her arms were crossed now, and she glared at him from across the seat. "Just what are you trying to say?"
Jim looked up at the dock where their boat was stationed, and then back at Katy.
This was ... really unfair of him. They were about to go on this cruise together. He'd already brought her to the harbor. He couldn't do this to her now ... could he?
Jim looked over at her. She was still staring at him, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears.
He swallowed hard. "I..."
This was wrong. This wasn't about Katy; this was about him. It was about his problems, not hers. Maybe that's what this whole weird deja-vu thing was about... He couldn't do this to her now. He knew he was probably making the wrong decision, but seeing that look in her eyes -- remembering yesterday, with Katy crying half the night -- maybe it wasn't about breaking up with her now. Maybe he needed to live and let live. Katy wasn't a horrible person. She was a good person; a nice person. This wasn't the right place to do this.
I should have done it back at the office. He breathed in sharply at that thought. Now you have to deal with her all night. Maybe you missed your opportunity. You should have dumped her while you had the chance to do it nicely.
"What, Jim?" Katy asked.
He'd forgotten he had started to say something to her. "Um," Jim said. "I think we need to get out and just have some fun tonight," he said, opening his car door. Katy looked at him strangely, but got out as well.
Fucking coward.
"Are you all right?" she asked as they started to walk up to the boat. He noticed the cameraman waiting at the bottom of the ramp.
"Yeah, I'm just ... a little tired, sorry. " He put his arm around her. "Nothing a beer wouldn't fix."
---
As soon as they got on the ship, Jim walked around the length of the deck, trying to convince himself he wasn't crazy. He still couldn't believe what he was seeing. You have been here before. You just passed by Captain Jack. There's no way you're dreaming this. Maybe you're dreaming? Yeah, maybe this is all a dream. How else could he explain what was going on?
He turned to Katy, who was walking beside him, her eyes wide and curious. "Katy, do me a favor. Pinch me."
"What?"
"Pinch me. On the arm." He shrugged a shoulder out of his coat, then turned it towards Katy. "Seriously."
"Why?"
Jim sighed. He wondered how much to tell her. "You know how they say if you're in a dream, you can just pinch yourself, and you'll wake up?"
"Yeah," Katy said, giving him an odd look.
"Well, I think I'm in a dream."
"Oh my God, Jim," she said, looking up at him. "That is so romantic. I had no idea."
Jim felt his eyes going wide before he could stop himself. "Um," he said.
Katy had her arms wrapped around him in an embrace before he could say anything else. He heard her squealing lightly. Jim didn't know what to do. Everyone was starting to walk in and they could see Katy hugging him, and -- Pam. Oh, God.
"Okay, yeah, um..." Jim pushed her back lightly, trying to smile. "I think I need to check on Michael, maybe you should see about getting us a drink. After all, this is a Booze Cruise."
"Sure, no problem," Katy said, kissing him on the cheek. She turned quickly and headed to the bar. Jim waited until he'd turned to the opposite direction, and then wiped the lipstick off his cheek. He already felt sick to his stomach.
---
Jim was sitting next to Katy in a booth, Roy and Pam across from them. He watched as Captain Jack took the microphone to make introductions.
"Okay, all right. Welcome aboard. I am your Captain, Captain Jack."
Jim immediately looked over at Pam, who wasn't paying attention to him. She was watching Michael as he interrupted Jack, botching things up in that way that only Michael could. Jim kicked her foot under the table. When she turned to look at him, he raised his eyebrows. She stared back at him with a blank expression. "Captain Jack?" Jim mouthed to her.
"What?" Pam whispered back, across the table.
"Captain Jack," he said to her, "don't you..."
Roy shushed him before he could continue. "Dude, seriously. You guys have to watch this. Michael is going down in flames here." Roy chuckled, his arm draping around Pam's shoulder. Jim couldn't help but watch as Roy started to rub her shoulder lightly. He saw Pam look at Roy's hand and then over at Roy. She half-smiled at him, and went back to watching Michael and Captain Jack go at it.
Jim decided he'd tell her about Captain Jack later.
---
"This is so hilarious." Katy grinned at Jim, leaning over into his shoulder. He sighed, realizing he was going to need at least more than a few beers to get through this night. It was becoming more and more apparent that this wasn't a dream. If it was a dream, it was the worst, and most realistic, nightmare he'd ever been trapped in.
"What?" Roy asked, leaning forward with a grin. Roy was already two beers ahead of Jim. (The guy could definitely drink.)
"Seriously. You guys, it's like we're in high school and we're at the cool table." Katy grinned, like she'd said the funniest thing ever.
Jim had to repress the urge to gag. Not this again.
"Right?" she asked.
"Yeah," Roy said.
Of course you'd think that, you ass. You probably always sat at the cool table while people like Pam ... and me ... we sat at the uncool table.
"Pam, were you a cheerleader?" Katy asked.
Jim watched as Pam shook her head. He decided to pipe in before Roy could make that stupid comment about Pam: "No, but you know, I heard that she had--"
Roy interrupted him like he hadn't even been talking. "She was totally Miss Artsy-Fartsy girl in high school. She wore turtlenecks and everything."
"Wow, because turtlenecks, you know..." Jim started again, but trailed off as he realized Roy was not paying attention to either himself or Pam. He looked over at Pam. She smiled back at him, apologetically.
"That's hilarious," Katy said.
"Oh, yeah - completely," Jim said sarcastically, standing up. "I'm getting a beer, anyone else need something?"
Roy tipped his bottle up, peering at it. "I could go for a refill." He tipped back the rest of the beer before tossing the empty bottle at Jim. "Thanks, Halpert."
"No problem," he mumbled, making a beeline for the bar. He was definitely not prepared to watch this conversation go any further. If it was anything like yesterday (yesterday? Today? Who knew what was going on anymore?), he knew Katy was going to go into that whole stupid cheerleading thing (he couldn't believe he was actually dating a cheerleader) and then Pam would give him that look. The look that said, "I can't believe you're dating a cheerleader."
She had to have known how silly the situation was - it was so obvious how wrong Katy was for him. It was so obvious how wrong Roy was for her. Why couldn't she see that?
Jim leaned up against the bar, ordering two beers and a shot of whiskey. He was about to down the whiskey when he felt a hand on his back. His muscles tensed. He turned around, expecting to see Katy.
"Hey - I, uh - realized I needed a beer."
"Pam." Jim felt his throat go dry. He reached for the whiskey shot, downing it in a gulp. He shook his head quickly, and opened his eyes to see her peering at him with an amused expression.
"That bad, huh?"
"What?" Jim asked. He wondered if she knew exactly how bad it was. She'd never believe him, even if he tried to explain it. Someone - something - thought it was funny to take the worst day of my life and make me relive it all over again. He still didn't know if he was living in the worst nightmare ever, or if it was something else -- something real? Something out of the Twilight Zone?
Pam chuckled. "You missed Katy's awesome cheerleader cheer."
"I wish I could say that, but I've actually heard it before."
"Really. I just ... think it's funny. You know."
"What, that I'm dating a former cheerleader?"
Pam shrugged. "Maybe," she said, going up to the bar to order a beer.
"Well, you're engaged to a former football quarterback." Jim looked at her with raised eyebrows.
"Yeah," Pam said. She looked down at the floor; then gestured to one of the beers in Jim's hand. "I'll take that back to Roy for you."
"Thanks," Jim said feebly as he watched her walk back to the table. Idiot, he thought to himself.
---
Jim ended up on the bow of the ship, where Michael instantly accosted him. "Jim -- check it out!" He watched as Michael proceeded to the very front, bent over, and reached out his arms. "I'm the king of the world!"
Jim glanced up to the second deck, where Mike, another cameraman, was watching them. He shook his head at the camera.
Michael grew tired of the Titanic antics after a few minutes, but not before asking Jim if he thought Pam would let him pose nude for her. "So she could paint you?" Jim asked.
"Sure... she's an artist, isn't she? For fun? I've seen her drawing people during meetings sometimes."
You noticed that, Jim thought. Michael never ceased to surprise him. "I ... don't think she'd be willing to do that."
"Yeah... with Roy and all, huh? He'd probably get jealous." Michael patted his stomach. "He doesn't have the abs I do. I work out."
Jim had to stop himself from laughing. "I'm ... sure you do."
"Well, yep. Gotta rile the troops up. See you in there!" Michael bounded off towards the main cabin, leaving Jim out on the deck.
It was really too cold to be standing outside for long, but he really didn't want to go back in and hang out with Katy and Roy, listening to them exchange stupid high school stories.
He stayed out there long enough to see Captain Jack leading Dwight out to the front of the boat. "Here's the steering wheel, Dwight. Keep us on a steady course. Keep a sharp eye out. I'm counting on you."
Jim snorted under his breath. He saw Dwight give Captain Jack a hearty salute before turning back to the wheel.
The urge to mess with Dwight was overwhelming. "So, you must be pretty important if Captain Jack's giving you the wheel, huh?"
Dwight turned to look at Jim with a knowing stare. "Duh," he said. "I co-piloted a jet when I was four years old. Obviously, Captain Jack knew that I could handle the responsibility of a position like this. Unlike you."
"Right," Jim said. He waited for a few seconds, then: "Oh my God, watch out!"
"What? What?" Dwight asked frantically. He leaned forward to look at the water ahead of them. "What is it?"
Jim leaned forward as well, looking over the edge into the water. "Oh - never mind. Thought I saw an iceberg."
"That is not funny, Jim. Sailing a ship is serious business. You can't joke about stuff like that. What if there really was an iceberg?"
"On Lake Wallenpaupack. Right."
"You have to be prepared for anything, Jim." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a small orange packet. "That's why I carry my own life vest. It self-inflates. I also have flares and fresh water in case of an emergency."
"That's all in your jacket?"
"Yes."
"Can I see your inflatable vest?" Jim asked.
Dwight almost handed it to him, but thought better of it. "No," he said. "I don't trust you. Why don't you just go back to the party? You're impeding my concentration."
---
When Jim came back into the cabin, Michael was in the midst of demonstrating his "dance" skills to everyone. Even though Jim had already seen it all before, he couldn't help but gape with surprise and amusement again as Michael literally belly-flopped in circles on the dance floor.
He walked over towards Pam, who was standing by herself. "Hey," he said, coming up behind her.
"Oh, hey." She turned back around.
"Look, I'm -- sorry about earlier. I didn't mean anything by that."
"I know," Pam said, still not looking at him. "Trust me, Roy's football stories get a little old, really." She turned her head to look at him, and both of them turned to see Roy and Katy still engaged in conversation. "I mean, we left high school, what - almost 10 years ago?"
"Yeah, well..." Jim didn't want to talk about it anymore. He didn't want to have anything to do with Roy or high school or fucking high school sports or anything that reminded him of the fact that the guy Pam was engaged to was completely wrong for her.
"Of course, some people never left high school, apparently." Pam gestured at Michael, still wiggling his way around the dance floor.
"Yeah," Jim said. "Hey, listen -- can I talk to you for a minute?"
---
They headed to the front part of the cabin, away from the rest of the party. He gestured for her to sit down, then sat down himself. "Look. Do you remember when I said that I thought something weird was going on this morning?"
"Yeah?"
"And remember when I told you the name of the ship's captain, and that Michael gets tied up, and the snorkel shots?"
Pam shook her head slowly. "Jim -- I mean, Michael must have told you all of that, or something, and, I mean, Michael getting tied up -- that -- well, I don't know about that, but - I mean--"
"No, I'm telling you, it's real. I lived through it all yesterday, and apparently, no one else seems to remember that this all already happened."
"What do you mean, this all already happened?"
"I mean--" Jim thought for a moment. "Well. Okay. I know that something really important happens for you tonight."
Pam looked at him, concerned. "Jim..."
"Not between..." Jim stopped. You did not almost say that. He flattened his lips, looking back up at her. "I mean, it's about Roy, and..."
"It's about Roy?" she interrupted. "Is everything okay? What are you talking about? Are you messing with me?" Pam eyed him carefully. "Seriously, Jim. How much have you had to drink tonight?" She reached up to feel his cheek, which instantly made him start to blush. "You look a little flushed," she murmured.
"Don't worry, I’m not drunk," Jim said. He frowned. Wouldn't mind being, though. Coming straight for them were Roy and Katy. Roy's eyes looked glazed over, and he grinned at Pam, pulling her up from her seat.
"Why are you guys hanging out here?" Roy asked. "This is boring. Come join the party. Let's get you both another drink."
Jim coughed, leaning into Pam. "Bet you five dollars that it involves snorkel shots."
---
"Snorkel-shot! Snorkel-shot!"
Jim looked over at Pam, who was watching Roy down a snorkel-shot of tequila. He managed to catch her eye, and raised an eyebrow at her. He held up his hand. "Five dollars," he mouthed to her.
Pam frowned at him, and looked back at Roy, irritated.
"Whoo!" Roy said. "Who's next? C'mon, Pammy," he said, grabbing her arm. "C'mon!"
Jim watched them, a half-smirk on his face. He remembered being so annoyed seeing it the first time, but somehow, knowing what was going to happen already made it easier to deal with. Still, he couldn't help but grimace when he watched her lean towards Roy and say something to him -- she was talking too quietly for him to hear.
Jim heard Roy: "I've just got to wait for Darryl to do his shot. Just a minute." Then: "Darryl, Darryl, Darryl!"
He watched as Katy and Roy cheered Darryl on. He felt like he was watching a movie, standing outside the action as the scene unfolded.
"Hey," he heard a voice next to him, and looked down to see Pam, who had tapped him on the shoulder. She already had her jacket and scarf on. "I could use a break."
"Yeah," Jim said. He glanced over at Katy, who was still involved with Darryl and Roy and the world of Snorkel-shots.
He heard Roy say, "We should do a drinking game! Does anyone have cards?"
Jim rolled his eyes, grabbed his coat, quickly leading Pam to the door before anyone noticed they'd left.
---
They walked out onto the deck in silence, Pam settling against the rail. She sighed. "I just don't get Roy sometimes."
That's because he's not right for you. He wanted so much to just tell her that. He wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her how much he thought about her - how he would actually treat her right, how he'd never ask her to do a snorkel shot, or joke about her being "artsy-fartsy." He wanted to tell her that he was in love with her. That he'd been in love with her for years. That he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and only her.
"Well ... hm," he said instead.
"I mean... I don't know," Pam said.
"You don't --" Jim started to say, as Pam said,
"So--"
They both stopped, and laughed. "You first," Pam said.
"No, go ahead," Jim said, smiling.
"I was just going to say, you know -- at least with Katy, you'll always have someone to cheer you on." She smiled at him.
Jim's smile immediately faded.
"I know, that's a really cheesy joke, sorry."
"No, it's just..." Jim looked at her. Jim trailed off, distracted by watching her. She was staring at him, her deep, hazel eyes saying one thing, her mouth twisted into a completely different smile. For a moment, her eyes were curious, but then something changed and she glanced down, self-conscious and unsure.
"We should probably go back inside."
Jim sighed, realizing that he wasn't going to say anything, again. He felt panicked. What if she said no? What if she didn't feel the same way?
"Pam," he said, taking her arm. Jim started rationalizing. Maybe it wasn't a second chance at getting her. Maybe it was just a second chance to make sure she was right with herself.
She looked up at him, her eyes wide. She must have been holding her breath, because he didn't see the puffs of breath coming from her mouth for several seconds.
"I..." He sighed, and licked his lips. "Just ... whatever you do, make sure you're happy, okay? Don't ... do stuff for other people."
Pam looked at him for a long moment. "What do you mean by that?"
"Just, you know - make sure you're doing what's best for you. I just... want you to be happy."
The corner of Pam's mouth came up. She smiled sadly at him, gently touching the arm of his jacket. "Okay," she said quietly.
"Okay," Jim said, watching as she headed back inside. He stayed out on the deck for a few minutes longer before heading back in. He wondered if he'd lost his last chance again.
---
Jim was walking up to the bar as Michael was in the middle of a conversation with Captain Jack. Oh, God.
Michael was saying, "If the boat is sinking, what do you save?"
"Women and children," Captain Jack replied.
"No, no. Salesmen and profit centers."
"Wow, yeah, guys," Jim cut in before they started arguing like children. "This ... is not the point. I think the point is that we're here, as a team, to have a good time, we need to just enjoy ourselves, right?"
"Jim, seriously, Captain Jack and I are trying to have a serious conversation about my presentation, and how that relates to this boat." Michael turned back to Jack. "See, obviously, you don't know anything about leadership."
"I was the Captain of a PC-1 Cyclone Coastal Patrol Boat during Operation Desert Storm, so..."
Jim put his head in his hands. This could not go well. The next thing he knew, Roy would be up here with his drunk ass and--
"Yeah, just make Captain Jack the speaker," Jim said, finishing the rest of his beer in a gulp. He knew what he needed to do.
---
Pam was talking to Katy as he made it to the back of the cabin. "You don't want my advice," Pam was saying.
"Hey," Jim said brightly to the two of them.
"Hey, Jim -- I was just talking with Pam about an interesting subject." Katy looked up at him with raised eyebrows.
"That's -- great." He turned to Pam. "Can I see you outside for a minute? It's -- kind of important."
Pam looked at him strangely. "Um, yeah. Let me just ... go get my coat."
Jim fidgeted as he watched her go grab her coat. He knew what was going to happen next. He didn't have time for this. Any second now, Roy was going to go up to that damn microphone with his damn drunk ass and--
"Hey, everybody? Uh, could I have your attention for a second?"
Fuck. Jim immediately jogged up to the stage, grabbing the microphone from Roy.
"Dude, what the fuck?" Roy said, reaching for it.
Jim held it away. "Are you sure about this? Are you sure about what you're really doing? I mean... because, you've had a lot to drink tonight, man, and, you know..."
"Halpert. Give me the damn microphone back." His words were slurred. "I gotta say this."
Jim and Roy stared intensely at each other for a few seconds before Jim finally gave the microphone up. He saw the look in Roy's eye that said, I am drunk, and I will fight you for this.
"I really hope you know what you're doing," Jim said under his breath.
Pam walked out onto the floor just as Roy continued: "Pammy! Pam. Wow, okay. Okay - everyone, listen up. Um, we were up at the front, talking about, you know, things that are really important, and, well, Pam, I think enough's enough..."
Jim rushed out of the cabin before he could hear the rest. The bitter cold air hit his face as he turned around to see Pam through the window, running up to Roy to embrace him.
I really hope he can make you happy, Pam.
---
"Hey, there you are!" Katy ran out onto the deck where Jim was bent over the railing, his head in his hands. "Are you okay?"
"Nothing a good bash to the head couldn't fix," he mumbled to himself. Jim looked up. "What?" he asked.
"Well, jeez, you just missed a really exciting moment! Roy set a wedding date for Pam!"
"Wow," Jim said. He looked back out over the water, trying to keep himself from crying. What a horrible, fucking, miserable day. Was this Hell? Had he died and gone to Hell without realizing it? Where had he gone wrong? Jim swallowed hard.
"It was so romantic. He said he was talking about things that were important in life, and--"
"Katy," Jim said, turning to look at her. "Let me give you a clue. I do not care. I don't want to hear about this. In fact, I really don't want to see anyone right now."
"Wow," Katy said, giving him an odd look. "I really don't know what your problem is, Jim, but obviously..."
"Seriously." Jim looked up at her, his eyes tired. He was so tired. He was so hurt. Why ... why again? Damn Roy. Damn Pam. Damn stupid Jim for not saying what you should have said. "Can you just... give me some time alone?"
Katy continued to gaze at him for a moment, her head cocked slightly. "Okay," she said quietly. She reached up to his face, but he turned away, frowning.
"I'm sorry, Katy, I just..."
"Yeah," she said. "I'll just ... go inside where the mood's a little lighter." He heard her sniff loudly as she headed back inside.
Jim stayed outside for a while, his face growing numb. He didn't move from his spot on the deck until he heard screaming, a lot of commotion, and a splash--? Jim ran inside to see everyone running around. "What's going on?" he asked Kevin.
"Michael just said the boat's sinking, except that it really isn't, he's just giving a presentation, or something, but everyone started to freak out, and this one guy jumped overboard."
Jim watched as Captain Jack came into the cabin, yelling at everyone to settle down. Jim noticed Meredith behind Jack, wearing only a life preserver as a top? What the hell--? He hadn't noticed that before.
Jim saw Captain Jack and another crewmember escort Michael outside and around the deck. "This is going to end well," he said to Kevin.
Kevin just giggled.
---
"Somebody there?" Michael asked as Jim came up behind him. Jim smiled, remembering Michael being tied to the railing, with plastic ties. Sure enough, there he was.
"Captain Jack has a problem with authority, huh?" Jim asked.
Michael looked confused, then annoyed. "Yeah, seriously. You are so right on, Jimbo."
"Of course, you did say the ship was sinking."
"Yes, but if you ask me, he's the one that caused the panic. Totally lost it. Couldn't keep it under control. Isn't that what a captain is supposed to do?"
Jim shrugged, and leaned up against the railing. "Yeah, I guess." Jim sighed loudly, rubbing his face.
"What's your deal?" Michael asked.
"Nothing... just having ... what could probably be classified as the worst day ever. Again."
"Seriously? A lot of good things happened today. Pam got engaged. She's your friend, isn't she? That's good news."
Jim sighed again, swallowing. "She's always been engaged, Michael, even if Roy said the first one didn't count."
"Yeah, well." Michael paused. "That's still got to be exciting, right?"
"If she wasn't marrying the wrong guy, it would be."
"You don't like Roy?"
Jim shook his head slightly. "I don't know. He's a nice enough guy, he's just not... the right guy for Pam."
Michael turned to him, realization coming over his features. "Who... is the right guy for Pam? You?"
Jim's eyes went wide. He hadn't expected Michael to get it like that. He hadn't gotten it yesterday. Or before. Whatever. "Um. I don't know," Jim mumbled.
"Wow," Michael went on. "Never would have thought - you and Pam. She's... cute."
"And funny, and warm, and -- just..." Wow. Jim couldn't believe he was here, telling Michael this again. "Um, anyway, she's engaged. She's going to be married in six months."
Michael scoffed. "Engaged ain't married. If you really like her so much, don't give up."
"I know Michael, I mean -- I really tried. I -- I tried to stop Roy from setting the date. Tonight."
"What happened?"
"I don't know, I ... he probably would have beat me up; he made me give the microphone back to him." Jim shook his head, sinking lower, his forearms resting on the rail. "I don't know what to do anymore."
"Trust me, buddy. It's never, ever too late. Life gives you plenty of chances. I mean, look at me and Jan."
"Yeah," Jim said. "Maybe."
---
The drive back from the cruise was quiet. Jim didn't say anything to Katy the entire way. She stared out the window while they drove in silence. When they got back to Dunder-Mifflin, she turned to look at him.
"Jim, can I ask you a question?"
Jim half-smiled. Of course. Let's make a shitty night even better. "Go ahead."
"Are you happy in this relationship?"
"Am I happy in this relationship?" Jim asked. He let out a large breath. Yesterday he'd just broken up with her, right on the boat. What was he waiting for? Did he really want to continue this? Who knew if there even was a tomorrow? "No," he finally said.
"Do you ... want to break up with me?" Katy asked, surprised. Obviously, she hadn't expected an honest answer.
"Yes," Jim said.
Katy nodded resolutely. "I see," she said. Jim watched as she gathered her purse and scarf and got out of the car without another word.
---
"Bad night?" Mark asked as Jim walked into the kitchen, reaching for the bottle of Scotch in the cabinet.
"Bad nights, actually," Jim said. He nodded at Jennifer and headed upstairs. He started to get undressed to go to bed, and a panic feeling set over him. What if this was his last night on earth? What if it was just an anomaly? What if he went to sleep and didn't wake up again? After what had happened today, who knew what was going to happen? Oh, God...
Jim fell down onto the bed, feeling dizzy. Did he want to go to sleep? What would happen if he didn't? What would happen if he did?
Quickly, he poured himself a large glass of scotch, feeling it burn as it ran down his throat.
He needed to... he had to call someone ... he had to call Pam. He had to...
No. He couldn't talk to her. Not now. Not after ... Roy.
But what if it was his last night on earth? What if he woke up to nothing? What if he woke up in a different time? "Oh, God," he said aloud to himself.
He picked up the phone by his bedside, dialing the number he knew by heart. After several rings, it went to voicemail. He almost hung up, but stopped himself at the last minute. "Pam, this is Jim. If you get this, I just want you to know... I don't want you to marry Roy. If you get this message, please call me back. I don't know... I don't know how much longer I'll be here. I don't know what's going on, with this repeating, deja vu day, I don't know if it's a dream, I don't know if I'm in a dream. God, Pam. I just... please call me."
He hung up quickly before he could say anything else. What if she called him back? Maybe he would make her mad. Maybe he shouldn't have said the thing about not marrying Roy. Oh, fuck.
He poured himself another glass of Scotch and downed it quickly as well. Jim lay down on the bed, feeling his heart pounding against his chest.
He folded his hands together across his chest. God, if this is my last day on earth, please, somehow, make sure that Pam is happy. I know, obviously, that I haven't made the best decisions for my life, and I don't know... I don't know anything, but I know that I love Pam, and, just ... please... take care of her for me, if this is it. Amen.
A few minutes later, Jim drifted off to sleep.
---
Comments appreciated and welcome...
Author: greenfish
Rating: T (language)
Spoilers: The Booze Cruise (S2)
Pairing: Jim/Katy, Jim/Pam, Pam/Roy
Word Count: 9890
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, God help me. I just play with them.
Summary: What would you do if you had to relive the worst day of your life, again and again?
Author's notes: This is a response to the "Groundhog Day" challenge nominated by nomadshan on the TWOP forums, a while back. Yes, I am very slow. Shut it. My immense thanks to hugs and Moxie and fireworkfiasco for their beta help.
Chapter One: The Worst Day of Jim's Life (Again)
Day One
---
When Jim came home the night of the booze cruise, his head was pounding. He'd had a few drinks, but it wasn't the alcohol that had brought on the massive headache. How many ways could he count what had gone wrong that night?
He found out Katy was a cheerleader in high school. He was dating a cheerleader.
Roy set a wedding date, for real.
Roy was drunk when he set the wedding date.
Roy told Michael that the first proposal "didn't mean anything."
Jim had broke up with Katy.
Katy spent half the night crying in the bathroom after they broke up.
He told Michael about his feelings for Pam.
He had the chance to finally say something to Pam that night, and he blew it. And now it was too late.
Jim felt like an asshole for breaking up with Katy, but he just couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't stand her anymore. Her bubbly personality. Her effusive happiness for Pam and Roy. Her fucking ridiculous idea that maybe someday, that would "be them."
Really, that was the straw that had broken the camel's back. He had never, ever once, seen himself marrying Katy. His relationship with Katy had been a sham. A way to pass the time. A way to try and convince himself that he wasn't really in love with Pam. Tonight, watching Pam and Roy together -- she looked so happy -- it was too much --
And then Katy -- making him give a toast -- a toast! It made him angry all over again, thinking about it. What was she thinking? How was she so oblivious?
He had been so close ... so close in that moment on the deck, with Pam, to breaking. So close to losing that fragile restraint that kept him from saying what he really felt.
It was possibly, categorically -- the worst night of his life.
Mark was sitting on the couch when Jim came through the room. He had his feet on the coffee table, his girlfriend Jennifer lying across him. They both looked up when he walked across.
He nodded at them at he grabbed a glass and a bottle of Scotch from the cabinet. "Do we have aspirin?" Jim asked.
Mark looked at him. "Bad night?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"There's Advil in the upstairs bathroom."
Jim watched as Mark gave Jennifer a knowing look. Jim pretended to ignore that. "Thanks," he mumbled, ambling up the stairs with a glass in one hand, the bottle in the other.
Jim set the Scotch on the sink and dug out the aspirin, fighting with the cap. He swore as he reached for his glass, filing it halfway, before studying himself critically in the mirror. He looked awful. His eyes were bloodshot, lined with dark rings, his shirt was un-tucked and wrinkled, and he just wanted to cry. Popping the Advil, Jim downed half the glass in one swallow, feeling his throat burn; then familiar warmth spread over his stomach and into his chest.
There was no point in letting this horrible night drag on. He just needed a good night's sleep. Taking the bottle and glass with him, he finished off the rest of the glass and poured himself a quarter more. (Just enough to make sleep come that much faster.) Things would be better in the morning.
Jim set the bottle of scotch and the glass on the nightstand next to his bed. He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.
Day Two
---
The radio was blaring when he woke up the next morning. It was some annoying R&B/rap song that made him immediately press the snooze button. Jim used to use the regular alarm, but found that it annoyed him so much; he just shut it off instead of pressing snooze. After being late two days in a row (which Michael didn't let go for the next three weeks), he had settled on a Top-40 radio station as his "alarm." It was annoying enough to wake him up, but not annoying enough to turn off completely.
He blinked, looking up at the ceiling. Thoughts of last night flooded into his brain. Ugh. The stupid booze cruise. Breaking up with Katy ... Roy setting a date for the wedding. Damn it.
He lay in bed for a few moments, contemplating things. What was work going to be like? What would he say to Pam? He hadn't really said anything to her after Katy made him give that stupid toast. Of course, she'd been too busy paying attention to Roy to notice anything he would have said.
Sitting up in bed, he braced for the initial rush of pain that usually followed a night like the one he had. Odd. No headache -- no hangover -- that was weird. He had felt like crap the night before. He glanced over at the nightstand, which was bare.
Funny, he thought he had brought a bottle of Scotch into his room last night. Maybe he was drunker than he thought. Maybe Mark had put it away, trying to save him the embarrassment.
Jim thought back to last night. He remembered everything, though: coming home with a massive headache, seeing Mark and Jennifer on the couch, drinking the Scotch, falling into bed ...
He shrugged and shut the radio off. He should be happy that he didn't have a hangover. Work was definitely going to suck, but it wouldn't be much different than other days.
Except today, he knew Pam was getting married for real. In only four months.
He blocked that thought out as he got into the shower.
"Ow!"
Jim rubbed his head as he got into the shower. Damn it, he had done the same thing yesterday. Someone tilted the showerhead all the way down again. Probably Jennifer -- she was a lot shorter than them and usually did that when she stayed over at their place.
Grumbling, he tilted it back up to full height again and started the water. It's just another day, Jim. You can make it.
---
He walked into the office that morning, slowly, trying to process everything that had happened yesterday. How would he talk to Pam? Would she be weird about him? Would she talk about Roy all the time, now that they were getting married for real in six months? What would Jim say to her? The questions circled around his brain as he came up to her desk. Jim forced a smile onto his face as he took off his coat. "'Morning, Pam," he said.
"Good morning, Jim," she replied, smiling at him. She didn't necessarily seem any different, but on the other hand, what did he expect? It wasn't like she wasn't engaged all along.
Jim had to stop himself from sighing aloud. He didn't really want Pam to know how much last night had upset him. After all, they were supposed to be friends. She was his best friend in the office - hell, his best friend period, and what kind of friend would he be if he acted upset about what had happened?
"Okay, then," he said, going to sit down at his desk. Easier said than done, obviously.
It wasn't until he went into the break room around 9 am that he realized things were a little weird. He was going for a bag of chips out of the vending machine when he noticed that Dwight's office supplies were still in there. Well, that was odd. Jim remembered giving Dwight a bag of nickels to buy them all back yesterday. He thought of Dwight huffily walking back to his desk, cradling his things, glaring in Jim's direction for the rest of the morning.
But, still -- here they all were - back in the vending machine again? Weird.
He shrugged to himself, never one to pass up a joke on Dwight, even if it was the same joke he had played on him yesterday. (Just another chance to see Dwight get mad again.)
To be honest, Jim thought it was odd when he'd seen Steve, the vending machine guy, come into the office again that morning. Jim had been back by Toby's desk at the time, arguing about company policy with him. (The same thing they'd been arguing about yesterday, actually. Hmm. Dwight never let anything go.) Pam had probably just seized the opportunity to prank Dwight again while he was with Toby... she was so great.
As he was about to head back towards the main office, Dwight came into the break room.
"Jim," he said.
"What's up?" Jim asked, turning around. He smirked to himself, wondering what Dwight was going to say this time.
"This is not funny. Why is my stuff in here?"
Jim decided to play dumb. "I don't know ... that's weird. Oh -- look, a dollar for a picture frame. So cute. Is that your mom?"
"No, I -- look, I'm not paying for this. I know you did this, because you're friends with the vending machine guy--"
"Steve?" Jim asked. "Look, Dwight, I can tell you, I may have been somewhat responsible the first time, but, really--"
Pam walked in at that moment, as if on cue. (Just like yesterday, he thought to himself.) "Ooh, what do I want, what do I want?" she said, putting money into the machine. "Oh, pencil cup!" She pushed the button, causing Dwight's metal pencil cup to fall. She had taken that yesterday, too. Jim remembered it sitting on her desk. She'd kept it for half the day until Dwight agreed to buy it back from her.
"Oh, no, no, no, no -- that's my pencil cup," Dwight said.
"I don't think so. I just bought it," Pam said.
Jim was starting to get a really odd sense of having heard this before. It was probably just because Pam had taken the pencil cup the day before.
"I think so," Dwight said, "and you're going to hand it over to me."
Pam grinned at Jim, then Dwight, holding the pencil cup. "I love these," she said.
Jim had to concentrate in order to keep a straight face. She was ridiculously cute. And Dwight -- why was Dwight acting like he had no idea? Jim kept expecting him to complain about the fact that they'd already done this to him, and Hello, Jim, the joke's old, now, give it up, or something like that. But, still -- nothing. Dwight was acting like they hadn't been through this already.
"Okay, fine," Dwight said, rooting through his jacket. "Where's my wallet?"
Jim looked at the vending machine. There it was again -- "There," he said, "J-1." Pam smiled at him when he did that. She was adorable. Again, he had that thought: Roy doesn't deserve that. He knew it was wrong; Pam had chosen Roy, not him, but he couldn't help himself. Damn.
Dwight reached into his pockets. "You know, I don't have any..."
Jim looked at him; then reached into his pocket. To his surprise, he pulled out a bag of nickels. Where had those come from? Hadn't he given those all to Dwight yesterday?
This is getting a little weird, he thought, but handed Dwight the bag. "Here are some nickels," he said, and without waiting for a response, turned and walked out, Pam following him. He started to go back to his desk, but stopped, heading towards Pam's instead. He watched her walk around the counter. She started replacing her usual "Scranton Chamber of Commerce" pencil cup with Dwight's pencil cup, filling it with fresh pens and pencils. She put it on the top counter; in the exact same spot she'd put it yesterday. Jim looked at it and then at Pam. (Probably just a coincidence.)
"Pam," he said, leaning over her desk, "Do you get the feeling something really weird is going on?"
"No," she said, looking up at him strangely. "Like what?"
"I don't know; all morning, I've had this really odd sense of deja-vu, like I've been through this day before -- yesterday, in fact."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Jim sighed. "It's probably nothing. I think I just ... had too much to drink yesterday. I don't know."
Pam tilted her head at him, but didn't respond. Jim smiled crookedly at her and shrugged. "Well," she said, "hopefully not too much, because there'll probably will be a lot of that tonight, knowing Michael."
Jim gave her a strange look. He didn't remember anything planned for tonight. He went back to his seat as a sick feeling fell into the pit of his stomach. Oh God, he thought. Had they all agreed to go to some celebration event for Pam and Roy last night? That wouldn't be completely unlikely - after the announcement, he'd spent most of the trip out on the deck, especially after the looks Katy kept giving him inside. Maybe the rest of the office had planned something while he was outside. He sighed to himself. Maybe he could get out of it somehow.
No. He'd have to go. For Pam.
Maybe he could ... feign being sick, and leave early. Say something about having had too much to drink the night before ... something.
Anything so he wouldn't have to watch more of Pam and Roy being all ... together. Damn it. He had completely blown it yesterday. He had the chance to actually tell her how he felt and he blew it and now he had to go to some stupid engagement-wedding date-celebration party thing because he was a moron and actually let Roy go ahead and fucking set the date instead of telling Pam how he actually felt, which maybe -- who knew? Maybe it would have changed something.
Probably not, but now he'd never know because he blew it. Pam was engaged and was getting married in four months.
Sure, Michael had made that comment about how "engaged ain't married," but what did that really mean? It didn't mean anything. Pam was getting married to Roy, for real now. And Jim? Jim Halpert was just the loser that couldn't make it happen. He breathed out slowly, and turned around just in time to watch Dwight saunter back to his desk with all his office supplies in hand. Dwight dropped the remainder of the nickel bag on Jim's desk. Jim was surprised there were even nickels left. Honestly, he thought Dwight used them up the day before.
He wondered again how the bag of nickels had gotten in his pocket in the first place.
Jim felt out of it. Maybe yesterday had affected him a lot more than he realized. Maybe he was suffering from some rare form of post-traumatic broken heart syndrome, or something. Maybe he was going crazy. It would probably be funnier if it weren't so sad.
---
"Hello everyone," Michael said as he came in. As usual, Rick, one of the cameramen, and the sound guy, Mike, were waiting by the door for him.
"Hello, Michael." Dwight always said hello to Michael when he came in. No one else usually did.
"Where are we going?" Phyllis asked, which immediately caused Jim to turn.
What did Michael know about tonight's event? Was this 'event' somehow related to Michael? Was he planning some kind of company-sponsored celebratory event? Knowing Michael, that really wouldn't have surprised Jim. Michael would take any excuse to have a party.
"Na --- ha ha ha ... hahahaaaa," Michael said, fleeing into his office, and shutting the door. Jim looked at Pam, and then at Michael's closed door.
---
Pam grabbed him by the arm about fifteen minutes later. "Rick wants us in the conference room! He wants us to talk about Michael's event!"
He stood up, getting that strange sense of deja vu again.
"So, tell us about Michael's event," Rick said.
The camera was positioned on the tripod, waiting for them to start their 'talking head.' (They were supposed to discuss things, like what they thought was going on in the office, or if Michael did something dumb. Pam often made him join her when she wanted to talk about things that were particularly funny. She called it "tag team confessional.")
"Last week, Michael sent out this mysterious memo," Pam started.
Jim looked down at the piece of paper Pam had given him. "Um, I'm sorry -- but isn't this the same memo from yesterday? For the Booze Cruise?"
Pam looked at him oddly. "What are you talking about?"
"The Booze Cruise, Michael's 'camaraderie' event?"
Pam giggled at him. "Just read the memo."
Jim looked at her once more before continuing: "It's time for our first quarter camaraderie event. So pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, some rubber soled shoes, and a ski mask.'"
"A ski mask? And a swimsuit?"
"Yeah," Jim said, "remember - we saw this before, because I said, 'So we can rob a bank, and escape through the sewers.'"
"No..." Pam said. "What else did 'we' say?"
"Well, then you said something about 'brushing our teeth,' I think. I don't know," Jim said. "It’s not really important." He frowned and got up. Pam stood up at the same time, staring after him. He knew she was looking at him, but he was trying not to think about it.
It just didn't make sense. This was the exact same list they'd gotten yesterday, for the Booze Cruise. Why would he be recycling this? Were they actually going to use a swimsuit this time? Or was that to throw them "off the scent" again?
---
Jim sat down at his desk, mulling things over. Why did it seem like everything was like the day before? It was a new day. It was Friday, right? He clicked on his computer calendar.
January 12, 2006. 9:46:33 am. That couldn't be correct. That was yesterday's date. It wasn't yesterday, was it? That wasn't possible.
Jim looked over at Dwight, who was currently arranging most of his desk supplies to fit in his locked, bottom drawer. "Hey, Dwight. What's today's date?"
"January 12th." Dwight looked up at him suspiciously. "Why?"
"Nothing, I'm just trying to... figure out something."
What the hell? Was Dwight lying to him? Unlikely. Was he going crazy? Had yesterday not really happened? Had yesterday been Wednesday, not Thursday? What was going on?
---
Michael called them all into the conference room late that morning to go over the mysterious "event" of the night. Jim just wanted to run away. He just knew-- it had to have something to do with Pam and Roy's upcoming wedding; it would be very Michael to do something like that. When he got to the conference room, he noticed Pam and Roy sitting together at the back. He suddenly felt nauseous. Jim clutched his stomach lightly as he sat down at the table in front of them.
"It is now time to announce the destination of this year's retreat." Michael paused for dramatic effect.
Jim felt confused. 'This year's retreat' --? What did that mean? Maybe this wasn't about Pam and Roy, after all.
"We are going on a harbor cruise of Lake Wallenpaupack."
What? Jim heard Dwight pumping his fist behind him. Wasn't that exactly what they had done yesterday? What was going on?
"It's a booze cruise!" Michael said, grinning.
"All riii-ght," Meredith said.
Jim was about to speak up when Ryan said, "I have a test for business school tomorrow night -- is it all right if I skip the cruise and study for that?"
"Nope," Michael said. "This is mandatory. Don't worry; you're going to learn plenty. This is gonna turn your life around."
Jim watched the scene unfold with a sense of helplessness. A Booze Cruise? This was ... the exact same event they'd gone on yesterday. But -- how? He vaguely remembered Ryan saying something about a test for business school yesterday as well. It didn't ... make sense. It was like everything that had happened yesterday was happening all over again. But it couldn't...
"I'm already in business school," Ryan was saying.
Michael went to say something else when Kelly said, "Wait -- Michael. Why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit?"
Jim turned and looked at Kelly and then at Michael, as he said, "To throw you off the scent."
"But I already bought a bathing suit..." Kelly started to say, when Jim interrupted her.
"Hey, is it just me, or did we already go over all of this?" Jim said. "I mean, didn't we go on the Booze Cruise yesterday?"
Everyone turned and looked at him. Michael gave him a funny look. "I don't know what you're smokin' dude, but give me some of that."
"What are you smoking?" Creed asked from the back of the room, as Dwight said:
"That is illegal, and I demand that you relinquish any illegal drugs or substances immediately."
Jim turned around to look at Dwight. "What?"
Michael said: "Jim, no one knew about the Booze Cruise until five minutes ago, when I told everyone. Well, except for Stanley, but that's because he was complaining about my comment about the overnight bag." Michael sighed, giving Stanley a look.
Stanley looked up from his crossword puzzle and made a non-committal noise in Michael's direction.
"But -- what about my bathing suit, Michael?" Kelly asked.
"Just, keep the tags on and you can return it," Michael said, sounding annoyed.
"But I already took the tags off."
Jim watched the conversation continue on, just like it had yesterday. It was crazy, like watching your life unfold from the outside. He knew if what had happened already was any indication, Michael was going to introduce Brenda next, the girl from corporate training. Sure enough:
"Okay, I know what you're all thinking. Who is this smart little cookie? Her name is Brenda... Something..."
Jim took a deep breath. Surely, it was going to be a long day. Could he really do this over again? Should he? Why did this day seem to be repeating itself? Did no one else remember that they had already done this, just yesterday?
---
He approached Pam after the meeting was over; after Roy had went back downstairs to the warehouse and she was alone at her desk again.
"Pam, you have got to tell me I'm not crazy. We already went on a Booze Cruise yesterday, don't you remember? With the snorkel shots and Michael dancing and later getting tied up by Captain Jack?" Jim consciously avoided saying anything about Roy setting a wedding date.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, looking up at him. "Who's Captain Jack?"
"The captain of the boat ... the captain of the Booze Cruise... you're telling me you don't remember any of this?"
Pam shook her head, giving him a look.
"You think I'm crazy."
"Yes."
"Fine. But if I'm right, which I know I am, you have to do a snorkel shot."
"I think you're setting me up, Halpert. You just want to see me drunk."
More than you know, Pam.
---
If things were supposed to happen the way they did yesterday, Jim knew he could expect Katy at show up at the office at around ... oh, ten after five that night. Almost everyone from the office had either left from work, or was stopping at home to pick up their spouses, significant others, etc. The event started at six, and yesterday, Katy had met him at the office beforehand. He figured, based on the way everything else had been going, it would be exactly the same. Which meant they were technically still "dating." God.
"Pam! How are you?"
Jim looked up and noticed Katy standing in front of Pam's desk. Pam flinched upon her approach. Funny, he hadn't noticed that before. Jim always had the sense that Pam really didn't like Katy that much. In fact, he would never admit it to himself, but that was part of the reason he was dating Katy at all -- because she was so much of what Pam was not.
She was glamorous, silly, anti-intellectual, extremely bubbly, obviously fond of her body and not afraid to show it off ... Save for the last part; he might as well have been dating Kelly. Damn.
That realization hit him in the gut. He watched as Katy continued to ask Pam details about her life -- did she see last week's Desperate Housewives, and oh my God, wasn't it just fantastic?
Jim stayed in his chair, avoiding having to go up and greet her. He already knew how it was going to end. He was going to break up with her. The question was whether it was going to happen sooner or later, really.
"How's the engagement going?"
Jim twitched. He could hear the reluctant tone in Pam's voice as she said, "Oh, you know -- it's going -- kind of like the Energizer battery. It keeps going..."
"And going," Katy finished, giggling. "That's so clever! You're so clever, you know that?"
Pam laughed lightly. "Yeah... Hey, I imagine that Jim's probably looking for you, isn't he?" She looked over at him purposefully, where he was - up to that point - carefully avoiding their gaze.
Jim looked up finally, and forced himself to smile at both of them. He stood up and gave Katy a quick peck on the cheek. He didn't look at Pam when he did it. "It's nice to see you, thanks for coming tonight."
"Of course - we don't get to spend enough time together anymore," Katy said, squeezing him at the hip. "I hope you're not avoiding me."
Jim chuckled, not looking at her. "Oh, of course not," he said.
He stole a glance in Pam's direction, and caught her eye for a split second before she looked away.
"You know, Dwight's in the break room right now. We should really go ask him how his man-purse -- I mean, bag -- is holding up. I haven't really seen him bring it in here since he bought it from you."
Katy giggled. "I still can't believe you talked him into buying it for himself. I thought he was so creepy and weird, too!"
"Oh, he still is," Jim said as they headed back towards the break room. "You don't even know the half of it."
---
Katy filled the car with meaningless chatter the entire way to the dock. Everything she said meant nothing to him. She talked about the newest venture she was working on - introducing a cosmetics line along with the purses she was selling. "I'm up to two parties a week, and I've been visiting at least a dozen businesses during the week. My sales have been phenomenal, Jim."
"That's great."
Jim's mind was not on Katy at all, not in the least. If this wasn't a dream, or even if it was a dream -- this was obviously a sign. A sign that he needed to do something, anything. But what? Do what?
"I've been selling so many of the fake Louies, I'm going to have to restock this week ... Jim, are you listening--?"
"Oh, yeah," he said, turning to look at her. "Sorry, you were saying something about reordering 'Louies?'" Jim had no idea what she was talking about, or who the hell 'Louie' was. It really didn't matter.
He remembered something Ryan told him once: "If you just say 'yeah,' and 'uh huh' on regular intervals -- and that's the key, making it regular enough so that they really think you're listening, you can completely zone out and not really ever have to listen to them at all. It's great." Ryan had gotten this odd faraway look in his eye then, and suddenly Jim had realized that Ryan had no idea what a good relationship was about.
Of course, either did he, apparently: he was the one sitting in a car with someone he couldn't care less about. He hadn't really seen it until yesterday. It was like everything had suddenly come into hyper-focus, and when he looked at Katy, she wasn't really the pretty redhead he had been dating for several months; she was an shallow, ridiculous human being that he wanted nothing to do with. Katy had never really known him. He had never allowed himself to get that close to her. He had already taken her this far, though. Maybe if...
"Katy, I think we need to talk."
She looked at him, confused about the fact that she'd just been interrupted. She wasn't used to being interrupted. "About what?"
"Have you really ... thought about where this relationship is going?"
"All the time," Katy said. "I'm so glad you're finally bringing this up. You know, my family's from upstate New York, and I was thinking that maybe we could take a trip up there so you could meet my parents ..."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa - stop. I wasn't exactly thinking that far ahead. Um."
Katy looked over, concerned. They were pulling into the parking lot of the harbor.
"Just what are you saying, Jim Halpert?"
"I'm just wondering ... if this is really working out." Jim pulled his car into a parking space.
"If ... what is working out?" Her arms were crossed now, and she glared at him from across the seat. "Just what are you trying to say?"
Jim looked up at the dock where their boat was stationed, and then back at Katy.
This was ... really unfair of him. They were about to go on this cruise together. He'd already brought her to the harbor. He couldn't do this to her now ... could he?
Jim looked over at her. She was still staring at him, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears.
He swallowed hard. "I..."
This was wrong. This wasn't about Katy; this was about him. It was about his problems, not hers. Maybe that's what this whole weird deja-vu thing was about... He couldn't do this to her now. He knew he was probably making the wrong decision, but seeing that look in her eyes -- remembering yesterday, with Katy crying half the night -- maybe it wasn't about breaking up with her now. Maybe he needed to live and let live. Katy wasn't a horrible person. She was a good person; a nice person. This wasn't the right place to do this.
I should have done it back at the office. He breathed in sharply at that thought. Now you have to deal with her all night. Maybe you missed your opportunity. You should have dumped her while you had the chance to do it nicely.
"What, Jim?" Katy asked.
He'd forgotten he had started to say something to her. "Um," Jim said. "I think we need to get out and just have some fun tonight," he said, opening his car door. Katy looked at him strangely, but got out as well.
Fucking coward.
"Are you all right?" she asked as they started to walk up to the boat. He noticed the cameraman waiting at the bottom of the ramp.
"Yeah, I'm just ... a little tired, sorry. " He put his arm around her. "Nothing a beer wouldn't fix."
---
As soon as they got on the ship, Jim walked around the length of the deck, trying to convince himself he wasn't crazy. He still couldn't believe what he was seeing. You have been here before. You just passed by Captain Jack. There's no way you're dreaming this. Maybe you're dreaming? Yeah, maybe this is all a dream. How else could he explain what was going on?
He turned to Katy, who was walking beside him, her eyes wide and curious. "Katy, do me a favor. Pinch me."
"What?"
"Pinch me. On the arm." He shrugged a shoulder out of his coat, then turned it towards Katy. "Seriously."
"Why?"
Jim sighed. He wondered how much to tell her. "You know how they say if you're in a dream, you can just pinch yourself, and you'll wake up?"
"Yeah," Katy said, giving him an odd look.
"Well, I think I'm in a dream."
"Oh my God, Jim," she said, looking up at him. "That is so romantic. I had no idea."
Jim felt his eyes going wide before he could stop himself. "Um," he said.
Katy had her arms wrapped around him in an embrace before he could say anything else. He heard her squealing lightly. Jim didn't know what to do. Everyone was starting to walk in and they could see Katy hugging him, and -- Pam. Oh, God.
"Okay, yeah, um..." Jim pushed her back lightly, trying to smile. "I think I need to check on Michael, maybe you should see about getting us a drink. After all, this is a Booze Cruise."
"Sure, no problem," Katy said, kissing him on the cheek. She turned quickly and headed to the bar. Jim waited until he'd turned to the opposite direction, and then wiped the lipstick off his cheek. He already felt sick to his stomach.
---
Jim was sitting next to Katy in a booth, Roy and Pam across from them. He watched as Captain Jack took the microphone to make introductions.
"Okay, all right. Welcome aboard. I am your Captain, Captain Jack."
Jim immediately looked over at Pam, who wasn't paying attention to him. She was watching Michael as he interrupted Jack, botching things up in that way that only Michael could. Jim kicked her foot under the table. When she turned to look at him, he raised his eyebrows. She stared back at him with a blank expression. "Captain Jack?" Jim mouthed to her.
"What?" Pam whispered back, across the table.
"Captain Jack," he said to her, "don't you..."
Roy shushed him before he could continue. "Dude, seriously. You guys have to watch this. Michael is going down in flames here." Roy chuckled, his arm draping around Pam's shoulder. Jim couldn't help but watch as Roy started to rub her shoulder lightly. He saw Pam look at Roy's hand and then over at Roy. She half-smiled at him, and went back to watching Michael and Captain Jack go at it.
Jim decided he'd tell her about Captain Jack later.
---
"This is so hilarious." Katy grinned at Jim, leaning over into his shoulder. He sighed, realizing he was going to need at least more than a few beers to get through this night. It was becoming more and more apparent that this wasn't a dream. If it was a dream, it was the worst, and most realistic, nightmare he'd ever been trapped in.
"What?" Roy asked, leaning forward with a grin. Roy was already two beers ahead of Jim. (The guy could definitely drink.)
"Seriously. You guys, it's like we're in high school and we're at the cool table." Katy grinned, like she'd said the funniest thing ever.
Jim had to repress the urge to gag. Not this again.
"Right?" she asked.
"Yeah," Roy said.
Of course you'd think that, you ass. You probably always sat at the cool table while people like Pam ... and me ... we sat at the uncool table.
"Pam, were you a cheerleader?" Katy asked.
Jim watched as Pam shook her head. He decided to pipe in before Roy could make that stupid comment about Pam: "No, but you know, I heard that she had--"
Roy interrupted him like he hadn't even been talking. "She was totally Miss Artsy-Fartsy girl in high school. She wore turtlenecks and everything."
"Wow, because turtlenecks, you know..." Jim started again, but trailed off as he realized Roy was not paying attention to either himself or Pam. He looked over at Pam. She smiled back at him, apologetically.
"That's hilarious," Katy said.
"Oh, yeah - completely," Jim said sarcastically, standing up. "I'm getting a beer, anyone else need something?"
Roy tipped his bottle up, peering at it. "I could go for a refill." He tipped back the rest of the beer before tossing the empty bottle at Jim. "Thanks, Halpert."
"No problem," he mumbled, making a beeline for the bar. He was definitely not prepared to watch this conversation go any further. If it was anything like yesterday (yesterday? Today? Who knew what was going on anymore?), he knew Katy was going to go into that whole stupid cheerleading thing (he couldn't believe he was actually dating a cheerleader) and then Pam would give him that look. The look that said, "I can't believe you're dating a cheerleader."
She had to have known how silly the situation was - it was so obvious how wrong Katy was for him. It was so obvious how wrong Roy was for her. Why couldn't she see that?
Jim leaned up against the bar, ordering two beers and a shot of whiskey. He was about to down the whiskey when he felt a hand on his back. His muscles tensed. He turned around, expecting to see Katy.
"Hey - I, uh - realized I needed a beer."
"Pam." Jim felt his throat go dry. He reached for the whiskey shot, downing it in a gulp. He shook his head quickly, and opened his eyes to see her peering at him with an amused expression.
"That bad, huh?"
"What?" Jim asked. He wondered if she knew exactly how bad it was. She'd never believe him, even if he tried to explain it. Someone - something - thought it was funny to take the worst day of my life and make me relive it all over again. He still didn't know if he was living in the worst nightmare ever, or if it was something else -- something real? Something out of the Twilight Zone?
Pam chuckled. "You missed Katy's awesome cheerleader cheer."
"I wish I could say that, but I've actually heard it before."
"Really. I just ... think it's funny. You know."
"What, that I'm dating a former cheerleader?"
Pam shrugged. "Maybe," she said, going up to the bar to order a beer.
"Well, you're engaged to a former football quarterback." Jim looked at her with raised eyebrows.
"Yeah," Pam said. She looked down at the floor; then gestured to one of the beers in Jim's hand. "I'll take that back to Roy for you."
"Thanks," Jim said feebly as he watched her walk back to the table. Idiot, he thought to himself.
---
Jim ended up on the bow of the ship, where Michael instantly accosted him. "Jim -- check it out!" He watched as Michael proceeded to the very front, bent over, and reached out his arms. "I'm the king of the world!"
Jim glanced up to the second deck, where Mike, another cameraman, was watching them. He shook his head at the camera.
Michael grew tired of the Titanic antics after a few minutes, but not before asking Jim if he thought Pam would let him pose nude for her. "So she could paint you?" Jim asked.
"Sure... she's an artist, isn't she? For fun? I've seen her drawing people during meetings sometimes."
You noticed that, Jim thought. Michael never ceased to surprise him. "I ... don't think she'd be willing to do that."
"Yeah... with Roy and all, huh? He'd probably get jealous." Michael patted his stomach. "He doesn't have the abs I do. I work out."
Jim had to stop himself from laughing. "I'm ... sure you do."
"Well, yep. Gotta rile the troops up. See you in there!" Michael bounded off towards the main cabin, leaving Jim out on the deck.
It was really too cold to be standing outside for long, but he really didn't want to go back in and hang out with Katy and Roy, listening to them exchange stupid high school stories.
He stayed out there long enough to see Captain Jack leading Dwight out to the front of the boat. "Here's the steering wheel, Dwight. Keep us on a steady course. Keep a sharp eye out. I'm counting on you."
Jim snorted under his breath. He saw Dwight give Captain Jack a hearty salute before turning back to the wheel.
The urge to mess with Dwight was overwhelming. "So, you must be pretty important if Captain Jack's giving you the wheel, huh?"
Dwight turned to look at Jim with a knowing stare. "Duh," he said. "I co-piloted a jet when I was four years old. Obviously, Captain Jack knew that I could handle the responsibility of a position like this. Unlike you."
"Right," Jim said. He waited for a few seconds, then: "Oh my God, watch out!"
"What? What?" Dwight asked frantically. He leaned forward to look at the water ahead of them. "What is it?"
Jim leaned forward as well, looking over the edge into the water. "Oh - never mind. Thought I saw an iceberg."
"That is not funny, Jim. Sailing a ship is serious business. You can't joke about stuff like that. What if there really was an iceberg?"
"On Lake Wallenpaupack. Right."
"You have to be prepared for anything, Jim." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a small orange packet. "That's why I carry my own life vest. It self-inflates. I also have flares and fresh water in case of an emergency."
"That's all in your jacket?"
"Yes."
"Can I see your inflatable vest?" Jim asked.
Dwight almost handed it to him, but thought better of it. "No," he said. "I don't trust you. Why don't you just go back to the party? You're impeding my concentration."
---
When Jim came back into the cabin, Michael was in the midst of demonstrating his "dance" skills to everyone. Even though Jim had already seen it all before, he couldn't help but gape with surprise and amusement again as Michael literally belly-flopped in circles on the dance floor.
He walked over towards Pam, who was standing by herself. "Hey," he said, coming up behind her.
"Oh, hey." She turned back around.
"Look, I'm -- sorry about earlier. I didn't mean anything by that."
"I know," Pam said, still not looking at him. "Trust me, Roy's football stories get a little old, really." She turned her head to look at him, and both of them turned to see Roy and Katy still engaged in conversation. "I mean, we left high school, what - almost 10 years ago?"
"Yeah, well..." Jim didn't want to talk about it anymore. He didn't want to have anything to do with Roy or high school or fucking high school sports or anything that reminded him of the fact that the guy Pam was engaged to was completely wrong for her.
"Of course, some people never left high school, apparently." Pam gestured at Michael, still wiggling his way around the dance floor.
"Yeah," Jim said. "Hey, listen -- can I talk to you for a minute?"
---
They headed to the front part of the cabin, away from the rest of the party. He gestured for her to sit down, then sat down himself. "Look. Do you remember when I said that I thought something weird was going on this morning?"
"Yeah?"
"And remember when I told you the name of the ship's captain, and that Michael gets tied up, and the snorkel shots?"
Pam shook her head slowly. "Jim -- I mean, Michael must have told you all of that, or something, and, I mean, Michael getting tied up -- that -- well, I don't know about that, but - I mean--"
"No, I'm telling you, it's real. I lived through it all yesterday, and apparently, no one else seems to remember that this all already happened."
"What do you mean, this all already happened?"
"I mean--" Jim thought for a moment. "Well. Okay. I know that something really important happens for you tonight."
Pam looked at him, concerned. "Jim..."
"Not between..." Jim stopped. You did not almost say that. He flattened his lips, looking back up at her. "I mean, it's about Roy, and..."
"It's about Roy?" she interrupted. "Is everything okay? What are you talking about? Are you messing with me?" Pam eyed him carefully. "Seriously, Jim. How much have you had to drink tonight?" She reached up to feel his cheek, which instantly made him start to blush. "You look a little flushed," she murmured.
"Don't worry, I’m not drunk," Jim said. He frowned. Wouldn't mind being, though. Coming straight for them were Roy and Katy. Roy's eyes looked glazed over, and he grinned at Pam, pulling her up from her seat.
"Why are you guys hanging out here?" Roy asked. "This is boring. Come join the party. Let's get you both another drink."
Jim coughed, leaning into Pam. "Bet you five dollars that it involves snorkel shots."
---
"Snorkel-shot! Snorkel-shot!"
Jim looked over at Pam, who was watching Roy down a snorkel-shot of tequila. He managed to catch her eye, and raised an eyebrow at her. He held up his hand. "Five dollars," he mouthed to her.
Pam frowned at him, and looked back at Roy, irritated.
"Whoo!" Roy said. "Who's next? C'mon, Pammy," he said, grabbing her arm. "C'mon!"
Jim watched them, a half-smirk on his face. He remembered being so annoyed seeing it the first time, but somehow, knowing what was going to happen already made it easier to deal with. Still, he couldn't help but grimace when he watched her lean towards Roy and say something to him -- she was talking too quietly for him to hear.
Jim heard Roy: "I've just got to wait for Darryl to do his shot. Just a minute." Then: "Darryl, Darryl, Darryl!"
He watched as Katy and Roy cheered Darryl on. He felt like he was watching a movie, standing outside the action as the scene unfolded.
"Hey," he heard a voice next to him, and looked down to see Pam, who had tapped him on the shoulder. She already had her jacket and scarf on. "I could use a break."
"Yeah," Jim said. He glanced over at Katy, who was still involved with Darryl and Roy and the world of Snorkel-shots.
He heard Roy say, "We should do a drinking game! Does anyone have cards?"
Jim rolled his eyes, grabbed his coat, quickly leading Pam to the door before anyone noticed they'd left.
---
They walked out onto the deck in silence, Pam settling against the rail. She sighed. "I just don't get Roy sometimes."
That's because he's not right for you. He wanted so much to just tell her that. He wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her how much he thought about her - how he would actually treat her right, how he'd never ask her to do a snorkel shot, or joke about her being "artsy-fartsy." He wanted to tell her that he was in love with her. That he'd been in love with her for years. That he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and only her.
"Well ... hm," he said instead.
"I mean... I don't know," Pam said.
"You don't --" Jim started to say, as Pam said,
"So--"
They both stopped, and laughed. "You first," Pam said.
"No, go ahead," Jim said, smiling.
"I was just going to say, you know -- at least with Katy, you'll always have someone to cheer you on." She smiled at him.
Jim's smile immediately faded.
"I know, that's a really cheesy joke, sorry."
"No, it's just..." Jim looked at her. Jim trailed off, distracted by watching her. She was staring at him, her deep, hazel eyes saying one thing, her mouth twisted into a completely different smile. For a moment, her eyes were curious, but then something changed and she glanced down, self-conscious and unsure.
"We should probably go back inside."
Jim sighed, realizing that he wasn't going to say anything, again. He felt panicked. What if she said no? What if she didn't feel the same way?
"Pam," he said, taking her arm. Jim started rationalizing. Maybe it wasn't a second chance at getting her. Maybe it was just a second chance to make sure she was right with herself.
She looked up at him, her eyes wide. She must have been holding her breath, because he didn't see the puffs of breath coming from her mouth for several seconds.
"I..." He sighed, and licked his lips. "Just ... whatever you do, make sure you're happy, okay? Don't ... do stuff for other people."
Pam looked at him for a long moment. "What do you mean by that?"
"Just, you know - make sure you're doing what's best for you. I just... want you to be happy."
The corner of Pam's mouth came up. She smiled sadly at him, gently touching the arm of his jacket. "Okay," she said quietly.
"Okay," Jim said, watching as she headed back inside. He stayed out on the deck for a few minutes longer before heading back in. He wondered if he'd lost his last chance again.
---
Jim was walking up to the bar as Michael was in the middle of a conversation with Captain Jack. Oh, God.
Michael was saying, "If the boat is sinking, what do you save?"
"Women and children," Captain Jack replied.
"No, no. Salesmen and profit centers."
"Wow, yeah, guys," Jim cut in before they started arguing like children. "This ... is not the point. I think the point is that we're here, as a team, to have a good time, we need to just enjoy ourselves, right?"
"Jim, seriously, Captain Jack and I are trying to have a serious conversation about my presentation, and how that relates to this boat." Michael turned back to Jack. "See, obviously, you don't know anything about leadership."
"I was the Captain of a PC-1 Cyclone Coastal Patrol Boat during Operation Desert Storm, so..."
Jim put his head in his hands. This could not go well. The next thing he knew, Roy would be up here with his drunk ass and--
"Yeah, just make Captain Jack the speaker," Jim said, finishing the rest of his beer in a gulp. He knew what he needed to do.
---
Pam was talking to Katy as he made it to the back of the cabin. "You don't want my advice," Pam was saying.
"Hey," Jim said brightly to the two of them.
"Hey, Jim -- I was just talking with Pam about an interesting subject." Katy looked up at him with raised eyebrows.
"That's -- great." He turned to Pam. "Can I see you outside for a minute? It's -- kind of important."
Pam looked at him strangely. "Um, yeah. Let me just ... go get my coat."
Jim fidgeted as he watched her go grab her coat. He knew what was going to happen next. He didn't have time for this. Any second now, Roy was going to go up to that damn microphone with his damn drunk ass and--
"Hey, everybody? Uh, could I have your attention for a second?"
Fuck. Jim immediately jogged up to the stage, grabbing the microphone from Roy.
"Dude, what the fuck?" Roy said, reaching for it.
Jim held it away. "Are you sure about this? Are you sure about what you're really doing? I mean... because, you've had a lot to drink tonight, man, and, you know..."
"Halpert. Give me the damn microphone back." His words were slurred. "I gotta say this."
Jim and Roy stared intensely at each other for a few seconds before Jim finally gave the microphone up. He saw the look in Roy's eye that said, I am drunk, and I will fight you for this.
"I really hope you know what you're doing," Jim said under his breath.
Pam walked out onto the floor just as Roy continued: "Pammy! Pam. Wow, okay. Okay - everyone, listen up. Um, we were up at the front, talking about, you know, things that are really important, and, well, Pam, I think enough's enough..."
Jim rushed out of the cabin before he could hear the rest. The bitter cold air hit his face as he turned around to see Pam through the window, running up to Roy to embrace him.
I really hope he can make you happy, Pam.
---
"Hey, there you are!" Katy ran out onto the deck where Jim was bent over the railing, his head in his hands. "Are you okay?"
"Nothing a good bash to the head couldn't fix," he mumbled to himself. Jim looked up. "What?" he asked.
"Well, jeez, you just missed a really exciting moment! Roy set a wedding date for Pam!"
"Wow," Jim said. He looked back out over the water, trying to keep himself from crying. What a horrible, fucking, miserable day. Was this Hell? Had he died and gone to Hell without realizing it? Where had he gone wrong? Jim swallowed hard.
"It was so romantic. He said he was talking about things that were important in life, and--"
"Katy," Jim said, turning to look at her. "Let me give you a clue. I do not care. I don't want to hear about this. In fact, I really don't want to see anyone right now."
"Wow," Katy said, giving him an odd look. "I really don't know what your problem is, Jim, but obviously..."
"Seriously." Jim looked up at her, his eyes tired. He was so tired. He was so hurt. Why ... why again? Damn Roy. Damn Pam. Damn stupid Jim for not saying what you should have said. "Can you just... give me some time alone?"
Katy continued to gaze at him for a moment, her head cocked slightly. "Okay," she said quietly. She reached up to his face, but he turned away, frowning.
"I'm sorry, Katy, I just..."
"Yeah," she said. "I'll just ... go inside where the mood's a little lighter." He heard her sniff loudly as she headed back inside.
Jim stayed outside for a while, his face growing numb. He didn't move from his spot on the deck until he heard screaming, a lot of commotion, and a splash--? Jim ran inside to see everyone running around. "What's going on?" he asked Kevin.
"Michael just said the boat's sinking, except that it really isn't, he's just giving a presentation, or something, but everyone started to freak out, and this one guy jumped overboard."
Jim watched as Captain Jack came into the cabin, yelling at everyone to settle down. Jim noticed Meredith behind Jack, wearing only a life preserver as a top? What the hell--? He hadn't noticed that before.
Jim saw Captain Jack and another crewmember escort Michael outside and around the deck. "This is going to end well," he said to Kevin.
Kevin just giggled.
---
"Somebody there?" Michael asked as Jim came up behind him. Jim smiled, remembering Michael being tied to the railing, with plastic ties. Sure enough, there he was.
"Captain Jack has a problem with authority, huh?" Jim asked.
Michael looked confused, then annoyed. "Yeah, seriously. You are so right on, Jimbo."
"Of course, you did say the ship was sinking."
"Yes, but if you ask me, he's the one that caused the panic. Totally lost it. Couldn't keep it under control. Isn't that what a captain is supposed to do?"
Jim shrugged, and leaned up against the railing. "Yeah, I guess." Jim sighed loudly, rubbing his face.
"What's your deal?" Michael asked.
"Nothing... just having ... what could probably be classified as the worst day ever. Again."
"Seriously? A lot of good things happened today. Pam got engaged. She's your friend, isn't she? That's good news."
Jim sighed again, swallowing. "She's always been engaged, Michael, even if Roy said the first one didn't count."
"Yeah, well." Michael paused. "That's still got to be exciting, right?"
"If she wasn't marrying the wrong guy, it would be."
"You don't like Roy?"
Jim shook his head slightly. "I don't know. He's a nice enough guy, he's just not... the right guy for Pam."
Michael turned to him, realization coming over his features. "Who... is the right guy for Pam? You?"
Jim's eyes went wide. He hadn't expected Michael to get it like that. He hadn't gotten it yesterday. Or before. Whatever. "Um. I don't know," Jim mumbled.
"Wow," Michael went on. "Never would have thought - you and Pam. She's... cute."
"And funny, and warm, and -- just..." Wow. Jim couldn't believe he was here, telling Michael this again. "Um, anyway, she's engaged. She's going to be married in six months."
Michael scoffed. "Engaged ain't married. If you really like her so much, don't give up."
"I know Michael, I mean -- I really tried. I -- I tried to stop Roy from setting the date. Tonight."
"What happened?"
"I don't know, I ... he probably would have beat me up; he made me give the microphone back to him." Jim shook his head, sinking lower, his forearms resting on the rail. "I don't know what to do anymore."
"Trust me, buddy. It's never, ever too late. Life gives you plenty of chances. I mean, look at me and Jan."
"Yeah," Jim said. "Maybe."
---
The drive back from the cruise was quiet. Jim didn't say anything to Katy the entire way. She stared out the window while they drove in silence. When they got back to Dunder-Mifflin, she turned to look at him.
"Jim, can I ask you a question?"
Jim half-smiled. Of course. Let's make a shitty night even better. "Go ahead."
"Are you happy in this relationship?"
"Am I happy in this relationship?" Jim asked. He let out a large breath. Yesterday he'd just broken up with her, right on the boat. What was he waiting for? Did he really want to continue this? Who knew if there even was a tomorrow? "No," he finally said.
"Do you ... want to break up with me?" Katy asked, surprised. Obviously, she hadn't expected an honest answer.
"Yes," Jim said.
Katy nodded resolutely. "I see," she said. Jim watched as she gathered her purse and scarf and got out of the car without another word.
---
"Bad night?" Mark asked as Jim walked into the kitchen, reaching for the bottle of Scotch in the cabinet.
"Bad nights, actually," Jim said. He nodded at Jennifer and headed upstairs. He started to get undressed to go to bed, and a panic feeling set over him. What if this was his last night on earth? What if it was just an anomaly? What if he went to sleep and didn't wake up again? After what had happened today, who knew what was going to happen? Oh, God...
Jim fell down onto the bed, feeling dizzy. Did he want to go to sleep? What would happen if he didn't? What would happen if he did?
Quickly, he poured himself a large glass of scotch, feeling it burn as it ran down his throat.
He needed to... he had to call someone ... he had to call Pam. He had to...
No. He couldn't talk to her. Not now. Not after ... Roy.
But what if it was his last night on earth? What if he woke up to nothing? What if he woke up in a different time? "Oh, God," he said aloud to himself.
He picked up the phone by his bedside, dialing the number he knew by heart. After several rings, it went to voicemail. He almost hung up, but stopped himself at the last minute. "Pam, this is Jim. If you get this, I just want you to know... I don't want you to marry Roy. If you get this message, please call me back. I don't know... I don't know how much longer I'll be here. I don't know what's going on, with this repeating, deja vu day, I don't know if it's a dream, I don't know if I'm in a dream. God, Pam. I just... please call me."
He hung up quickly before he could say anything else. What if she called him back? Maybe he would make her mad. Maybe he shouldn't have said the thing about not marrying Roy. Oh, fuck.
He poured himself another glass of Scotch and downed it quickly as well. Jim lay down on the bed, feeling his heart pounding against his chest.
He folded his hands together across his chest. God, if this is my last day on earth, please, somehow, make sure that Pam is happy. I know, obviously, that I haven't made the best decisions for my life, and I don't know... I don't know anything, but I know that I love Pam, and, just ... please... take care of her for me, if this is it. Amen.
A few minutes later, Jim drifted off to sleep.
---
Comments appreciated and welcome...