Roadtrip!
I am pleased to say that My Boy is something of a dreamer.
He also has a habit of embarking on somewhat preposterous and slightly ill conceived missions. These are referred to as ‘Specials’.
A ‘Special’ usually begins with a fairly benign thought or notion, which in itself, is not a ‘Special’. It’s becomes a ‘Special’ when combined a huge underestimate of the time the associated activity will require and a fundamental failure to grasp the simple laws reality as we experience it.
The innocuous thought that triggered the particular ‘Special’ that this post concerns was as follows:
“Hmm. You can get a 10-year-old BMW 7 Series for about £2000. That’s a lot of luxury car for not a lot of change”
I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea.
Now, where most humans would take this thought roll it around for a bit then become bored, like a cat with a ball of wool, My Boy takes the wool and knits a jumper. Not just any jumper, we’re talking about one with funny cable patterns and a constipated looking reindeer on it.
And so began the road trip; five used cars in two days, spanning the length and breadth of the country. Truly a ‘Special’ of epic proportions. We began in Bristol, then up to Manchester and Chester, then down to Peterborough via Birmingham, then Milton Keynes and back to Bristol. I was able to intercept this plan before it got too ridiculous and booked a hotel in Peterborough, otherwise we would have been attempting the whole exercise in one day, a true test of human endurance and the very loosest interpretation of physics.
Looking back, I’m glad I booked it (for the sake of our sanities), but booking it in Peterborough was a mistake. No offence if you live there or hail from there, but it’s a chilling vision of what post-apocalypse frontier towns will be like, right down to the radiation warped denizens of the weary shattered metropolis.
The hotel had clearly not been modernised since The Event We Don’t Talk About, and when we arrived two cousins were being married in a now traditional ceremony involving the mutual consumption of scabrous shreds of skin and drinking mucilage from the neck sacs of the Holy Toad.
As further evidence for the ruination of Peterborough, it was Saturday night and there wasn’t one decent curry house! We had to settle for the local equivalent, Nuggets of domesticated mutant badger and various fungi cooked in heavily spiced orange sump oil, served on a bed of luminous yellow mulch.
So what did we learn from this ‘Special’?
1. Yes, you can get a lot of car nice car in pretty good condition for £2000.
2. £2000 is not currently available to be spent on aforementioned car.
3. We never want to return to Peterborough.
4. Ever.
~Theo
He also has a habit of embarking on somewhat preposterous and slightly ill conceived missions. These are referred to as ‘Specials’.
A ‘Special’ usually begins with a fairly benign thought or notion, which in itself, is not a ‘Special’. It’s becomes a ‘Special’ when combined a huge underestimate of the time the associated activity will require and a fundamental failure to grasp the simple laws reality as we experience it.
The innocuous thought that triggered the particular ‘Special’ that this post concerns was as follows:
“Hmm. You can get a 10-year-old BMW 7 Series for about £2000. That’s a lot of luxury car for not a lot of change”
I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea.
Now, where most humans would take this thought roll it around for a bit then become bored, like a cat with a ball of wool, My Boy takes the wool and knits a jumper. Not just any jumper, we’re talking about one with funny cable patterns and a constipated looking reindeer on it.
And so began the road trip; five used cars in two days, spanning the length and breadth of the country. Truly a ‘Special’ of epic proportions. We began in Bristol, then up to Manchester and Chester, then down to Peterborough via Birmingham, then Milton Keynes and back to Bristol. I was able to intercept this plan before it got too ridiculous and booked a hotel in Peterborough, otherwise we would have been attempting the whole exercise in one day, a true test of human endurance and the very loosest interpretation of physics.
Looking back, I’m glad I booked it (for the sake of our sanities), but booking it in Peterborough was a mistake. No offence if you live there or hail from there, but it’s a chilling vision of what post-apocalypse frontier towns will be like, right down to the radiation warped denizens of the weary shattered metropolis.
The hotel had clearly not been modernised since The Event We Don’t Talk About, and when we arrived two cousins were being married in a now traditional ceremony involving the mutual consumption of scabrous shreds of skin and drinking mucilage from the neck sacs of the Holy Toad.
As further evidence for the ruination of Peterborough, it was Saturday night and there wasn’t one decent curry house! We had to settle for the local equivalent, Nuggets of domesticated mutant badger and various fungi cooked in heavily spiced orange sump oil, served on a bed of luminous yellow mulch.
So what did we learn from this ‘Special’?
1. Yes, you can get a lot of car nice car in pretty good condition for £2000.
2. £2000 is not currently available to be spent on aforementioned car.
3. We never want to return to Peterborough.
4. Ever.
~Theo