i am sorry
my dad calls at noon here on monday. that never happens, so i know somethings up right away. after some (real quick) small talk he tells me "there was a big car accident last night in leominster and all four of them died"
now being across the country not on speaking terms with someone who i considered my best friend, my heart sank and a million thoughts ran through my head, while my dad took what felt like forever looking for those four names. all i could thing of was how sorry i was i let shit faze me when it shouldnt have
i knew 3 out four, one i knew well at one point in my life freshmen year, the other i knew because i rode the bus with her and went to school with her since 8th grade, and the other i knew because she was an old friends little sister. my point is, you graduate, you never see these people again and you just assume all will be well and everyone will have a great life. it really hits you hard and makes you think when people you knew pass away, looking at the yearbook pictures feeling so sorry. when i looked at their young faces i couldnt help but to think if there was something they would have done differently if they knew after highschool would be their last days. its so scary to think you never know when your last days are. i thought about all the times i fought with my friends over stupid shit really and missed out on parties or how many days i wasted without them and with someone who was wasting my time every second i was with them. or this big ass faze i went through where i didnt stay out late or do anything with my friends really because i had to work inthe morning. All those times i worried myself to sleep about money and for no reason , i've always had two jobs and most of the time no life. i think about all those people in college who hate it, what they are studying, going, or even just all those people who hate their jobs but still do it everyday. and this is what makes me want to stop living for the future and live for right now and let the future lead me somewhere unexpected and really cool. this is what pisses me off about people who live their lives to fill other people expectations for them, and this is why people who expect people to strive for their expectations are selfish. at least what i think anyway.
i'm rambling on now...
RIP Christine, Nirmin, Holly, Todd.
the lady downstairs had her baby 5 days ago. he's so small and cute and cute. ian leaves for a month on the 14th so its going to be lonely. but i have this really cool friend whos husband is in the same batallion so i'm guessing sleepovers everynight.
anyway, i really miss home.
now being across the country not on speaking terms with someone who i considered my best friend, my heart sank and a million thoughts ran through my head, while my dad took what felt like forever looking for those four names. all i could thing of was how sorry i was i let shit faze me when it shouldnt have
i knew 3 out four, one i knew well at one point in my life freshmen year, the other i knew because i rode the bus with her and went to school with her since 8th grade, and the other i knew because she was an old friends little sister. my point is, you graduate, you never see these people again and you just assume all will be well and everyone will have a great life. it really hits you hard and makes you think when people you knew pass away, looking at the yearbook pictures feeling so sorry. when i looked at their young faces i couldnt help but to think if there was something they would have done differently if they knew after highschool would be their last days. its so scary to think you never know when your last days are. i thought about all the times i fought with my friends over stupid shit really and missed out on parties or how many days i wasted without them and with someone who was wasting my time every second i was with them. or this big ass faze i went through where i didnt stay out late or do anything with my friends really because i had to work inthe morning. All those times i worried myself to sleep about money and for no reason , i've always had two jobs and most of the time no life. i think about all those people in college who hate it, what they are studying, going, or even just all those people who hate their jobs but still do it everyday. and this is what makes me want to stop living for the future and live for right now and let the future lead me somewhere unexpected and really cool. this is what pisses me off about people who live their lives to fill other people expectations for them, and this is why people who expect people to strive for their expectations are selfish. at least what i think anyway.
i'm rambling on now...
RIP Christine, Nirmin, Holly, Todd.
the lady downstairs had her baby 5 days ago. he's so small and cute and cute. ian leaves for a month on the 14th so its going to be lonely. but i have this really cool friend whos husband is in the same batallion so i'm guessing sleepovers everynight.
anyway, i really miss home.