Age 15 to 20
(i went all the way back to blurty for one of these!)
2003-02-21 23:39:00 Age 15
DUDE!
that show was crazy!
there was like 300 fucking kids!
it was so fun!
the bands were killer, cept the hair metal band,
& the 2 man band who smashed their guitar!!
the singer reminded me of kurt cobain [i thnk it was the hair & the craziness while playing]
adam gave me a pin! woo! =D
i was moshing! LOL
in my own lil circle, me, jay, & sara [when she wasnt abandoning us!]
i have bruises all up my arm & on my legs.
& im missing skin on my elbow! o.0
& DUDE! guess who was there!
my princess, PIERRE & his pritty FRIEND!
pierres bad,
he gets in for free
cuz he has a pocket full of markers
& a secret code [cluck cluck]
i never thought of the markers!
good fucking idea, princess!
dude, my feet hurt =[
my everything hurts.
====================
[16 Feb 2004|02:55am] Age 16
im so scared.
its almost suffocating.
i could die right now
i could go somewhere tomorrow
and get hit by a car
minding my own business.
or their could be a terrorist attack
or some airborn virus
and itd be over
adn i dont want that
i have plans damnit
up until late
ive felt invincible
like im going to live forever
but im not
and im not able to accept that
its just
its so hard
i think its amazing how i can write that
considering my past
of being too suicidal
for my own good.
im like obsessed.
and its fucking horrible
a plane flys by
i think its going to hit the bridge
my dad goes to work
hes going to be on the bridge when the plane hits it
they drive somewehre
theyre going to get into an accident
the phone rings
its bad news
i dont want to think like this anymore
but i cant help it..
i hate myself.
i feel like im wasting my time
all i do is sleep
and go on my comp
not even doing anything important
im a lazy, tired, depressed person
with too many ambitions and plans for my own good
ive always thought that
the day i grow up
everything will be fine
id have a good job
id be sucessful
id be in love
but thats not how it works
it never has been
and it never will
and that fucking sucks.
every hour
seems like a minute
as i lay in my bed
and do nothing
im wasting my life
wasting the time i have
and i hate it.
====================
[16 Feb 2005|07:52pm] Age 17
if you have digital ash in a digital urn, please help.
does the last song mess up at the end?
..or is my cd just broken?
====================
February 21st, 2006 Age 18
im pretty sure my travel teacher hates me.
i liked it better when i was in the back and you know who was in the front.
but now i am stuck ten inches away from her for seventy-five minutes...
yesterday i told her that i didn't fucking care about bob marley or the caribbean and she freaked out a little.
"....even if you dont care about it, you still gotta respect it....OMG DID YOU JUST SWEAR?! you're so innocent though?!"
thank you mr. bissonette......
·Hit shuffle and pick the first 20 songs on your playlist.
·Write down one line of the song. Try to avoid putting the song title in the line.
·Have your friends comment and see if they know the songs.
·When someone guesses correctly, put an their name in front of the line.
( lyrics ):
[meghan] sometimes love can leave you blind
[beth/britt] and there's not a lot for you to feel if you're not feeling it
[amanda] that's not to say i don't have good times but as for my days i spend them waiting
[britt/amanda] but if the silence takes you then I hope it takes me too
[05] you didn't hold on, hold on to the ones you love
[06] And still I am in love with this life
[07] haters call me bitch, call me faggot, call me whitey, but I am something that you'll never be.
[08] and so you'd soon be leaving me alone like i'm supposed to be tonight, tomorrow and everyday
[beth/britt] I like her for her, not because she's phat like Cindy Crawford
[britt] aren't you such a catch? what a prize. got a body like a battle axe... love that perfect frown, honest eyes... we ought to buy you a cadillac.
[marla/meghan] hurry hurry hurry, before I go insane
[beth] everyone loves a fucking tragedy in epic proportions
[marla] clever cover story
[marla/britt] you used to read me stories, as if my dreams were boring
[15] in due time we'll finally see there's barely time for us to breathe
[16] summertime is slowly sinking
[17] he drinks all night to take away this curse, but it makes me feel much worse
[18] so, I expose and explain, and I meant everything I said.
[19] it’s a picture perfect evening and I’m staring down the sun
[beth/meghan] here by my side, you are destruction
[feel free to guess the song titles!!]
====================
February 15th, 2007 Age 19
i am a second grade teacher now.
my co-op was really good. i cut out some mardi gras masks and helped tyler, makayla and emanuel with their work - rhyming, reading and questions, and telling time. very cool. tyler reminds me of meghan's keith. he's cute and little and quiet. i think he's my favourite, lol. my teacher is nice and she says things like, "okay, they're going to write silly or stupid things, but just try to guide them through it." tomorrow i get to mark things and use stickers :) i get there at 8:30, the kids come in at 9, and recess is at 10:45-11. i leave at 11 to catch the bus. i wish it was all day, though. it's so much better than english. i'm going to go make some pizza pockets and play bully. cheers.
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February 20th, 2008 Age 20
Currently I am putting together a portfolio for college. I've applied to the Graphic Design program at the St. Clair Centre for the Arts. When I am finished this portfolio, I'm going to look for a job. I know I say this constantly, but I seriously need something to do. I need to get out of this house and feel like a human being. One that isn't under house arrest. I've left the house by myself twice since November. Once was to take my final exam in January. The second was the other day when i went for that walk through the park. I spend a lot of time looking at other people's art on Livejournal and Flickr. It inspires me and it doesn't inspire me. I love to look at it, but it makes me feel inadequate and uncreative. I spend a lot of time thinking about doing things rather than doing them. Some examples are playing The Sims, reading, going outside, painting, exercising, seeing people. I don't really do much or see people on a regular basis. I watch a lot of reality television. I knit fish when I feel useless. I draw in the bath sometimes. I like drawing there because I won't be interrupted, it's warm and no one will see what i draw unless i actually show them. It's nice. My oldest cat is going to be dead soon, either by oral infection, thirst and hunger, or euthanasia. I really wish they did house calls. When I was collecting the pictures for this post, I saw a few of her from over the years. She was so youthful and young. It's amazing how much she's changed. It's amazing how much anything changes, yet things are always the same. I feel old and young at the same time. I think, "Wow I'm already twenty" and then, "oh, but I'm only twenty." I compare myself to girls on the internet. I wish I was as neat or pretty or stylish or opinionated as they are. I wish I knew what was going on in the world. I am completely ignorant about basically every subject. I want to get a tattoo and fix my bangs and wear glasses. Sometimes I think it would be better or easier to be a boy or a lesbian. When I think of the future, I see myself at a table in a bar with my friends and it's snowing outside and we're laughing and filming videos and everything is magical. I need that sometime soon. I try to be less neurotic and more grown up. I'm trying to eat better and do less damaging things to my body. It's just hard to feel like a sixteen year old child and a 42 year old housewife at the same time. but things are good right now and they're just going to get better.
It'd be neat if you, the reader and my dearest friends, did a post similar to this to see how much you have changed.