LJ Idol Week 11: Run, Don't Walk
I lie on my resume.
I said it. I'm actually a bit proud of it. I've been told that everyone lies on their resume, but I never believe "everyone does" statements. Still, there is a lot of evidence to support the opinion. There have been news stories about people who lost their jobs when it was found out that they didn't qualify. I've heard of people on a more private level whose resumes claim that they graduated from a college that doesn't exist, but sounds like it should.
I don't go that far. I lie on one little bit way down at the bottom. My resume says, "Typing: 60 WPM."
It was 1999. I was fresh in Columbus, Ohio. My temp job had not asked me back and I was looking for work. I found a temp agency in the local newspaper who was looking for data entry people. I thought to myself, "I can type," and went in.
They interviewed me for a call center and asked about my phone experience. I had spent 2 years as a night shift dispatcher and so had no problems spending most of my shift on the phone with angry people. The recruiter said that before a decision was made, I would have to take a typing test.
After the test, I was told that I was not being offered the call center position, but instead would be placed in Account Maintenance. This was the only department in the company where the employees did not have phones on their desks, because the department manager thought that phones were a distraction.
I was told that they wanted me off the phones and on the keyboard. This was because they were looking for 30-45 WPM for their call center people, and I had scored 107 WPM.
Two years later, I re-entered the job market. I had a friend time me so that I could update the typing speed on my resume. I came in at 112 WPM consistently over three runs.
As expected, I sent out more resumes than I got interviews. But, one gentleman was kind enough to tell me over the phone why he was not going to interview me for the position I had applied for. He said that typing 112 words per minute was not possible. And, that since I had blatantly lied on that, it threw the rest of my resume into question.
I went to my resume immediately and cut my typing speed in half. When I relayed this story to my friends, they all agreed with the recruiter and told me that 60 WPM was still, "blazingly fast." I did not know that. I only had my own speed to compare to, so I didn't know what was considered "slow" or "fast."
I'll never forget sitting in a hotel room with a fellow volunteer at a convention. I asked him if it would keep him up if I worked on my laptop, and he said that it would not. But, every so often while I was typing, he would sit up and look around. I would stop and try to type quieter. Eventually, he caught me and said, "Oh, its you." I offered to stop and he said, "No. I just couldn't figure out what that sound was. Now that I know it is you typing, I can sleep through it."
I have also learned that it is rude to laugh at someone who boasts about their 15-25 WPM typing speed. They think that their fingers are running through the words while I thought they were stumbling, trying to walk.
I didn't know. Honestly.
I taught myself how to type by playing computer games. I had a game called "Dungeons of Daggorath" where the commands were all typed in. You typed "move" to move forward, "turn left" to turn left, "attack right" to attack with the weapon equipped in your right hand, etc. The faster you typed, the faster your guy acted. And, if you spelled something wrong, not only did it not recognize the command, you lost time while the computer told you that it didn't recognize the command. So, I learned accuracy as well.
In high school, typing class was required. We started out in alphabetical order, like in most of my other classes. I remember spending most of the class flirting with Carol. But, we had electric typewriters. The kind that remembered what you typed and then typed it. The teacher would call time and my machine would keep going, determined to type every letter I had keyed despite her protests.
I was dangerously close to failing the class because she thought I was cheating. I asked the other students how they stopped when she called time, and they didn't know. They stopped pushing keys and their machines stopped typing. But, mine kept going.
I tried typing one line at a time and then waiting for the typewriter to catch up, but that only helped a bit. I complained that there was something wrong with my machine, but the teacher didn't believe me.
Then, one day we had a substitute teacher. She saw that I was waiting between lines during the test and told me that I could type on, because the typewriter would remember what I keyed. I told her that I knew that, but that if I did that, then I couldn't stop on time and that I was getting zeros on my daily work for not stopping when time was called.
The next day the teacher stood behind me while we did our daily exercise. She then spent some time explaining to the class how the typewriters worked. She told us that we didn't have to wait at the end of every line. Other kids started staring at me, some annoyed to be told what they already knew, but others grateful that we weren't working. I felt the need to say something, to address the fact that the class had stopped because of me.
I don't remember exactly what I said. It was a long time ago. I feel it was something like, "If the typewriters keep typing after we have stopped pressing keys, why did you give me zeroes when I stopped typing, but it kept going?" She and I had a discussion on how it was satisfactory for the typewriter to continue to finish a word or a few extra keys. But, she said that it was inconceivable that I could get so far ahead of it as to have it continue typing extra lines for me (which had happened more than once.)
When we did our end of class five minute quiz, I asked her to stand next to me. I wanted to prove that I hadn't been cheating. I let my fingers fly over the keys, not stopping for anything. I let them run the way they ran at the beginning of the class. I didn't pause between words, I didn't stop between lines to let the machine catch up. I just typed.
When she called time, I had typed nearly 20 lines. And, after I took my hands off the keyboard, the typewriter hit carriage return twice. I was quite full of myself when I claimed that I didn't hit a single key after she called time, and that she saw that I didn't. I had typed almost 375 words, or 75 WPM.
I was not given the option of retaking any of the typing tests, but I was moved to sit next to the teacher. And, after a week of proving that I had never been cheating, she changed my quarter grade from a D- to an A. And, I finished out the semester with the only A+.
The class taught me more about perception and people than it did about typing. But, it did not teach me much. It was really just an "Easy A" in high school. The thing that I failed to learn is that if you can do the impossible, don't tell anyone. If you are overly good at something, keep it to yourself. If you can run the 1500 m faster than anyone else in the class, don't brag about it. Don't talk about it. Just do it.
My boss doesn't sit and think, "Now, Theno can type 60 WPM, so he should be able to draft this report in 20 minutes." He thinks, "I want Theno to draft this report." So, I don't feel bad that I lied on that part of my resume.
And, if I get done early because I'm effortlessly running in an office of walkers, that isn't anything to feel bad about either.
Theno
I said it. I'm actually a bit proud of it. I've been told that everyone lies on their resume, but I never believe "everyone does" statements. Still, there is a lot of evidence to support the opinion. There have been news stories about people who lost their jobs when it was found out that they didn't qualify. I've heard of people on a more private level whose resumes claim that they graduated from a college that doesn't exist, but sounds like it should.
I don't go that far. I lie on one little bit way down at the bottom. My resume says, "Typing: 60 WPM."
It was 1999. I was fresh in Columbus, Ohio. My temp job had not asked me back and I was looking for work. I found a temp agency in the local newspaper who was looking for data entry people. I thought to myself, "I can type," and went in.
They interviewed me for a call center and asked about my phone experience. I had spent 2 years as a night shift dispatcher and so had no problems spending most of my shift on the phone with angry people. The recruiter said that before a decision was made, I would have to take a typing test.
After the test, I was told that I was not being offered the call center position, but instead would be placed in Account Maintenance. This was the only department in the company where the employees did not have phones on their desks, because the department manager thought that phones were a distraction.
I was told that they wanted me off the phones and on the keyboard. This was because they were looking for 30-45 WPM for their call center people, and I had scored 107 WPM.
Two years later, I re-entered the job market. I had a friend time me so that I could update the typing speed on my resume. I came in at 112 WPM consistently over three runs.
As expected, I sent out more resumes than I got interviews. But, one gentleman was kind enough to tell me over the phone why he was not going to interview me for the position I had applied for. He said that typing 112 words per minute was not possible. And, that since I had blatantly lied on that, it threw the rest of my resume into question.
I went to my resume immediately and cut my typing speed in half. When I relayed this story to my friends, they all agreed with the recruiter and told me that 60 WPM was still, "blazingly fast." I did not know that. I only had my own speed to compare to, so I didn't know what was considered "slow" or "fast."
I'll never forget sitting in a hotel room with a fellow volunteer at a convention. I asked him if it would keep him up if I worked on my laptop, and he said that it would not. But, every so often while I was typing, he would sit up and look around. I would stop and try to type quieter. Eventually, he caught me and said, "Oh, its you." I offered to stop and he said, "No. I just couldn't figure out what that sound was. Now that I know it is you typing, I can sleep through it."
I have also learned that it is rude to laugh at someone who boasts about their 15-25 WPM typing speed. They think that their fingers are running through the words while I thought they were stumbling, trying to walk.
I didn't know. Honestly.
I taught myself how to type by playing computer games. I had a game called "Dungeons of Daggorath" where the commands were all typed in. You typed "move" to move forward, "turn left" to turn left, "attack right" to attack with the weapon equipped in your right hand, etc. The faster you typed, the faster your guy acted. And, if you spelled something wrong, not only did it not recognize the command, you lost time while the computer told you that it didn't recognize the command. So, I learned accuracy as well.
In high school, typing class was required. We started out in alphabetical order, like in most of my other classes. I remember spending most of the class flirting with Carol. But, we had electric typewriters. The kind that remembered what you typed and then typed it. The teacher would call time and my machine would keep going, determined to type every letter I had keyed despite her protests.
I was dangerously close to failing the class because she thought I was cheating. I asked the other students how they stopped when she called time, and they didn't know. They stopped pushing keys and their machines stopped typing. But, mine kept going.
I tried typing one line at a time and then waiting for the typewriter to catch up, but that only helped a bit. I complained that there was something wrong with my machine, but the teacher didn't believe me.
Then, one day we had a substitute teacher. She saw that I was waiting between lines during the test and told me that I could type on, because the typewriter would remember what I keyed. I told her that I knew that, but that if I did that, then I couldn't stop on time and that I was getting zeros on my daily work for not stopping when time was called.
The next day the teacher stood behind me while we did our daily exercise. She then spent some time explaining to the class how the typewriters worked. She told us that we didn't have to wait at the end of every line. Other kids started staring at me, some annoyed to be told what they already knew, but others grateful that we weren't working. I felt the need to say something, to address the fact that the class had stopped because of me.
I don't remember exactly what I said. It was a long time ago. I feel it was something like, "If the typewriters keep typing after we have stopped pressing keys, why did you give me zeroes when I stopped typing, but it kept going?" She and I had a discussion on how it was satisfactory for the typewriter to continue to finish a word or a few extra keys. But, she said that it was inconceivable that I could get so far ahead of it as to have it continue typing extra lines for me (which had happened more than once.)
When we did our end of class five minute quiz, I asked her to stand next to me. I wanted to prove that I hadn't been cheating. I let my fingers fly over the keys, not stopping for anything. I let them run the way they ran at the beginning of the class. I didn't pause between words, I didn't stop between lines to let the machine catch up. I just typed.
When she called time, I had typed nearly 20 lines. And, after I took my hands off the keyboard, the typewriter hit carriage return twice. I was quite full of myself when I claimed that I didn't hit a single key after she called time, and that she saw that I didn't. I had typed almost 375 words, or 75 WPM.
I was not given the option of retaking any of the typing tests, but I was moved to sit next to the teacher. And, after a week of proving that I had never been cheating, she changed my quarter grade from a D- to an A. And, I finished out the semester with the only A+.
The class taught me more about perception and people than it did about typing. But, it did not teach me much. It was really just an "Easy A" in high school. The thing that I failed to learn is that if you can do the impossible, don't tell anyone. If you are overly good at something, keep it to yourself. If you can run the 1500 m faster than anyone else in the class, don't brag about it. Don't talk about it. Just do it.
My boss doesn't sit and think, "Now, Theno can type 60 WPM, so he should be able to draft this report in 20 minutes." He thinks, "I want Theno to draft this report." So, I don't feel bad that I lied on that part of my resume.
And, if I get done early because I'm effortlessly running in an office of walkers, that isn't anything to feel bad about either.
Theno