Fic: Trading Spaces - part 1
Title: Trading Spaces
Genre: Humor, fluff, crack
Rating: PG (the rating will soon be a horrible pun)
Characters: Ten, Donna, Sylvia, Geoff
Summary: Donna ’08 and Donna ’78 accidentally trade places.
Warnings/Spoilers: possible loopholes in my ideas
Words: 2112
Disclaimer: "So I've got a new business." "What's your new business?" "Definitely not running Doctor Who, I'll tell you that." "..."
A/N: I wrote a fic similar to this in another fandom all the way back at fanfiction.net for The Nanny, and I was planning to write a DW version (not very original, is it). And then I watched episodes of the anime Kanon, and they had something sort of similar, and I was like “Okay, I gotta write this.” (also not very original. Oh, me!). The title is stolen from the show from TLC.
A/N2: Also, big thanks for my pal Vera - who constantly endures my flailing despite not being a whovian herself, and who also provides me with witty dialogue when I run out. HAPPY NOW, VERA? GOODNESS. Love you.
He told her to watch her step. The Locrassian Planet, after all, was in ruins.
“Donna?” he called out into the dark hole. “Are you alright?”
“What do you think, you prawn?” she roared, her voice resonating in the dark. “I think I hurt my ankle.”
The Doctor made a wince and a sigh. He pulled out his sonic and buzzed the hole. “Must be a good 10 feet in there, how did you only hurt your ankle?”
“It slopes. Like the shape of California, if you will. Now get in here and help me, will you?”
“I’m coming,” he replied. He carefully pulled his legs over the edges and slid down, using the sonic as a torch.
But of course, he was immediately sidetracked.
“And what is this?” he asked as he shined the light on the curved stone walls, having writing on them.
“What? I’m not in some death trap am I?” Donna shouted up.
“No, no, least I hope not.” He continued to read the inscriptions with much curiosity. Donna grew impatient.
“Doctor!”
And then she heard him gasp.
“Ohhhh no, no, no! Hold on, Donna, I’m coming, just stay still and don’t touch anything.”
The Doctor heard a thump. “What did I say?!”
“Sorry, I stumbled!”
“You didn’t accidentally trigger something, did you?”
“No? The ground clicked a little… What exactly is it that’s got your knickers in a t-“
There was a series of bright white flashes from the bottom of the hole and the Doctor immediately put his arm over his eyes to keep himself from being blinded. Then it was all black again, and with a piercing silence.
“Donna!” he called. “Donna?!”
--
Donna kept her eyes shut. White lights were normally a bad thing, right? Keep away from the light, was it?
But she wasn’t dead. No, but she wasn’t where she thought she was. Instead of cold rock at her back and stuffy damp air, she was on a bed and there was a slight aroma of eggs.
She opened her eyes and immediately sat up. She was in a kid’s room, complete with the flowery wallpaper and bed sheets. Normally they’d be to her distaste, but she recognized them. They belonged to her. But they weren’t hers. Well, not now. This bedroom was hers about 30 years ago. Or now. Blasted timey-wimeys.
Oh, god.
She heard pace-y footsteps approach the door. “Donna? Time to get up! You’ll be late again.”
Sylvia.
Oh, god.
Donna wanted to jump out the window or run and hide in the closet or under the bed, but her damned ankle made any hope for hiding disappear.
The door opened. “Donna! Wake…up…Who the hell…” Sylvia couldn’t finish that sentence. She knew exactly who this grown woman was, but there was no way on Earth that she’d accept it. It was… impossible!
“Hi, mum,” Donna said, her panic attack becoming evident. Oh lord oh lord oh lord. Timelines, oh god the timelines. I’m screwed. Screwed, screwed, screwed.
Then Geoff showed up behind Sylvia. “Is something wrong, Syl?” He stopped in his tracks as he laid eyes on who was in his 7 year old daughter’s room.
Donna became white as a sheet. “Dad,” she whispered.
And that was it for Sylvia Noble, for her brain could take no more as she fainted.
--
The Doctor immediately slid the rest of the way down, the sonic lighting his way. He finally reached the bottom. He didn’t know if he should be relieved to see someone there or not, but it certainly wasn’t Donna. It was a child.
Her back was facing him, and she appeared to be sleeping. The Doctor approached her slowly.
“H-hello?” he called softly. The child groaned.
“Five more minutes, Daddy.” Daddy?
She tossed and turned, not exactly comfortable with the rock. The Doctor quietly peered over to look at her face, trying not to wake her with the light. Then he nearly choked.
“Donna?”
“Daadd, I said five more minutes…”
The Doctor blew out air from his cheeks and ran his hand through his hair. This was going to be an interesting day.
He carefully lifted the Donna petite up into his right arm, making sure not to hurt or wake her, and made his way up the slanted hole.
He told her not to touch anything. But no, she had to stumble, she had to activate the Locrassian swap-with-another-person-anywhere-anytime machine (they never did give it a proper name. Probably only because it was a prototype! Oh, Donna Noble, you better be alive!).
Donna petite over here was snoring against his shoulder. He honestly did not want her to wake up. He wasn’t the type to handle children very well when they absolutely were not supposed to be with him-especially since it was Donna freaking Noble we were talking about. He could just hear her little high-pitched voice screaming, “kidnapper! Child-stealer! I’m calling the cops! Where’s the phone?”
He reached the TARDIS, and he could almost hear the ol’ girl laugh.
“You,” he addressed his ship, “enough of your cheek!”
He placed Donna petite on a bed, making her comfy and more likely to oversleep for an entire week. This Donna was 7 or 8 at most. What could this possibly do to her timeline? Was this part of it? God, they were in a muck.
The Doctor paced the halls outside of her room, thinking of what to do next.
“Ah!” he exclaimed, remembering the phone he’d given Donna. He dug through his pockets with this tongue impatiently curled above his upper lip.
He jittered as he dialed and waited through the tones. Someone picked up, and he heard heavy breathing.
“Hello?”
“Donna!”
“Doctor,” Donna breathlessly and angrily hissed. “What. Happened.”
“Are you breathing into a bag?”
“Yes. I had a bit of a panic attack. Care to enlighten me as to what the hell just happened?”
“I told you not to touch anything in that hole!”
“Well excuse me, I didn’t exactly fall on purpose, you moron! Now tell me what on earth is going on!!”
“I will soon. First of all, where are you?”
“I’m home. 30 years too soon,” she enunciated every word with irritation.
“That’d explain it.”
“You what?”
“You and yourself, well. You’ve swapped.”
“You what?”
“It’s alright, you’re still sleeping. Dunno what I’m going to do, though. Has anyone seen you?”
“Yes,” Donna groaned. “Mum’s fainted. I have lots of ‘splainin’ to do soon.”
“Oh no you don’t,” he said sternly.
“Well then what the hell am I going to tell my own parents? This isn’t 13 going 30!!”
He was about to make a remark about the numbers but she promptly told him to shut it.
“Couldn’t you just, I dunno, fly over here and make another swap? That way they’d just think it was a horrible freaky dream? I can tell you the date.”
The Doctor sighed. “I’m afraid I can’t.”
“And why the hell not?”
“Y’see, the machine you fell into, it was a prototype and was never developed fully, so it had some glitches. The swap won’t be permanent, trust me. Trading you back would be pointless since it would happen all over again.”
“How long will this last?”
“That, I don’t know.”
“Oh that’s just wizard, then. Bloody brilliant. So what do I do?”
The Doctor shrugged despite her not being able to see him. “I suppose you’ll just have to improvise.”
“Impro-this isn’t stand up, either, Spaceman! What if something happens when it’s not supposed to?”
“Well,” the Doctor almost chuckled, “whatever that is, it’s already happened. We just have to try and minimize any damage. You don’t see any bat-like monsters eating people off the streets do you?”
“What?! No? Why?”
“Timey wimey stuff-just, be careful. Okay? No meddling with fixed points. Oh, by the way? Is there anything I need to know about your little kiddy self before I have to babysit you?”
“Ooh,” Donna breathed with a wince. “Good luck, is all I can say. You better take care of mini me! Anything happens to her and I’ll blink out of existence.”
“No allergies? Ways to calm you down when you get rowdy? Will she pummel me to death when she wakes up? Oh please, Donna, save me from yourself, will you?”
“Shush! I wasn’t that bad… Listen, I’ll talk to you later, Dad’s shown up.”
“Remember, don’t tell him anything that may-“
“Yeah, yeah, I know, calm your prettyboy face down.”
Donna clicked the phone off and he shoved his back into his pocket.
The Doctor’s face went pale when he heard a high voice scream. “Oh lord,” he thought, “she’s awake."
He entered the room with the intent of assuring her that all was fine, only to have a pillow thrown roughly at his face.
“Who are you and why’ve you kidnapped me?!” Donna petite roared. “You’ll hear from my dad! Or even worse, from my dad and my mum!! Let me go now!”
“Listen to me,” the Doctor started as he went closer.
“No! Stay away from me, creep!” she screamed as she grabbed the other pillow and attacked him with it.
“Stop it!” he demanded, but she only continued to hit him ferociously. Who knew pillows could hurt this bad?
“Take. Me. Home! NOW!”
“If you just stop hitting me first!”
She stopped. “Well?”
“I can’t take you home right now, but-“
“What!” Her face reddened, ready for a tantrum, but before she opened her mouth, he threw one of his own.
“No! Just, no! You will stay quiet, alright? And just…ugh! Stay there and don’t touch anything!”
He stormed out and banged the door shut, before hitting his head repeatedly against the wall in frustration.
The TARDIS hummed disapproval to him, but he dismissed it.
He went off into the kitchen to make tea. God knows he needed it right now. Soon enough, his phone rang.
“Donna?”
“Spaceman. Everything alright?”
“Well… Sort of. You flippin’ attacked me with a pillow.”
“Did I? Sorry.”
“How’s everything over there?”
“I’m going to have to wait til mum wakes up. I have to tell them, Doctor. They’ll ring the police if I don’t.”
The Doctor groaned. “Fine. Just not everything, okay?”
“Yeah. Well that’s my update, go and take care of me, yeah, Doctor-Dad?”
“Don’t call me that! Goodbye and good luck.”
“Same to you, sir.”
The Doctor clicked the phone and sighed. The kettle whistled and he prepared his cup. Then he paused. The little diva in the other room might want some too. Meh. Might as well get on her good side.
He carried both his and her cups of tea to her room, and he heard sniffling at the door.
“Oh, look what I’ve done,” he mumbled as he pushed the door open. Donna was covered in her blankets and pillows like a turtle or something.
“Hey,” he said gently. “I’ve got you some tea. It’s sweetened with honey?”
“Yeah right,” she muffled as she wept. “It’s probably poison.”
The Doctor frowned. “You’ve got some dark imagination there, kiddo.” He sat at the foot of her bed. “You’ll come out, won’t you? I imagine it’s rather stuffy in there.”
“Just go away and let me die alone. You’re mean.”
“You’re meaner! You assaulted me with a pillow!”
“You’re meanest! You kidnapped me. I want to go home. I want my mum and dad.”
The Doctor softened his tone. “Listen, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. This is a giant mistake, and I promise that you’ll be home soon. I just don’t know when. Bear with me, please?”
Something in his voice made her shift underneath her covers. She lifted them away as she revealed herself, the fresh air wrapping around her.
“Alright then,” she grumbled, sniffling and hiccupping and wiping away her tears.
The Doctor handed her cup over to her. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I must have scared you.”
“Me? Scared? As if,” she defended poorly.
As she took the tea, he took out a flannel from his pocket and wiped at her face. For a moment she was scared he’d suffocate her, but then calmed down to his gentle touch. Maybe he wasn’t such a meanyhead after all.
“So where am I?” she asked, taking a careful sip out of her cup.
“You’re, um… In my caravan.”
“Caravan?” Donna echoed skeptically.
“Uhh…oh blast it, okay. You’re not in a caravan. You’re in my ship. I’m an alien.”
Donna petite roared with laughter. “Alien! Good one, mate.”
“Alright, whatever you want,” the Doctor smirked.
Perhaps he’d save the camera for her little facial expression after she’d open those TARDIS doors.
Part 2
Genre: Humor, fluff, crack
Rating: PG (the rating will soon be a horrible pun)
Characters: Ten, Donna, Sylvia, Geoff
Summary: Donna ’08 and Donna ’78 accidentally trade places.
Warnings/Spoilers: possible loopholes in my ideas
Words: 2112
Disclaimer: "So I've got a new business." "What's your new business?" "Definitely not running Doctor Who, I'll tell you that." "..."
A/N: I wrote a fic similar to this in another fandom all the way back at fanfiction.net for The Nanny, and I was planning to write a DW version (not very original, is it). And then I watched episodes of the anime Kanon, and they had something sort of similar, and I was like “Okay, I gotta write this.” (also not very original. Oh, me!). The title is stolen from the show from TLC.
A/N2: Also, big thanks for my pal Vera - who constantly endures my flailing despite not being a whovian herself, and who also provides me with witty dialogue when I run out. HAPPY NOW, VERA? GOODNESS. Love you.
He told her to watch her step. The Locrassian Planet, after all, was in ruins.
“Donna?” he called out into the dark hole. “Are you alright?”
“What do you think, you prawn?” she roared, her voice resonating in the dark. “I think I hurt my ankle.”
The Doctor made a wince and a sigh. He pulled out his sonic and buzzed the hole. “Must be a good 10 feet in there, how did you only hurt your ankle?”
“It slopes. Like the shape of California, if you will. Now get in here and help me, will you?”
“I’m coming,” he replied. He carefully pulled his legs over the edges and slid down, using the sonic as a torch.
But of course, he was immediately sidetracked.
“And what is this?” he asked as he shined the light on the curved stone walls, having writing on them.
“What? I’m not in some death trap am I?” Donna shouted up.
“No, no, least I hope not.” He continued to read the inscriptions with much curiosity. Donna grew impatient.
“Doctor!”
And then she heard him gasp.
“Ohhhh no, no, no! Hold on, Donna, I’m coming, just stay still and don’t touch anything.”
The Doctor heard a thump. “What did I say?!”
“Sorry, I stumbled!”
“You didn’t accidentally trigger something, did you?”
“No? The ground clicked a little… What exactly is it that’s got your knickers in a t-“
There was a series of bright white flashes from the bottom of the hole and the Doctor immediately put his arm over his eyes to keep himself from being blinded. Then it was all black again, and with a piercing silence.
“Donna!” he called. “Donna?!”
--
Donna kept her eyes shut. White lights were normally a bad thing, right? Keep away from the light, was it?
But she wasn’t dead. No, but she wasn’t where she thought she was. Instead of cold rock at her back and stuffy damp air, she was on a bed and there was a slight aroma of eggs.
She opened her eyes and immediately sat up. She was in a kid’s room, complete with the flowery wallpaper and bed sheets. Normally they’d be to her distaste, but she recognized them. They belonged to her. But they weren’t hers. Well, not now. This bedroom was hers about 30 years ago. Or now. Blasted timey-wimeys.
Oh, god.
She heard pace-y footsteps approach the door. “Donna? Time to get up! You’ll be late again.”
Sylvia.
Oh, god.
Donna wanted to jump out the window or run and hide in the closet or under the bed, but her damned ankle made any hope for hiding disappear.
The door opened. “Donna! Wake…up…Who the hell…” Sylvia couldn’t finish that sentence. She knew exactly who this grown woman was, but there was no way on Earth that she’d accept it. It was… impossible!
“Hi, mum,” Donna said, her panic attack becoming evident. Oh lord oh lord oh lord. Timelines, oh god the timelines. I’m screwed. Screwed, screwed, screwed.
Then Geoff showed up behind Sylvia. “Is something wrong, Syl?” He stopped in his tracks as he laid eyes on who was in his 7 year old daughter’s room.
Donna became white as a sheet. “Dad,” she whispered.
And that was it for Sylvia Noble, for her brain could take no more as she fainted.
--
The Doctor immediately slid the rest of the way down, the sonic lighting his way. He finally reached the bottom. He didn’t know if he should be relieved to see someone there or not, but it certainly wasn’t Donna. It was a child.
Her back was facing him, and she appeared to be sleeping. The Doctor approached her slowly.
“H-hello?” he called softly. The child groaned.
“Five more minutes, Daddy.” Daddy?
She tossed and turned, not exactly comfortable with the rock. The Doctor quietly peered over to look at her face, trying not to wake her with the light. Then he nearly choked.
“Donna?”
“Daadd, I said five more minutes…”
The Doctor blew out air from his cheeks and ran his hand through his hair. This was going to be an interesting day.
He carefully lifted the Donna petite up into his right arm, making sure not to hurt or wake her, and made his way up the slanted hole.
He told her not to touch anything. But no, she had to stumble, she had to activate the Locrassian swap-with-another-person-anywhere-anytime machine (they never did give it a proper name. Probably only because it was a prototype! Oh, Donna Noble, you better be alive!).
Donna petite over here was snoring against his shoulder. He honestly did not want her to wake up. He wasn’t the type to handle children very well when they absolutely were not supposed to be with him-especially since it was Donna freaking Noble we were talking about. He could just hear her little high-pitched voice screaming, “kidnapper! Child-stealer! I’m calling the cops! Where’s the phone?”
He reached the TARDIS, and he could almost hear the ol’ girl laugh.
“You,” he addressed his ship, “enough of your cheek!”
He placed Donna petite on a bed, making her comfy and more likely to oversleep for an entire week. This Donna was 7 or 8 at most. What could this possibly do to her timeline? Was this part of it? God, they were in a muck.
The Doctor paced the halls outside of her room, thinking of what to do next.
“Ah!” he exclaimed, remembering the phone he’d given Donna. He dug through his pockets with this tongue impatiently curled above his upper lip.
He jittered as he dialed and waited through the tones. Someone picked up, and he heard heavy breathing.
“Hello?”
“Donna!”
“Doctor,” Donna breathlessly and angrily hissed. “What. Happened.”
“Are you breathing into a bag?”
“Yes. I had a bit of a panic attack. Care to enlighten me as to what the hell just happened?”
“I told you not to touch anything in that hole!”
“Well excuse me, I didn’t exactly fall on purpose, you moron! Now tell me what on earth is going on!!”
“I will soon. First of all, where are you?”
“I’m home. 30 years too soon,” she enunciated every word with irritation.
“That’d explain it.”
“You what?”
“You and yourself, well. You’ve swapped.”
“You what?”
“It’s alright, you’re still sleeping. Dunno what I’m going to do, though. Has anyone seen you?”
“Yes,” Donna groaned. “Mum’s fainted. I have lots of ‘splainin’ to do soon.”
“Oh no you don’t,” he said sternly.
“Well then what the hell am I going to tell my own parents? This isn’t 13 going 30!!”
He was about to make a remark about the numbers but she promptly told him to shut it.
“Couldn’t you just, I dunno, fly over here and make another swap? That way they’d just think it was a horrible freaky dream? I can tell you the date.”
The Doctor sighed. “I’m afraid I can’t.”
“And why the hell not?”
“Y’see, the machine you fell into, it was a prototype and was never developed fully, so it had some glitches. The swap won’t be permanent, trust me. Trading you back would be pointless since it would happen all over again.”
“How long will this last?”
“That, I don’t know.”
“Oh that’s just wizard, then. Bloody brilliant. So what do I do?”
The Doctor shrugged despite her not being able to see him. “I suppose you’ll just have to improvise.”
“Impro-this isn’t stand up, either, Spaceman! What if something happens when it’s not supposed to?”
“Well,” the Doctor almost chuckled, “whatever that is, it’s already happened. We just have to try and minimize any damage. You don’t see any bat-like monsters eating people off the streets do you?”
“What?! No? Why?”
“Timey wimey stuff-just, be careful. Okay? No meddling with fixed points. Oh, by the way? Is there anything I need to know about your little kiddy self before I have to babysit you?”
“Ooh,” Donna breathed with a wince. “Good luck, is all I can say. You better take care of mini me! Anything happens to her and I’ll blink out of existence.”
“No allergies? Ways to calm you down when you get rowdy? Will she pummel me to death when she wakes up? Oh please, Donna, save me from yourself, will you?”
“Shush! I wasn’t that bad… Listen, I’ll talk to you later, Dad’s shown up.”
“Remember, don’t tell him anything that may-“
“Yeah, yeah, I know, calm your prettyboy face down.”
Donna clicked the phone off and he shoved his back into his pocket.
The Doctor’s face went pale when he heard a high voice scream. “Oh lord,” he thought, “she’s awake."
He entered the room with the intent of assuring her that all was fine, only to have a pillow thrown roughly at his face.
“Who are you and why’ve you kidnapped me?!” Donna petite roared. “You’ll hear from my dad! Or even worse, from my dad and my mum!! Let me go now!”
“Listen to me,” the Doctor started as he went closer.
“No! Stay away from me, creep!” she screamed as she grabbed the other pillow and attacked him with it.
“Stop it!” he demanded, but she only continued to hit him ferociously. Who knew pillows could hurt this bad?
“Take. Me. Home! NOW!”
“If you just stop hitting me first!”
She stopped. “Well?”
“I can’t take you home right now, but-“
“What!” Her face reddened, ready for a tantrum, but before she opened her mouth, he threw one of his own.
“No! Just, no! You will stay quiet, alright? And just…ugh! Stay there and don’t touch anything!”
He stormed out and banged the door shut, before hitting his head repeatedly against the wall in frustration.
The TARDIS hummed disapproval to him, but he dismissed it.
He went off into the kitchen to make tea. God knows he needed it right now. Soon enough, his phone rang.
“Donna?”
“Spaceman. Everything alright?”
“Well… Sort of. You flippin’ attacked me with a pillow.”
“Did I? Sorry.”
“How’s everything over there?”
“I’m going to have to wait til mum wakes up. I have to tell them, Doctor. They’ll ring the police if I don’t.”
The Doctor groaned. “Fine. Just not everything, okay?”
“Yeah. Well that’s my update, go and take care of me, yeah, Doctor-Dad?”
“Don’t call me that! Goodbye and good luck.”
“Same to you, sir.”
The Doctor clicked the phone and sighed. The kettle whistled and he prepared his cup. Then he paused. The little diva in the other room might want some too. Meh. Might as well get on her good side.
He carried both his and her cups of tea to her room, and he heard sniffling at the door.
“Oh, look what I’ve done,” he mumbled as he pushed the door open. Donna was covered in her blankets and pillows like a turtle or something.
“Hey,” he said gently. “I’ve got you some tea. It’s sweetened with honey?”
“Yeah right,” she muffled as she wept. “It’s probably poison.”
The Doctor frowned. “You’ve got some dark imagination there, kiddo.” He sat at the foot of her bed. “You’ll come out, won’t you? I imagine it’s rather stuffy in there.”
“Just go away and let me die alone. You’re mean.”
“You’re meaner! You assaulted me with a pillow!”
“You’re meanest! You kidnapped me. I want to go home. I want my mum and dad.”
The Doctor softened his tone. “Listen, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. This is a giant mistake, and I promise that you’ll be home soon. I just don’t know when. Bear with me, please?”
Something in his voice made her shift underneath her covers. She lifted them away as she revealed herself, the fresh air wrapping around her.
“Alright then,” she grumbled, sniffling and hiccupping and wiping away her tears.
The Doctor handed her cup over to her. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I must have scared you.”
“Me? Scared? As if,” she defended poorly.
As she took the tea, he took out a flannel from his pocket and wiped at her face. For a moment she was scared he’d suffocate her, but then calmed down to his gentle touch. Maybe he wasn’t such a meanyhead after all.
“So where am I?” she asked, taking a careful sip out of her cup.
“You’re, um… In my caravan.”
“Caravan?” Donna echoed skeptically.
“Uhh…oh blast it, okay. You’re not in a caravan. You’re in my ship. I’m an alien.”
Donna petite roared with laughter. “Alien! Good one, mate.”
“Alright, whatever you want,” the Doctor smirked.
Perhaps he’d save the camera for her little facial expression after she’d open those TARDIS doors.
Part 2