(no subject)
Just posted this to deancastiel, but there's a moderation queue and for some reason, I really wanted to post it right now. Anyway, I'm a bit fixated on Dean/Castiel and how they never take their eyes of each other. These are Dean's thoughts.
Author: sing1118
Fandom: Supernatural
Character: Dean Winchester
Rating: PG, perhaps, for language
Wordcount: ~650
Spoilers: generic for seasons 4 & 5
Disclaimer: I'm only borrowing them.
Life has been much harder since he returned from hell, and not for the reasons he would have expected. Being in hell was traumatic, of course, and he's recovering from it as best he can while not letting it completely overwhelm him because hey, they're trying to stop the fucking Apocalypse, right?
No, what Dean never saw coming was a near obsession with the being who brought him back from hell. He's thought about it (far more than he wants to, if he's honest with himself. He'd really rather not think about Castiel except for when Cas is actually present and requires his attention, but he can't help it), and he's pretty sure that he's not fixated because Castiel pulled him out of hell. There's something else that always seems to be pulling him towards the angel.
And yeah, if he's thinking about it, he can admit that the fact that Castiel is a guy kinda freaks him out. He knows that Cas is kind of beyond gender, but his chosen vessel is very much male. An attractive guy, too, if Dean really thought about it, but he's not sure he can really go that far in that direction. It was handy, at the beginning, this obsession or whatever you wanted to call it. That's what Sam called it, of course, while being visibly freaked out about how Dean can never really tear his eyes away when Castiel is in the same room he is. Of course, since Castiel seems to be equally unable to tear his eyes away from Dean, that makes it worse. Well, worse for Sam because apparently it's even freakier. Dean's torn about whether it's better or worse. Worse because Castiel can obviously tell that Dean's staring. Better because Dean knows it's not just him. He's still really unsure about the physical part of this... attraction, obsession, preoccupation, fascination. Whatever it is.
But anyway, when he was first back from hell, obsession with finding out who Castiel was helped keep Dean from dwelling too much on what he'd done. Supposedly, that was denial, and the realization of what exactly he had done should have hit him full force when he finally dealt with it, but the pain and shame really did seem lessened.
Maybe it's because whenever his brain is idle for a moment, his thoughts turn to a certain angel, but he can tell when Castiel is around. He doesn't even have to look, most of the time, though Cas can certainly take Dean by surprise if he really wants to, or if Dean is particularly distracted. But Cas doesn't really think the same way Dean does and therefore doesn't put that kind of effort into surprising Dean.
Sam has a theory because of something he read somewhere that people are attracted to angels because they're good. And good people want to be closer to the light, or some bullshit. Dean doesn't believe this because for one thing, he doesn't believe that he's that good of a person and for another, he's really not entirely convinced about the angels. He's seen too many of them act like complete dicks. Sam has no idea what's really going on. Sam thinks it's that bullshit attracted-to-pretty-angelic-types thing, because Dean can't bring himself to let on that he thinks it goes deeper than that. And you know, Dean has never been the type to overthink. That alone should be freaking him out.
In the end, Dean always reaches the same conclusion. He likes being around Castiel well enough. It's oddly calming, for all that being around Cas usually means shit is about to hit the celestial-sized fan. And he can live with that- and only that- until things calm down enough to sit down and figure the situation out.
He's pretty sure things will never get that calm, anyway, so he doesn't worry about it too much.
Author: sing1118
Fandom: Supernatural
Character: Dean Winchester
Rating: PG, perhaps, for language
Wordcount: ~650
Spoilers: generic for seasons 4 & 5
Disclaimer: I'm only borrowing them.
Life has been much harder since he returned from hell, and not for the reasons he would have expected. Being in hell was traumatic, of course, and he's recovering from it as best he can while not letting it completely overwhelm him because hey, they're trying to stop the fucking Apocalypse, right?
No, what Dean never saw coming was a near obsession with the being who brought him back from hell. He's thought about it (far more than he wants to, if he's honest with himself. He'd really rather not think about Castiel except for when Cas is actually present and requires his attention, but he can't help it), and he's pretty sure that he's not fixated because Castiel pulled him out of hell. There's something else that always seems to be pulling him towards the angel.
And yeah, if he's thinking about it, he can admit that the fact that Castiel is a guy kinda freaks him out. He knows that Cas is kind of beyond gender, but his chosen vessel is very much male. An attractive guy, too, if Dean really thought about it, but he's not sure he can really go that far in that direction. It was handy, at the beginning, this obsession or whatever you wanted to call it. That's what Sam called it, of course, while being visibly freaked out about how Dean can never really tear his eyes away when Castiel is in the same room he is. Of course, since Castiel seems to be equally unable to tear his eyes away from Dean, that makes it worse. Well, worse for Sam because apparently it's even freakier. Dean's torn about whether it's better or worse. Worse because Castiel can obviously tell that Dean's staring. Better because Dean knows it's not just him. He's still really unsure about the physical part of this... attraction, obsession, preoccupation, fascination. Whatever it is.
But anyway, when he was first back from hell, obsession with finding out who Castiel was helped keep Dean from dwelling too much on what he'd done. Supposedly, that was denial, and the realization of what exactly he had done should have hit him full force when he finally dealt with it, but the pain and shame really did seem lessened.
Maybe it's because whenever his brain is idle for a moment, his thoughts turn to a certain angel, but he can tell when Castiel is around. He doesn't even have to look, most of the time, though Cas can certainly take Dean by surprise if he really wants to, or if Dean is particularly distracted. But Cas doesn't really think the same way Dean does and therefore doesn't put that kind of effort into surprising Dean.
Sam has a theory because of something he read somewhere that people are attracted to angels because they're good. And good people want to be closer to the light, or some bullshit. Dean doesn't believe this because for one thing, he doesn't believe that he's that good of a person and for another, he's really not entirely convinced about the angels. He's seen too many of them act like complete dicks. Sam has no idea what's really going on. Sam thinks it's that bullshit attracted-to-pretty-angelic-types thing, because Dean can't bring himself to let on that he thinks it goes deeper than that. And you know, Dean has never been the type to overthink. That alone should be freaking him out.
In the end, Dean always reaches the same conclusion. He likes being around Castiel well enough. It's oddly calming, for all that being around Cas usually means shit is about to hit the celestial-sized fan. And he can live with that- and only that- until things calm down enough to sit down and figure the situation out.
He's pretty sure things will never get that calm, anyway, so he doesn't worry about it too much.