the ill-effects of undefined (if not pseudo) mutual dealings [the rerun]
this was a entry i wrote last june 26, 2008. and allow me to repost, because i think one of my friends badly need this.
frustrations. it all goes down to expectations.
there really are times when you simply just want the world to stop right at some certain moments, to avoid complexities or anything that has to do with worrying. come to think of it i should really not be concerned about anything because i've had enough of them in my entire years of schooling, and i am simply whiling the time away since i am nothing but a bum. i guess all these idle times are the mere reason why i get to think a lot and realize how f*cked messed up a lot of things are. i think i should really go back into being busy with something else before i completely lose my grip of the slightest sanity left in me. seriously.
i hate being disappointed. well who doesn't, ne? but the kind of disappointment that fails me big time is the one that comes with promises and giving of commitments and words of people. bursting my bubble is one of my least favorite things in the world. a friend told me that sometimes the problem with people being too affected and frustrated is the presence of too much expectations. well okay, i might accept the blame on that part, but my expectations do not come out of the blue. it has definite basis, and promises are common causes. and i think it is quite normal for people to become upset if you are told to look forward to certain things, and end up not having them. and curse the person who coined the cliché that promises are made to be broken. really i could kill him! given the fact that he's not yet dead as of this moment, which i doubt...okay i am not making sense
sometimes too, you know, you cannot help but make things/people/events yield to what ever you think is acceptable. you try your best to be a change agent. most of the time you do this to satisfy your ego, your inner self because it makes you breathe comfortably knowing that these things/people/events are according to what you think is tolerable, up to your standards and is satisfactory not to the common norms but simply for whatever you believe in. but there are also some \ instances when you do these things, changing these T/P/E, because you believe that they are capable to be better, or to whatever you believe is better. although it sounds a bit self-centered, because you end up becoming somewhat manipulative and in no time frustrated (again) if things do not go according to what you are anticipating. but this is normal, i think, when there has been an agreement for the planned change. i believe this is righteous if there is mutuality: wanting to change someone/something and that someone/something agreeing to be modified one way or another.
when things don't come in order, like when the change agent gets the feeling of being tired from playing the role that he has, or if the other party refuses to do his part or exerts effort but is just not enough, or if when they both have excellent efforts but it just seems that the entirety of the world simply conspires to prevent them from succeeding, this is where it gets problematic.
these are just thoughts. and i just feel like writing them, probably yet another emo maturation attempt. but you know what, to hell if it is. to be careless for these things, THAT i've learned (or rather realized and accepted, because i've learned the art of it ages ago, i just refuse to adhere to it) from talking to this friend last night. because after all, i am at this point where i simply want the world to stop right at some certain point, where i can avoid complexities or anything that has to do about worrying. oh and i think i will have a crappy ending (as quite obvious) for this entry because if i am admitting that i do have unresolved self-issues regarding this, what more resolutions could i give in my writing?
frustrations. it all goes down to expectations.
there really are times when you simply just want the world to stop right at some certain moments, to avoid complexities or anything that has to do with worrying. come to think of it i should really not be concerned about anything because i've had enough of them in my entire years of schooling, and i am simply whiling the time away since i am nothing but a bum. i guess all these idle times are the mere reason why i get to think a lot and realize how f*cked messed up a lot of things are. i think i should really go back into being busy with something else before i completely lose my grip of the slightest sanity left in me. seriously.
i hate being disappointed. well who doesn't, ne? but the kind of disappointment that fails me big time is the one that comes with promises and giving of commitments and words of people. bursting my bubble is one of my least favorite things in the world. a friend told me that sometimes the problem with people being too affected and frustrated is the presence of too much expectations. well okay, i might accept the blame on that part, but my expectations do not come out of the blue. it has definite basis, and promises are common causes. and i think it is quite normal for people to become upset if you are told to look forward to certain things, and end up not having them. and curse the person who coined the cliché that promises are made to be broken. really i could kill him! given the fact that he's not yet dead as of this moment, which i doubt...okay i am not making sense
sometimes too, you know, you cannot help but make things/people/events yield to what ever you think is acceptable. you try your best to be a change agent. most of the time you do this to satisfy your ego, your inner self because it makes you breathe comfortably knowing that these things/people/events are according to what you think is tolerable, up to your standards and is satisfactory not to the common norms but simply for whatever you believe in. but there are also some \ instances when you do these things, changing these T/P/E, because you believe that they are capable to be better, or to whatever you believe is better. although it sounds a bit self-centered, because you end up becoming somewhat manipulative and in no time frustrated (again) if things do not go according to what you are anticipating. but this is normal, i think, when there has been an agreement for the planned change. i believe this is righteous if there is mutuality: wanting to change someone/something and that someone/something agreeing to be modified one way or another.
when things don't come in order, like when the change agent gets the feeling of being tired from playing the role that he has, or if the other party refuses to do his part or exerts effort but is just not enough, or if when they both have excellent efforts but it just seems that the entirety of the world simply conspires to prevent them from succeeding, this is where it gets problematic.
these are just thoughts. and i just feel like writing them, probably yet another emo maturation attempt. but you know what, to hell if it is. to be careless for these things, THAT i've learned (or rather realized and accepted, because i've learned the art of it ages ago, i just refuse to adhere to it) from talking to this friend last night. because after all, i am at this point where i simply want the world to stop right at some certain point, where i can avoid complexities or anything that has to do about worrying. oh and i think i will have a crappy ending (as quite obvious) for this entry because if i am admitting that i do have unresolved self-issues regarding this, what more resolutions could i give in my writing?