I am Growing Up, but am I Normal?
the problem with growing up is that when you think your life sucks you cannot complain because you are supposed to know what to do about it because you have to have a sense of maturity after all these years. and when you are a grown-up, you can't help but think about jobs, salaries, helping out the household, voting and other shits because you are supposed to, too! and since i am only a hair strand away from losing sanity (or i think i am at least) while i consider these things i cannot help but talk about it. and whine too.
i am actually in the verge of quitting my "semi-job" (well actually, if you call volunteer work with no pay as a job) and i am almost almost convinced that it is the right thing to do. but i still seem half-hearted about it. look at the odds people...
(i haven't blogged for quite a while so please spare my rantings as long as my boggled mind can. just this time please!)
1. the lack of financial compensation
sure the satisfaction and happiness you get from the gratitude patients tell you after caring for them or just seeing them well after confinement is beyond explanation, but i cannot stay a martyr that long especially when my greed for worldly things eats my conscience and good-samaritan subself whole. haha. but i mean seriously guys, at these times especially when gas price shoots up faster than any other thing in the planet, everyone needs a good paying job. plus my wants and needs (ehem CANON rebel XSi slash Nikon D60 ehem) list are way too long that it frustrates me to think that the allowance my dad gives me a day is the only incoming money i depend on. yeah it's quite enough to sustain my every day needs and allow me to have savings for weekend getaways but still, IT IS NOT ENOUGH! dear lord. BUUUT!, if i do get a job, that would mean i have to get one not so quite related to my degree and title because knowing the situation of Filipino Registered Nurses here in our country, finding a hospital job as a staff nurse is just as impossible as finding a chest filled with gold in your backyard. and saying i'd finally fall for it, this might delay the progress i make in my non-earning nursing career. ARGH what to do with this life people tell me!
3. the presence of few not-so friendly judgmental bitches people around you
yup. i wonder why there really are people of this kind existing? they make work unnecessarily an unhappy place to be at. sure thing i can handle the pressure of workload, but this, THIS i cannot just handle. especially when they quite have the control of almost everything, if you know what i mean. who would find it a healthy environment to work at when there are just some people who judge you entirely for a few mistakes (not including mistakes on patient care because i believe i am very efficient about my craft. AND YES, i am proud about it because i know i do have the right to be about it) and overlooking your performances on your actual job. if they could only see who really cares for patients, who really is there the minute someone calls at the station, who compassionately empathizes with them the entire 8 hour shift, then they probably would have a change of heart against those who simply slacks and while away the time playing cards somewhere within the hidden confines of the station. and nope, i am not bragging about merely my self here, i am talking in behalf of my co-volunteers who are also misjudged by these issues. it's a saddening and disheartening fact that they could say bad things about a single mistake you make and all the other efforts you have exerted are put away and forgotten.
3. the freakin hot intolerable weather
weird but yes, THE WEATHER! who would want to go to work (with no pay) at this hot hot summer day? i actually skipped work today on this grounds. HAHA. well this reason is quite connected to the first bullet, since i could have managed to put up with the gallons of sweat escaping every pore in my body while i am at work or while i travel to and from work IF and only IF i had something to look forward to during PAY DAY. that is if i even have a pay day. see? valid reason right?
the "work" i have as of the moment actually do have a lot of incentives too yes. like the hands-on experience i gain each day which i know makes me a better nurse and a better person too, the supplementation for my hunger for learning regarding this vocation, the gratification of helping people and them recognizing it in return and the friends you gain as you go along. but i don't know, it's like my heart is no longer fully at it (i think), and i am no longer very happy with it. come to think of it, should i wait that my efficiency gets affected by these matters, or should i just leave now while i am still at my best?
oh but saying i do finally quit, there goes again my problem with money during the times that will come in the future when i will be needing it. because for sure my dad won't put up with giving me financial assistance either than when it is necessary, meaning no unnecessary summer getaways too! huhu. so i am not only bidding goodbye with the job but the "privileges" of being in it too, HAHA! XD