Evil Feelings
You really want to know what I'm feeling right now......well it would easilly be characterized by calling it anger, but its soooo much more than that..I HATE LIFE....being handicapped SUCKS....no one really understands that...only ones in my position do....and guess what....they cant move, TALK OR COMPREHEND MODERN ENGLISH....LITERALLY!!! THEY CANT EVEN BATHE THEMSELVES OR FEED THEMSELVES THEIR FUCKING WHEELCHAIRS FUNCTION ON THEIR GODDAMN BRAIN WAVES...AND FOR ONE DAY I GOT A CHANCE TO KNOW WHAT THAT WAS LIKE.(IT WAS THE DEFFINTION OF MISSERABLE)..I feel like I was put in my position in life to suffer great injustuses AND MENTAL BAGGERING....Technically from a medical standpoint I really shouldn't be typing this, much less living....People call me lucky, they call me a miracle.....I call myself a mistake....A stupid miscalculation of a life that should've ended 18 years ago....in an incubation chamber..I was born to the size of my hand...Lets just try and put it into perspective for all you stupid FUCKS out there who have trouble understanding.....YES i'm 18 years old.....but my muscles, bones, tendons, and joints function like I'm 60....I have no idea what its like to move like a normal person does...no idea what its like to feel as loose as normal 18 year olds do.....When I was 4-6 years old.....I went to a school foucused on building motor skills..some of you know it as (Meeting Street School)....I was put in a room and trained to pick up marbles with my toes because at the time my body wasn't letting me do that....and right you would look at me like "What the fuck, thats easy" well guess what....I spent 6 months learning just how to do that......I cant even use chopsticks correctly because my goddamn hands don't work like yours do....In short I'm a complete cripple person stuck in an 18 year olds mind......and I don't expect anyone except maybe those who've had CFS (chronic fatigue syndrom) or those who have CP (Cerebral Palsy) to understand what my entire life has been like.....and even CFS you get over.....there isn't even a sucessful treatment on this fucking planet for what i have....even AIDS has treatment......maybe that lets you all know something about what I go through each and every day...