Every day i walk the same way home...

[thenewest_trend]

alright, so i havent "truly" updated this thing in a while... so this summer has by far been the worst summer i have ever experianced here in provincetown. the only thing that has been keeping me going, ok, and sane has been the constant reminder that school is just around the corner, and in plymouth, unlike provincetown, i have friends, real true friends...andrew, jon, ryan, paul, cj, craig. here everyone is just an aquaintance, a bunch of fucking assholes i put up with just because i have to...sure there are a few that are real and true, but the majority are immature little fucks who think they are tough, who think they have a grip on life, who will probably never leave this 3X4 mile town. they live here in provincetown, one of the most diverse and accepting places in this fucking country, and the irony of it all is the fact that every one of these kids are the biggest biggots i have ever met, its absolutely fucking rediculous. I am straight, i have no problem with this, however im accepting, im a humanitarian, i have a fucking problem with kids, who consider themselves "better" than most of the population of this town simply because of their sexual orientation, frankly, its fucked up. kids here also base their lives around getting fucked up any way they can, no joke, there are kids her 14 yrs old doing cocaine. i accept that myself being substance free, automatically separates me from allot of what goes on, but for the kids that i believed were true, to me, to themselves, i thought they might at least want to spend a few sober nights with me, hell, i dont even have a problem with them being fucked up. this especially plays into recent events...ive been in love once, very few know about this, simply because it doesnt really matter to anyone but me, never the less, when asked i say ive never been in love, its a flat out lie. im in love with a girl named alix, she is french, gorgeous, kind, outgoing, fun, and possesses every single characteristic i will never have. She is one of the best friends i have ever had, and prob will ever have. ive never told her how i truly felt, and the time is coming, to just get it all off my chest, and bear the consequences, good or bad, deal with them, ill take what i can get. she has been here since the beginning of this month, a shorter time period than past years. so far she has blown me off about 4 or 5 times, to go hang out with this tool bag chris, whom has a girlfriend yet still hooks up with any girl he can get his scummy hands on. i am sick of getting blown off to go drink and hang out with this scum bag moron, im sick of hiding the way i feel, and im sick of not having real friends here...frankly i dont care about anything or anyone other than my family, my boys, and alix...i would die for any one of the three...i know after reading this no one will like alix, but truly, she is incredible, i cant begin to describe what she means to me and how i feel about her, i dont see myself ever letting go of the notion that i love her more than life itself, more than my own self...
straight up, i have never felt so alone, here in provincetown, in all my nineteen years of living...i have never wanted out so bad, and i have never missed somthing so much...everyday, i go to work, come home, eat, go to job 2, and come home and sleep. its all i do, with very few exceptions, i now know how important my friends are...i have learned allot about myself this summer, most importantly, that no matter how independent one may be, we always need somone to care about us and vise versa. i really dont know what i am getting at here, but i do know that im over this fucking hell hole, im over the morons that infest it, and im over getting blown off by somone i would give my life for in a second...

to the psc kids, i miss you guys more than you could ever know. andrew, thanks for visiting and being right by my side all summer.
this year is going to be amazing, im sure of that. we are going to tear PSU apart.