> And I discovered that my castles stand upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand | [Bones | Open]

[hippocraticly]

[The Observation Deck. McCoy never cared much for this vicinity of Shtel Nor that the various pointy-eared bastards on the station took absolute delight in haunting. The doctor enjoyed the Promenade bar personally where he could drink himself into a comfortable stupor after his various tenures in Northern Sickbay

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[icanhaslogic]

[His reflection against the dark beyond the window wavered, grew hazy- like looking at it through deep, blue water- for a moment- just a moment, then it was back to normal. It remained that way for several seconds before going through the whole routine again. It disconcerted, disoriented… It almost looked like-

-but then it was gone again, only to start it all over.

But it couldn’t have been possible. He wasn’t-

-was he?

But there he stood in the window- only in the window. That was…odd, wasn’t it?]

[hippocraticly]

[It was disconcerting how bewildered he had become after the short outing to Deck 87. Perhaps it was side effects from the energy leak regardless of the combined efforts from the Starfleet Captain and his Science Officer; or perhaps it was telltale signs of posttraumatic stress disorder. He had to remind himself his blood was red, and not green. His name was Leonard McCoy and his field was in medicine. Self-diagnosis was always... illogical.

In any case, McCoy could still feel that firm hold on his arm as the younger Spock from his timeline lay dying in Jim’s arms. Unable to intervene in any way, his feet had been rooted to the spot, as his life ebbed away right in front of his eyes.

... He could see him again now. Staring back at him with that same bland, yet intense stare that had always infuriated him so much. McCoy swallowed that constrict in his throat.]

Make your damn mind if you're a ghost or not.

[icanhaslogic]

[That hint of dry amusement flickered across his face for a brief moment. Ghosts did not exist. They were illogical, instruments used to frighten children. No, he was no ghost.

Apology, then. This was not what he had intended. It was...uncomfortable to say the very least. However, he had had little time to consider other alternatives.]

[hippocraticly]

[McCoy scowls darkly at that waver of emotion from him and looked to the side. This figment of his imagination was beginning to taunt him like he always did with his astounding arrays of logic. Only there was no Jim to intervene. He imagined him drinking himself into a coma somewhere... what use someone would get from willing poisoning himself with alcohol? He would never-

... Uncomfortable. Right. His mind was whirling away at warp factor speed and he could not keep up. Foreign thoughts were layered over some that had become habit by now. Little time. Had that been his fault?]

[icanhaslogic]

[No. There was no blame. He must know this. Jim must know this. Because it was the only choice he could make did not mean that it automatically followed that he had been forced into it. There were other scientists, but the Enterprise needed its captain, its medical officers.]

[hippocraticly]

[McCoy blinks as his eyes dart back to the reflection challengingly. You are wrong. Time was infinite to them on this station, but they had chosen to discard it. It had become a luxury to them; their reactions had become careless and listless. And someone had finally paid the price for their collected ignorance. A brittle chuckle erupts from his lips as he begins to recite in a sardonic tremor:]

Water, water, every where, nor any drop to drink.

[icanhaslogic]

[This was not a way to be thinking. Not now. He was truly sorry for his actions, but his captain, his friend, Jim needed him now. They- he- could not afford to break down into uselessness. They- he- was the last pillar he had to lean on.]

[hippocraticly]

[What was he supposed to be thinking right now? This reflection that was hounding after him so persistently right now was laying in Sickbay half-dead and Jim. Jim. Jim had managed to pull it together while he spiralled further into this abyss. Their captain. His friend. Now and forever.]

[icanhaslogic]

[All the more reason for them- him- to remain as strong as they- he- could. He knew- they both did- how Jim tried to handle these kinds of situations. They- he- could not allow him to withdraw.]

[hippocraticly]

[No... he couldn't.]

[icanhaslogic]

[He was all that was left. If he broke... the consequences were not all that difficult to imagine.]

[hippocraticly]

[Broke? What the hell did he mean by that?]

[icanhaslogic]

[What did it sound like he meant?]

[hippocraticly]

[His face contorts. Stupid Vulcan.]

[icanhaslogic]

[Did he see it now? He could not break. He must not.]

[hippocraticly]

[Why did this have to happen...]