How Do You Feel? [Sarek | Open]

[councillorsarek]

[ the continuous and persistent ringing in his ears was beginning to get tiresome. he was unsure what was causing it, but the desire for it to be gone was growing along with his illogical irritation. there was nothing to cause such an issue; therefore, he should not have such an issue. it should cease immediately for its existence was wholly

Comments

[councillorsarek]

[ normality was hardly an issue when sarek himself had not yet noticed the approach of the son whose existence he had only recently learned off. his focus was instead fixed rather firmly on the empty area mere feet in front of his face where the image of the son that he had lost was taunting him. ]

Tell me, Father. Did you even care? Or were you happy to be rid of me? The embarrassment of a marriage quickly dissolved and lost gone so that you could be free of your burdens to start again?

Twenty years, and I have still not rid myself of the ghost.

[ because anger was the only thing sarek could convince that his son's reaction would have been to his own inaction had they spoken before he left. after all, anger was the only reaction sarek had had to his own inaction. lifting his eyes to fix firmly upon the image, sarek fixed his jaw. he was vulcan. he would not allow such things to break his control. ]

You are not real. Leave me.

Oh, but I am real, Father. I am. And look, here comes another son you'll only ultimately disappoint.

[ sarek's gaze shifted upon the words, fixing momentarily on spock, a much younger version than the one that he had met previous, before moving back to where sybok had been standing only to find the spot as empty as it should have been previous. shaken, sarek mustered his composure before inclining his head towards his son.

one that he would endeavor not to disappoint. ]

My delayed response was less than adequate.

[icanhaslogic]

[He shook his head, finding that to be a bad idea. He threw his arm out to the wall to steady himself as the pain in his head worsened and the voices attacked yet again. He used as little time as possible to regain his composure and return to an upright position, fighting hard to control his expression and the inescapable urge to look behind him for the sources of those phantom crew member's voices. He couldn't keep them together, he couldn't...

That was not relevant to the situation at hand.]

There is no trouble, father.

[councillorsarek]

Perfectly trained, too. He is clearly in pain, and yet, he denies it. A proud Vulcan specimen. Even half human, he is far better than I ever would have become. Because that is what you wanted, was it not, Father?

Be quiet.

[ the words were hissed under his breath. what if the voice was not as imagined as he believed? he could not risk it. such weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and regrets were meant to be kept to one's self.

but he didn't seem to be the only one having trouble at the moment. at least a lack of balance was a relatively simple issue. ]

Are you having issues with your equilibrium?

[icanhaslogic]

That concern is of no moment. I will recover.

[He could not fight it any longer. He half turned to see who it was that hailed him for resignation this time, finding only empty air standing next to him.

Only then the voice came from behind him, and he turned quickly to face it- maybe he would catch the culprit this time.]

I do not accept. The crew will remain as it is. If you wish to resign you will discuss it with the captain when he returns-

[Only no one was there.]

[councillorsarek]

It seems like the burdens are hereditary, Father. Think of the sort of regrets he will amass in his lifetime if he emulates your example. Alone in this world with nothing to sustain him but other people's debates.

I...

[ hesitating is not something that sarek normally does, and yet, he cannot seem to bring himself to say the words that are necessary at this juncture without more effort than he would normally need.

he does not care to admit when he is ill. now less than ever, but the shared affliction is more of a worry than perhaps allowing his own frailties to show. ]

I do not believe we are well.

[icanhaslogic]

I am well enough. Well or no, I am acting as captain of the USS Enterprise and I will not fall to a simple ailment.

[But those voices again... he knew- somewhere- that his father was right, that he should step aside. He was failing in his duties, falling to the anger of the crew, unable to keep his promises to his friend.]

[councillorsarek]

If you are hearing voices as I, will they not impede your judgment?

[icanhaslogic]

I cannot allow them to.

[councillorsarek]

And you are willing to gamble the safety of your crew on your own mental fortitude?

Yes, Father, doubt him more. Perhaps you will drive him away as well.

[icanhaslogic]

No-

[Then what was he doing still playing at being captain?]

-I cannot step aside.

[councillorsarek]

Do you not have a chain of command? Is the officer who would replace you not competent?

Why is a Vulcan in Starfleet to begin with? Say it, Father. I know that you want to.

[icanhaslogic]

The officers of the Enterprise are compromised. I am the best-

[Really? The best? The only? If he was all they had, they didn't want to be there. Accept it. They weren't his crew anymore.]

-the best capable of command as the situation stands.

[councillorsarek]

If all the other officers are compromised beyond the ability to perform their duties, and it is only the officers here-

[ which seemed true, as far as he had seen. ]

-who are you in command of?

[icanhaslogic]

I am their commander still, despite that they are afflicted as well.

[He felt thaat an explanation was in order, why he was so firmly attached to this idea of remaining in command.]

I have promised to be nothing less.

[councillorsarek]

So steadfast. So true. Even under these pressures. If only he were your son, then you would have a legacy to be proud of instead of one that will end with you.

It is still unnecessary for you to push yourself to these extremes.

My, Father, was that concern? Concern? From a Vulcan? Whatever would our forefathers say?

They would say that it is time for you to mind your elders!

[ snapping at the open air. perhaps he should acquaint himself with the medical bay as well.]

[icanhaslogic]

Perhaps. I cannot afford to stop and find out.

[He raised an eyebrow at his father's outburst, but then, he really had no room to judge as his own behavior was quite similar. Still...]

Shall I escort you to sickbay, father?