Codependency Recovery Activity
So I'm reading this book "Codependency No More - How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself". Thus far it's not doing a great deal of difference, but I'm hoping there will be some tools to help me understand this shit and get through it. Just understanding that I had this problem and it's so right on was amazing.
In case you're not familiar with co-dependency, there is a perfectly-me description of it here: http://www.planetpsych.com/zPsychology_101/codependency.htm
I'm at the end of Part I and there is this activity to write some stuff. I figured it makes sense to do that here. It is following a huge list of character traits of codependents which I went through and rated if I identified those as never a problem (0), sometimes a problem (1) or frequently a problem (2). I got a lot of twos. :\
Anyway, the prompt is this: How do you feel about changing yourself? What do you think would happen if you began to change? Do you think you can change? Why or why not? Write several paragraphs answering these questions.
I feel excited and hopeful about changing. I feel like it's a huge weight than can be lifted from my shoulders. Finding out about codependency and all the shit that comes with it has made it obvious that Tina couldn't really be in-love with me in that state, mostly just a shell of a person. Changing makes me hopeful for our relationship. Just understanding the unhealthy habits I've developed because of codependency has made a huge change in our relationship. I feel like I don't have to hold her in this cage, afraid of her flying away. Part of that is the feeling of having nothing to lose, anyway. Things between us are so much better, but I also feel like undoing my codependency will make it so that if she does leave me and whatever, I may be able to find a healthy relationship with a person that has the capacity to love me the way I deserve. Even though I still have trouble feeling like I DO deserve it. That's part of codependency that I struggle with...
Part of me is afraid if I change too much of the codependent characteristics and I'm not the selfless caretaker anymore, I'll just be some asshole. I feel like giving so much and doing so many good things is part of what makes me a good person and what makes people like me. Even though I guess I've been doing it all for the wrong reasons. It concerns me that I might not be able to find a good balance between giving everything to the point that I don't take care of myself and only worrying about myself. I guess it's good that I am aware on on guard for that.
I do think I am capable of change. I didn't used to think so, but part of that was just because I didn't exactly know what was wrong. I knew the symptoms, but I didn't understand my behavior. Tina and I had talked about co-dependence before, but we always thought of it as this depending on each other, NEEDING each other thing, not so much of the other bullshit. Well, I thought that at least. Not sure about how Tina understood it or didn't. Now that I understand what I'm up against, I think I can make changes in my life so that I am happier and actually more capable of making the people around me happy. Though I am trying to be focused on the first part of that. :)
-------
I'm thinking I'd like to start writing here more often. I think recording my own thoughts and feelings are really important to this process.
In case you're not familiar with co-dependency, there is a perfectly-me description of it here: http://www.planetpsych.com/zPsychology_101/codependency.htm
I'm at the end of Part I and there is this activity to write some stuff. I figured it makes sense to do that here. It is following a huge list of character traits of codependents which I went through and rated if I identified those as never a problem (0), sometimes a problem (1) or frequently a problem (2). I got a lot of twos. :\
Anyway, the prompt is this: How do you feel about changing yourself? What do you think would happen if you began to change? Do you think you can change? Why or why not? Write several paragraphs answering these questions.
I feel excited and hopeful about changing. I feel like it's a huge weight than can be lifted from my shoulders. Finding out about codependency and all the shit that comes with it has made it obvious that Tina couldn't really be in-love with me in that state, mostly just a shell of a person. Changing makes me hopeful for our relationship. Just understanding the unhealthy habits I've developed because of codependency has made a huge change in our relationship. I feel like I don't have to hold her in this cage, afraid of her flying away. Part of that is the feeling of having nothing to lose, anyway. Things between us are so much better, but I also feel like undoing my codependency will make it so that if she does leave me and whatever, I may be able to find a healthy relationship with a person that has the capacity to love me the way I deserve. Even though I still have trouble feeling like I DO deserve it. That's part of codependency that I struggle with...
Part of me is afraid if I change too much of the codependent characteristics and I'm not the selfless caretaker anymore, I'll just be some asshole. I feel like giving so much and doing so many good things is part of what makes me a good person and what makes people like me. Even though I guess I've been doing it all for the wrong reasons. It concerns me that I might not be able to find a good balance between giving everything to the point that I don't take care of myself and only worrying about myself. I guess it's good that I am aware on on guard for that.
I do think I am capable of change. I didn't used to think so, but part of that was just because I didn't exactly know what was wrong. I knew the symptoms, but I didn't understand my behavior. Tina and I had talked about co-dependence before, but we always thought of it as this depending on each other, NEEDING each other thing, not so much of the other bullshit. Well, I thought that at least. Not sure about how Tina understood it or didn't. Now that I understand what I'm up against, I think I can make changes in my life so that I am happier and actually more capable of making the people around me happy. Though I am trying to be focused on the first part of that. :)
-------
I'm thinking I'd like to start writing here more often. I think recording my own thoughts and feelings are really important to this process.