I Love You
This phrase...I don't know...is it overused? Misused? Used because we're "supposed" to use it? It sometimes irritates me. I hear it said over and over by people and I wonder if it's really meant or felt.
About a year and a half ago, my sister-in-law (C's sister) divorced her husband of 22 years. They got married very young, because she got pregnant, but still had a reasonably; what we all thought anyway; good marriage. They raised two wonderful boys, worked, bought a home, and had a nice life together. I won't go into all the reasons why they got divorced. But over the years of seeing them together, they constantly used I Love Yous. At the end of every phone conversation, if they were leaving each other for the day, etc. They were also very publicly affectionate. I used to be a bit envious because C. and I were never, and still aren't, much for PDAs. Yet, after all those I Love Yous, and all that affection, they still got divorced.
I have another friend who uses I Love Yous all the time too, with all the members of her family. She could be having a vicious fight with one of her kids over the phone and then end with "ok, love you, bye". WTF?? I've actually talked with her about this. And she said, it's "habit". Okaaaayyyy...should saying I Love You be a "habit"? Like stopping for coffee or playing internet games? She said, she NEEDS to hear her kids, her parents, her boyfriend, say it to her and she likes saying it to them.
She asked me if C and I say I Love You. I said sure we do, but not all the time. In fact, it's rare. We may say I Love You if one of us is traveling and we talk on the phone. We say it if one of is about to leave for a such a travel. We occasionally say it during sex. But we just don't say it A LOT and it's not a HABIT. Then she asked, "well how do you know?"
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, how do I know??? Well, we've been married 20 years. C. has always kept me in a warm, safe house. He has always made sure I have a reliable vehicle. He is home and in my bed every night. He doesn't waste money on booze, drugs or gambling. He has always worked. He bathes, grooms and stays in shape. He has allowed me to explore the things I need to explore and has supported me in it. He isn't jealous or possessive. He doesn't question every move I make. To me, these things are more proof that he loves me than any words.
My friend, a single mom, drives a car that is falling apart. She lives in a rattletrap rental house. She is constantly worried about money. Yet her family and her boyfriend - who say they love her all the time - help her with none of these things. But they say they love her...really? Now I'm not saying that love means material things, but I do think the words are meaningless unless there is some support of some sort behind them.
Sweetie and I say I Love You more often. Perhaps it's because we are still in the midst of the NRE and still kind of giggly about each other. But we still don't say it after EVERY conversation and EVERY time we are together. So how do I know he loves me? He makes me laugh until I can't breathe. He tells me I'm beautiful even though I'm carrying around 30 extra pounds and my thighs are bumpy and jiggly. I get random sexy texts from him. He hugs me randomly. He drags me into his lap. He lets me vent to him about my little problems but doesn't try to solve them for me. He knows I just need a sounding board. He gets my silly side and is willing to act silly, publicly, with me. But constant I Love Yous? Not so much.
I Love You is a strange phrase. It shouldn't be used carelessly. I'd rather show it than say it. I'd rather feel it than hear it. And I don't think saying it should be a habit.
About a year and a half ago, my sister-in-law (C's sister) divorced her husband of 22 years. They got married very young, because she got pregnant, but still had a reasonably; what we all thought anyway; good marriage. They raised two wonderful boys, worked, bought a home, and had a nice life together. I won't go into all the reasons why they got divorced. But over the years of seeing them together, they constantly used I Love Yous. At the end of every phone conversation, if they were leaving each other for the day, etc. They were also very publicly affectionate. I used to be a bit envious because C. and I were never, and still aren't, much for PDAs. Yet, after all those I Love Yous, and all that affection, they still got divorced.
I have another friend who uses I Love Yous all the time too, with all the members of her family. She could be having a vicious fight with one of her kids over the phone and then end with "ok, love you, bye". WTF?? I've actually talked with her about this. And she said, it's "habit". Okaaaayyyy...should saying I Love You be a "habit"? Like stopping for coffee or playing internet games? She said, she NEEDS to hear her kids, her parents, her boyfriend, say it to her and she likes saying it to them.
She asked me if C and I say I Love You. I said sure we do, but not all the time. In fact, it's rare. We may say I Love You if one of us is traveling and we talk on the phone. We say it if one of is about to leave for a such a travel. We occasionally say it during sex. But we just don't say it A LOT and it's not a HABIT. Then she asked, "well how do you know?"
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, how do I know??? Well, we've been married 20 years. C. has always kept me in a warm, safe house. He has always made sure I have a reliable vehicle. He is home and in my bed every night. He doesn't waste money on booze, drugs or gambling. He has always worked. He bathes, grooms and stays in shape. He has allowed me to explore the things I need to explore and has supported me in it. He isn't jealous or possessive. He doesn't question every move I make. To me, these things are more proof that he loves me than any words.
My friend, a single mom, drives a car that is falling apart. She lives in a rattletrap rental house. She is constantly worried about money. Yet her family and her boyfriend - who say they love her all the time - help her with none of these things. But they say they love her...really? Now I'm not saying that love means material things, but I do think the words are meaningless unless there is some support of some sort behind them.
Sweetie and I say I Love You more often. Perhaps it's because we are still in the midst of the NRE and still kind of giggly about each other. But we still don't say it after EVERY conversation and EVERY time we are together. So how do I know he loves me? He makes me laugh until I can't breathe. He tells me I'm beautiful even though I'm carrying around 30 extra pounds and my thighs are bumpy and jiggly. I get random sexy texts from him. He hugs me randomly. He drags me into his lap. He lets me vent to him about my little problems but doesn't try to solve them for me. He knows I just need a sounding board. He gets my silly side and is willing to act silly, publicly, with me. But constant I Love Yous? Not so much.
I Love You is a strange phrase. It shouldn't be used carelessly. I'd rather show it than say it. I'd rather feel it than hear it. And I don't think saying it should be a habit.