One Step Up, Two Steps Back...
Tonight I've been doing a lot of thinking. I'm not sure why I only do it on night's that I'm absolutely bored out of my mind, but hey, it gets me through the night. I have had a bunch of random ideas and thoughts in my head and I figured the best way would be to get em all out. Here we go.
- Has it ever occured to anyone else that there seems to be a bunch of know-it-all's running rampantly throughout our society? I mean, everyone has their own opinions, but there are some people that feel that they absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt know how something is and what it is supposed to be. This irks me a little bit. I feel as though our society is being diminished by these people. Maybe I'm off on this, and maybe I really am just a stupid kid. But I know that no matter what, I wouldn't force my opinons on things to someone else to show that I "know" something about it. I have my opinion, and broadcast it as I see fit, without malice or discontent. But I'm sure if we all stop and think of someone we know, or someone in the media or the rest of the world; that there is at least one person who believes that they are the people who believe they know everything about every topic. "Don't judge a man by his opinions, but what his opinions have made of him." G. Lichtenberg
- I helped administer a Black Belt exam yesterday morning at my karate school. There were three people taking the test. A father and son duo and another teenager. Now when I got there, it was around 7:40 in the morning. The test started at 8:00 and went until roughly 10:30. Yeah, I know that's a long test... but it's a four week test so we have to make them somewhat long to get everything in. Now saying that, the two other teachers that were there to help were already there. One of the people taking the test, the teenager, showed up a little after I did, and then the final teacher. So we were sitting around and waiting for the other two to show up, and it was about 2 minutes before 8 am. We went up on the floor and I started the teen out working combonations and such going up and down the floor. The other two participants strolled in 25 minutes later and pretty much figured it was okay since they have been going there for years that they could be late. The owner of the school came over and said "I'm sorry you are too late, you'll have to wait till next year." Now to me, that's a legitmate statement. If you are late for your test, then you shouldn't be able to take it, which the next one is probably going to be around next year sometime. The guy was like "okay whatever" and sat there with his son and watched. The owner had to go over AGAIN and told him they couldn't stay to watch. So the father took his son and said "make sure you cancel our memberships" and left slamming the door. Seriously, you have known about this date for the test for 3 MONTHS, how could you be late? To me, they obviously didn't want a black belt enough. Suffice to say, the kid who took the test was lost doing this alone. I'm not saying he failed, he actually did amazing and I believe he passed with flying colors. He expected not to be alone during the testing, but he was. You could tell once they left he got more and more nervous. But I'll be damned if he didn't recooperate and give it 110% the rest of the way. I just can't imagine being late for a test of such great importance. To each his own.
- I've now been denied for a few jobs now. The latest were one at the DA's office in Boston and one as a Child Protective Service Worker in Portsmouth, NH. I've applied to at least 15 jobs now. Still yet to hear from a few others though. The thing is, is well it's getting to me. I mean, I'm a hard working kid, who is wicked reliable. I'm an outgoing person who is community oriented through all of my experience thus far. I was a decent student who did a ton of extracurriculars at school. I consider myself a pretty good friend and someone who anyone can count on. Stating this, WHY THE HELL CAN'T I GET A JOB!?! I'm trying so hard and I'm getting no where. Maybe I'm not that person I just described in the sentences prior to this. I really hope I am, and will believe I am until the day I die. I just hope I am right.
- I feel very alone lately. I think it has to do with me not really having anyone around here to hang out with. I was EXTREMELY lucky this weekend to hang out with Kath and of course Derek/Lindsey/Amanda/Erin. I was going crazy just sitting in my house. I am outgoing, but there is really no one to meet thats new in my town. I know mostly all the people in my age range. My town is pretty small so it's not too hard to not notice new people. I just wish I had someone around that I could just go over their house and shoot the shit. I thought I had something like that until recently, which turned out a wash. I understand that college is over and that everyone's schedules are really different, but it sucks being the only one in a 20 mile radius that you know. Let me repeat that, the only one I know in a 20 mile radius that I see on a regular basis is myself. Sucks huh?
- The last and final dot. There's a line in a few country songs I hear all the time. Basically if you have to move back to move forward or move forward and end up going backwards. Here's the line I've been listening to a lot lately. "Woke up this morning, the house was cold. Checked the furnace and she wasn't burning. Went out and hopped in my old Ford. Hit the engine but she ain't turning. Given each other some hard lessons lately, but we ain't learning. Same sad story that's a fact. One step and two steps back." Now I'm not saying that I've had some hard times with anyone else. The way that I'm looking at that line is that, the way that things are going... I'm not moving forward at all. And the person that I've given hard lessons too lately has been myself. I try to catch myself with a bit of happiness and I always end up getting pushed back down, somehow, without hesitation. One step up, then two steps back. I need to start learning my lessons nowadays, maybe I'll be able to make it a few steps up with one step back, making it a positive action of moving forward. One can only dream.
Thanks for reading this non-sense. I mean, I had to get this stuff out, and what better way to do it then type it into a box using a "rich text" format so I can add my bold, bullet points and some color... all the while knowing there won't be many people. Maybe even one that reads this all the way through. If you do and are reading this, thanks for actually caring. It means a lot.