Romney's gonna fire Big Bird
Mitt. Mittens. Walter Mitty Romnekins.
The ONLY thing you said during the first debate that people are going to remember (and BTW, that was some impressive wall-to-wall lying you did...do you think you can buy numbers as easily as TV commercials?) is your little throwaway line about firing Big Bird. It never even registered that you said you'd fire the debate moderator too, because the SECOND that GEM left your mouth no one in their right mind was thinking anything but OH YOU DID NOT JUST DISS MAH HOMEBIRD.
I know you Republicans like to rail on PBS and NPR as bastions of government waste (despite the fact that they are a pimple on the face of a rounding error in the total federal budget). And the Ambien-voiced, very patient people who work for those organizations take the criticism pretty much in stride so you guys feel secure in your bullying. But you just crossed a big, fat line in the proverbial sand. You dissed Big Bird. You dissed the giant yellow symbol of childhood and inappropriate enthusiasm about the letter K.
Now, Fred Rogers (who entirely peaceably made Republicans far tougher than you weep with shame at the thought of cutting off funding to PBS) has gone on to that Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood of Eternity, cardigan and all, so that leaves me, his unworthy surrogate, here on Earth to impart this important message to you.
Are you listening up?
* leans in, grabs by the overstarched shirt collar *
YOU DO NOT. EVER. FUCK WITH A MUPPET. MUPPETS ARE AMERICA'S COLLECTIVE HAPPY PLACE. OUR FRIGGIN' NATIONAL CONSCIENCE SINGS "IT'S EASY BEING GREEN". FUCK WITH BILL NYE AND YOU'LL WAKE UP WITH A SEVERED BOWTIE IN YOUR BED. FUCK WITH IRA GLASS AND YOU'LL GET AN ON-AIR SLAM THAT DEPRECATES HIM AS MUCH AS YOU.
FUCK WITH A MUPPET AND YOU GET AN ENTIRE GENERATION THAT CAN STILL SING THE THEME SONGS TO FRAGGLE ROCK AND MUPPET BABIES AT YOUR DOORSTEP READY TO STUFF YOU AND STICK BRIAN HENSON'S HAND UP YOUR ASS.
Just a friendly warning <3<3<3
The ONLY thing you said during the first debate that people are going to remember (and BTW, that was some impressive wall-to-wall lying you did...do you think you can buy numbers as easily as TV commercials?) is your little throwaway line about firing Big Bird. It never even registered that you said you'd fire the debate moderator too, because the SECOND that GEM left your mouth no one in their right mind was thinking anything but OH YOU DID NOT JUST DISS MAH HOMEBIRD.
I know you Republicans like to rail on PBS and NPR as bastions of government waste (despite the fact that they are a pimple on the face of a rounding error in the total federal budget). And the Ambien-voiced, very patient people who work for those organizations take the criticism pretty much in stride so you guys feel secure in your bullying. But you just crossed a big, fat line in the proverbial sand. You dissed Big Bird. You dissed the giant yellow symbol of childhood and inappropriate enthusiasm about the letter K.
Now, Fred Rogers (who entirely peaceably made Republicans far tougher than you weep with shame at the thought of cutting off funding to PBS) has gone on to that Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood of Eternity, cardigan and all, so that leaves me, his unworthy surrogate, here on Earth to impart this important message to you.
Are you listening up?
* leans in, grabs by the overstarched shirt collar *
YOU DO NOT. EVER. FUCK WITH A MUPPET. MUPPETS ARE AMERICA'S COLLECTIVE HAPPY PLACE. OUR FRIGGIN' NATIONAL CONSCIENCE SINGS "IT'S EASY BEING GREEN". FUCK WITH BILL NYE AND YOU'LL WAKE UP WITH A SEVERED BOWTIE IN YOUR BED. FUCK WITH IRA GLASS AND YOU'LL GET AN ON-AIR SLAM THAT DEPRECATES HIM AS MUCH AS YOU.
FUCK WITH A MUPPET AND YOU GET AN ENTIRE GENERATION THAT CAN STILL SING THE THEME SONGS TO FRAGGLE ROCK AND MUPPET BABIES AT YOUR DOORSTEP READY TO STUFF YOU AND STICK BRIAN HENSON'S HAND UP YOUR ASS.
Just a friendly warning <3<3<3