(no subject)
all that is, all that was (and all of it for him) Ten2/Rose, implied Nine/Rose and Ten/Rose, PG
It’s after a particularly trying day and in the middle of a rather fantastic row that Rose yells at him that’s something along the lines of, “You know what I don’t understand?” and he responds with a sarcastic, “What don’t you understand Rose?” which she then counters with, “If the Bad Wolf could see everything then why didn’t she this?” and all he can really say then is a very confused, “...what?” 1,649 words
~*~
The biggest difference between this half-human Doctor and her Time Lord one is that this one actually tells her things.
In bits and starts, and admittedly often at inopportune times but he does tell her. Things he’s never told her before either - about the long stretch of life before her, the people and places and events that he’s only ever hinted at before. He tells her about his family, his companions, his friends and enemies...a thousand, thousand adventures.
He tells her about the years after her; the aliens, the adventures, the heartbreak. About all the things, the people and places that irrevocably reminded him of her - even when he wished he couldn’t remember at all.
“But I couldn’t forget you, Rose Tyler.” He admits wistfully as they’re hanging from a wall in chains awaiting execution from the latest marauding horde of aliens to invade. “Never ever.”
Her favourite memories are the ones he tells about their time together. The way she stirred up something within him, something that woke him from the inside out and made him smile like he hadn’t in years. Something that surprised him so much he didn’t even realise how deep he was in until it was far, far too late.
He tells her how, when faced with the prospect of watching her burn or taking her place it was so easy, too easy to give up everything for her. He tells her about Bad Wolf, how she brought Jack back to life (for good), how she destroyed the Daleks with a mere whim, how she ended the bitterness of his Ninth incarnation and by turns helped to create the man that he is now, all of the endless potential she spawned within him.
She swallows it all, absorbs it, and thinks on it in the in-between times. And as she thinks she begins to wonder, and as she wonders and imagines a quiet bitterness creeps in on her thoughts until one day she boils over without even realising that she’s been stewing on it at all.
It’s not been easy, this new life with this new new new Doctor. And for all of the amazing new discoveries and experiences they’ve shared, there have been an equal amount of hardships and difficulties. He’s impossible to predict, he can’t even predict his own body or self half the time. He’s prone to disappear for days at a time with no word and then appear out of nowhere with a broken arm splinted with a magazine and a roll of cling wrap - or something equally as daft and terrifying.
She worries. Constantly she worries about him.
It’s after a particularly trying day and in the middle of a rather fantastic row that Rose yells at him that’s something along the lines of, “You know what I don’t understand?” and he responds with a sarcastic, “What don’t you understand Rose?” which she then counters with, “If the Bad Wolf could see everything then why didn’t she this?” and all he can really say then is a very confused, “...what?”
“Why didn’t she see me falling off that lever?” Rose demands. “Why didn’t she see you getting your hand cut off and turning into...into you. Why didn’t she fix it so that none of it happened? If she could control life and death and everything else then why couldn’t she change things so I could stay with him? Why couldn’t I stay?”
The last word tears from her mouth in a scream and he’s staring at her like he’s never seen her before. Certainly he’s never seen her like this. Therein follows a long, ringing silence in which the words that the Bad Wolf spoke through her seem to hang in the air.
I can see everything! All that is...all that was...all that ever could be...
And the Doctor says, “I don’t know.”
Rose scoffs, disbelieving and he quickly becomes angry.
“No, don’t you scoff at me! I don’t know what the Bad Wolf let you see but I do know that you had the whole of time and space running through your head. The means every single possible future we could have had together, all those timelines...you don’t think it might have been the least bit overwhelming? It nearly made your head explode as it was...”
He’s trying to make her feel better about the mess that is their life, their lives together. Rose is not comforted.
“But what if I could’ve fixed it?” she rages, helpless tears spilling down her cheeks. “What if I could’ve changed things and I missed my only shot? He-you never would’ve split in half and I wouldn’t’ve had to choose between you and I’d still be with him and-and he wouldn’t be alone!”
And it’s with this final proclamation that she breaks down into sobs so fierce that she has to sit down. Abruptly.
He approaches her slowly, cautiously, as though afraid she might lash out at him. When she doesn’t, he folds himself up on the floor next to her and gently pulls her towards him. She lets him, sobs all over him as he holds her and waits patiently. He strokes her hair. He rocks her a little in his arms.
She quiets.
“Did you ever think that maybe it was the Bad Wolf who made all those things happen?” he asks gently. Rose looks up disbelievingly and he quickly presses on. “For good reason?”
“What reason?” she demands, sniffing and wiping at her face.
“To keep me safe.”
She stares at him, uncomprehending and he considers the best way to voice this. It’s more than plausible but she’ll be looking for holes to pick in his theory, he’s certain. To be honest he doesn’t blame her, but it’s the only loop hole he can think of. It fits.
“When you became the Bad Wolf,” he tells her. “You said you wanted me safe. Called me Doctor. Your Doctor.”
She shakes her head, still nonplussed. “So?”
“So.” he says patiently. “Maybe the Bad Wolf realised that you wouldn’t always be around to do that - to keep me safe. Maybe she created a time stream where you could. Where my hand got cut off, you fell through to a parallel world, fought your way back me...and then Donna Noble was one half of a biological metacrisis that left me here with you.
“I mean even if you’d stayed with him and he’d slowed down your body clock or stopped you from ageing...one day you would’ve died. And that would’ve been worse, so much worse than just losing you.
“It would’ve broken his hearts Rose.
“And he would always, always blame himself. Even if it wasn’t his fault you died. Even if you were a hundred and three years old and died peacefully of old age, asleep in your bed at home...he would always have blamed himself. It would’ve torn him apart.
“But knowing you were trapped somewhere? Alive? He could at least imagine you were happy there. Living your life without him in it maybe but...you’d be safe.” He gives her a meaningful look. “I remember...I know that so much of what kept me- er, him-us going after Canary Wharf was knowing that you were safe. That you were safer without me. And if the Bad Wolf could see all that...”
Rose sniffs, finally sits up properly and holds his hand with both of hers. “But you still needed me. He did.”
“But you’d already saved me,” he tells her softly and touches her hair so gently she has to take a steadying breath. “Rose...”
“No.” Her gaze lifts to meet his and she’s both defiant and painfully sad. “No but in one of the parallel worlds I jumped into - in Donna’s parallel world...” she hardly seems able to verbalise the end of her sentence and he’s about to prompt her when she bluntly ends on, “You died. He did.”
This is a particularly jarring revelation but he tries to take it in his stride. “But I didn’t,” he begins soothingly. “That was just a parallel...”
She doesn’t give him a chance to continue. “Doesn’t matter what world it was.” She shakes her head. “He died cos nobody was there to stop him. Because I wasn’t there to stop him. I should’ve been there!” she adds, with a sob. “An’ if the Bad Wolf thought she was protectin’ him by taking me away from you...”
She’s getting fired up again now, confusing her tenses (not that it’s hard when she’s talking about the two of them) but he’s got to stop her now before she gets too upset again.
“Yeah but he had Donna.” He interrupts before correcting himself. “I had Donna. And Martha and - so many other amazing people! And then you came back. Didn’t you? Eh?” he nudges her and she can’t help but give him a watery smile in response. He is heartened. “You came back to save me all over again. Only this time you got the chance to make sure you’d always be able to keep a part of him - of me - safe and loved. Protected.”
Her gaze flickers uncertainly over the man before her, part Doctor and part Donna and so very human. For a long moment he’s certain he’s gone about this all the wrong way and he panics.
“Isn’t that something?” he presses desperately and just as he’s given up hope she whispers, “My Doctor,” and then she smiles at him with her eyes and places a hesitant hand over his heart and says, “safe...”
“For the rest of our forever.” He tells her, and they both beam and lean in for a conciliatory kiss and after they’ve parted he admits. “You know what? I reckon Bad Wolf knew exactly what she was doing.”
And Rose’s watery laugh is answer enough for him to realise that she might be starting to believe too.
It’s after a particularly trying day and in the middle of a rather fantastic row that Rose yells at him that’s something along the lines of, “You know what I don’t understand?” and he responds with a sarcastic, “What don’t you understand Rose?” which she then counters with, “If the Bad Wolf could see everything then why didn’t she this?” and all he can really say then is a very confused, “...what?” 1,649 words
~*~
The biggest difference between this half-human Doctor and her Time Lord one is that this one actually tells her things.
In bits and starts, and admittedly often at inopportune times but he does tell her. Things he’s never told her before either - about the long stretch of life before her, the people and places and events that he’s only ever hinted at before. He tells her about his family, his companions, his friends and enemies...a thousand, thousand adventures.
He tells her about the years after her; the aliens, the adventures, the heartbreak. About all the things, the people and places that irrevocably reminded him of her - even when he wished he couldn’t remember at all.
“But I couldn’t forget you, Rose Tyler.” He admits wistfully as they’re hanging from a wall in chains awaiting execution from the latest marauding horde of aliens to invade. “Never ever.”
Her favourite memories are the ones he tells about their time together. The way she stirred up something within him, something that woke him from the inside out and made him smile like he hadn’t in years. Something that surprised him so much he didn’t even realise how deep he was in until it was far, far too late.
He tells her how, when faced with the prospect of watching her burn or taking her place it was so easy, too easy to give up everything for her. He tells her about Bad Wolf, how she brought Jack back to life (for good), how she destroyed the Daleks with a mere whim, how she ended the bitterness of his Ninth incarnation and by turns helped to create the man that he is now, all of the endless potential she spawned within him.
She swallows it all, absorbs it, and thinks on it in the in-between times. And as she thinks she begins to wonder, and as she wonders and imagines a quiet bitterness creeps in on her thoughts until one day she boils over without even realising that she’s been stewing on it at all.
It’s not been easy, this new life with this new new new Doctor. And for all of the amazing new discoveries and experiences they’ve shared, there have been an equal amount of hardships and difficulties. He’s impossible to predict, he can’t even predict his own body or self half the time. He’s prone to disappear for days at a time with no word and then appear out of nowhere with a broken arm splinted with a magazine and a roll of cling wrap - or something equally as daft and terrifying.
She worries. Constantly she worries about him.
It’s after a particularly trying day and in the middle of a rather fantastic row that Rose yells at him that’s something along the lines of, “You know what I don’t understand?” and he responds with a sarcastic, “What don’t you understand Rose?” which she then counters with, “If the Bad Wolf could see everything then why didn’t she this?” and all he can really say then is a very confused, “...what?”
“Why didn’t she see me falling off that lever?” Rose demands. “Why didn’t she see you getting your hand cut off and turning into...into you. Why didn’t she fix it so that none of it happened? If she could control life and death and everything else then why couldn’t she change things so I could stay with him? Why couldn’t I stay?”
The last word tears from her mouth in a scream and he’s staring at her like he’s never seen her before. Certainly he’s never seen her like this. Therein follows a long, ringing silence in which the words that the Bad Wolf spoke through her seem to hang in the air.
I can see everything! All that is...all that was...all that ever could be...
And the Doctor says, “I don’t know.”
Rose scoffs, disbelieving and he quickly becomes angry.
“No, don’t you scoff at me! I don’t know what the Bad Wolf let you see but I do know that you had the whole of time and space running through your head. The means every single possible future we could have had together, all those timelines...you don’t think it might have been the least bit overwhelming? It nearly made your head explode as it was...”
He’s trying to make her feel better about the mess that is their life, their lives together. Rose is not comforted.
“But what if I could’ve fixed it?” she rages, helpless tears spilling down her cheeks. “What if I could’ve changed things and I missed my only shot? He-you never would’ve split in half and I wouldn’t’ve had to choose between you and I’d still be with him and-and he wouldn’t be alone!”
And it’s with this final proclamation that she breaks down into sobs so fierce that she has to sit down. Abruptly.
He approaches her slowly, cautiously, as though afraid she might lash out at him. When she doesn’t, he folds himself up on the floor next to her and gently pulls her towards him. She lets him, sobs all over him as he holds her and waits patiently. He strokes her hair. He rocks her a little in his arms.
She quiets.
“Did you ever think that maybe it was the Bad Wolf who made all those things happen?” he asks gently. Rose looks up disbelievingly and he quickly presses on. “For good reason?”
“What reason?” she demands, sniffing and wiping at her face.
“To keep me safe.”
She stares at him, uncomprehending and he considers the best way to voice this. It’s more than plausible but she’ll be looking for holes to pick in his theory, he’s certain. To be honest he doesn’t blame her, but it’s the only loop hole he can think of. It fits.
“When you became the Bad Wolf,” he tells her. “You said you wanted me safe. Called me Doctor. Your Doctor.”
She shakes her head, still nonplussed. “So?”
“So.” he says patiently. “Maybe the Bad Wolf realised that you wouldn’t always be around to do that - to keep me safe. Maybe she created a time stream where you could. Where my hand got cut off, you fell through to a parallel world, fought your way back me...and then Donna Noble was one half of a biological metacrisis that left me here with you.
“I mean even if you’d stayed with him and he’d slowed down your body clock or stopped you from ageing...one day you would’ve died. And that would’ve been worse, so much worse than just losing you.
“It would’ve broken his hearts Rose.
“And he would always, always blame himself. Even if it wasn’t his fault you died. Even if you were a hundred and three years old and died peacefully of old age, asleep in your bed at home...he would always have blamed himself. It would’ve torn him apart.
“But knowing you were trapped somewhere? Alive? He could at least imagine you were happy there. Living your life without him in it maybe but...you’d be safe.” He gives her a meaningful look. “I remember...I know that so much of what kept me- er, him-us going after Canary Wharf was knowing that you were safe. That you were safer without me. And if the Bad Wolf could see all that...”
Rose sniffs, finally sits up properly and holds his hand with both of hers. “But you still needed me. He did.”
“But you’d already saved me,” he tells her softly and touches her hair so gently she has to take a steadying breath. “Rose...”
“No.” Her gaze lifts to meet his and she’s both defiant and painfully sad. “No but in one of the parallel worlds I jumped into - in Donna’s parallel world...” she hardly seems able to verbalise the end of her sentence and he’s about to prompt her when she bluntly ends on, “You died. He did.”
This is a particularly jarring revelation but he tries to take it in his stride. “But I didn’t,” he begins soothingly. “That was just a parallel...”
She doesn’t give him a chance to continue. “Doesn’t matter what world it was.” She shakes her head. “He died cos nobody was there to stop him. Because I wasn’t there to stop him. I should’ve been there!” she adds, with a sob. “An’ if the Bad Wolf thought she was protectin’ him by taking me away from you...”
She’s getting fired up again now, confusing her tenses (not that it’s hard when she’s talking about the two of them) but he’s got to stop her now before she gets too upset again.
“Yeah but he had Donna.” He interrupts before correcting himself. “I had Donna. And Martha and - so many other amazing people! And then you came back. Didn’t you? Eh?” he nudges her and she can’t help but give him a watery smile in response. He is heartened. “You came back to save me all over again. Only this time you got the chance to make sure you’d always be able to keep a part of him - of me - safe and loved. Protected.”
Her gaze flickers uncertainly over the man before her, part Doctor and part Donna and so very human. For a long moment he’s certain he’s gone about this all the wrong way and he panics.
“Isn’t that something?” he presses desperately and just as he’s given up hope she whispers, “My Doctor,” and then she smiles at him with her eyes and places a hesitant hand over his heart and says, “safe...”
“For the rest of our forever.” He tells her, and they both beam and lean in for a conciliatory kiss and after they’ve parted he admits. “You know what? I reckon Bad Wolf knew exactly what she was doing.”
And Rose’s watery laugh is answer enough for him to realise that she might be starting to believe too.