(no subject)
Starting Over, TenII/Rose, PG-13
Never more than that. Or any less. Occasionally she could make out dried tear drops, but there were a number of reasons a person would cry. Rose wasn’t going to presume they were about her. She merely pushed the thoughts aside and went to work each day as though she still needed Torchwood to help her find the Doctor., 1,239
Staying in one place had lasted all of a night. She’d seen him fall asleep instantly in the guest room bed and the next morning he was gone. The only evidence he’d even been in her flat was a note in his handwriting sitting atop of her purse.
Rose Tyler,
I love you.
I’m sorry.
That was it. No other words or explanations as to where he went. She didn’t need to know the why because he was the Doctor. The Doctor didn’t do domestic. He certainly didn’t stay in one place for very long. It had been a long shot that he would even stay for her despite finally saying the words she had waited years to hear.
Rose folded the note and placed it in her pocket. She stared at the front door for a few minutes before going to the bathroom and taking a shower.
****
Postcards from all over the world joined the letter. Each with the same words.
Rose Tyler,
I love you.
I’m sorry.
Never more than that. Or any less. Occasionally she could make out dried tear drops, but there were a number of reasons a person would cry. Rose wasn’t going to presume they were about her. She merely pushed the thoughts aside and went to work each day as though she still needed Torchwood to help her find the Doctor.
Pete had suggested she use their connections to hunt him down, but she would only shake her head and tell him that it would be a waste of time to drag back a Doctor who didn’t want to be kept still. Her mother would do her best to keep Rose from falling into much of a funk, but it did little good.
Nothing was the same for Rose. Not when the Doctor was out there, choosing not to be with her.
****
Rose rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as she made her way to the front door. She opened the door and blinked a few times in astonishment.
“Hello, Rose,” the Doctor said.
She stared at the Doctor standing on the other side of her door wearing jeans and a black hoodie. A backpack hung off his left shoulder and he was in need of a shave. He looked more like a university student than the Time Lord she knew. He was there though. And alive, which she was very grateful for because his last postcard had been almost three weeks ago from Afghanistan, where a war raged much like in her original universe.
“Doctor,” she returned, keeping her voice steady.
“May I come in?” He asked.
“Are you coming in to stay? Or will you leave again as soon as I turn my back?” Rose inquired fiercely. “Because if you’re leaving again then you should just go. Go now. Keep sending your ruddy postcards, but do not set foot into this flat unless you intend to stay. It’s easier to think you’re out there waiting for me when you don’t keep leaving me.”
“I was scared,” the Doctor told her softly. “I was afraid of what you’d say. I was frightened of what I’d do. This is everything I ever wanted, Rose, and I didn’t know how to react.”
“And so you ran,” Rose returned as she crossed her arms. “Rather childish.”
“I know. It was the only thing I could do. The only thing I had control of at the moment,” he responded. The Doctor looked into her eyes with an imploring gaze. “I want to make it up to you, Rose Tyler. I will do whatever you want. I’ll get on my knees and beg your forgiveness if that’s what it takes. I’ll let your mum slap me every day for the rest of our lives. I’ll chain myself to the piece of furniture of your choosing. I intend to stay with you and not leave unless you want me to.”
He started to reach a hand out to her, but quickly stuffed it into a pocket. He closed his eyes a moment then focused back on her. Rose could see all the emotions he probably never would have admitted to before swirling in his brown irises. If she asked him a question about himself, about his past, about anything she wanted to know, he’d most likely answer it with the truth she wanted from him years ago.
“Please, Rose.”
“What if I say no?” Rose replied.
The Doctor flinched as if she had struck him. This Doctor could become her emotional punching bag, if she so chose. He was placing himself in her hands.
“Are you?”
“I didn’t say that,” Rose answered. “I want to know what you would do if I say no.” She pursed her lips. “What would you do, Doctor?”
“I’d respect your decision,” he informed her. “But I would do everything in my power to try and get you back. To show you I can live this one life here on Earth with you. I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you, Rose Tyler. I’ve loved you since the beginning and I’ll love you until the end.”
“How can I believe you?”
The Doctor’s jaw clenched and his gaze fell to the floor.
“I suppose I didn’t give you much reason to,” he responded. He lifted his head back up. “I’m going to do my best to make it up to you. I’ll get a job. I’ll share a mortgage. Anything.”
“It’s easy to say the words, Doctor,” Rose told him. “The hard part is actually going through with it. Do you think you’re capable of that?”
“I want to try,” the Doctor stated. “I want to make you happy, Rose. I want to have a life with you.”
“I’d like to believe you.” Rose started.
“Then believe me,” the Doctor insisted. “I’ve got nothing to give you except myself, Rose. These words and my heart are all I have to share with you. If you can’t accept any of it then there’s nothing else I can do. I’m not a Time Lord with a TARDIS anymore. Time and space are no longer at my disposal. I have to start over and I want to do it with you.”
Rose took in a deep breath then slowly released it.
“Would you like a cup of tea?” Rose asked.
The Doctor blinked then frowned.
“What?”
“Tea,” Rose said slowly. “Would you like a cup?”
The Doctor’s face lit up a bit as he grinned.
“Does that mean…?”
“We’re having a cup of tea,” Rose interjected. “And we’re going to talk. We are going to discuss a few things about this life you think we’re going to have together. It won’t be easy and you need to realize that before taking off again because it’s just too difficult for you.”
“I have no intention of ever leaving you again, Rose Tyler,” the Doctor returned with sincerity etched in each word. “I love you. To lose you again would kill me.”
Rose smiled softly then held out her hand. His eyes widened at the gesture before he quickly took the proffered hand and was gently pulled into the flat.
Never more than that. Or any less. Occasionally she could make out dried tear drops, but there were a number of reasons a person would cry. Rose wasn’t going to presume they were about her. She merely pushed the thoughts aside and went to work each day as though she still needed Torchwood to help her find the Doctor., 1,239
Staying in one place had lasted all of a night. She’d seen him fall asleep instantly in the guest room bed and the next morning he was gone. The only evidence he’d even been in her flat was a note in his handwriting sitting atop of her purse.
Rose Tyler,
I love you.
I’m sorry.
That was it. No other words or explanations as to where he went. She didn’t need to know the why because he was the Doctor. The Doctor didn’t do domestic. He certainly didn’t stay in one place for very long. It had been a long shot that he would even stay for her despite finally saying the words she had waited years to hear.
Rose folded the note and placed it in her pocket. She stared at the front door for a few minutes before going to the bathroom and taking a shower.
****
Postcards from all over the world joined the letter. Each with the same words.
Rose Tyler,
I love you.
I’m sorry.
Never more than that. Or any less. Occasionally she could make out dried tear drops, but there were a number of reasons a person would cry. Rose wasn’t going to presume they were about her. She merely pushed the thoughts aside and went to work each day as though she still needed Torchwood to help her find the Doctor.
Pete had suggested she use their connections to hunt him down, but she would only shake her head and tell him that it would be a waste of time to drag back a Doctor who didn’t want to be kept still. Her mother would do her best to keep Rose from falling into much of a funk, but it did little good.
Nothing was the same for Rose. Not when the Doctor was out there, choosing not to be with her.
****
Rose rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as she made her way to the front door. She opened the door and blinked a few times in astonishment.
“Hello, Rose,” the Doctor said.
She stared at the Doctor standing on the other side of her door wearing jeans and a black hoodie. A backpack hung off his left shoulder and he was in need of a shave. He looked more like a university student than the Time Lord she knew. He was there though. And alive, which she was very grateful for because his last postcard had been almost three weeks ago from Afghanistan, where a war raged much like in her original universe.
“Doctor,” she returned, keeping her voice steady.
“May I come in?” He asked.
“Are you coming in to stay? Or will you leave again as soon as I turn my back?” Rose inquired fiercely. “Because if you’re leaving again then you should just go. Go now. Keep sending your ruddy postcards, but do not set foot into this flat unless you intend to stay. It’s easier to think you’re out there waiting for me when you don’t keep leaving me.”
“I was scared,” the Doctor told her softly. “I was afraid of what you’d say. I was frightened of what I’d do. This is everything I ever wanted, Rose, and I didn’t know how to react.”
“And so you ran,” Rose returned as she crossed her arms. “Rather childish.”
“I know. It was the only thing I could do. The only thing I had control of at the moment,” he responded. The Doctor looked into her eyes with an imploring gaze. “I want to make it up to you, Rose Tyler. I will do whatever you want. I’ll get on my knees and beg your forgiveness if that’s what it takes. I’ll let your mum slap me every day for the rest of our lives. I’ll chain myself to the piece of furniture of your choosing. I intend to stay with you and not leave unless you want me to.”
He started to reach a hand out to her, but quickly stuffed it into a pocket. He closed his eyes a moment then focused back on her. Rose could see all the emotions he probably never would have admitted to before swirling in his brown irises. If she asked him a question about himself, about his past, about anything she wanted to know, he’d most likely answer it with the truth she wanted from him years ago.
“Please, Rose.”
“What if I say no?” Rose replied.
The Doctor flinched as if she had struck him. This Doctor could become her emotional punching bag, if she so chose. He was placing himself in her hands.
“Are you?”
“I didn’t say that,” Rose answered. “I want to know what you would do if I say no.” She pursed her lips. “What would you do, Doctor?”
“I’d respect your decision,” he informed her. “But I would do everything in my power to try and get you back. To show you I can live this one life here on Earth with you. I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you, Rose Tyler. I’ve loved you since the beginning and I’ll love you until the end.”
“How can I believe you?”
The Doctor’s jaw clenched and his gaze fell to the floor.
“I suppose I didn’t give you much reason to,” he responded. He lifted his head back up. “I’m going to do my best to make it up to you. I’ll get a job. I’ll share a mortgage. Anything.”
“It’s easy to say the words, Doctor,” Rose told him. “The hard part is actually going through with it. Do you think you’re capable of that?”
“I want to try,” the Doctor stated. “I want to make you happy, Rose. I want to have a life with you.”
“I’d like to believe you.” Rose started.
“Then believe me,” the Doctor insisted. “I’ve got nothing to give you except myself, Rose. These words and my heart are all I have to share with you. If you can’t accept any of it then there’s nothing else I can do. I’m not a Time Lord with a TARDIS anymore. Time and space are no longer at my disposal. I have to start over and I want to do it with you.”
Rose took in a deep breath then slowly released it.
“Would you like a cup of tea?” Rose asked.
The Doctor blinked then frowned.
“What?”
“Tea,” Rose said slowly. “Would you like a cup?”
The Doctor’s face lit up a bit as he grinned.
“Does that mean…?”
“We’re having a cup of tea,” Rose interjected. “And we’re going to talk. We are going to discuss a few things about this life you think we’re going to have together. It won’t be easy and you need to realize that before taking off again because it’s just too difficult for you.”
“I have no intention of ever leaving you again, Rose Tyler,” the Doctor returned with sincerity etched in each word. “I love you. To lose you again would kill me.”
Rose smiled softly then held out her hand. His eyes widened at the gesture before he quickly took the proffered hand and was gently pulled into the flat.