(no subject)
further attempts to resonate concrete, pg-13, nine/rose
“Where have you been, Jack?”
“Oh … well, getting into trouble, I thought. But apparently I've been outdone.”
Pause.
“So. Prison?”
“Prison. Happens less often than you'd think.”
“Oh trust me, Rose, since I met you two I've been stunned everyday I wake up not in jail. What's he in for?”
“Preventing the ritual drowning of seven virgins.”
“Yeah, it's amazing how many civilizations take exception to a man deflowering their virgins. Even if it's with good, life-saving inten-” Concerned pause. “Rose, the lighting in here is awful but I think you're turning blue.”
“The Doctor …. He …! He didn't deflower anyone!”
“Come on, Rose, the man's nine hundred. I think it's safe to assume at some point, he deflowered someone. Of course, he could be an ancient, intergalactic virgin. In which case … you want to prevent his ritual drowning or should I? Feeling heroic?”
Pause.
“Colorful tonight, Miss Tyler. I do believe you're going red now.”
“Captain, you are remarkably unhelpful in every regard.”
“Bet I would have done a better job with the virgins. I mean who drowns virgins? What a waste of perfectly good virgins?” Pause. “Ouch! Okay, okay, what's the plan? And can it not involve anymore kicking?”
“Well, as you can see, we're up against a stone fortress. And there are no back doors or low hanging roofs or secret passages to speak of. My best plan right now involves bananas, spades, and seven tunneling virgins.”
“Plus two tunneling non-virgins, I assume.”
“Plus one tunneling non-virgin and one tunneling 51st century harlot.”
“Rose Tyler, you make me sound so glamorous. Why bananas?”
“Motivation for the Doctor to start digging from his end. Obviously.”
“Hmm. You'd think the seven virgins would be enough motivation. Granted, my money's on the non.... Rose, are you …? Rose, don't cry, we'll get him out.”
“Sorry. I'm sorry. It's just, it's not funny. I've been here all night trying to think up a way …. And they were talking about executing him. And I had no idea where you were either. And he … he always ….”
“Hey, Rosie, we'll get him out. These people are mostly civilized, other than the virgin thing. And he's the Doctor. I'm sure he's fine.”
Pause.
“Rose, what about the front door?”
“Erm, locked. Prison, remember? I can't just walk in.”
“Well, they're civilized. They've got to allow conjugal visits.”
“Jack!”
“Hey, I mean they didn't try to sacrifice you right? So you don't have a reputation to protect.”
Shocked sputtering.
“And it might just get you in to see the Doctor. Maybe work out a plan. Or ….”
Unintelligible muttering.
“What was that, Captain?”
“I'm just saying, confined space, shackles, easy access jumpsuit. Prison could be the best thing that ever happened to the two of you. Or to my already considerably dirty imagination.”
“You're serious, aren't you?”
“About my imagination?”
“No. You really, actually think I should visit the Doctor and pretend to, you know ….”
“I never said 'pretend,' Rose. I don't support faking it in any circumstance.” Pause. “Ouch! I said no kicking!”
***
“Rose!”
“Huh.”
“Huh. Huh? I've been in prison all night and all you can say is 'huh'?”
“No. Just surprised is all. They really did put you in a jumpsuit.”
“Yeah. Mauve and dangerous, me.”
“Didn't expect they'd keep you in a pit inside a locked room either. Seems excessive.”
“Recessed floor prison. Fairly practical model, really. It's quite tough to escape from a cell that's mostly underground, the stat …. Hold on just a minute! She's not under arrest! Don't you open that grate unless you've come to your senses and-”
“Shhh, Doctor. They're just lettin' me in for a visit.”
“What are you? My legal council, then?”
“Not that sort of visit.”
“Oh. Oh.” Pause. “Jack's idea?”
“Who else?”
Awkward pause. “Rose, did you bake a pie?”
“My mother's recipe. Oi! You, guard! Hand us down a key, won't you? He's no good to me in shackles.”
“Rose!”
“Fine, if you really want to keep them on.”
“Never mind.”
“Sorry ma'am, my mistake. I will have to insist you lock him securely before I can let you out again though.”
“Of course.”
Clank of dropped key.
Click of opening cuffs.
“Now what?”
“Pie.”
“Pie? Pie! Rose Tyler, have you baked a file into a pie?”
“Better.”
Pause.
“Much better.”
“Told you. The next cell over is empty and open. If we can get through, maybe we can run before the guard catches on.”
“I'll start resonating the concrete.”
Pause.
“Rose. What do you have against me trying to resonate concrete?”
“Nothing.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“The guard was looking down here. All suspiciously.”
“So you thought you'd undress me?”
“Well, it's what he expects, isn't it?”
“Fair point. But ….”
“Didn't catch that, Doctor.”
“It's distracting, I said.”
Pause. Possible concrete resonation sounds.
“Oooh!”
“Rose, did you just …?”
“Ah! Yesss.”
“Is that entirely necessary? The guard hasn't even checked back.”
“Well he's bound to if you take any longer resonating that concrete. Mmmmmnh! Oh! Like that.”
Annoyed silence from one punctuated by the occasional moan, curse, or other assorted show of enthusiasm from the other.
“You seem to have a bit of practice faking. Not that you're very convincing.”
Stunned, utterly silent silence.
“That's more like it. I've always found proper orgasms to sound a bit less intentional. Dare I say, forced. Usually a bit more frustration to them. Bit less coherence. None of these whole phrases you've been spouting.”
Further stunned silence.
“That did it!”
Quiet sound of concrete crumbling followed by muffled coughing.
“After you, Rose.”
***
“Doctor, not that I'm complaining, but are you aware that you're in your shorts?”
“Had to convince the guard, didn't we. Besides, jumpsuit is not my best look.”
“He was all mauve and dangerous.”
“Are you alright, Rose? You looked a little stunned.”
“Erm, just, you know, resonating concrete and all. Didn't really think he could do it. But ….”
***
“Doctor, this is all completely unfair.”
“What is?”
“All those things you said in the prison about … about me and faking....”
“Rose, that was weeks ago.”
“Well, it's been on my mind, okay? And it's just … it's unfair. Putting thoughts like that in a girl's head when she out here all alone, traipsing across space and time.”
“Alone?”
“Well ….”
“About as unfair as when you flounce around the TARDIS in some sorry excuse for a skirt? About as unfair as you standing in one of those skirts right over my head while I'm in prison? About as unfair as you moaning to high heaven while I'm trying to resonate concrete?”
Pause.
“You looked up my skirt?”
“Your legs, Rose Tyler, ought to be mauve.”
"Oh."
"Oh."
***
It'd been several hours since the Doctor had gone off to find Rose who'd been strangely moody for weeks. Jack hadn't seen either one of them in the intervening time.
He strolled to Rose's door and raised a hand to knock.
Then it occurred to him that he could hear quite a bit of breathing punctuated by quiet a bit of silence. “Thank god for prison,” he said and hi-fived the nearest wall of the TARDIS.
********
29. So I better tell you about her legs. When she crosses them on the sofa It's like the jailer unwrapping a parcel And in that parcel is a Christmas cake And in that cake a sweet little file That gasps her name as it files my chains.