Jul 30, 2012 22:04
Well something's lost
but something's gained
In living every day.
Joni Mitchell
Lately I've been feeling as though I'm casting a troll's shadow. Feeling lost, vulnerable, fragile, like I need to keep everyone at arm's distance for fear of being broken. It's no way to live. I need this feeling to go away again.
I've also lost that loving feeling when it comes to music. Again. It comes and goes, I suppose. I've been sick in one way or another for the past four or five months, and have been on antibiotics more than once during that time. As a result I haven't been able to do any serious singing; I feel both restless and despondent, eager to sing, but feeling as though it's just an exercise in futility. I've gotten some writing done, which is good, but I really need to do more, and find a way to get some of this music performed.
Maybe I can only handle so much happiness in my life at one time? Maybe I need some drama in order to feel as though everything's normal? I don't have any real problems in my life, so I really don't have any excuse to complain. But I guess that's exactly what I'm doing here, isn't it?
Fuck.
Originally posted at my Dreamwidth blog. Sorry, LJ.
depressed,
babbling,
music