(no subject)

Jul 30, 2012 22:04

Well something's lost
but something's gained
In living every day.
     Joni Mitchell

Lately I've been feeling as though I'm casting a troll's shadow.  Feeling lost, vulnerable, fragile, like I need to keep everyone at arm's distance for fear of being broken.  It's no way to live.  I need this feeling to go away again.

I've also lost that loving feeling when it comes to music.  Again.  It comes and goes, I suppose.  I've been sick in one way or another for the past four or five months, and have been on antibiotics more than once during that time.  As a result I haven't been able to do any serious singing; I feel both restless and despondent, eager to sing, but feeling as though it's just an exercise in futility.  I've gotten some writing done, which is good, but I really need to do more, and find a way to get some of this music performed.

Maybe I can only handle so much happiness in my life at one time?  Maybe I need some drama in order to feel as though everything's normal?  I don't have any real problems in my life, so I really don't have any excuse to complain.  But I guess that's exactly what I'm doing here, isn't it?

Fuck.

Originally posted at my Dreamwidth blog. Sorry, LJ.

depressed, babbling, music

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