(no subject)
I am listening to The Goldberg Variations by Johann Sebastian Bach, as recorded by Glenn Gould. The 1981 recording of them, which also turned out to be his final recording before he died. It is important to make this clarification, as his first recording was of these same 'keyboard exercises' in 1954.
Have you ever listened to this music? I mean, really listened? It consists of a main aria, followed by thirty variations before closing with the same aria; it is a deeply intimate recording, as much a statement about the performer as it is about the composer. To say that Gould was a genius would be an understatement: he was a musical sensation, a visionary, a powerhouse of the piano whose interpretations of various composers' keyboard music were nothing short of revolutionary. His playing was concise, crystal clear, with every voice being heard clearly; he would often conduct himself when playing, hunched over the keyboard, getting as close to the keys as possible; often you can hear him singing along to his playing.
So what, right? Most of you may be familiar with the name, but really, does this music matter to you? Does it compel you to push the rest of the world away, to do nothing but be immersed in a moment of bliss? For me, this music is the world. It is, for lack of a better word, perfect. I haven't met anybody since university who felt the same way about music, who has felt driven by it. Through nobody's fault, it's made for some very lonely moments, not having that connection. Maybe it just doesn't exist.
Glenn Gould's music is reflective of a kind of mental clarity, of vision that I've found lacking in my life, a sense of drive, or purpose. Don't get me wrong: a lot of great things have happened in the year that I've been back in Vancouver, but I've kind of just gone with the flow, allowed things to happen, to take things as they come. That will do for a while, but it will only get me so far.
I believe that I am capable of remarkable things. This is not bragging: I've done remarkable things, been part of incredible musical accomplishments. I've been a part of one of this country's finest vocal ensembles, I've performed with orchestras, I've been invited to sing with opera companies; I've written pieces of music that, while not world-changing examples of composition, I consider to be well-written, solid pieces of music,and I've even tried my hand at writing ... well, I can't call it poetry, but at least something on the more creative side of text, something I never seriously considered before attending the slams.
It's a good start. It's not good enough. Glenn Gould reminds me that sometimes we need to be driven at the expense of all other distractions. This is all proof that I could be doing so much more, if I just applied myself. Someone I know who recently returned to school said that she has now made school her 'boyfriend', treating it as the primary relationship in her life. It's a noble goal, one which I need to follow. I need to immerse myself in it all - music, poetry, art - and see what comes of it.
I no longer think of myself as having all the time in the world. It's always later than you think. The time to make something of myself is now.