(no subject)
Working through some feelings lately - or maybe it would be better to say that these feelings worked through me. I cut up my Rufus Wainwright album Poses with an exacto blade yesterday. It's a beautiful album, and like the protagonist in Fight Club, I found myself wanting to destroy something beautiful. It was a stupid, self-wallowing gesture, and now I have to go out and get another copy. Utterly pointless.
Nice.
On the surface, it sounds like a pleasant enough word, doesn't it? According to Merriam-Webster, these days the word can mean 'pleasing', 'agreeable', 'polite' or 'kind. The origins of 'nice' however are 14th century Middle English, originally meaning 'foolish' or 'wanton'; from Anglo-French, 'silly' or 'simple'; and from Latin nescius, 'ignorant'. Not a good beginning for a word that people tend to think of and ostensibly use as a compliment.
These days, I think that we can expand the definition to include 'doormat' or 'weak'. Have you ever noticed that, when asked to describe somebody, people tend to fall back on this word, usually because they don't really know anything about the person in question, but don't want to sound rude. "So, what's (s)he like?" "Ummmm .... (s)he's nice." Not really a glowing endorsement of anybody's personality or character.
So, you know what? I need to work on not being quite so nice. 'Nice' isn't the compliment most people imagine it to be. 'Nice' doesn't get the job done. I need to work on being more assertive, growing a thicker skin, to be able to say 'no' or 'fuck you' without feeling as though I'm a bad person. I need to stop worrying so much about what others may or may not be thinking about me; it's inevitable that I'm going to upset somebody at some point, so why worry about it? And it would be far better of me to try and be interesting, rather than nice.
And I need to return to my music. I've neglected my writing for far too long; I've got all these ideas percolating away in my head, just waiting for me to commit them to paper. Music is the one thing that I believe I can do well; no matter what has happened to me in my life, music has never left me, and often, it has been the only thing that has kept me going. It's all fine and well of me to talk about it, but if I'm not actually doing it, then why am I even here?
This is definitely going to be a work in progress, and I'll no doubt upset some of you in the process. My urge here is to apologize for it, but I won't. If you don't like it, fine, but this one's for me.
Nice.
On the surface, it sounds like a pleasant enough word, doesn't it? According to Merriam-Webster, these days the word can mean 'pleasing', 'agreeable', 'polite' or 'kind. The origins of 'nice' however are 14th century Middle English, originally meaning 'foolish' or 'wanton'; from Anglo-French, 'silly' or 'simple'; and from Latin nescius, 'ignorant'. Not a good beginning for a word that people tend to think of and ostensibly use as a compliment.
These days, I think that we can expand the definition to include 'doormat' or 'weak'. Have you ever noticed that, when asked to describe somebody, people tend to fall back on this word, usually because they don't really know anything about the person in question, but don't want to sound rude. "So, what's (s)he like?" "Ummmm .... (s)he's nice." Not really a glowing endorsement of anybody's personality or character.
So, you know what? I need to work on not being quite so nice. 'Nice' isn't the compliment most people imagine it to be. 'Nice' doesn't get the job done. I need to work on being more assertive, growing a thicker skin, to be able to say 'no' or 'fuck you' without feeling as though I'm a bad person. I need to stop worrying so much about what others may or may not be thinking about me; it's inevitable that I'm going to upset somebody at some point, so why worry about it? And it would be far better of me to try and be interesting, rather than nice.
And I need to return to my music. I've neglected my writing for far too long; I've got all these ideas percolating away in my head, just waiting for me to commit them to paper. Music is the one thing that I believe I can do well; no matter what has happened to me in my life, music has never left me, and often, it has been the only thing that has kept me going. It's all fine and well of me to talk about it, but if I'm not actually doing it, then why am I even here?
This is definitely going to be a work in progress, and I'll no doubt upset some of you in the process. My urge here is to apologize for it, but I won't. If you don't like it, fine, but this one's for me.