Wormed my way to the heart of the crowd

[themycon]

So, I didn't get kicked out on my birthday. I paid next months bills & rent, had the check clear, THEN my sister kicked me out. At least it bought me another week. And her realizing that she really can't get by without me- still blames me for her not liking the work dad gives her, his only giving her $3K/month, and people saying she should stop

Comments

[richardrahl]

I feel like I've already given up on "changing the world," so to speak. I'm nowhere near as blatantly pessimistic as I was in my teenage years, but under the hopeful realist attitude I've crafted seems to be a resigned cynicism.

The more you learn about the world, the more you realize how much misery and stupidity it contains, and it's not going to go away. And I think what I've understood about it is that the cream of the crop, the most brilliant minds humanity has proffered, are either not in a position to make headway or have found the task too impossible/unrewarding to have any success. I know that personally, if I could muster up the necessary level of ambition, I could probably do some good...but if my suggestions are just going to be ignored by the teeming masses of fools, what's the point?

Anyway, I'm pretty much totally adrift. Before, no matter what was going on with everything else in my life, I had the anchor of academia to count on as a constant. I could always say, "Sure, I'm confused/angry/depressed/directionless, but I'm still in college." I don't have that crutch any more; now I'm just a lazy, unemployed twentysomething who doesn't know what he wants out of life.

All the while, I keep coming back to the first paragraph behind the cut: I feel like there's some sort of answer just out of my reach or view, if only I can figure out how to make it accessible.