(no subject)
Leaning back uncomfortably against the seat of the sofa and staring up at the bright center of my ceiling light, my head is swimming...
I wonder if things would have been different...
Even with my eyes closed and my hand resting heavily upon their lids, I can still see the light. There are moments where I feel like I am never at rest, and I can feel my skin twitch with the flickering of every picture on the tv.
It is an odd sort of feeling, and one I can't quite put my finger on. Is it a good thing I am getting easily riled as before?
I find myself being a petty person, often jealous of people around me for minor advantages, and even from the help I give them. I am a vain and proud person, spoiled and diluted into believing I deserve things. And even in scolding myself, I can stop the irritation in my soul.
In the end, I am really left with nothing.
I want to say cruel words to someone... but I am just humoring myself in believing they are cruel.
Silly... its been a while since such whisperings crept out.
I saw a man on tv today... He was incredible. And I envied him I think. And pitied him at the same time.
And then two breezes blew threw my window... the first one stirring the frustration in my soul, and the second one refreshing, bringing brief tears.
It was warm today... well as warm as it could get for here... with rain. Despite the stifling air of the office, I sat in front of a barely open window and a chill ran up my spine. I wonder if it will ever stop feeling like winter here...
I wonder if things would have been different...
Even with my eyes closed and my hand resting heavily upon their lids, I can still see the light. There are moments where I feel like I am never at rest, and I can feel my skin twitch with the flickering of every picture on the tv.
It is an odd sort of feeling, and one I can't quite put my finger on. Is it a good thing I am getting easily riled as before?
I find myself being a petty person, often jealous of people around me for minor advantages, and even from the help I give them. I am a vain and proud person, spoiled and diluted into believing I deserve things. And even in scolding myself, I can stop the irritation in my soul.
In the end, I am really left with nothing.
I want to say cruel words to someone... but I am just humoring myself in believing they are cruel.
Silly... its been a while since such whisperings crept out.
I saw a man on tv today... He was incredible. And I envied him I think. And pitied him at the same time.
And then two breezes blew threw my window... the first one stirring the frustration in my soul, and the second one refreshing, bringing brief tears.
It was warm today... well as warm as it could get for here... with rain. Despite the stifling air of the office, I sat in front of a barely open window and a chill ran up my spine. I wonder if it will ever stop feeling like winter here...