A little John Eldridge
I expect that all of us at one time or another have said, "Well part of me wants to, and another part of me doesn't". You know the feeling- part of you pulled one direction, part of you the other. Part of me loves writing and genuinely looks forward to a day at my desk. But not all of me. Somteimes I'm also afraid of it. Part of me fears that I will fail- that I am simply stating what is painfully obvious, or saying something vital but incoherent. I'm drawn to it, and I also feel ambivalent about it. come to think of it, I feel that way about a lot of things. . .
-John Eldridge Waking the Dead