i fucking hate everything

[themoosedaddy]

ok.

i have lost it completely.
i swear to it that if i had the means.
or the real will.
i would not be alive.
i know everyone has their problems.
but it just seems like i get triple the shit of the average person.
because everytime i start to get happy.
i get an extra heaping helping of bullshit to wash it down with.
like just waking up, and living throughout the day just feels so surreal.
like nothing is real at all.
it all seems like a dream.
all day. everyday.
i just live to be sedated.
i can't handle being sober anymore.
my brain just talks too much, and i can't seem to get it to shut the fuck up.
give me anything that will take my mind off of my daily life.
being awake is a burden i cannot bear.
being alive is a pain that tears at the very atoms of my being.
would i be better off?
i just want to gain perspective as to why i seem to be the scapegoat.
to everyones issues.
like me being alive fucks everybody else's day up.
why can't i just be happy. what the fuck is the major malfunction.
fuck this.