The Monster Tamer has died.
Wednesday,Nov.10th, 2004
To All Those Who May Have Known Her,
I regret to inform you of the loss of Jesse The Monster Tamer. She passed away on Tuesday, November 9th, 2004. On a day that began with a hearty, friendly arts and crafts collective, while she made paper dolls, Jesse heard the cries of a small child from beneith her window and immediately jumped to the rescue. She, however forgot to drop her saftey scissors, and as she ran down the stairs to aid the crying toddler, she stepped on her untied shoelace and fell down the remaining three flights. Paramedics found her comatose, with rounded-edge scissors logded in her lower mandible. She was rushed to the state of the art medical facility, Windham Hospital and was treated for a severe concussion, and recieved seven stiches. When she miraculously awoke from her coma, she was greeted by friends, family and peach cobbler. After her loved ones left her bedside, she took but a single bite from the tasty treat and found herself helplessly choking. She attempted to reach for the Nurse's Station call button, but accidentally grazed the Eject Option on her hospital bed which promptly jettisoned her through a six inch, double plated, hurricane reinforced, closed window. She fell ten stories and landed, head-first in a pile of rusty rebar left over from unfinished construction (courtesy of University Of Connecticut). With a pole lodged in her skull, and peach cobbler still rendering her unable to breathe, she ran through the streets gagging for help. Failing to look both ways while crossing a busy intersection during rush-hour, she was struck by a Mack truck, which launched her twenty yards forward where she was soon thereafter run over by a P.T Cruiser, an Aztec and a rickshaw. She found herself unable to move as the rickshaw pushed the rebar further into her brain. She lay pathetically in the road, drooling, and gurgling for assistance when it began to rain. Donning only a hospital robe, she caught a chill and died three hours later, in that very spot, from the common cold.
She is survived by her six grandparents, six aunts, five uncles, three dogs, three cats, Her two loving mothers, two younger cousins, her wonderful younger brother, her great grandmother and the unfinished dish of peach cobbler. Services for Jesse The Monster Tamer will be held in an undisclosed location, open only to friends and family. In lue of flowers, please send Baklava and Mike's Hard Lemonade. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Olga Terwilitchur,
Power Of Attorney
To All Those Who May Have Known Her,
I regret to inform you of the loss of Jesse The Monster Tamer. She passed away on Tuesday, November 9th, 2004. On a day that began with a hearty, friendly arts and crafts collective, while she made paper dolls, Jesse heard the cries of a small child from beneith her window and immediately jumped to the rescue. She, however forgot to drop her saftey scissors, and as she ran down the stairs to aid the crying toddler, she stepped on her untied shoelace and fell down the remaining three flights. Paramedics found her comatose, with rounded-edge scissors logded in her lower mandible. She was rushed to the state of the art medical facility, Windham Hospital and was treated for a severe concussion, and recieved seven stiches. When she miraculously awoke from her coma, she was greeted by friends, family and peach cobbler. After her loved ones left her bedside, she took but a single bite from the tasty treat and found herself helplessly choking. She attempted to reach for the Nurse's Station call button, but accidentally grazed the Eject Option on her hospital bed which promptly jettisoned her through a six inch, double plated, hurricane reinforced, closed window. She fell ten stories and landed, head-first in a pile of rusty rebar left over from unfinished construction (courtesy of University Of Connecticut). With a pole lodged in her skull, and peach cobbler still rendering her unable to breathe, she ran through the streets gagging for help. Failing to look both ways while crossing a busy intersection during rush-hour, she was struck by a Mack truck, which launched her twenty yards forward where she was soon thereafter run over by a P.T Cruiser, an Aztec and a rickshaw. She found herself unable to move as the rickshaw pushed the rebar further into her brain. She lay pathetically in the road, drooling, and gurgling for assistance when it began to rain. Donning only a hospital robe, she caught a chill and died three hours later, in that very spot, from the common cold.
She is survived by her six grandparents, six aunts, five uncles, three dogs, three cats, Her two loving mothers, two younger cousins, her wonderful younger brother, her great grandmother and the unfinished dish of peach cobbler. Services for Jesse The Monster Tamer will be held in an undisclosed location, open only to friends and family. In lue of flowers, please send Baklava and Mike's Hard Lemonade. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Olga Terwilitchur,
Power Of Attorney