Navel-gazing at its worst
I'm sorry, I don't usually do this, but I'm feeling weird and I need to write about it.
It's very self-absorbed, so feel free to ignore it.
It's about my hair. I know, it's the worst kind of self-absorption, but it's bugging me big-time. Most of you have gotten to know me over the last few years. I have kept my hair VERY short since 2003, preferring an almost-shaved head coif most of the time. That's how most of you know me.
I have crazy hair: very fine, but there's lots of it, and hyper-curly. So curly, in fact, that I can do nothing with it (no spikes, no smoothing down, no funky do's) unless I have bleached the bejeezus out of it. So if I stay with natural mousy-brown, or even dye it a colour other than platinum blonde, it's just gonna curl.
For 17 years prior to 2003, I was known for my hair. My hennaed mass of curls that fell below my shoulders. I wore it in braids, I wore it pinned up, and I wore it loose. People loved it. Old ladies stopped me in the street to compliment me on it. My voice teacher threatened to disown me if I ever cut it. I actually had an audience member say to me once, "I was so disappointed when you came out for the second half and you had put your hair up!". This was not a solo gig, note: this was in a sixteen-voice choir. And she noticed my hair.
So I recently decided to grow it out again. It's at a point now where I can only bear to wear it with a headband, behind which total chaos reigns. I have dyed it red once more.
And people are acting differently toward me. My straight co-workers keep telling me how good I look. I get better service at Costco. Men - all men - are nicer to me. We're going to Montreal tomorrow, and I just know that my mother in law will gush about how nice my hair is looking. I have a job interview next week, and frankly I'm glad my hair looks "normal", because I suspect it's one of the reasons I've had trouble finding a job the last few months.
So, what's the big deal?
Well, I don't feel like me.
I look heterosexual. I pass. I look vanilla.
My lesbian co-workers have stopped commenting on my hair.
My girlfriend tells me I'm cute, but not sexy.
I don't feel.. umm... comfortable anymore.
There are some major advantages to this look: I can walk among the members of my very conservative choir undetected. I will probably get solos I wouldn't get if I looked like a bulldagger. I feel I have to battle fewer prejudices when walking into an interview. In music, I work in an extremely conservative milieu, and I can just BE there more easily.
And it is pretty.
Okay, those of you who have made it this far, what would you do in my situation? Keeping my hair long will probably make my entire life easier, for the rest of my life. It will allow me to practice my calling more easily. It will make everybody nicer to me from the outset.
But I feel... kinda lost. Sorta not me.
Short or long, folks? Ideas? Suggestions?
It's very self-absorbed, so feel free to ignore it.
It's about my hair. I know, it's the worst kind of self-absorption, but it's bugging me big-time. Most of you have gotten to know me over the last few years. I have kept my hair VERY short since 2003, preferring an almost-shaved head coif most of the time. That's how most of you know me.
I have crazy hair: very fine, but there's lots of it, and hyper-curly. So curly, in fact, that I can do nothing with it (no spikes, no smoothing down, no funky do's) unless I have bleached the bejeezus out of it. So if I stay with natural mousy-brown, or even dye it a colour other than platinum blonde, it's just gonna curl.
For 17 years prior to 2003, I was known for my hair. My hennaed mass of curls that fell below my shoulders. I wore it in braids, I wore it pinned up, and I wore it loose. People loved it. Old ladies stopped me in the street to compliment me on it. My voice teacher threatened to disown me if I ever cut it. I actually had an audience member say to me once, "I was so disappointed when you came out for the second half and you had put your hair up!". This was not a solo gig, note: this was in a sixteen-voice choir. And she noticed my hair.
So I recently decided to grow it out again. It's at a point now where I can only bear to wear it with a headband, behind which total chaos reigns. I have dyed it red once more.
And people are acting differently toward me. My straight co-workers keep telling me how good I look. I get better service at Costco. Men - all men - are nicer to me. We're going to Montreal tomorrow, and I just know that my mother in law will gush about how nice my hair is looking. I have a job interview next week, and frankly I'm glad my hair looks "normal", because I suspect it's one of the reasons I've had trouble finding a job the last few months.
So, what's the big deal?
Well, I don't feel like me.
I look heterosexual. I pass. I look vanilla.
My lesbian co-workers have stopped commenting on my hair.
My girlfriend tells me I'm cute, but not sexy.
I don't feel.. umm... comfortable anymore.
There are some major advantages to this look: I can walk among the members of my very conservative choir undetected. I will probably get solos I wouldn't get if I looked like a bulldagger. I feel I have to battle fewer prejudices when walking into an interview. In music, I work in an extremely conservative milieu, and I can just BE there more easily.
And it is pretty.
Okay, those of you who have made it this far, what would you do in my situation? Keeping my hair long will probably make my entire life easier, for the rest of my life. It will allow me to practice my calling more easily. It will make everybody nicer to me from the outset.
But I feel... kinda lost. Sorta not me.
Short or long, folks? Ideas? Suggestions?