(no subject)
In news that surprises no one, I haven't been on LJ in months.
Life has been difficult. On Friday we got the call that my father-in-law was not expected to make it through the weekend.
So far he's still holding out, but I'm at this weird point where I almost wish it would be over. That sounds awful, doesn't it? It's not that I want him gone. It's just that the interim, the endless waiting for what I know is coming, is hell. My husband and I have been thinking since about 4:00 Friday afternoon that any minute now we'll get the call that he's gone, and the call hasn't come, and we're just waiting for it. Holding our breaths until it's over. The hospice nurse says he's not in any visible pain but he's totally unresponsive. Everyone back in Ohio is just trying to find productive things to do to prepare for the moment it happens. I think all of us are exasperated from the wait.
There has been so much more going on, much of it not good--both of my parents are facing the possibility right now of losing their jobs around the same time, my grandmother need surgery, my husband and I have been having problems, and my sister-in-law attempted suicide a couple months ago. It seems like life is just falling apart for myself and everyone I love. But today all I can think about is the fact that my father-in-law is passing soon and he'll likely go today while I'm at work and I will be an hour and a half away from my husband with no way to console him except through text messages.
I could use my bereavement leave, but I already asked them if I could save that for a trip to Ohio for a memorial service. We're not sure when that will be. If we aren't able to go immediately, we won't be able to go until mid-October. My mother-in-law says she plans to have him cremated and have the service whenever we can make it down there but I don't know how feasible that will be. I want to just take off right now and be with them. I know my husband needs his family and they all need each other right now.
There is some good going on. My husband has been accepted to McNally Smith in St. Paul. He starts in just over a week. I found a new job in the Cities with decent pay that I don't hate. In fact, I might even like it, once I'm used to it, and my coworkers are great. We THINK we have an apartment, but I have to call tomorrow to find out what's going on with our application because all that was left to do as of a week ago was confirm our student status (since it's an income-restricted apartment) and confirm our rental history, but I haven't heard anything back from them yet.
We'll see.
I've also started up a blog on WordPress, for anyone who is interested, where I post my poetry and occasional blogs about writing and literature. The link is here.
I guess that's everything. I mean, probably not, since I haven't updated since...what, February? I don't know who even reads this anymore. Hello, whoever you are. But that's everything that feels relevant right now.
I have to leave for work in an hour and a half and I just have no motivation whatsoever to make the three-hour round-trip drive, let alone actually spend nine hours at work.
Life has been difficult. On Friday we got the call that my father-in-law was not expected to make it through the weekend.
So far he's still holding out, but I'm at this weird point where I almost wish it would be over. That sounds awful, doesn't it? It's not that I want him gone. It's just that the interim, the endless waiting for what I know is coming, is hell. My husband and I have been thinking since about 4:00 Friday afternoon that any minute now we'll get the call that he's gone, and the call hasn't come, and we're just waiting for it. Holding our breaths until it's over. The hospice nurse says he's not in any visible pain but he's totally unresponsive. Everyone back in Ohio is just trying to find productive things to do to prepare for the moment it happens. I think all of us are exasperated from the wait.
There has been so much more going on, much of it not good--both of my parents are facing the possibility right now of losing their jobs around the same time, my grandmother need surgery, my husband and I have been having problems, and my sister-in-law attempted suicide a couple months ago. It seems like life is just falling apart for myself and everyone I love. But today all I can think about is the fact that my father-in-law is passing soon and he'll likely go today while I'm at work and I will be an hour and a half away from my husband with no way to console him except through text messages.
I could use my bereavement leave, but I already asked them if I could save that for a trip to Ohio for a memorial service. We're not sure when that will be. If we aren't able to go immediately, we won't be able to go until mid-October. My mother-in-law says she plans to have him cremated and have the service whenever we can make it down there but I don't know how feasible that will be. I want to just take off right now and be with them. I know my husband needs his family and they all need each other right now.
There is some good going on. My husband has been accepted to McNally Smith in St. Paul. He starts in just over a week. I found a new job in the Cities with decent pay that I don't hate. In fact, I might even like it, once I'm used to it, and my coworkers are great. We THINK we have an apartment, but I have to call tomorrow to find out what's going on with our application because all that was left to do as of a week ago was confirm our student status (since it's an income-restricted apartment) and confirm our rental history, but I haven't heard anything back from them yet.
We'll see.
I've also started up a blog on WordPress, for anyone who is interested, where I post my poetry and occasional blogs about writing and literature. The link is here.
I guess that's everything. I mean, probably not, since I haven't updated since...what, February? I don't know who even reads this anymore. Hello, whoever you are. But that's everything that feels relevant right now.
I have to leave for work in an hour and a half and I just have no motivation whatsoever to make the three-hour round-trip drive, let alone actually spend nine hours at work.