(no subject)
Well, here it is. I'm in my hometown for my wedding. Which is on Friday.
I'm getting married in three and a half fucking days.
For a long time, the wedding felt like a far-off thing. Like graduating high school feels when you're only in tenth grade, you know? On some level I knew it would happen eventually, but it seemed like it wasn't real enough to worry about yet.
And then we started getting serious about planning, and every time we took another step, I thought, "It feels so real now."
A few weeks out, it felt both real and unreal at the same time. Like, I was in awe that it was happening so soon, and I was making all these preparations, and yet I also felt like it wasn't really happening?
It wasn't until a couple weeks ago that it really, finally hit me: I'm getting married, and it's right around the corner. Suddenly it all felt as real as it could get. I was making final appointments, final payments, final to-do lists. And above all I felt the excitement that only comes when something big is within arm's reach.
Weirdly, the last couple days I've begun to slip back into how I felt when we first got engaged. The wedding is in about eighty-six hours, and yet it's the most distant I've felt from it. I keep telling myself I'm excited to be getting married this week, but I think I've started to kind of check out, you know?
That doesn't mean I'm NOT excited. I just feel really weird. Like the wedding has gone back to be this fantastic imaginary thing that I'm only dreaming of, and my wakeful self knows that. But...it's not?
I don't make any sense. It doesn't help that it's 12:30am and it's been a very long day.
Anyway, I'm in my hometown now. My best friend is coming into town tomorrow, if I remember correctly, and then Anthony's family will be here Wednesday morning. (They live in the part of Ohio that just got some horrible storms, with a ton of flooding and what not, so hopefully they don't experience any more bad weather between now and at least after they get home next week.) I'm so excited to see them! I haven't seen them since last July. And then Thursday is the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner (which reminds me, I need to make some bank transfers), and Friday is THE WEDDING. Friday night we're spending the night in a king-size jacuzzi suite. Saturday we're taking Anthony's family to the Mall of America, because they've never been, and Sunday, bright and early, we're leaving on our honeymoon.
It's gonna be good times.
I'm getting married in three and a half fucking days.
For a long time, the wedding felt like a far-off thing. Like graduating high school feels when you're only in tenth grade, you know? On some level I knew it would happen eventually, but it seemed like it wasn't real enough to worry about yet.
And then we started getting serious about planning, and every time we took another step, I thought, "It feels so real now."
A few weeks out, it felt both real and unreal at the same time. Like, I was in awe that it was happening so soon, and I was making all these preparations, and yet I also felt like it wasn't really happening?
It wasn't until a couple weeks ago that it really, finally hit me: I'm getting married, and it's right around the corner. Suddenly it all felt as real as it could get. I was making final appointments, final payments, final to-do lists. And above all I felt the excitement that only comes when something big is within arm's reach.
Weirdly, the last couple days I've begun to slip back into how I felt when we first got engaged. The wedding is in about eighty-six hours, and yet it's the most distant I've felt from it. I keep telling myself I'm excited to be getting married this week, but I think I've started to kind of check out, you know?
That doesn't mean I'm NOT excited. I just feel really weird. Like the wedding has gone back to be this fantastic imaginary thing that I'm only dreaming of, and my wakeful self knows that. But...it's not?
I don't make any sense. It doesn't help that it's 12:30am and it's been a very long day.
Anyway, I'm in my hometown now. My best friend is coming into town tomorrow, if I remember correctly, and then Anthony's family will be here Wednesday morning. (They live in the part of Ohio that just got some horrible storms, with a ton of flooding and what not, so hopefully they don't experience any more bad weather between now and at least after they get home next week.) I'm so excited to see them! I haven't seen them since last July. And then Thursday is the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner (which reminds me, I need to make some bank transfers), and Friday is THE WEDDING. Friday night we're spending the night in a king-size jacuzzi suite. Saturday we're taking Anthony's family to the Mall of America, because they've never been, and Sunday, bright and early, we're leaving on our honeymoon.
It's gonna be good times.