How To Love
Title: How To UnLove
Pairing: KyuMin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, fluff, crack, angst
Warning/s: yaoi, language
Verse: expanded
Type/Status: One-shot; Complete, 10,678W
Summary: Sungmin seeks Mr. Google's help on how to 'unlike' Kyuhyun.
~
"Closing your heart to something doesn't always mean that you hate it. It could also mean that you want it but you just know it isn't right."
- Anonymous
~
Sungmin shivered as he felt the other side of his bed dip and the familiar weight of a head he knew so well lean on his shoulder. He inhaled sharply through his nose and slowly released his breath. It was one of those nights wherein his lame excuse for a roommate decided to be clingy again - all to Sungmin's fortune or misfortune, he did not know.
All he knew was that he'd rather lose sleep and let the other have his way with his laptop slaying Zergs and whatever monsters the other loved to kill in those video games of his, than letting him have his way with him on his bed - no pun intended. Yet, he knew there was nothing else he could describe it as. Kyuhyun, no matter how unbecoming of him it was really, could get totally clingy and Sungmin just had to be the unlucky person who had to become his personal teddy bear on nights like this.
Sungmin willed his rapidly beating heart to calm down as Kyuhyun snaked an arm around his waist and nuzzled onto his neck. He knew better than to start the conversation, already aware that Kyuhyun valued his privacy and that the younger would always speak his mind in his own time. So, he continued to watch the drama playing on his laptop and clicked on the play button once more for the next episode to start.
Bad idea. On the screen was Lee Seung-gi on the verge of kissing Shin Min-Ah. Sungmin felt his cheeks heat up instantly, images of Kyuhyun’s deliciously plump lips, which were very near mind you, going through his mind. He swallowed the lump in his throat and prayed to the heavens that Kyuhyun didn’t notice anything.
Those fifteen seconds seemed to stretch for an eternity and Sungmin feared that his erratic heartbeat had already given him away, considering that Kyuhyun’s head was partly leaning on his chest. He gave an audible sigh of relief when the characters on the screen separated - which was thankfully unheeded by the younger since he chose the same time to let out a grunt of disapproval whilst straightening himself up on Sungmin’s bed so that they sat side-by side.
“Pfft. Why do you even watch these things? Geez. Seung-gi doesn’t even know how to kiss properly. I bet I could kiss better in my sleep,” Kyuhyun harrumphed, and Sungmin was sure there was a scowl on the younger’s face but he did not dare look for the sake of his fragile little heart.
He was tempted to retort with a: “Well, do you mind showing me how much of a better kisser you are?” but he knew he didn’t have the guts for that. Instead, he pretended to continue enjoying the show when all that was running in his mind were things about the man next to him.
“What do you care if I watch these dramas? I’m not the one who downloaded and watched each and every one of the eighty-one episodes of Jumong over the span of ten months. Huh, Kyumong?” Sungmin taunted, slowly gaining back his confidence as they fell into their routine of senseless banter.
“Ya! I watched Jumong for its historical impact, unlike you! Who watches these things anyway? As if nine-talied foxes really exists. Besides, this so-called love portrayed in these dramas is so unrealistic. Who the hell does that in real life?” Kyuhyun gestured exasperatedly at the screen as the male lead bent on his knees in front of the actress. “What a load of bull. Love my ass.”
Sungmin couldn’t respond even if he wanted to. What Kyuhyun said was right. He knew he was a hopeless romantic but the way Kyuhyun said it seemed like a slap to his face. He knew he was idealistic when it came to love. Who wouldn’t be when social media had all but publicized such feeling to be warm and fuzzy and all sorts of heavenly. Really, who could blame him if he wanted to experience a little piece of heaven on earth?
Sungmin mentally facepalmed as he realized that in the end, this was all his fault. He let himself believe that love was some magical feeling and that anything less than that wasn’t love at all. He thought that the worst part about watching Disney fairy tales growing up was realizing that in real life, the story is, more often than not, in reverse. It makes you wonder whether your very own happy ending even exists. Probably not. Not for him, anyways.
“Hey… Are you okay?” Kyuhyun nudged Sungmin’s shoulder with his nose when he noticed that the latter had been silent for too long, clearly not even watching the drama anymore.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Sungmin nodded cheerily, his smile too fake for Kyuhyun’s liking as the former closed the lid of his laptop and put it on the floor, disentangling himself from Kyuhyun in the process.
Sungmin immediately laid back on his bed after making sure his laptop was safe and burrowed onto his pillow facing the wall, his back towards Kyuhyun.
“Hey, don’t be upset. I was just saying what I thought. No need to get all sulky on me now,” Kyuhyun brought his hand to the small of Sungmin’s back and rubbed small circles there, knowing too well the soft spot of the elder.
“Nah. You’re right. I was just watching it for Seung-gi anyway. I promised him I would the last time we guested at Strong Heart.” Sungmin lied smoothly, liking the way Kyuhyun started to work the kinks on his back borne out of a long day’s work.
“Oh. Is that so?” Kyuhyun hummed as his hands halted in its ministrations on Sungmin’s back, to the latter’s disappointment.
“Mm-hmmm. Did you want to talk about something?” Sungmin asked softly, knowing too well that Kyuhyun only felt cuddly when he had something on his mind.
“Yeah. I was just thinking… What if we…?” Kyuhyun was interrupted by the loud blaring of Sungmin’s phone.
The elder quickly retrieved his phone from the nightstand, leaning over Kyuhyun and not noticing the hitch in the breath of the younger as he did so.
“Hello? Ah. Seung-gi ah! Yes. I was just watching it. Yeah, it’s good. I only have a few episodes to go before I finish. Yes, yes. No problem at all. Anything for you. Yeah… Good night,” Sungmin ended the call with a smile and returned his phone to the nightstand, only to jolt in shock when Kyuhyun all but captured his wrist and turned his phone screen towards himself before he released the elder.
“I didn’t know you were that chummy with him. You even have his selca as his contact image?” Sungmin was almost quite certain that Kyuhyun snapped at him but he couldn’t be too sure. What’s it to Kyuhyun anyways? It’s not like he was doing anything wrong.
“Oh. Yeah. We exchanged numbers after Strong Heart when we learned that we’re same aged friends! I’ve always thought he was older than me, what with his roles in the dramas and whatnot,” Sungmin shrugged and laid back on the bed properly, only half noticing that Kyuhyun didn’t seem to be as close to him as he was before that phone call interrupted their conversation. Speaking of which…
“Oh, what did you want to say?” Sungmin asked once again, but only received a shrug in return.
“Nah. I already forgot about it,” Kyuhyun said meekly in a way that let Sungmin know he did not, but he wasn’t one to press Kyuhyun for anything. He will talk when he’s ready.
“Oh, okay. Good night, Kyu,” Sungmin yawned and curled into himself, heart jumping out of his chest as he felt Kyuhyun hug him from behind, the younger’s chin perched on top of his shoulder in a way that made the younger’s breath send wisps of air onto his cheek.
“Uh, Kyu. What are you doing?” Sungmin shifted awkwardly because while Kyuhyun may be clingy, he was never this clingy. And good lord this was not good for his sanity. Not at all.
“Sleeping,” Kyuhyun answered simply.
“Um. Can’t you sleep in your own bed?” Sungmin tried once more, yet that only prompted Kyuhyun to tighten his hold on Sungmin’s waist. It was a welcome feeling, by the way.
“Nope,” Kyuhyun merely shook his head against Sungmin’s and placed a swift kiss on the elder’s cheek, making Sungmin swallow whatever words he wanted to utter.
Sungmin closed his eyes and figured that he could just let Kyuhyun be for tonight and he just about melted right then and there at the feel of Kyuhyun’s warm embrace around him. He promised himself that it will be the last time he indulged in his feelings, just like how he promises himself that every single day.
Sungmin finally succumbed to a fitful sleep and when his alarm went off at eight in the morning the next day, Kyuhyun was gone. Sungmin finally decided that enough was enough.
He thought he had shared something special and intimate with Kyuhyun last night. At least to him, it was special, but apparently the younger did not share the same sentiment as him. If he did, why else would he be gone so early? It’s not like they had sex, but Sungmin can’t help but feel like he got stood up after a one night stand. His heart ached at the thought and he slowly climbed out of his bed, movements still sluggish from sleepiness. He shrieked as he tripped on something on the floor and a resounding crack broke through the silence of the early morning. It sounded unmistakably like his laptop screen breaking and he immediately mourned the demise of his beloved Sony Vaio W in hot pink. Curse Kyuhyun indeed.
And speak of the devil.
“Sungmin-hyung!? Are you okay?” The maknae barged into the room wearing a pink apron which Sungmin was sure belonged to him whilst holding a spatula in one hand. The younger’s eyes were comically wide that Sungmin would have laughed if he was anything but a heap on the floor.
“I - I tripped,” Sungmin, being Sungmin, had to state the obvious.
It took Kyuhyun ten seconds flat before he dropped his spatula and ran to Sungmin’s side to help the elder up. He picked Sungmin by the waist and made him sit down on the swivel chair by his desk.
“Are you okay?” Kyuhyun finally managed to ask after he made sure Sungmin was sitting comfortably on his chair.
“Yeah. But my laptop isn’t,” Sungmin got teary-eyed as he stared at the broken fragments of what used to be his laptop screen moments ago. How was he supposed to watch dramas now!?
“Oh no,” Kyuhyun gasped as he saw the damage, quickly recovering when he saw that his own reaction made Sungmin want to cry more. “Don’t worry, hyung. My friend is the best hardware repairman you could find in Seoul. Your precious laptop will be back as if it’s brand new in no time.”
“Are you sure?” Sungmin asked worriedly, gaining a little hope at Kyuhyun’s reassurance. Kyuhyun, after all, knew more about computers than him.
“Affirmative. Now, why don’t you go back to bed while I grab you some ice for your foot?” Kyuhyun smiled - one of those rare genuine smiles he gave and Sungmin felt as if his foot got better already. He let himself be guided back towards the bed by the maknae and relished the feeling of being doted upon by the latter.
“Do you need anything else?” Kyuhyun clarified before he went back out of the room.
“I can’t stay here for the whole day! This is the only holiday I get in a month and this happens. Fuck my life,” Sungmin pouted and glared at his ruined laptop. What was he thinking putting it there in the first place anyway? Then he remembered and immediately blushed.
“Here, take one of mine.” Kyuhyun came out of nowhere and offered him a netbook of his own. Sure, it wasn’t a big deal for anybody else to be lent something as impersonal as a computer but this was Kyuhyun we’re talking about and that was something, to Sungmin, at least.
“Are - Are you sure?” Sungmin asked hesitantly, eyeing the laptop Kyuhyun was offering.
“Of course, hyung. Come on, it’s no big deal. I have six computers, remember?” Kyuhyun grinned cheekily and Sungmin’s heart dropped. Right. It’s not a big deal. It’s not like Kyuhyun was doing this because he cared for him anyway.
“Right. Thank - wait. Is something burning?” Sungmin scowled as he sniffed some more, Kyuhyun gasping and losing his hold on the laptop in the process as he raced to the kitchen where apparently, he had been cooking, much to Sungmin’s surprise.
Approximately five minutes later, a dejected-looking Kyuhyun walked back into their shared room with a bowl of cereal in one hand and a glass of orange juice in the other.
“Well. So much for cooking breakfast. Cereal?” Kyuhyun said sheepishly and Sungmin couldn’t find it in his heart to say no, no matter how much he despised the taste of corn flakes.
~
The morning was spent watching Jumong on Kyuhyun’s laptop which, coincidentally, was the maknae’s special laptop for watching his historical dramas. Sungmin was surprised to find himself actually getting interested in the show but Kyuhyun didn’t need to know that. The younger dozed off in the middle of the thirteenth episode and Sungmin didn’t have the heart to wake him for lunch. Besides, Kyuhyun has already watched all episodes of the show before anyway.
As the episode came to an end, Sungmin found himself getting bored so he decided to surf the net instead. He glanced at Kyuhyun’s form beside him, the younger’s hand clinging to his arm and he sighed. This was wrong on so many levels and definitely not healthy for Sungmin’s heart. He needed out and he needed it now. Out of desperation, Sungmin typed the words he never thought he would in his whole life.
“How to get over…”
Sungmin was surprised to see a few thousand hits on the topic he entered. He decided to click on a random link and immediately scowled as he closed the tab when he saw the address bar which read: http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/find-love/get-over-someone-you-love-d39759c486786.html
Sungmin didn’t need any more reminders of how much of a girl he was being already so he opened another link instead.
Miss Moving On
by ailaling1017
With the advent of technology comes the booming of social media. Ever wondered how your friends on Facebook could easily change relationship statuses every other week, while you’re stuck wallowing in self-pity about some lost love you’re wishing to be rekindled? Fret not. Here are five easy steps to help you transition from Miss Moving On to Miss Has Moved On. It would be as easy as liking and unliking a status on Facebook and now, you could apply it in real life! How great is that? Cheers to unliking your crush! Hurrah.
STEP 1. Denial is the first step. The faster you accept your feelings, the faster you could start moving on. Now that we've established that, do carry on and proceed to Step 2.
Sungmin rolled his eyes at the first step. He did not, does not, and would never fall in love with Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun was vile and mean and all sorts of evil. The younger might as well be the devil incarnate for all Sungmin knew and he definitely did not want anything to do with him. Not before, not now, not ever.
He knew Kyuhyun was bad news the moment the younger entered the door to their dorm some years ago - with his dark chocolate orbs which seemed to seep through Sungmin's soul every time, his sweater vests which looked oddly similar to that of Sungmin's grandfather, yet he found somewhat endearing, his acne-marred skin which made Sungmin cringe inwardly and almost... almost made him hurl his entire vanity full of Tony Moly products at the younger. And don't even get him started on that smirk which sent tingles up his spine every fucking time he was at the receiving end of such.
One would expect a nerd like Kyuhyun to be all rainbows and sunshine and all things unsexy, but Sungmin had the misfortune of experiencing for himself that Kyuhyun was anything but that - unsexy that is. One would be surprised at how much muscle one could conceal beneath those fugly woolen sweaters and what do you know, Sungmin was the lucky roommate who got to see everything. What everything looked like? Sungmin wasn't willing to share, thank you very much. That sight is his and his alone to enjoy and no, Sungmin is not the jealous type of person - not at all.
Sungmin didn't know if he was the only one who got caught up in Kyuhyun's charm though. Kyuhyun’s own best friend Ryeowook was never really subtle about his utter dislike for the 'sarcastic little ingrate,' as per Ryeowook's terminology. Sure, he often saw Kyuhyun being groped by Siwon in their dance rehearsals but that was Siwon and he basically did that to everyone. If any, Siwon paid extra attention to Kyuhyun's ass and Sungmin couldn't really blame him for that. Those voluptuous globes were just too enticing not to notice that Sungmin himself devoted at least thirty minutes of his daily existence imagining how it would feel like to knead those gluteal muscles and... Anyway, that's Siwon so nothing serious about that.
But then, he knew he might as well be fooling himself when he says all these because he did like Kyuhyun in a way that was definitely not merely platonic. He wouldn’t be searching for this site if he didn’t anyway. With such acceptance, he proceeded to the next step.
STEP 2. Ask yourself why you are doing this. People’s reasons on moving on vary on a case to case basis. So, what are you here for? Do you want closure from a break-up gone bad? Do you want to stop hurting from memories of the past? Have you finally accepted that you are not getting back together with your ex? Or have you decided to give up pining for someone you know you can never have?
… have you decided to give up pining for someone you know you can never have?
… give up pining for someone you know you can never have?
… someone you know you can never have?
… YOU CAN NEVER HAVE
There were still words written after that but Sungmin’s eyes seemed to be glued on those last few ones. It was as if they were staring up at him in mockery because that’s exactly why he was here. It pinched his heart as he realized the sad reality but then he knew he had to move on, if only to save himself from completely crumbling down.
He tilted his head to the side and looked at Kyuhyun’s visage, his features in a peaceful mask of sleep. It was one of the rare moments the younger actually looked his age since his personality and mischievous nature often made him look older. Sungmin unconsciously brought his hand to the younger’s face and caressed it. His index finger traced the other’s ear which he loved so much, he didn’t know why Kyuhyun hated them anyway, then down to his cheeks, thumb circling those acne scars which Kyuhyun oh-so-hardly tried to conceal with make-up. Sungmin had learned to love them and thought that they were perfect. He never did understand why Kyuhyun was so conscious about this. It was nothing but a reminder of a fun-filled teenage years - something Sungmin didn’t have the chance to have, having been trained from such an early age. Then again, Sungmin realized that he was no better than Kyuhyun. At least, what Kyuhyun worried about was something physical, unlike him who had much more deeper issues involving his talents and self-esteem. Truly, his problems weren’t skin-deep.
Sungmin absent-mindedly brought his fingertips to Kyuhyun’s eyelids which made the younger scowl in his sleep. Sungmin almost gushed at the cuteness but that would be giving him away. He didn’t want to be Yesung’s replacement as the creepy member who sneaked up on sleeping members, thank you very much. His lips inevitably tilted up when he reached Kyuhyun’s pointed nose. People tell him he had such a perfect angular nose but he personally thought that Kyuhyun’s nose was not bad at all. It had a nice shape and it proportionately matched his features. Then again, he may be biased but who cares? Then Sungmin reached Kyuhyun’s pillowy lips and he couldn’t help but bite his own as he traced the younger’s upper lips with a finger, all the while wondering how it would feel to be able to kiss them. Would they be soft? Rough? Would they feel as full as they looked?
Sungmin got lost in his daydream that he didn’t notice that he was edging closer and closer towards the younger's face, only realizing how close they were to each other when they were barely centimeters apart. He had half a mind to just delve in and satisfy his curiosity when the alarming sound of Kyuhyun’s laptop battery reaching a critical level blared and woke the younger up. Sungmin froze in his spot when Kyuhyun jolted awake, not unlike a deer who got caught in the headlights.
“Hyung, what’s wrong?” If Kyuhyun noticed something wrong, he didn’t say anything about it. Instead, he reached towards Sungmin’s lap to recover his netbook but his hand was swiftly swatted away by the elder.
“Uh. Nothing! The battery just got drained. Can you lend me the charger also, please?” Sungmin cradled the laptop onto his chest, effectively hiding what he was reading from Kyuhyun’s prying eyes.
“You’re not watching porn, are you?” Kyuhyun eyed him suspiciously.
“Wha - Of course not! I’m not Hyukjae, you brat!” Sungmin sputtered, deciding that he’d rather have Kyuhyun think what he was thinking instead of letting him know what he was really up to.
“Oh come on, hyung. Don’t be shy. We’re both guys here. We all have needs,” Kyuhyun smirked as he brought a hand to elder’s knees to tease the other, his hands almost immediately being kicked away by the scandalized Sungmin.
“Cho Kyuhyun!” Sungmin shrieked as he tried hard to kick as much of Kyuhyun’s body he could reach without falling off the bed.
“Fine! Fine. I was just kidding. Save your acrobatics for the stage, will you?” Kyuhyun laughed as he walked away from the bed, clutching his stomach in joy as he watched how aggravated his hyung had seem to become by his words. It’s not even a Friday yet he gets to bully Sungmin like this. What a good life indeed.
“Hey, hyung? I’ll go order us some Chinese for lunch. The laptop charger’s here,” Kyuhyun tapped the topmost drawer of his desk before finally leaving Sungmin on his own.
Sungmin was left staring at the door while still clutching the laptop for who knows how long when the laptop gave an alarming beep again. He hurriedly copied the link from the address bar and sent it to his e-mail address, figuring that he’ll just read it on his phone or something. It was too risky to open such sites in Kyuhyun’s computer. He’ll get busted for sure.
With that, Sungmin slowly walked to the drawer and retrieved Kyuhyun’s charger. He plugged the necessary wires in and left for the bathroom. If he was going to move on, he has got to do it right. So, he wanted to start with taking a bath - hoping against hope that he could rid himself of Kyuhyun’s scent which seemed to have attached itself to him permanently. That or he was just too in love for his own good that he imagined Kyuhyun’s scent to be with him everywhere he goes. Who knows.
When Sungmin stepped out of the bathroom thirty minutes after, he knew he was a changed man. He didn’t know what exactly it was but it felt as if something in him shifted. He wasn’t even as intimidated by Kyuhyun’s presence as he usually was when he saw Kyuhyun fiddling with the laptop he had just lent him a while ago.
He was letting go for good and no one’s going to stop him… or so he thought.
It wasn’t until a few days later until Sungmin remembered about the article he had been reading on his day off. So far, he was doing good in his progress towards moving on. He wasn’t as attached to Kyuhyun as he usually was and he saw to it that he kept himself busy so that he couldn’t dwell on his feelings, too tired to even move after a long day’s work. It was kind of working until he chanced upon Kyuhyun when he went for his musical practice.
Of fucking course, Kyuhyun had the same role as him. Just his luck. Then again, that wasn’t even the problem. It’s just that he felt the familiar tinge on his chest when he saw Kyuhyun acting all chummy with the female lead as soon as he entered the rehearsal room. It was nothing more than a friendly conversation they were having, but Sungmin could feel the green-eyed monster in him slowly stir back to life. It surprised him, to say the least, considering that he thought he was doing so well with this moving on thing.
Sungmin could only give a half-hearted smile in return as he deposited his bag on the chair next to the one the lead actress was sitting on. He kept his act even when Kyuhyun arched a questioning eyebrow at him since they always sat together during practices. Even he himself was surprised at his gesture, there’s no reason Kyuhyun wouldn’t be. Still, he knew it was for the better so he merely nodded at Kyuhyun and made up some excuse to go to the bathroom.
Upon reaching the mens’ room, Sungmin felt nauseous. He immediately entered a cubicle and sat on the lid. Once he felt better, he gathered his phone from his pocket and opened his mail. He clicked on the familiar website address and continued reading from where he left off.
STEP 3. Cut all your ties with the person you want to move on from. This, of course, is not in a completely literal sense. Sure, that person may be someone you cannot avoid seeing everyday but that doesn’t mean you cannot emotionally detach yourself from him. Stop caring for the other too much and start giving more importance to how you feel. You’ll find that you become happier this way and before you know it, you have already moved on.
Fuck my life, Sungmin thought as he read the next step. It was no secret that he literally had to spend most of his waking hours in the presence of the younger. It was hard to avoid Kyuhyun, especially when they had upcoming concerts - and they had a lot - since the group had to rehearse together.
Then again, the article also said that it may not necessarily be a physical avoidance at all. So, he focused on the phrase which said: emotionally detach yourself from him.
Sungmin smiled a bitter smile at this. He had always known that he was somewhat one of the most, if not the most cold-hearted member of the group. In his defense, he did not do this to hurt others. In reality, he did it to protect himself from unnecessary hurting. He had always been a person who was always able to keep his emotions at bay. Or at least he was. He had somehow lost that when he unconsciously fell for Kyuhyun.
“Oh well. I guess I’d have to go back to being me,” Sungmin sighed before he went out of the cubicle, resolute on accomplishing his mission this time.
Sungmin could almost hear the walls he built piece itself back together around him - repairing itself from when he had let his guard down to let Kyuhyun in. He didn’t even bat an eye when he saw the momentary flash of hurt in Kyuhyun’s eyes when he refused to go home with him, opting to spend more time with the other musical actors instead.
Sungmin felt more free than he ever had in a long time and he wasn’t the least bit sorry for it. He might have felt some banging akin to fists desperately knocking on a metal door but Sungmin paid it no heed. He was, after all, back to normal.
No emotions, no pain, no Kyuhyun.
~
A couple of weeks in and Sungmin was at his best. He still saw Kyuhyun on a daily basis but he wasn’t that much affected by the younger’s presence anymore - if at all. The curious stares Kyuhyun had been giving him increased but Sungmin couldn’t even bother himself to care. He was moving on and he was doing well. No need to dwell on what ifs anymore. He knew he owed himself that.
Knowing he had the article to thank for, he brought out his phone once again and read the next step. He was almost too sure he accomplished his goal with only three steps out of five but he figured there was no harm in continuing with the other steps, considering that the prior ones had worked its magic.
STEP 4. Go out and explore the world. Sometimes, the reason we could not get over someone is because we are too preoccupied with that someone and we tend to forget that indeed, there are a lot of fish in the sea. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to look for a rebound. In fact, you can start going out with people in a completely friendly manner. It takes your mind off your heartbreak without setting yourself up for another one. A clean break, that’s what it is!
Sungmin smiled at this. It is true that he had let himself wallow in misery for far too long. While Kyuhyun went out with his Kyu line on a regular basis, Sungmin had been left alone in their room to think of the worst case scenarios he could come up with regarding Kyuhyun’s relationship with his other friends. He kept on torturing himself about the possibilities. Are they really just friends? Did Kyuhyun like Changmin in a romantic way? Or perhaps Minho? Jonghyun?
Sungmin squeezed his eyes shut and decided that enough was enough. So, with a new found resolve, he dialed the number of the person he thought he would never need to contact again. After the conversation, Sungmin smiled to himself as he made a beeline for the bathroom, not even noticing that a pair of eyes had been watching him.
Sungmin easily got dressed thereafter and was about to go out of the room when he was stopped by someone clearing his throat.
“Going for a date, hyung?” Kyuhyun spat, although Sungmin couldn’t be too sure.
“Eh? Kyu, I didn’t know you were there. How silly of me,” Sungmin attempted to lighten the conversation.
“I was here for the last two hours but of course you wouldn’t realize that because you have been ignoring me for the past few weeks,” Kyuhyun growled and Sungmin was sure the younger had meant it to come out like that this time.
“Ignore you!? I would ne - “ Sungmin was interrupted when his phone rang.
“Hello, Seung-gi? Ah, yes. I was just about to leave the dorm. Yeah, see you in a bit. Bye.”
Sungmin gasped when he looked back up, only to find Kyuhyun’s face mere inches from his. When Kyuhyun stood up from the bed, he did not know. All he knew was that Kyuhyun was pissed and he had something to do with it.
“Kyu, what’s wrong?” Sungmin instinctively reached out to the younger, momentarily allowing a chink in the armor he had carefully built around him but he knew he couldn’t blame himself, not when Kyuhyun was staring at him with so much hatred mixed with something he couldn’t quite place. Never did the younger treat him like that even though he bullied him regularly and to say that Sungmin was shocked would be an understatement.
“What’s wrong!? You have the audacity to ask me what’s wrong? You ignore me for three full weeks,” Kyuhyun started furiously.
“I wasn’t…” Sungmin reasoned but he was shushed when Kyuhyun all but punched the door beside Sungmin’s face which led the elder to just look down.
“Shut up. I’m not done talking. And yes you were. You’ve changed. You refuse to sit beside me during our musical rehearsals, you wouldn’t stay in the same room as me for more than a couple of hours without finding an excuse to leave all of a sudden, you spend all your breaks with Donghae and Hyukjae hyung without even asking me if I wanted to come with you, you’ve been skipping our wine time every Friday, you wouldn’t even hold my hand when we do our ending bows for our concerts. It’s tradition, Min. We’re supposed to stand next to each other when we do our ending bows. I don’t care if you don’t interact with me during the three-hour concert but you have to give me that last couple of minutes to hold your hand and know that you’re there for me. Heck, you wouldn’t even look at me in the eyes anymore. Look at me god damn it!” Kyuhyun was at the verge of tears as he cupped Sungmin’s face so as to force the elder to look at him. It seemed to be the only way to do that nowadays.
Sungmin felt momentarily alarmed when he saw that Kyuhyun’s eyes were glassy. The younger never really got emotional and he was surprised that he actually got worked up over this - whatever this may be.
“Look, Kyu. I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this. I’m acting the way I should be acting as your hyung. I don’t see any reason why you would think that I was…” Sungmin once again got interrupted when Kyuhyun all but tightened his hold on his face.
“Is it because of Seung-gi? Did he not want you to hang with me anymore? Oh, god. Are you dating him!?” Kyuhyun was basically shaking Sungmin by this time, his hand gripping the elder’s waist desperately.
“What? No! Seung-gi and I are only friends and he invited me to hang out tonight. You always do that with Changmin and the gang. Why can’t I? Sungmin challenged Kyuhyun, if only to make the younger realize how selfish he was being.
“But Changmin is my best friend. And we’re friends too! Why do you not hang out with me anymore?” Kyuhyun asked exasperatedly, a lone tear finally dropping from his left eye as he pleaded to the elder.
“Believe me when I say that our friendship is the exact reason why I’m doing this. So, now if you’d excuse me, Seung-gi is waiting for me downstairs,” Sungmin muttered coldly as he pried Kyuhyun’s hands off his waist, but not before adding: “Just because you’ve realized I can be with other people, doesn’t mean you can just snap your fingers and have me back. That’s a little selfish, even for you, don’t you think? Besides, it’s not like you really care.”
With that, Sungmin slammed the door shut behind him - leaving a dumbfounded Kyuhyun who had his mouth agape at the elder’s words.
Kyuhyun felt his tears come in waves as soon as Sungmin disappeared behind the door because he did care… he cares… he will always care for Sungmin and nothing could change that. It’s a pity Sungmin didn’t seem to see that though.
~
The succeeding week after the fight was awkward for the both of them, to say the least. Kyuhyun had seemed to be taking more interest than usual in his video games. He didn’t even find bullying his hyungs to be all that amusing anymore.
Sungmin, on the other hand, had gone from meeting person after person in the hopes of distracting himself from his issues with Kyuhyun. He had thought Seung-gi was someone he could have been good friends with but apparently, the other had something else in mind when they met up that night. He knew he was not ready for a serious relationship so he turned the other down politely right then and there. However, after a couple of days of not talking to Kyuhyun at all, he had accepted various invitations to blind dates and whatnot, wanting nothing more than to find himself someone else to preoccupy his mind with.
It wasn’t until a few days later when Kang-in all but shoved the both of them into their room and locked them in with the threat that he’s not letting them out until they make up, that they finally talked. The tension in their relationship was affecting the group and in the absence of Leeteuk, Kang-in felt compelled to take over the responsibility of the leader and help them patch things up.
It was no more than a couple of sorrys here and there but it was enough to get Kyuhyun and Sungmin’s relationship to a working state again. Little by little, they learned to laugh at each other’s jokes once more and be as comfortable as they usually were in each other’s presence. Nobody mentioned their fight though.
“Hey, hyung. Going for a date again!? That’s like the third one this week. Do you have a quota or something?” Kyuhyun asked irritably as he saw Sungmin fixing his tie in front of the mirror for the umpteenth time that week. He never really figured out why Sungmin was doing all of this.
“Shut up, maknae. I do not have a quota, but I do have a deadline. Your hyung’s not getting any younger. I turn thirty in a couple years and god forbid, I do not want to grow old alone,” Sungmin answered as he straightened his bangs with a flat iron which was ironic, really, since his hair was already naturally straight.
“Well, you could always date ---“ Kyuhyun started, only to be interrupted when Sungmin’s phone went off.
“Shit, that would be Wu Fan. Can you just make a list of the prospective people I could date and leave it on my nightstand? I need to go now. Bye, Kyu!” Sungmin chirped before he dashed out of the door, leaving a dazed Kyuhyun once again.
“You could always date me…” Kyuhyun finished but Sungmin wasn’t there to hear him anymore.
`~
Two months and counting. That was the amount of time that has elapsed since Sungmin decided to move on from Kyuhyun and dare he say, he was doing quite well. He had been seeing quite a number of other people and while he didn’t engage in anything serious, he knew it was a start. He had met Wu Fan two more times after that one time before he decided that they were exact opposites of each other and decided they were better of as friends. He was now seeing Min Seok and he was still gauging the pros and cons if he were ever to enter into a relationship with the younger.
“Ah… So tired. I need sleep,” Sungmin yawned and jumped to his bed, not even minding to change into his pyjamas.
“Date went well?” Kyuhyun hummed from where he was playing on his laptop. Of course.
“Hmmm. I don’t know,” Sungmin muttered tiredly. “Min Seok is nice and all and this was our fourth date but I feel as if we’re too similar. I don’t think I could be with someone who has literally all the same habits as me. It gets really creepy,” Sungmin shrugged, turning on his side to face Kyuhyun’s bed.
“The last time, you said you didn’t like Wu Fan because you’re too different. Now you’re saying you don’t like Min Seok because you’re too alike? What’s it really gonna be, hyung? Make up your mind,” Kyuhyun said without looking up from his laptop but it made Sungmin think.
In fact, it basically rid Sungmin of all the sleepiness as he realized the truth in Kyuhyun’s words. He was in a stupor that he didn’t realize that Kyuhyun had abandoned his laptop and had already joined him on his bed, just like he always did before that one fateful night when he decided to move on.
“Don’t be upset, hyung. If worse comes to worse, I would sacrifice myself for your sake and marry you,” Kyuhyun whispered softly into Sungmin’s ear, only to receive a smack in return.
“Ya! How dare you say that? What sacrifice are you talking about? If that were to happen, I’d be the one who has to sacrifice you know. Who would want a lazy ass brat like you for a husband? I bet you’d just treat me as your maid or something,” Sungmin chided the younger as he kept on slapping his arms in an attempt to get back at him.
“Hey, come on. You know I was just joking,” Kyuhyun amended as he caught Sungmin’s wrists in his hands. He hugged the elder to his chest to prevent him from squirming, arms tightly secured around the other’s waist. “I know anyone would be lucky to marry you. You’re beautiful, intelligent, patient, talented, a good cook, and the best part is that you’re not even aware how much you’re actually worth. That’s why I know I can never marry you even if I wanted to. You’re too good for me. I’m nothing but a lazy ass brat who knows nothing else except playing video games and the occasional singing. I don’t want to bring you pain. You deserve so much better.”
Sungmin stiffened upon hearing Kyuhyun’s words. He had half a mind to ask Kyuhyun if he had been drinking but he knew the other hadn’t. He would know. Besides, Kyuhyun’s words paralyzed him, the impact of those few sentences shaking him to his core. He didn’t know how to respond. All this time, he had always thought that Kyuhyun didn’t appreciate him, didn’t care for him. Sure, those words were meant to comfort him but Sungmin knew Kyuhyun well enough to know that the younger was sincere when he said that. He didn’t allow himself to hope for something more, but the knowledge that Kyuhyun genuinely cared for him was enough to lull Sungmin to a dreamless sleep in the safe cocoon of Kyuhyun’s arms. Fuck moving on. He’ll pick up from where he left off the next morning.
~
When Sungmin woke up the next day, he was expecting Kyuhyun to be gone. Much to his surprise, Kyuhyun was still beside him, the younger’s grip on his waist tighter than ever. He felt himself smile as he looked up at the younger’s face. His movement caused the younger to stir and Sungmin immediately shut his eyes again.
“Good morning, gorgeous,” Sungmin heard Kyuhyun’s voice from above him but he continued to pretend to sleep. He just hoped Kyuhyun didn’t notice the flush on his cheeks as soon as he said those words.
Kyuhyun disentangled his arms from Sungmin’s waist, much to the latter’s dismay and stood up from the bed. He brushed the elder’s bangs away from his forehead and planted a swift kiss there before heading to the bathroom to start his day.
Sungmin waited for Kyuhyun’s steps to ebb away before he allowed himself to open his eyes. He brought a hand up to his chest and patted it in a silent order to stop beating so fast. He was starting to get affected by Kyuhyun again and he did not need this right now. Not when he was well on his way to recovery. He needed Step 5 and he needed it now. So, with a bitter smile, he reached out for his phone and opened the all too familiar tab in his browser.
STEP 5. Love yourself. The only way to truly feel happy is being contented with what you have. Embrace your flaws and weaknesses. It’s better if you can turn such into strengths. There’s nothing more rewarding than being able to outgrow the insecurities you’ve harbored since your pre-adolescent years. Let go of the excess emotional baggage and you will soon find that it’s easier to let go of the unrequited love you thought there’s no way out of. Find someone who will love you back. Only then can you fully get over someone you cannot have.
Voila! You’re officially the new you - Miss Has Moved On. Go out onto the world and enjoy this new frontier in your life.
Sungmin sighed as he clutched the phone to his chest. He stayed like that for a few minutes before he decided to do the thing he knew he should have done way before.
“Hello, Min Seok?” Sungmin
~
Sungmin said yes to Min Seok that morning. He figured that it was the best thing he could do to finally move on from Kyuhyun. He knew it was a tad bit unfair to use the younger for his own selfish reasons, but he saw no other way to help himself. Besides, it’s not like he completely disliked the other. In fact, he wasn’t lying when he said that he found too many similarities between them, and he thought that would work to his advantage now that they have made things official. He had learned to love Kyuhyun a long time ago but it was a love that was unrequited. He can’t see any reason why he wouldn’t be able to learn to love Min Seok this time around.
~
“Hyung! I chilled the wine our fanclub gave us in our last concert. Can we drink it tonight?” Kyuhyun skipped into their shared bedroom, only to halt in his steps when he saw that Sungmin was grooming himself in front of the mirror again.
“Oh, I’m sorry Kyu. I’m watching a movie with Min Seok tonight,” Sungmin smiled apologetically at Kyuhyun, eyes flicking to the wine bottle in Kyuhyun’s hand.
“Min Seok? I thought you said you didn’t like him because you were too similar?” Kyuhyun tilted his head to the side in confusion. Sungmin’s actions these days seemed to have that effect on him lately.
“Well. He’s my boyfriend now. I thought about what you said and I realized you’re right. I would totally end up alone if I keep on looking for weaknesses in the person I’m dating. I think I should just go with the flow this time and see where this leads me,” Sungin explained as he spritzed some perfume and patted his hair one last time before heading to the door. “Maybe next time, okay?”
Kyuhyun couldn’t do nothing more other than nod as Sungmin snapped the door behind him. He looked down on the wine bottle in his hand dejectedly, tightening his grip on its neck which caused his knuckles to turn white. He meant well when he said those things to Sungmin, but he didn’t think that the elder would actually take him seriously. What’s worse was that Kyuhyun could basically feel his chest tighten as he digested the new piece of information that he was the reason why Sungmin became willing to love somebody else.
He paced across their room and looked over to the parking lot where he saw Sungmin enter an unfamiliar car. He felt the pang in his chest increase tenfold when he saw Sungmin all but lean towards the person in the driver’s seat to give him a swift peck on the lips. But then he saw Sungmin’s radiant smile as soon as he withdrew and Kyuhyun knew he couldn’t interfere now even if he wanted to. Not when Sungmin was already contented with where he's at. He would endure the pain in his heart if need be, if that would be the only way to keep Sungmin happy.
With a resigned sigh, he gave the bottle in his hand one last squeeze before he pranced back to the kitchen to chill it again, the bottle seemingly like how cold his heart had become when he learned that Sungmin now had somebody to love.
~
Kyuhyun held on to Sungmin’s promise to have their wine time the day after that, but he should have known that said postponement would be repeated more than a few times. The wine laid forgotten in the cold freezer just like how Kyuhyun’s heart seemed to have been left out in the cold by Sungmin’s inattention.
It wasn’t rare for Kyuhyun to see Sungmin smiling at his phone nowadays. Those smiles that adorned the elder’s face were so bright, it made him look more like an angel that he already did, yet Kyuhyun couldn’t help but be disheartened when he realized that the reason for Sungmin’s joy was another person. Still, he faked a smile of his own, if only to let Sungmin believe that he supported the elder. The pain in his heart consumed him day by day but seeing Sungmin uncharacteristically happy was enough to make Kyuhyun endure.
Then again, one could only endure so much and Kyuhyun, human as he was, missed Sungmin more than ever which led him to ask his hyung to spend time with him once more. Much to his luck, he found Sungmin sitting on his bed as he entered their shared bedroom - a rare occurrence considering that Sungmin had been too busy dating lately.
“Oh, Sungmin-hyung, how come you’re here?” Kyuhyun asked, mildly surprised.
“This is still my room, you know that right?” Sungmin rolled his eyes at the younger and continued fiddling on his laptop which just got back from the repairs man.
“Very funny, hyung. Don’t you have a date with Min Seok tonight or something?” Kyuhyun tutted as he squeezed himself on the space beside Sungmin on the elder’s bed, laughing out loud as soon as he saw the Sungmin was watching Jumong.
“Shut up! Youu were the one who made me watch this.” Sungmin smacked Kyuhyun on the head, but it made the maknae laugh all the more. “And um, no. We broke up.”
Now that shut Kyuhyun up.
“Eh? Why? Are you okay?” Kyuhyun suddenly turned serious, hand automatically reaching to pat his hyung on his back.
“Nah. I’m fine. I guess it just wasn’t working out. It was fun at first but it became boring after a few weeks or so. We’re too alike, remember?” Sungmin smiled bitterly as he opened the next episode of Jumong on his laptop.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Kyuhyun asked cautiously.
“No. Not really. Besides, I’m seeing ---“ There goes Sungmin’s phone again. He was about to answer when Kyuhyun caught his wrist and turned the screen towards himself, eyes darkening when he saw the name on the screen.
Sungmin couldn’t do anything else but stare in fright as Kyuhyun all but snatched his phone from his grip.
“Hello, Joon Myun? It’s Kyuhyun and Sungmin hyung is not interested. Bye,” Kyuhyun growled onto the phone and threw it on the floor thereafter.
Sungmin immediately stood up to retrieve it when Kyuhyun pulled him back harshly and pinned him on the bed.
‘Why are you whoring yourself out like this!? Do you seriously have to date all EXO members before you realize that none of them is right for you?” Kyuhyun challenged, Sungmin’s anger flaring up as well at the younger’s words.
“Whoring myself out!? Are you listening to yourself, huh? I’m not doing anything wrong!” Sungmin struggled in Kyuhyun’s hold but the younger was resolute on keeping him in place.
“How could you do this, hyung? Joon Myun is my friend!” Kyuhyun spat, the venom in his voice making Sungmin squirm all the more.
“I don’t see why --- What the fuck, Kyu? You’re hurting me!” Sungmin gasped, only to cower in fear when Kyuhyun all but pressed him harder against the mattress.
“I’m hurting you!? You’re hurting me! When you told me you wanted to find someone to make you happy, I backed off because I knew you deserved to be happy. But what you’re doing right now is wrong, hyung! You don’t need to lower your standards just like that because no one could meet them,” Kyuhyun said exasperatedly, hoping against hope that Sungmin understands what he’s implying.
“Well, you know what they say. A heart that is denied by one tends to love many,” Sungmin whispered, albeit condescendingly, eyes refusing to meet Kyuhyun’s.
“Look at me, god damn it!” Kyuhyun snarled as he took Sungmin’s chin in his hand and forced him to meet his gaze. “You, Lee Sungmin, are the most beautiful person I have ever met in my life. You don’t need to beg people to love you because each and every part of you is worth loving and someone who couldn’t see that doesn’t deserve to have you,” Kyuhyun whispered as he leaned his forehead on the elder’s, tears mixing with that of Sungmin’s as the latter had started crying as well.
“Then I guess it’s true that you don’t deserve me then,” Sungmin replied in an undertone and forced himself to push Kyuhyun away once more, but the younger just held on tighter, eyes as wide as saucers as he processed the elder’s words.
“Wha - What did you just say?” Kyuhyun’s face was a mask of confusion as he hovered over his hyung, eyes searching Sungmin’s for the answer.
“I - The reason why I did this was because I wanted to get over you, Kyu. I couldn’t take the pain anymore so I chose to escape. And I was doing quite well,” Sungmin chuckled bitterly, eyes boring into Kyuhyun’s own. “At least I thought I was. But then you just have to do the things you do every time I feel like I have finally moved on and… I don’t know anymore. I’m tired, Kyu. Please stop doing this to me.” Sungmin finished in a resigned manner.
“But - “ Kyuhyun started, only to be halted when Sungmin pushed him away forcefully. This time the elder was successful since Kyuhyun had been too shocked by the revelation.
“I know, Kyu. We can never happen so if you could just let me wallow in ---“ Sungmin sighed as he slowly retreated to the bathroom, only to be spun around when Kyuhyun all but pulled him back towards him, their bodies flush against one another.
Kyuhyun was panting as he stared at Sungmin’s orbs, the elder’s eyes mirroring the same emotion he had in his. He could see the passion, frustration, vulnerability, and more importantly, the longing in there. It took Kyuhyun all of his self-control to keep his sanity intact as he imagined a life without Sungmin by his side. Now that their feelings were out, Kyuhyun couldn’t see any reason why they shouldn’t be together. But apparently, Sungmin still had his doubts.
“Please, Kyu. Let me go,” The elder pleaded, his tears now flowing freely on his cheeks and it pained Kyuhyun to see that he was the cause of such pain.
“Ask me anything but that, Min,” Kyuhyun answered, bringing his hand to Sungmin’s face and catching his tears with his thumb. He slowly breached the distance between them, a hand falling to Sungmin’s waist to bring him closer while the other kept its hold on Sungmin’s neck.
Sungmin couldn’t help the gasp that escaped him at the first touch of lips upon lips. He felt his eyes close on its own accord as Kyuhyun placed gentle nibbles on his mouth, tongue darting just a tad bit in askance which he gladly granted with a swipe of his own tongue. Their lips danced against each other, following an inaudible sweet melody that is the beating of their hearts. Sungmin could feel the tingle in his spine as Kyuhyun pried his mouth open all the more, his hands reaching up to secure themselves around Kyuhyun’s neck in an effort to bring the younger closer. It was all that Sungmin imagined Kyuhyun's lips to feel like and he felt hiis senses become heightened by the sensations coursing through him. He let out a soft mewl as Kyuhyun pulled at the hair on his nape, the gesture sending delicious sparks on his skin.
Kyuhyun, on the other hand, let out a guttural moan when Sungmin swirled his tongue against his, the elder sucking on his muscle with such fervor that it made Kyuhyun bring him closer against his body all the more. They kissed for what seemed like eternity before the need for air forced them to separate, both leaning their foreheads against each other while panting to catch their breaths.
It was Kyuhyun who first recovered and he withdrew just enough so he could look at Sungmin directly in the eyes, his own orbs a reflection of sincerity as he spoke his heart for the first time.
“Don’t move on from me, hyung. You don’t know how much I’ve suffered seeing you with other men. Please, give me a chance to prove myself to be worthy of your love,” Kyuhyun pleaded, uncertainty lacing his features as he waited for Sungmin’s answer with bated breath.
“Why are you only saying this only now?” Sungmin couldn’t help his curiosity. After all this time of thinking that his love was unrequited, it was shocking to learn that Kyuhyun loved him after all.
“I -“ Kyuhyun looked down in embarrassment, cheeks turning red as he forced himself to speak. “I was going to tell you, that night, when I wanted to talk to you. But then Seung-gi called and I thought you were seeing him so I just kept my feelings to myself. Then I got so mad when you kept seeing other people after that. It made me feel more incompetent than I already was.
“I’m sorry, Kyu. I didn’t realize ---“ Sungmin cupped Kyuhyun’s cheek in his hand, heart melting almost immediately when Kyuhyun all but leaned into the touch.
“Sssh. No, Min. I wasn’t mad because of you. I was mad at myself because I knew I’m not good enough for you. You’re just too kind and beautiful and perfect while I’m just… me,” Kyuhyun spoke softly, his hand covering Sungmin’s own which was on his cheek.
“You stupid brat. Before assuming anything, you could have tried this method called asking,” Sungmin chided, squeezing the maknae’s cheek which caused the younger to yelp.
“Hey! You’re one to talk. You were the one who kept on concluding things. Like, what the fuck, Min? Did you really think Changmin and I were in that kind of relationship? Over my dead sexy body!” Kyuhyun stuck his tongue out in disgust, only for his nose to be pinched this time.
“Fine! We’re both to blame. So, what do we do now?” Sungmin turned serious all of a sudden, the anxiety evident in his features.
“This time, I’m not letting us fall apart. I would work hard and improve myself until I become a Cho Kyuhyun that is deserving of you, Lee Sungmin,” Kyuhyun declared with utmost sincerity as he placed a chaste kiss on Sungmin’s hand that was still on his cheek.
“You don’t need to do anything, silly. My heart already belongs to you no matter what,” Sungmin’s heart swelled as Kyuhyun’s eyes brightened at his words. He didn’t care about glass slippers, horse-drawn carriages, and whatever things fairy tale endings were made of. All he knew was that he had never felt more complete than now, being here with Kyuhyun, his snarky evil gamer prince who was charming after all.
All the emotions finally caught up with the both of them as they lay exhausted on Sungmin’s bed, Kyuhyun immediately dozing off as Sungmin played the eighty-first episode of Jumong on his laptop. Sungmin smiled as he saw that Kyuhyun was snoring a little, clucking his tongue in feigned annoyance as the younger burrowed deeper onto his neck.
As soon as the episode finished, Sungmin closed the lid of his laptop and slowly brought it down to the floor beside his bed, careful to place it where it couldn’t be stepped on this time. His eyes flashed when he saw his phone on the floor where Kyuhyun had thrown it a while ago. He shook his head a little and picked it up, sighing in relief when he found that it was still working.
The phone screen was displaying the site he had religiously read and followed for the past few months. He smiled bitterly as he scrolled through the page, only for curiosity’s sake this time since he and Kyuhyun had already resolved their issues.
His eyes grew wide upon reaching the end of the page, feeling stupid all of a sudden that he had missed that one rule which would have made all their lives easier.
P.S.
Step 6. These steps aren’t fool proof. As I’ve said, every love story is a different case on its own. Sometimes, what we think is best for us to do may be the exact opposite of what we’re supposed to do. Perhaps, you can be Miss Who Doesn’t Need To Move On. Go back to Step 2 and find out for yourself.
Sungmin scrolled back up and smiled as he saw what he had missed. Then again, he couldn’t really blame himself. He had been too preoccupied with reading the first few steps that he missed the crucial parts which would have saved him the hassle of moving on for no reason.
STEP 2. Ask yourself why you are doing this. People’s reasons on moving on vary on a case to case basis. So, what are you here for? Do you want closure from a break-up gone bad? Do you want to stop hurting from memories of the past? Have you finally accepted that you are not getting back together with your ex? Or have you decided to give up pining for someone you know you can never have? Whatever your reason may be, do it for yourself. Only then can you truly exert the necessary effort towards achieving your goal since it is your happiness that you’re working for.
But remember: “The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know.” Love may seem illogical but more often than not, it does follow a logical pattern. Suppress your feelings if you must, and will yourself to forget your emotions if you can. But when all else fails, never deny yourself the chance to love. When nothing else makes sense, know that you're in love - and give that love a chance to bloom.
And Sungmin couldn't help but agree. It's about time he allowed himself to fall in love unconditionally. To hell with standards. As long as he had Kyuhyun, all was well. Just like what the article said, this time, he figured he was willing to allow their relationship to bloom.
With that thought in mind, he deleted the link from his phone and carefully placed it on his nightstand, doing a double take when he saw a pink post-it taped on his lamp. He couldn't help but giggle as he read the writings thereon.
So, Kyuhyun did make a list after all. Sungmin could only chuckle as he eyed the peacefully sleeping Kyuhyun beside him. He placed a chaste kiss on the younger's lips before he himself cuddled closer to sleep as well. He fully intends on abiding by that list, by the way.
~END~
P.S. Seung-gi and Sungmin are not of the same age. Minnie is older by one year but I just felt like putting that there. =)
P.S.S. I know KyuMin have separate rooms now but I thought being roommates worked well for this story so I kept it like that
P.S.S.S. I just made up the tips to fit KyuMin’s story here so don’t brick me if they don’t work. Lol. The quote about the heart having its own reasons was by Blaise Pascal, btw. I love that quote! <3
P.S.S.S.S. Loosely (or not) based on the Filipino movie She’s The One. Actually, I wanted to follow that storyline but I don’t know why this turned out differently OTL
P.S.S.S.S.S. Unbeta’d and I’m rusty. It's been too long since I wrote a fic. Do forgive the typos, grammatical errors and whatnot. I should remain to be on hiatus, really. Lol
P.S.S.S.S.S.S. Still hungover SS5 Manila! Who’s with me? *high five*
Pairing: KyuMin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, fluff, crack, angst
Warning/s: yaoi, language
Verse: expanded
Type/Status: One-shot; Complete, 10,678W
Summary: Sungmin seeks Mr. Google's help on how to 'unlike' Kyuhyun.
~
"Closing your heart to something doesn't always mean that you hate it. It could also mean that you want it but you just know it isn't right."
- Anonymous
~
Sungmin shivered as he felt the other side of his bed dip and the familiar weight of a head he knew so well lean on his shoulder. He inhaled sharply through his nose and slowly released his breath. It was one of those nights wherein his lame excuse for a roommate decided to be clingy again - all to Sungmin's fortune or misfortune, he did not know.
All he knew was that he'd rather lose sleep and let the other have his way with his laptop slaying Zergs and whatever monsters the other loved to kill in those video games of his, than letting him have his way with him on his bed - no pun intended. Yet, he knew there was nothing else he could describe it as. Kyuhyun, no matter how unbecoming of him it was really, could get totally clingy and Sungmin just had to be the unlucky person who had to become his personal teddy bear on nights like this.
Sungmin willed his rapidly beating heart to calm down as Kyuhyun snaked an arm around his waist and nuzzled onto his neck. He knew better than to start the conversation, already aware that Kyuhyun valued his privacy and that the younger would always speak his mind in his own time. So, he continued to watch the drama playing on his laptop and clicked on the play button once more for the next episode to start.
Bad idea. On the screen was Lee Seung-gi on the verge of kissing Shin Min-Ah. Sungmin felt his cheeks heat up instantly, images of Kyuhyun’s deliciously plump lips, which were very near mind you, going through his mind. He swallowed the lump in his throat and prayed to the heavens that Kyuhyun didn’t notice anything.
Those fifteen seconds seemed to stretch for an eternity and Sungmin feared that his erratic heartbeat had already given him away, considering that Kyuhyun’s head was partly leaning on his chest. He gave an audible sigh of relief when the characters on the screen separated - which was thankfully unheeded by the younger since he chose the same time to let out a grunt of disapproval whilst straightening himself up on Sungmin’s bed so that they sat side-by side.
“Pfft. Why do you even watch these things? Geez. Seung-gi doesn’t even know how to kiss properly. I bet I could kiss better in my sleep,” Kyuhyun harrumphed, and Sungmin was sure there was a scowl on the younger’s face but he did not dare look for the sake of his fragile little heart.
He was tempted to retort with a: “Well, do you mind showing me how much of a better kisser you are?” but he knew he didn’t have the guts for that. Instead, he pretended to continue enjoying the show when all that was running in his mind were things about the man next to him.
“What do you care if I watch these dramas? I’m not the one who downloaded and watched each and every one of the eighty-one episodes of Jumong over the span of ten months. Huh, Kyumong?” Sungmin taunted, slowly gaining back his confidence as they fell into their routine of senseless banter.
“Ya! I watched Jumong for its historical impact, unlike you! Who watches these things anyway? As if nine-talied foxes really exists. Besides, this so-called love portrayed in these dramas is so unrealistic. Who the hell does that in real life?” Kyuhyun gestured exasperatedly at the screen as the male lead bent on his knees in front of the actress. “What a load of bull. Love my ass.”
Sungmin couldn’t respond even if he wanted to. What Kyuhyun said was right. He knew he was a hopeless romantic but the way Kyuhyun said it seemed like a slap to his face. He knew he was idealistic when it came to love. Who wouldn’t be when social media had all but publicized such feeling to be warm and fuzzy and all sorts of heavenly. Really, who could blame him if he wanted to experience a little piece of heaven on earth?
Sungmin mentally facepalmed as he realized that in the end, this was all his fault. He let himself believe that love was some magical feeling and that anything less than that wasn’t love at all. He thought that the worst part about watching Disney fairy tales growing up was realizing that in real life, the story is, more often than not, in reverse. It makes you wonder whether your very own happy ending even exists. Probably not. Not for him, anyways.
“Hey… Are you okay?” Kyuhyun nudged Sungmin’s shoulder with his nose when he noticed that the latter had been silent for too long, clearly not even watching the drama anymore.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Sungmin nodded cheerily, his smile too fake for Kyuhyun’s liking as the former closed the lid of his laptop and put it on the floor, disentangling himself from Kyuhyun in the process.
Sungmin immediately laid back on his bed after making sure his laptop was safe and burrowed onto his pillow facing the wall, his back towards Kyuhyun.
“Hey, don’t be upset. I was just saying what I thought. No need to get all sulky on me now,” Kyuhyun brought his hand to the small of Sungmin’s back and rubbed small circles there, knowing too well the soft spot of the elder.
“Nah. You’re right. I was just watching it for Seung-gi anyway. I promised him I would the last time we guested at Strong Heart.” Sungmin lied smoothly, liking the way Kyuhyun started to work the kinks on his back borne out of a long day’s work.
“Oh. Is that so?” Kyuhyun hummed as his hands halted in its ministrations on Sungmin’s back, to the latter’s disappointment.
“Mm-hmmm. Did you want to talk about something?” Sungmin asked softly, knowing too well that Kyuhyun only felt cuddly when he had something on his mind.
“Yeah. I was just thinking… What if we…?” Kyuhyun was interrupted by the loud blaring of Sungmin’s phone.
The elder quickly retrieved his phone from the nightstand, leaning over Kyuhyun and not noticing the hitch in the breath of the younger as he did so.
“Hello? Ah. Seung-gi ah! Yes. I was just watching it. Yeah, it’s good. I only have a few episodes to go before I finish. Yes, yes. No problem at all. Anything for you. Yeah… Good night,” Sungmin ended the call with a smile and returned his phone to the nightstand, only to jolt in shock when Kyuhyun all but captured his wrist and turned his phone screen towards himself before he released the elder.
“I didn’t know you were that chummy with him. You even have his selca as his contact image?” Sungmin was almost quite certain that Kyuhyun snapped at him but he couldn’t be too sure. What’s it to Kyuhyun anyways? It’s not like he was doing anything wrong.
“Oh. Yeah. We exchanged numbers after Strong Heart when we learned that we’re same aged friends! I’ve always thought he was older than me, what with his roles in the dramas and whatnot,” Sungmin shrugged and laid back on the bed properly, only half noticing that Kyuhyun didn’t seem to be as close to him as he was before that phone call interrupted their conversation. Speaking of which…
“Oh, what did you want to say?” Sungmin asked once again, but only received a shrug in return.
“Nah. I already forgot about it,” Kyuhyun said meekly in a way that let Sungmin know he did not, but he wasn’t one to press Kyuhyun for anything. He will talk when he’s ready.
“Oh, okay. Good night, Kyu,” Sungmin yawned and curled into himself, heart jumping out of his chest as he felt Kyuhyun hug him from behind, the younger’s chin perched on top of his shoulder in a way that made the younger’s breath send wisps of air onto his cheek.
“Uh, Kyu. What are you doing?” Sungmin shifted awkwardly because while Kyuhyun may be clingy, he was never this clingy. And good lord this was not good for his sanity. Not at all.
“Sleeping,” Kyuhyun answered simply.
“Um. Can’t you sleep in your own bed?” Sungmin tried once more, yet that only prompted Kyuhyun to tighten his hold on Sungmin’s waist. It was a welcome feeling, by the way.
“Nope,” Kyuhyun merely shook his head against Sungmin’s and placed a swift kiss on the elder’s cheek, making Sungmin swallow whatever words he wanted to utter.
Sungmin closed his eyes and figured that he could just let Kyuhyun be for tonight and he just about melted right then and there at the feel of Kyuhyun’s warm embrace around him. He promised himself that it will be the last time he indulged in his feelings, just like how he promises himself that every single day.
Sungmin finally succumbed to a fitful sleep and when his alarm went off at eight in the morning the next day, Kyuhyun was gone. Sungmin finally decided that enough was enough.
He thought he had shared something special and intimate with Kyuhyun last night. At least to him, it was special, but apparently the younger did not share the same sentiment as him. If he did, why else would he be gone so early? It’s not like they had sex, but Sungmin can’t help but feel like he got stood up after a one night stand. His heart ached at the thought and he slowly climbed out of his bed, movements still sluggish from sleepiness. He shrieked as he tripped on something on the floor and a resounding crack broke through the silence of the early morning. It sounded unmistakably like his laptop screen breaking and he immediately mourned the demise of his beloved Sony Vaio W in hot pink. Curse Kyuhyun indeed.
And speak of the devil.
“Sungmin-hyung!? Are you okay?” The maknae barged into the room wearing a pink apron which Sungmin was sure belonged to him whilst holding a spatula in one hand. The younger’s eyes were comically wide that Sungmin would have laughed if he was anything but a heap on the floor.
“I - I tripped,” Sungmin, being Sungmin, had to state the obvious.
It took Kyuhyun ten seconds flat before he dropped his spatula and ran to Sungmin’s side to help the elder up. He picked Sungmin by the waist and made him sit down on the swivel chair by his desk.
“Are you okay?” Kyuhyun finally managed to ask after he made sure Sungmin was sitting comfortably on his chair.
“Yeah. But my laptop isn’t,” Sungmin got teary-eyed as he stared at the broken fragments of what used to be his laptop screen moments ago. How was he supposed to watch dramas now!?
“Oh no,” Kyuhyun gasped as he saw the damage, quickly recovering when he saw that his own reaction made Sungmin want to cry more. “Don’t worry, hyung. My friend is the best hardware repairman you could find in Seoul. Your precious laptop will be back as if it’s brand new in no time.”
“Are you sure?” Sungmin asked worriedly, gaining a little hope at Kyuhyun’s reassurance. Kyuhyun, after all, knew more about computers than him.
“Affirmative. Now, why don’t you go back to bed while I grab you some ice for your foot?” Kyuhyun smiled - one of those rare genuine smiles he gave and Sungmin felt as if his foot got better already. He let himself be guided back towards the bed by the maknae and relished the feeling of being doted upon by the latter.
“Do you need anything else?” Kyuhyun clarified before he went back out of the room.
“I can’t stay here for the whole day! This is the only holiday I get in a month and this happens. Fuck my life,” Sungmin pouted and glared at his ruined laptop. What was he thinking putting it there in the first place anyway? Then he remembered and immediately blushed.
“Here, take one of mine.” Kyuhyun came out of nowhere and offered him a netbook of his own. Sure, it wasn’t a big deal for anybody else to be lent something as impersonal as a computer but this was Kyuhyun we’re talking about and that was something, to Sungmin, at least.
“Are - Are you sure?” Sungmin asked hesitantly, eyeing the laptop Kyuhyun was offering.
“Of course, hyung. Come on, it’s no big deal. I have six computers, remember?” Kyuhyun grinned cheekily and Sungmin’s heart dropped. Right. It’s not a big deal. It’s not like Kyuhyun was doing this because he cared for him anyway.
“Right. Thank - wait. Is something burning?” Sungmin scowled as he sniffed some more, Kyuhyun gasping and losing his hold on the laptop in the process as he raced to the kitchen where apparently, he had been cooking, much to Sungmin’s surprise.
Approximately five minutes later, a dejected-looking Kyuhyun walked back into their shared room with a bowl of cereal in one hand and a glass of orange juice in the other.
“Well. So much for cooking breakfast. Cereal?” Kyuhyun said sheepishly and Sungmin couldn’t find it in his heart to say no, no matter how much he despised the taste of corn flakes.
~
The morning was spent watching Jumong on Kyuhyun’s laptop which, coincidentally, was the maknae’s special laptop for watching his historical dramas. Sungmin was surprised to find himself actually getting interested in the show but Kyuhyun didn’t need to know that. The younger dozed off in the middle of the thirteenth episode and Sungmin didn’t have the heart to wake him for lunch. Besides, Kyuhyun has already watched all episodes of the show before anyway.
As the episode came to an end, Sungmin found himself getting bored so he decided to surf the net instead. He glanced at Kyuhyun’s form beside him, the younger’s hand clinging to his arm and he sighed. This was wrong on so many levels and definitely not healthy for Sungmin’s heart. He needed out and he needed it now. Out of desperation, Sungmin typed the words he never thought he would in his whole life.
“How to get over…”
Sungmin was surprised to see a few thousand hits on the topic he entered. He decided to click on a random link and immediately scowled as he closed the tab when he saw the address bar which read: http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/find-love/get-over-someone-you-love-d39759c486786.html
Sungmin didn’t need any more reminders of how much of a girl he was being already so he opened another link instead.
Miss Moving On
by ailaling1017
With the advent of technology comes the booming of social media. Ever wondered how your friends on Facebook could easily change relationship statuses every other week, while you’re stuck wallowing in self-pity about some lost love you’re wishing to be rekindled? Fret not. Here are five easy steps to help you transition from Miss Moving On to Miss Has Moved On. It would be as easy as liking and unliking a status on Facebook and now, you could apply it in real life! How great is that? Cheers to unliking your crush! Hurrah.
STEP 1. Denial is the first step. The faster you accept your feelings, the faster you could start moving on. Now that we've established that, do carry on and proceed to Step 2.
Sungmin rolled his eyes at the first step. He did not, does not, and would never fall in love with Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun was vile and mean and all sorts of evil. The younger might as well be the devil incarnate for all Sungmin knew and he definitely did not want anything to do with him. Not before, not now, not ever.
He knew Kyuhyun was bad news the moment the younger entered the door to their dorm some years ago - with his dark chocolate orbs which seemed to seep through Sungmin's soul every time, his sweater vests which looked oddly similar to that of Sungmin's grandfather, yet he found somewhat endearing, his acne-marred skin which made Sungmin cringe inwardly and almost... almost made him hurl his entire vanity full of Tony Moly products at the younger. And don't even get him started on that smirk which sent tingles up his spine every fucking time he was at the receiving end of such.
One would expect a nerd like Kyuhyun to be all rainbows and sunshine and all things unsexy, but Sungmin had the misfortune of experiencing for himself that Kyuhyun was anything but that - unsexy that is. One would be surprised at how much muscle one could conceal beneath those fugly woolen sweaters and what do you know, Sungmin was the lucky roommate who got to see everything. What everything looked like? Sungmin wasn't willing to share, thank you very much. That sight is his and his alone to enjoy and no, Sungmin is not the jealous type of person - not at all.
Sungmin didn't know if he was the only one who got caught up in Kyuhyun's charm though. Kyuhyun’s own best friend Ryeowook was never really subtle about his utter dislike for the 'sarcastic little ingrate,' as per Ryeowook's terminology. Sure, he often saw Kyuhyun being groped by Siwon in their dance rehearsals but that was Siwon and he basically did that to everyone. If any, Siwon paid extra attention to Kyuhyun's ass and Sungmin couldn't really blame him for that. Those voluptuous globes were just too enticing not to notice that Sungmin himself devoted at least thirty minutes of his daily existence imagining how it would feel like to knead those gluteal muscles and... Anyway, that's Siwon so nothing serious about that.
But then, he knew he might as well be fooling himself when he says all these because he did like Kyuhyun in a way that was definitely not merely platonic. He wouldn’t be searching for this site if he didn’t anyway. With such acceptance, he proceeded to the next step.
STEP 2. Ask yourself why you are doing this. People’s reasons on moving on vary on a case to case basis. So, what are you here for? Do you want closure from a break-up gone bad? Do you want to stop hurting from memories of the past? Have you finally accepted that you are not getting back together with your ex? Or have you decided to give up pining for someone you know you can never have?
… have you decided to give up pining for someone you know you can never have?
… give up pining for someone you know you can never have?
… someone you know you can never have?
… YOU CAN NEVER HAVE
There were still words written after that but Sungmin’s eyes seemed to be glued on those last few ones. It was as if they were staring up at him in mockery because that’s exactly why he was here. It pinched his heart as he realized the sad reality but then he knew he had to move on, if only to save himself from completely crumbling down.
He tilted his head to the side and looked at Kyuhyun’s visage, his features in a peaceful mask of sleep. It was one of the rare moments the younger actually looked his age since his personality and mischievous nature often made him look older. Sungmin unconsciously brought his hand to the younger’s face and caressed it. His index finger traced the other’s ear which he loved so much, he didn’t know why Kyuhyun hated them anyway, then down to his cheeks, thumb circling those acne scars which Kyuhyun oh-so-hardly tried to conceal with make-up. Sungmin had learned to love them and thought that they were perfect. He never did understand why Kyuhyun was so conscious about this. It was nothing but a reminder of a fun-filled teenage years - something Sungmin didn’t have the chance to have, having been trained from such an early age. Then again, Sungmin realized that he was no better than Kyuhyun. At least, what Kyuhyun worried about was something physical, unlike him who had much more deeper issues involving his talents and self-esteem. Truly, his problems weren’t skin-deep.
Sungmin absent-mindedly brought his fingertips to Kyuhyun’s eyelids which made the younger scowl in his sleep. Sungmin almost gushed at the cuteness but that would be giving him away. He didn’t want to be Yesung’s replacement as the creepy member who sneaked up on sleeping members, thank you very much. His lips inevitably tilted up when he reached Kyuhyun’s pointed nose. People tell him he had such a perfect angular nose but he personally thought that Kyuhyun’s nose was not bad at all. It had a nice shape and it proportionately matched his features. Then again, he may be biased but who cares? Then Sungmin reached Kyuhyun’s pillowy lips and he couldn’t help but bite his own as he traced the younger’s upper lips with a finger, all the while wondering how it would feel to be able to kiss them. Would they be soft? Rough? Would they feel as full as they looked?
Sungmin got lost in his daydream that he didn’t notice that he was edging closer and closer towards the younger's face, only realizing how close they were to each other when they were barely centimeters apart. He had half a mind to just delve in and satisfy his curiosity when the alarming sound of Kyuhyun’s laptop battery reaching a critical level blared and woke the younger up. Sungmin froze in his spot when Kyuhyun jolted awake, not unlike a deer who got caught in the headlights.
“Hyung, what’s wrong?” If Kyuhyun noticed something wrong, he didn’t say anything about it. Instead, he reached towards Sungmin’s lap to recover his netbook but his hand was swiftly swatted away by the elder.
“Uh. Nothing! The battery just got drained. Can you lend me the charger also, please?” Sungmin cradled the laptop onto his chest, effectively hiding what he was reading from Kyuhyun’s prying eyes.
“You’re not watching porn, are you?” Kyuhyun eyed him suspiciously.
“Wha - Of course not! I’m not Hyukjae, you brat!” Sungmin sputtered, deciding that he’d rather have Kyuhyun think what he was thinking instead of letting him know what he was really up to.
“Oh come on, hyung. Don’t be shy. We’re both guys here. We all have needs,” Kyuhyun smirked as he brought a hand to elder’s knees to tease the other, his hands almost immediately being kicked away by the scandalized Sungmin.
“Cho Kyuhyun!” Sungmin shrieked as he tried hard to kick as much of Kyuhyun’s body he could reach without falling off the bed.
“Fine! Fine. I was just kidding. Save your acrobatics for the stage, will you?” Kyuhyun laughed as he walked away from the bed, clutching his stomach in joy as he watched how aggravated his hyung had seem to become by his words. It’s not even a Friday yet he gets to bully Sungmin like this. What a good life indeed.
“Hey, hyung? I’ll go order us some Chinese for lunch. The laptop charger’s here,” Kyuhyun tapped the topmost drawer of his desk before finally leaving Sungmin on his own.
Sungmin was left staring at the door while still clutching the laptop for who knows how long when the laptop gave an alarming beep again. He hurriedly copied the link from the address bar and sent it to his e-mail address, figuring that he’ll just read it on his phone or something. It was too risky to open such sites in Kyuhyun’s computer. He’ll get busted for sure.
With that, Sungmin slowly walked to the drawer and retrieved Kyuhyun’s charger. He plugged the necessary wires in and left for the bathroom. If he was going to move on, he has got to do it right. So, he wanted to start with taking a bath - hoping against hope that he could rid himself of Kyuhyun’s scent which seemed to have attached itself to him permanently. That or he was just too in love for his own good that he imagined Kyuhyun’s scent to be with him everywhere he goes. Who knows.
When Sungmin stepped out of the bathroom thirty minutes after, he knew he was a changed man. He didn’t know what exactly it was but it felt as if something in him shifted. He wasn’t even as intimidated by Kyuhyun’s presence as he usually was when he saw Kyuhyun fiddling with the laptop he had just lent him a while ago.
He was letting go for good and no one’s going to stop him… or so he thought.
It wasn’t until a few days later until Sungmin remembered about the article he had been reading on his day off. So far, he was doing good in his progress towards moving on. He wasn’t as attached to Kyuhyun as he usually was and he saw to it that he kept himself busy so that he couldn’t dwell on his feelings, too tired to even move after a long day’s work. It was kind of working until he chanced upon Kyuhyun when he went for his musical practice.
Of fucking course, Kyuhyun had the same role as him. Just his luck. Then again, that wasn’t even the problem. It’s just that he felt the familiar tinge on his chest when he saw Kyuhyun acting all chummy with the female lead as soon as he entered the rehearsal room. It was nothing more than a friendly conversation they were having, but Sungmin could feel the green-eyed monster in him slowly stir back to life. It surprised him, to say the least, considering that he thought he was doing so well with this moving on thing.
Sungmin could only give a half-hearted smile in return as he deposited his bag on the chair next to the one the lead actress was sitting on. He kept his act even when Kyuhyun arched a questioning eyebrow at him since they always sat together during practices. Even he himself was surprised at his gesture, there’s no reason Kyuhyun wouldn’t be. Still, he knew it was for the better so he merely nodded at Kyuhyun and made up some excuse to go to the bathroom.
Upon reaching the mens’ room, Sungmin felt nauseous. He immediately entered a cubicle and sat on the lid. Once he felt better, he gathered his phone from his pocket and opened his mail. He clicked on the familiar website address and continued reading from where he left off.
STEP 3. Cut all your ties with the person you want to move on from. This, of course, is not in a completely literal sense. Sure, that person may be someone you cannot avoid seeing everyday but that doesn’t mean you cannot emotionally detach yourself from him. Stop caring for the other too much and start giving more importance to how you feel. You’ll find that you become happier this way and before you know it, you have already moved on.
Fuck my life, Sungmin thought as he read the next step. It was no secret that he literally had to spend most of his waking hours in the presence of the younger. It was hard to avoid Kyuhyun, especially when they had upcoming concerts - and they had a lot - since the group had to rehearse together.
Then again, the article also said that it may not necessarily be a physical avoidance at all. So, he focused on the phrase which said: emotionally detach yourself from him.
Sungmin smiled a bitter smile at this. He had always known that he was somewhat one of the most, if not the most cold-hearted member of the group. In his defense, he did not do this to hurt others. In reality, he did it to protect himself from unnecessary hurting. He had always been a person who was always able to keep his emotions at bay. Or at least he was. He had somehow lost that when he unconsciously fell for Kyuhyun.
“Oh well. I guess I’d have to go back to being me,” Sungmin sighed before he went out of the cubicle, resolute on accomplishing his mission this time.
Sungmin could almost hear the walls he built piece itself back together around him - repairing itself from when he had let his guard down to let Kyuhyun in. He didn’t even bat an eye when he saw the momentary flash of hurt in Kyuhyun’s eyes when he refused to go home with him, opting to spend more time with the other musical actors instead.
Sungmin felt more free than he ever had in a long time and he wasn’t the least bit sorry for it. He might have felt some banging akin to fists desperately knocking on a metal door but Sungmin paid it no heed. He was, after all, back to normal.
No emotions, no pain, no Kyuhyun.
~
A couple of weeks in and Sungmin was at his best. He still saw Kyuhyun on a daily basis but he wasn’t that much affected by the younger’s presence anymore - if at all. The curious stares Kyuhyun had been giving him increased but Sungmin couldn’t even bother himself to care. He was moving on and he was doing well. No need to dwell on what ifs anymore. He knew he owed himself that.
Knowing he had the article to thank for, he brought out his phone once again and read the next step. He was almost too sure he accomplished his goal with only three steps out of five but he figured there was no harm in continuing with the other steps, considering that the prior ones had worked its magic.
STEP 4. Go out and explore the world. Sometimes, the reason we could not get over someone is because we are too preoccupied with that someone and we tend to forget that indeed, there are a lot of fish in the sea. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to look for a rebound. In fact, you can start going out with people in a completely friendly manner. It takes your mind off your heartbreak without setting yourself up for another one. A clean break, that’s what it is!
Sungmin smiled at this. It is true that he had let himself wallow in misery for far too long. While Kyuhyun went out with his Kyu line on a regular basis, Sungmin had been left alone in their room to think of the worst case scenarios he could come up with regarding Kyuhyun’s relationship with his other friends. He kept on torturing himself about the possibilities. Are they really just friends? Did Kyuhyun like Changmin in a romantic way? Or perhaps Minho? Jonghyun?
Sungmin squeezed his eyes shut and decided that enough was enough. So, with a new found resolve, he dialed the number of the person he thought he would never need to contact again. After the conversation, Sungmin smiled to himself as he made a beeline for the bathroom, not even noticing that a pair of eyes had been watching him.
Sungmin easily got dressed thereafter and was about to go out of the room when he was stopped by someone clearing his throat.
“Going for a date, hyung?” Kyuhyun spat, although Sungmin couldn’t be too sure.
“Eh? Kyu, I didn’t know you were there. How silly of me,” Sungmin attempted to lighten the conversation.
“I was here for the last two hours but of course you wouldn’t realize that because you have been ignoring me for the past few weeks,” Kyuhyun growled and Sungmin was sure the younger had meant it to come out like that this time.
“Ignore you!? I would ne - “ Sungmin was interrupted when his phone rang.
“Hello, Seung-gi? Ah, yes. I was just about to leave the dorm. Yeah, see you in a bit. Bye.”
Sungmin gasped when he looked back up, only to find Kyuhyun’s face mere inches from his. When Kyuhyun stood up from the bed, he did not know. All he knew was that Kyuhyun was pissed and he had something to do with it.
“Kyu, what’s wrong?” Sungmin instinctively reached out to the younger, momentarily allowing a chink in the armor he had carefully built around him but he knew he couldn’t blame himself, not when Kyuhyun was staring at him with so much hatred mixed with something he couldn’t quite place. Never did the younger treat him like that even though he bullied him regularly and to say that Sungmin was shocked would be an understatement.
“What’s wrong!? You have the audacity to ask me what’s wrong? You ignore me for three full weeks,” Kyuhyun started furiously.
“I wasn’t…” Sungmin reasoned but he was shushed when Kyuhyun all but punched the door beside Sungmin’s face which led the elder to just look down.
“Shut up. I’m not done talking. And yes you were. You’ve changed. You refuse to sit beside me during our musical rehearsals, you wouldn’t stay in the same room as me for more than a couple of hours without finding an excuse to leave all of a sudden, you spend all your breaks with Donghae and Hyukjae hyung without even asking me if I wanted to come with you, you’ve been skipping our wine time every Friday, you wouldn’t even hold my hand when we do our ending bows for our concerts. It’s tradition, Min. We’re supposed to stand next to each other when we do our ending bows. I don’t care if you don’t interact with me during the three-hour concert but you have to give me that last couple of minutes to hold your hand and know that you’re there for me. Heck, you wouldn’t even look at me in the eyes anymore. Look at me god damn it!” Kyuhyun was at the verge of tears as he cupped Sungmin’s face so as to force the elder to look at him. It seemed to be the only way to do that nowadays.
Sungmin felt momentarily alarmed when he saw that Kyuhyun’s eyes were glassy. The younger never really got emotional and he was surprised that he actually got worked up over this - whatever this may be.
“Look, Kyu. I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this. I’m acting the way I should be acting as your hyung. I don’t see any reason why you would think that I was…” Sungmin once again got interrupted when Kyuhyun all but tightened his hold on his face.
“Is it because of Seung-gi? Did he not want you to hang with me anymore? Oh, god. Are you dating him!?” Kyuhyun was basically shaking Sungmin by this time, his hand gripping the elder’s waist desperately.
“What? No! Seung-gi and I are only friends and he invited me to hang out tonight. You always do that with Changmin and the gang. Why can’t I? Sungmin challenged Kyuhyun, if only to make the younger realize how selfish he was being.
“But Changmin is my best friend. And we’re friends too! Why do you not hang out with me anymore?” Kyuhyun asked exasperatedly, a lone tear finally dropping from his left eye as he pleaded to the elder.
“Believe me when I say that our friendship is the exact reason why I’m doing this. So, now if you’d excuse me, Seung-gi is waiting for me downstairs,” Sungmin muttered coldly as he pried Kyuhyun’s hands off his waist, but not before adding: “Just because you’ve realized I can be with other people, doesn’t mean you can just snap your fingers and have me back. That’s a little selfish, even for you, don’t you think? Besides, it’s not like you really care.”
With that, Sungmin slammed the door shut behind him - leaving a dumbfounded Kyuhyun who had his mouth agape at the elder’s words.
Kyuhyun felt his tears come in waves as soon as Sungmin disappeared behind the door because he did care… he cares… he will always care for Sungmin and nothing could change that. It’s a pity Sungmin didn’t seem to see that though.
~
The succeeding week after the fight was awkward for the both of them, to say the least. Kyuhyun had seemed to be taking more interest than usual in his video games. He didn’t even find bullying his hyungs to be all that amusing anymore.
Sungmin, on the other hand, had gone from meeting person after person in the hopes of distracting himself from his issues with Kyuhyun. He had thought Seung-gi was someone he could have been good friends with but apparently, the other had something else in mind when they met up that night. He knew he was not ready for a serious relationship so he turned the other down politely right then and there. However, after a couple of days of not talking to Kyuhyun at all, he had accepted various invitations to blind dates and whatnot, wanting nothing more than to find himself someone else to preoccupy his mind with.
It wasn’t until a few days later when Kang-in all but shoved the both of them into their room and locked them in with the threat that he’s not letting them out until they make up, that they finally talked. The tension in their relationship was affecting the group and in the absence of Leeteuk, Kang-in felt compelled to take over the responsibility of the leader and help them patch things up.
It was no more than a couple of sorrys here and there but it was enough to get Kyuhyun and Sungmin’s relationship to a working state again. Little by little, they learned to laugh at each other’s jokes once more and be as comfortable as they usually were in each other’s presence. Nobody mentioned their fight though.
“Hey, hyung. Going for a date again!? That’s like the third one this week. Do you have a quota or something?” Kyuhyun asked irritably as he saw Sungmin fixing his tie in front of the mirror for the umpteenth time that week. He never really figured out why Sungmin was doing all of this.
“Shut up, maknae. I do not have a quota, but I do have a deadline. Your hyung’s not getting any younger. I turn thirty in a couple years and god forbid, I do not want to grow old alone,” Sungmin answered as he straightened his bangs with a flat iron which was ironic, really, since his hair was already naturally straight.
“Well, you could always date ---“ Kyuhyun started, only to be interrupted when Sungmin’s phone went off.
“Shit, that would be Wu Fan. Can you just make a list of the prospective people I could date and leave it on my nightstand? I need to go now. Bye, Kyu!” Sungmin chirped before he dashed out of the door, leaving a dazed Kyuhyun once again.
“You could always date me…” Kyuhyun finished but Sungmin wasn’t there to hear him anymore.
`~
Two months and counting. That was the amount of time that has elapsed since Sungmin decided to move on from Kyuhyun and dare he say, he was doing quite well. He had been seeing quite a number of other people and while he didn’t engage in anything serious, he knew it was a start. He had met Wu Fan two more times after that one time before he decided that they were exact opposites of each other and decided they were better of as friends. He was now seeing Min Seok and he was still gauging the pros and cons if he were ever to enter into a relationship with the younger.
“Ah… So tired. I need sleep,” Sungmin yawned and jumped to his bed, not even minding to change into his pyjamas.
“Date went well?” Kyuhyun hummed from where he was playing on his laptop. Of course.
“Hmmm. I don’t know,” Sungmin muttered tiredly. “Min Seok is nice and all and this was our fourth date but I feel as if we’re too similar. I don’t think I could be with someone who has literally all the same habits as me. It gets really creepy,” Sungmin shrugged, turning on his side to face Kyuhyun’s bed.
“The last time, you said you didn’t like Wu Fan because you’re too different. Now you’re saying you don’t like Min Seok because you’re too alike? What’s it really gonna be, hyung? Make up your mind,” Kyuhyun said without looking up from his laptop but it made Sungmin think.
In fact, it basically rid Sungmin of all the sleepiness as he realized the truth in Kyuhyun’s words. He was in a stupor that he didn’t realize that Kyuhyun had abandoned his laptop and had already joined him on his bed, just like he always did before that one fateful night when he decided to move on.
“Don’t be upset, hyung. If worse comes to worse, I would sacrifice myself for your sake and marry you,” Kyuhyun whispered softly into Sungmin’s ear, only to receive a smack in return.
“Ya! How dare you say that? What sacrifice are you talking about? If that were to happen, I’d be the one who has to sacrifice you know. Who would want a lazy ass brat like you for a husband? I bet you’d just treat me as your maid or something,” Sungmin chided the younger as he kept on slapping his arms in an attempt to get back at him.
“Hey, come on. You know I was just joking,” Kyuhyun amended as he caught Sungmin’s wrists in his hands. He hugged the elder to his chest to prevent him from squirming, arms tightly secured around the other’s waist. “I know anyone would be lucky to marry you. You’re beautiful, intelligent, patient, talented, a good cook, and the best part is that you’re not even aware how much you’re actually worth. That’s why I know I can never marry you even if I wanted to. You’re too good for me. I’m nothing but a lazy ass brat who knows nothing else except playing video games and the occasional singing. I don’t want to bring you pain. You deserve so much better.”
Sungmin stiffened upon hearing Kyuhyun’s words. He had half a mind to ask Kyuhyun if he had been drinking but he knew the other hadn’t. He would know. Besides, Kyuhyun’s words paralyzed him, the impact of those few sentences shaking him to his core. He didn’t know how to respond. All this time, he had always thought that Kyuhyun didn’t appreciate him, didn’t care for him. Sure, those words were meant to comfort him but Sungmin knew Kyuhyun well enough to know that the younger was sincere when he said that. He didn’t allow himself to hope for something more, but the knowledge that Kyuhyun genuinely cared for him was enough to lull Sungmin to a dreamless sleep in the safe cocoon of Kyuhyun’s arms. Fuck moving on. He’ll pick up from where he left off the next morning.
~
When Sungmin woke up the next day, he was expecting Kyuhyun to be gone. Much to his surprise, Kyuhyun was still beside him, the younger’s grip on his waist tighter than ever. He felt himself smile as he looked up at the younger’s face. His movement caused the younger to stir and Sungmin immediately shut his eyes again.
“Good morning, gorgeous,” Sungmin heard Kyuhyun’s voice from above him but he continued to pretend to sleep. He just hoped Kyuhyun didn’t notice the flush on his cheeks as soon as he said those words.
Kyuhyun disentangled his arms from Sungmin’s waist, much to the latter’s dismay and stood up from the bed. He brushed the elder’s bangs away from his forehead and planted a swift kiss there before heading to the bathroom to start his day.
Sungmin waited for Kyuhyun’s steps to ebb away before he allowed himself to open his eyes. He brought a hand up to his chest and patted it in a silent order to stop beating so fast. He was starting to get affected by Kyuhyun again and he did not need this right now. Not when he was well on his way to recovery. He needed Step 5 and he needed it now. So, with a bitter smile, he reached out for his phone and opened the all too familiar tab in his browser.
STEP 5. Love yourself. The only way to truly feel happy is being contented with what you have. Embrace your flaws and weaknesses. It’s better if you can turn such into strengths. There’s nothing more rewarding than being able to outgrow the insecurities you’ve harbored since your pre-adolescent years. Let go of the excess emotional baggage and you will soon find that it’s easier to let go of the unrequited love you thought there’s no way out of. Find someone who will love you back. Only then can you fully get over someone you cannot have.
Voila! You’re officially the new you - Miss Has Moved On. Go out onto the world and enjoy this new frontier in your life.
Sungmin sighed as he clutched the phone to his chest. He stayed like that for a few minutes before he decided to do the thing he knew he should have done way before.
“Hello, Min Seok?” Sungmin
~
Sungmin said yes to Min Seok that morning. He figured that it was the best thing he could do to finally move on from Kyuhyun. He knew it was a tad bit unfair to use the younger for his own selfish reasons, but he saw no other way to help himself. Besides, it’s not like he completely disliked the other. In fact, he wasn’t lying when he said that he found too many similarities between them, and he thought that would work to his advantage now that they have made things official. He had learned to love Kyuhyun a long time ago but it was a love that was unrequited. He can’t see any reason why he wouldn’t be able to learn to love Min Seok this time around.
~
“Hyung! I chilled the wine our fanclub gave us in our last concert. Can we drink it tonight?” Kyuhyun skipped into their shared bedroom, only to halt in his steps when he saw that Sungmin was grooming himself in front of the mirror again.
“Oh, I’m sorry Kyu. I’m watching a movie with Min Seok tonight,” Sungmin smiled apologetically at Kyuhyun, eyes flicking to the wine bottle in Kyuhyun’s hand.
“Min Seok? I thought you said you didn’t like him because you were too similar?” Kyuhyun tilted his head to the side in confusion. Sungmin’s actions these days seemed to have that effect on him lately.
“Well. He’s my boyfriend now. I thought about what you said and I realized you’re right. I would totally end up alone if I keep on looking for weaknesses in the person I’m dating. I think I should just go with the flow this time and see where this leads me,” Sungin explained as he spritzed some perfume and patted his hair one last time before heading to the door. “Maybe next time, okay?”
Kyuhyun couldn’t do nothing more other than nod as Sungmin snapped the door behind him. He looked down on the wine bottle in his hand dejectedly, tightening his grip on its neck which caused his knuckles to turn white. He meant well when he said those things to Sungmin, but he didn’t think that the elder would actually take him seriously. What’s worse was that Kyuhyun could basically feel his chest tighten as he digested the new piece of information that he was the reason why Sungmin became willing to love somebody else.
He paced across their room and looked over to the parking lot where he saw Sungmin enter an unfamiliar car. He felt the pang in his chest increase tenfold when he saw Sungmin all but lean towards the person in the driver’s seat to give him a swift peck on the lips. But then he saw Sungmin’s radiant smile as soon as he withdrew and Kyuhyun knew he couldn’t interfere now even if he wanted to. Not when Sungmin was already contented with where he's at. He would endure the pain in his heart if need be, if that would be the only way to keep Sungmin happy.
With a resigned sigh, he gave the bottle in his hand one last squeeze before he pranced back to the kitchen to chill it again, the bottle seemingly like how cold his heart had become when he learned that Sungmin now had somebody to love.
~
Kyuhyun held on to Sungmin’s promise to have their wine time the day after that, but he should have known that said postponement would be repeated more than a few times. The wine laid forgotten in the cold freezer just like how Kyuhyun’s heart seemed to have been left out in the cold by Sungmin’s inattention.
It wasn’t rare for Kyuhyun to see Sungmin smiling at his phone nowadays. Those smiles that adorned the elder’s face were so bright, it made him look more like an angel that he already did, yet Kyuhyun couldn’t help but be disheartened when he realized that the reason for Sungmin’s joy was another person. Still, he faked a smile of his own, if only to let Sungmin believe that he supported the elder. The pain in his heart consumed him day by day but seeing Sungmin uncharacteristically happy was enough to make Kyuhyun endure.
Then again, one could only endure so much and Kyuhyun, human as he was, missed Sungmin more than ever which led him to ask his hyung to spend time with him once more. Much to his luck, he found Sungmin sitting on his bed as he entered their shared bedroom - a rare occurrence considering that Sungmin had been too busy dating lately.
“Oh, Sungmin-hyung, how come you’re here?” Kyuhyun asked, mildly surprised.
“This is still my room, you know that right?” Sungmin rolled his eyes at the younger and continued fiddling on his laptop which just got back from the repairs man.
“Very funny, hyung. Don’t you have a date with Min Seok tonight or something?” Kyuhyun tutted as he squeezed himself on the space beside Sungmin on the elder’s bed, laughing out loud as soon as he saw the Sungmin was watching Jumong.
“Shut up! Youu were the one who made me watch this.” Sungmin smacked Kyuhyun on the head, but it made the maknae laugh all the more. “And um, no. We broke up.”
Now that shut Kyuhyun up.
“Eh? Why? Are you okay?” Kyuhyun suddenly turned serious, hand automatically reaching to pat his hyung on his back.
“Nah. I’m fine. I guess it just wasn’t working out. It was fun at first but it became boring after a few weeks or so. We’re too alike, remember?” Sungmin smiled bitterly as he opened the next episode of Jumong on his laptop.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Kyuhyun asked cautiously.
“No. Not really. Besides, I’m seeing ---“ There goes Sungmin’s phone again. He was about to answer when Kyuhyun caught his wrist and turned the screen towards himself, eyes darkening when he saw the name on the screen.
Sungmin couldn’t do anything else but stare in fright as Kyuhyun all but snatched his phone from his grip.
“Hello, Joon Myun? It’s Kyuhyun and Sungmin hyung is not interested. Bye,” Kyuhyun growled onto the phone and threw it on the floor thereafter.
Sungmin immediately stood up to retrieve it when Kyuhyun pulled him back harshly and pinned him on the bed.
‘Why are you whoring yourself out like this!? Do you seriously have to date all EXO members before you realize that none of them is right for you?” Kyuhyun challenged, Sungmin’s anger flaring up as well at the younger’s words.
“Whoring myself out!? Are you listening to yourself, huh? I’m not doing anything wrong!” Sungmin struggled in Kyuhyun’s hold but the younger was resolute on keeping him in place.
“How could you do this, hyung? Joon Myun is my friend!” Kyuhyun spat, the venom in his voice making Sungmin squirm all the more.
“I don’t see why --- What the fuck, Kyu? You’re hurting me!” Sungmin gasped, only to cower in fear when Kyuhyun all but pressed him harder against the mattress.
“I’m hurting you!? You’re hurting me! When you told me you wanted to find someone to make you happy, I backed off because I knew you deserved to be happy. But what you’re doing right now is wrong, hyung! You don’t need to lower your standards just like that because no one could meet them,” Kyuhyun said exasperatedly, hoping against hope that Sungmin understands what he’s implying.
“Well, you know what they say. A heart that is denied by one tends to love many,” Sungmin whispered, albeit condescendingly, eyes refusing to meet Kyuhyun’s.
“Look at me, god damn it!” Kyuhyun snarled as he took Sungmin’s chin in his hand and forced him to meet his gaze. “You, Lee Sungmin, are the most beautiful person I have ever met in my life. You don’t need to beg people to love you because each and every part of you is worth loving and someone who couldn’t see that doesn’t deserve to have you,” Kyuhyun whispered as he leaned his forehead on the elder’s, tears mixing with that of Sungmin’s as the latter had started crying as well.
“Then I guess it’s true that you don’t deserve me then,” Sungmin replied in an undertone and forced himself to push Kyuhyun away once more, but the younger just held on tighter, eyes as wide as saucers as he processed the elder’s words.
“Wha - What did you just say?” Kyuhyun’s face was a mask of confusion as he hovered over his hyung, eyes searching Sungmin’s for the answer.
“I - The reason why I did this was because I wanted to get over you, Kyu. I couldn’t take the pain anymore so I chose to escape. And I was doing quite well,” Sungmin chuckled bitterly, eyes boring into Kyuhyun’s own. “At least I thought I was. But then you just have to do the things you do every time I feel like I have finally moved on and… I don’t know anymore. I’m tired, Kyu. Please stop doing this to me.” Sungmin finished in a resigned manner.
“But - “ Kyuhyun started, only to be halted when Sungmin pushed him away forcefully. This time the elder was successful since Kyuhyun had been too shocked by the revelation.
“I know, Kyu. We can never happen so if you could just let me wallow in ---“ Sungmin sighed as he slowly retreated to the bathroom, only to be spun around when Kyuhyun all but pulled him back towards him, their bodies flush against one another.
Kyuhyun was panting as he stared at Sungmin’s orbs, the elder’s eyes mirroring the same emotion he had in his. He could see the passion, frustration, vulnerability, and more importantly, the longing in there. It took Kyuhyun all of his self-control to keep his sanity intact as he imagined a life without Sungmin by his side. Now that their feelings were out, Kyuhyun couldn’t see any reason why they shouldn’t be together. But apparently, Sungmin still had his doubts.
“Please, Kyu. Let me go,” The elder pleaded, his tears now flowing freely on his cheeks and it pained Kyuhyun to see that he was the cause of such pain.
“Ask me anything but that, Min,” Kyuhyun answered, bringing his hand to Sungmin’s face and catching his tears with his thumb. He slowly breached the distance between them, a hand falling to Sungmin’s waist to bring him closer while the other kept its hold on Sungmin’s neck.
Sungmin couldn’t help the gasp that escaped him at the first touch of lips upon lips. He felt his eyes close on its own accord as Kyuhyun placed gentle nibbles on his mouth, tongue darting just a tad bit in askance which he gladly granted with a swipe of his own tongue. Their lips danced against each other, following an inaudible sweet melody that is the beating of their hearts. Sungmin could feel the tingle in his spine as Kyuhyun pried his mouth open all the more, his hands reaching up to secure themselves around Kyuhyun’s neck in an effort to bring the younger closer. It was all that Sungmin imagined Kyuhyun's lips to feel like and he felt hiis senses become heightened by the sensations coursing through him. He let out a soft mewl as Kyuhyun pulled at the hair on his nape, the gesture sending delicious sparks on his skin.
Kyuhyun, on the other hand, let out a guttural moan when Sungmin swirled his tongue against his, the elder sucking on his muscle with such fervor that it made Kyuhyun bring him closer against his body all the more. They kissed for what seemed like eternity before the need for air forced them to separate, both leaning their foreheads against each other while panting to catch their breaths.
It was Kyuhyun who first recovered and he withdrew just enough so he could look at Sungmin directly in the eyes, his own orbs a reflection of sincerity as he spoke his heart for the first time.
“Don’t move on from me, hyung. You don’t know how much I’ve suffered seeing you with other men. Please, give me a chance to prove myself to be worthy of your love,” Kyuhyun pleaded, uncertainty lacing his features as he waited for Sungmin’s answer with bated breath.
“Why are you only saying this only now?” Sungmin couldn’t help his curiosity. After all this time of thinking that his love was unrequited, it was shocking to learn that Kyuhyun loved him after all.
“I -“ Kyuhyun looked down in embarrassment, cheeks turning red as he forced himself to speak. “I was going to tell you, that night, when I wanted to talk to you. But then Seung-gi called and I thought you were seeing him so I just kept my feelings to myself. Then I got so mad when you kept seeing other people after that. It made me feel more incompetent than I already was.
“I’m sorry, Kyu. I didn’t realize ---“ Sungmin cupped Kyuhyun’s cheek in his hand, heart melting almost immediately when Kyuhyun all but leaned into the touch.
“Sssh. No, Min. I wasn’t mad because of you. I was mad at myself because I knew I’m not good enough for you. You’re just too kind and beautiful and perfect while I’m just… me,” Kyuhyun spoke softly, his hand covering Sungmin’s own which was on his cheek.
“You stupid brat. Before assuming anything, you could have tried this method called asking,” Sungmin chided, squeezing the maknae’s cheek which caused the younger to yelp.
“Hey! You’re one to talk. You were the one who kept on concluding things. Like, what the fuck, Min? Did you really think Changmin and I were in that kind of relationship? Over my dead sexy body!” Kyuhyun stuck his tongue out in disgust, only for his nose to be pinched this time.
“Fine! We’re both to blame. So, what do we do now?” Sungmin turned serious all of a sudden, the anxiety evident in his features.
“This time, I’m not letting us fall apart. I would work hard and improve myself until I become a Cho Kyuhyun that is deserving of you, Lee Sungmin,” Kyuhyun declared with utmost sincerity as he placed a chaste kiss on Sungmin’s hand that was still on his cheek.
“You don’t need to do anything, silly. My heart already belongs to you no matter what,” Sungmin’s heart swelled as Kyuhyun’s eyes brightened at his words. He didn’t care about glass slippers, horse-drawn carriages, and whatever things fairy tale endings were made of. All he knew was that he had never felt more complete than now, being here with Kyuhyun, his snarky evil gamer prince who was charming after all.
All the emotions finally caught up with the both of them as they lay exhausted on Sungmin’s bed, Kyuhyun immediately dozing off as Sungmin played the eighty-first episode of Jumong on his laptop. Sungmin smiled as he saw that Kyuhyun was snoring a little, clucking his tongue in feigned annoyance as the younger burrowed deeper onto his neck.
As soon as the episode finished, Sungmin closed the lid of his laptop and slowly brought it down to the floor beside his bed, careful to place it where it couldn’t be stepped on this time. His eyes flashed when he saw his phone on the floor where Kyuhyun had thrown it a while ago. He shook his head a little and picked it up, sighing in relief when he found that it was still working.
The phone screen was displaying the site he had religiously read and followed for the past few months. He smiled bitterly as he scrolled through the page, only for curiosity’s sake this time since he and Kyuhyun had already resolved their issues.
His eyes grew wide upon reaching the end of the page, feeling stupid all of a sudden that he had missed that one rule which would have made all their lives easier.
P.S.
Step 6. These steps aren’t fool proof. As I’ve said, every love story is a different case on its own. Sometimes, what we think is best for us to do may be the exact opposite of what we’re supposed to do. Perhaps, you can be Miss Who Doesn’t Need To Move On. Go back to Step 2 and find out for yourself.
Sungmin scrolled back up and smiled as he saw what he had missed. Then again, he couldn’t really blame himself. He had been too preoccupied with reading the first few steps that he missed the crucial parts which would have saved him the hassle of moving on for no reason.
STEP 2. Ask yourself why you are doing this. People’s reasons on moving on vary on a case to case basis. So, what are you here for? Do you want closure from a break-up gone bad? Do you want to stop hurting from memories of the past? Have you finally accepted that you are not getting back together with your ex? Or have you decided to give up pining for someone you know you can never have? Whatever your reason may be, do it for yourself. Only then can you truly exert the necessary effort towards achieving your goal since it is your happiness that you’re working for.
But remember: “The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know.” Love may seem illogical but more often than not, it does follow a logical pattern. Suppress your feelings if you must, and will yourself to forget your emotions if you can. But when all else fails, never deny yourself the chance to love. When nothing else makes sense, know that you're in love - and give that love a chance to bloom.
And Sungmin couldn't help but agree. It's about time he allowed himself to fall in love unconditionally. To hell with standards. As long as he had Kyuhyun, all was well. Just like what the article said, this time, he figured he was willing to allow their relationship to bloom.
With that thought in mind, he deleted the link from his phone and carefully placed it on his nightstand, doing a double take when he saw a pink post-it taped on his lamp. He couldn't help but giggle as he read the writings thereon.
So, Kyuhyun did make a list after all. Sungmin could only chuckle as he eyed the peacefully sleeping Kyuhyun beside him. He placed a chaste kiss on the younger's lips before he himself cuddled closer to sleep as well. He fully intends on abiding by that list, by the way.
~END~
P.S. Seung-gi and Sungmin are not of the same age. Minnie is older by one year but I just felt like putting that there. =)
P.S.S. I know KyuMin have separate rooms now but I thought being roommates worked well for this story so I kept it like that
P.S.S.S. I just made up the tips to fit KyuMin’s story here so don’t brick me if they don’t work. Lol. The quote about the heart having its own reasons was by Blaise Pascal, btw. I love that quote! <3
P.S.S.S.S. Loosely (or not) based on the Filipino movie She’s The One. Actually, I wanted to follow that storyline but I don’t know why this turned out differently OTL
P.S.S.S.S.S. Unbeta’d and I’m rusty. It's been too long since I wrote a fic. Do forgive the typos, grammatical errors and whatnot. I should remain to be on hiatus, really. Lol
P.S.S.S.S.S.S. Still hungover SS5 Manila! Who’s with me? *high five*