to my grandfather

Jul 02, 2006 13:28

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Dear Papa,

I've realized those I've known who've died in the past six years or so were my own age or slightly older.  And the deaths were tragic--extinguishing hundreds of years worth of futures or (in Shawna's case) leaving behind a husband and toddler.
     I feel strangely un-equipped to mourn yours.  There is no blinding, jagged flash.  No raw and bloody grief.  
     But maybe, just maybe, that's what mourning really is--or was supposed to be--all along.  Sad.  Deep.  Subtle.

I won't grieve because you couldn't stay longer.  We're not immortal, and any living soul on this planet who almost reaches 90 had a full life, indeed.  It was your time.
     I grieve for myself, as I am selfish.  I grieve for my mother, who was not prepared to let you go.  I grieve for my grandmother, who cared for you til the end and will never truly recover from your loss.  And I grieve for my brother, because he is a sensitive and beautiful soul who feels things accutely.

I will miss you.
I love you.
Goodbye, Papa. 
That is the hardest part.

Goodbye.

Love,
                          bryn

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