How the Jack stole Chrismas
Title: how the Jack Stole Christmas
Author: Serialbathera
Fandom: Profiler
Prompt: None
Challenges: Classic Holiday Skewed Challenge
Characters: Jack Of all Trades, Samantha Waters
Characters mentioned: Philip Nichols, John Grant, Reindeer Sharon
Ships: Sam/Jack
Rating: Pg-13
Warnings: silliness, crossover for like five seconds
Word Count:695
Summary: For the Classic Christmas Challenge at Skewed Believers. What if the Grinch didn’t steal Christmas what if Jack stole it. Here is what might happened, told through various narrators.
Disclaimer: These characters are not owned by me
AN: For the actual poem, you can go here http://www.kraftmstr.com/christmas/books/grinch.html. Also, some lines are actual lines from the poem.
1. Narrator: Philip Nichols
Every Agent,
At the VCTF,
Liked Christmas a lot.
(Except George who was Jewish,
But that doesn’t concern this tale)
But Jack
Who’s lair was close to the VCTF
DID NOT!
Jack hated Christmas!
The whole Christmas season.
Now, please don’t aske why. No one quite knows
The reason.
It could be his roses didn’t grow quite
Right.
It could be perhaps, his blue lamps weren’t
Bright/
But I, (Philip Nichols) think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been his sheriff’s outfit was two sizes
Too small.
But,
Whatever the reason,
His outfit or roses,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the
VCTF.
Staring through his computer monitor with a sour,
Grincy frown,
At the government florescent lights hanging from
The ceiling,
For he knew every Agent at the VCTF,
Just near by,
Were busy now, writing Christmas cards,
“And now they are ignoring their paperwork.”
He snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here.”
Then he growled, with his serial killer fingers
Nervously drumming.
“I MUST find away to keep Christmas from
Coming!”
For tomorrow he knew…
All the VCTF agents
Would be drinking egg nog,
And rushing to do work, to get
Home early to their families.
And if not, then! Oh, the Noise! Oh the Noise!
Noise! Noise!
That’s one he hated! The Noise !
NOISE! NOISE!
2. Narrator: Serialbathera
Philip Nichols got a bit distracted with some cult business. Something about the number of stab wounds or something. I wasn’t listening…sorry, I rarely listen to the conversations the characters in my head have with other people.
Anyway, I was going to have George finish the poem but then, he was kissing Rich. And then, I thought it would be cute to have someone non profiler do it. Dr. Spencer Reid from “Criminal Minds” was going to do it, but then he started a long story about Christmas traditions and such, which were kind of cute but two co-workers shushed him, Derek Morgan and Emily Prentiss.
So, Jack decided he would do the next part.
3. Jack of all Trades
(Jack lights a cigarette and smokes it for a long time.
He eats a handful of Cheetoes, watching the audience.)
I don’t really like the poem
Format given.
I think it is a bit cheesy.
I am a man of my own syntax.
I think it is ridiculous,
Despite what Philip thinks,
I am not a bad guy.
I don’t even totally hate Christmas.
I just like Halloween better.
The decorations are cooler.
And there is no jolly fat man.
(Jack smoke another cigarette)
Anyway, I did steal all the VCTF’s
Christmas Decorations.
Even dressed Sharon up
As a reindeer.
An d I k now the lesson of the book/old cartoon movie.
(Don’t even get me started on the juvenile
And moronic Jim Carrey version.)
Is that Christmas is not
About possessions.
It’s a feeling inside.
Well, the VCTF may or
May not have learned that.
I don’t know,
Because unlike the Grinch,
I wasn’t caught by Cindy Lou Who,
I got caught by Samantha.
I ditched reindeer Sharon,
And me and my love,
Took a cruise to the Bahamas.
Then after that,
Who knows,
But we have the rest of our lives.
Oh, by the way,
We got married by the ship’s captain,
So, she is now Mrs. Samantha Trades,
And she already emailed
Bailey and quit.
And they aren’t smart enough to catch us.
4. John Grant cutting in
He thinks he can do that.
Recall everything so quickly
Like a quick witted cat.
He left us with a mess,
And much distress.
As we now, realized he’s kidnapped Sam,
And all the Christmas ham.
5. Narrator: Serialbathera.
Sorry, John was mauled by several fangirls,
Never to be seen again.
(Unless you find the basement where he is locked up.)
We thought of Jill having her say,
But she ran away.
Sorry, don’t mind the rhyming,
It is a bit stuck in my head.
Anyway, Merry Christmas to all,
And may the new year bring you many Skewed (or regular Profiler)
Plot bunnies (or guineas if you are Meg) :
Author: Serialbathera
Fandom: Profiler
Prompt: None
Challenges: Classic Holiday Skewed Challenge
Characters: Jack Of all Trades, Samantha Waters
Characters mentioned: Philip Nichols, John Grant, Reindeer Sharon
Ships: Sam/Jack
Rating: Pg-13
Warnings: silliness, crossover for like five seconds
Word Count:695
Summary: For the Classic Christmas Challenge at Skewed Believers. What if the Grinch didn’t steal Christmas what if Jack stole it. Here is what might happened, told through various narrators.
Disclaimer: These characters are not owned by me
AN: For the actual poem, you can go here http://www.kraftmstr.com/christmas/books/grinch.html. Also, some lines are actual lines from the poem.
1. Narrator: Philip Nichols
Every Agent,
At the VCTF,
Liked Christmas a lot.
(Except George who was Jewish,
But that doesn’t concern this tale)
But Jack
Who’s lair was close to the VCTF
DID NOT!
Jack hated Christmas!
The whole Christmas season.
Now, please don’t aske why. No one quite knows
The reason.
It could be his roses didn’t grow quite
Right.
It could be perhaps, his blue lamps weren’t
Bright/
But I, (Philip Nichols) think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been his sheriff’s outfit was two sizes
Too small.
But,
Whatever the reason,
His outfit or roses,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the
VCTF.
Staring through his computer monitor with a sour,
Grincy frown,
At the government florescent lights hanging from
The ceiling,
For he knew every Agent at the VCTF,
Just near by,
Were busy now, writing Christmas cards,
“And now they are ignoring their paperwork.”
He snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here.”
Then he growled, with his serial killer fingers
Nervously drumming.
“I MUST find away to keep Christmas from
Coming!”
For tomorrow he knew…
All the VCTF agents
Would be drinking egg nog,
And rushing to do work, to get
Home early to their families.
And if not, then! Oh, the Noise! Oh the Noise!
Noise! Noise!
That’s one he hated! The Noise !
NOISE! NOISE!
2. Narrator: Serialbathera
Philip Nichols got a bit distracted with some cult business. Something about the number of stab wounds or something. I wasn’t listening…sorry, I rarely listen to the conversations the characters in my head have with other people.
Anyway, I was going to have George finish the poem but then, he was kissing Rich. And then, I thought it would be cute to have someone non profiler do it. Dr. Spencer Reid from “Criminal Minds” was going to do it, but then he started a long story about Christmas traditions and such, which were kind of cute but two co-workers shushed him, Derek Morgan and Emily Prentiss.
So, Jack decided he would do the next part.
3. Jack of all Trades
(Jack lights a cigarette and smokes it for a long time.
He eats a handful of Cheetoes, watching the audience.)
I don’t really like the poem
Format given.
I think it is a bit cheesy.
I am a man of my own syntax.
I think it is ridiculous,
Despite what Philip thinks,
I am not a bad guy.
I don’t even totally hate Christmas.
I just like Halloween better.
The decorations are cooler.
And there is no jolly fat man.
(Jack smoke another cigarette)
Anyway, I did steal all the VCTF’s
Christmas Decorations.
Even dressed Sharon up
As a reindeer.
An d I k now the lesson of the book/old cartoon movie.
(Don’t even get me started on the juvenile
And moronic Jim Carrey version.)
Is that Christmas is not
About possessions.
It’s a feeling inside.
Well, the VCTF may or
May not have learned that.
I don’t know,
Because unlike the Grinch,
I wasn’t caught by Cindy Lou Who,
I got caught by Samantha.
I ditched reindeer Sharon,
And me and my love,
Took a cruise to the Bahamas.
Then after that,
Who knows,
But we have the rest of our lives.
Oh, by the way,
We got married by the ship’s captain,
So, she is now Mrs. Samantha Trades,
And she already emailed
Bailey and quit.
And they aren’t smart enough to catch us.
4. John Grant cutting in
He thinks he can do that.
Recall everything so quickly
Like a quick witted cat.
He left us with a mess,
And much distress.
As we now, realized he’s kidnapped Sam,
And all the Christmas ham.
5. Narrator: Serialbathera.
Sorry, John was mauled by several fangirls,
Never to be seen again.
(Unless you find the basement where he is locked up.)
We thought of Jill having her say,
But she ran away.
Sorry, don’t mind the rhyming,
It is a bit stuck in my head.
Anyway, Merry Christmas to all,
And may the new year bring you many Skewed (or regular Profiler)
Plot bunnies (or guineas if you are Meg) :