I won't eat broccoli
Do you ever find yourself fighting against a specific part of who you are? For instance, say you have a dire aversion to broccoli but everybody keeps telling you to eat it. So you try to eat it. It makes you sick. But you still feel pressured by friends and family to keep trying to eat broccoli. No matter how many times you try it, no matter how many times you change it up, it's still broccoli and it still makes you sick.
At what point do you accept that you do not like broccoli, never will, and move on with life? Accept that you were created specifically to not like broccoli and that it would be okay to never ever eat it again?
It's not broccoli, but it's similar. This story begins years and years ago based on some poor choices. Because of the poor choices, I worked various office jobs to help make ends meet. These jobs are the easiest to come by (if not right at this moment) and usually pay okay. The work is stable and so is the paycheck and benefits.
I started office work because we were poor and there wasn't a whole lot of call for inexperienced theater majors with a second Bachelor's in journalism. At least, that's what I thought. My frame of mind was, "I graduated college, now where is my job?" I had no idea that I would actually have to go out there and find these jobs on my own, beyond online job searches. I felt entitled.
I know, finesse is not a trait I possess.
Years later I'm still working in office jobs. I hate them. I hate office politics. I hate people who don't communicate. I hate playing corporate games.
But I do like my steady paycheck, my benefits (such as they are, I guess having some is better than none), my paid vacation and separate paid sick leave. I like knowing that it will have to take a lot, and I mean moving a mountain a lot, to fire me (don't ask how I know this).
Office jobs bring out my worst. At least what I perceive to be my worst. Specifically, my lack of "tough skin."
Lack of tough skin is my broccoli. No matter how many classes I take, books I read, therapists I see, I am just a very sensitive soul. And for some reason that is a bad thing. My entire life people have told me to toughen up. Grow some thicker skin. Stop being so sensitive. Don't take everything so personally.
A couple of weeks ago I heard a co-worker say about another co-worker, "He's just really sensitive. We need to toughen him up." I know the co-worker being commented about, and yeah, he is another sensitive soul. He's a good guy. He reads books. He wants to have a farm and raise all kinds of animals. He loves his wife and supports her in just about everything she wants to do. He isn't whiny. He doesn't complain. He's just struggling and frustrated with his job. Just like me.
But this makes him "sensitive". And in this case "sensitive" equals a dirty word; as in, "She's so smelly. We need to encourage her to take a bath". Telling someone like me, like my co-worker, to grow tougher skin would be like telling Shaq to grow short. And why should it?
In my position, I'm too sensitive and need to toughen up because I said that I was frustrated for the lack of support in my job. I've asked for help from the get go to understand how things are done in my position. But no one has a clue how things were done by my predecessor. I said that certain people told me that if information I get from another department that I have no control over screws up the changes I'm making it'll be my head.
Being "sensitive" has nothing to do with lack of peer support.
Today, after I was told to toughen up, grow that crazy thick skin EVERYbody else has (all the cool kids have thick skin!), I realized that I was being told to be somebody I'm not.
I am a sensitive person. But I don't think this should be considered a bad thing. When people are fighting around me, I'm usually the first person to step up and make everybody back away (Halloween 2009). I like to work in a harmonious, drama free environment where people work together not because we have to but because working together makes everybody's lives easier. It's important to have sensitive people like me around.
It's a shame that when I'm told to toughen up I can't say, "You know, three years ago I chased, on foot, one of the three guys who broke into my home; a guy carrying a gun. The only reason I didn't catch him and beat the shit out of him was because he has had practice jumping fences. Please don't tell me to toughen up. My skin is thick when it needs to be. Apparently, this is not a time when thick skin is needed. Instead of me changing for you, why don't you change for me?"
At what point do you accept that you do not like broccoli, never will, and move on with life? Accept that you were created specifically to not like broccoli and that it would be okay to never ever eat it again?
It's not broccoli, but it's similar. This story begins years and years ago based on some poor choices. Because of the poor choices, I worked various office jobs to help make ends meet. These jobs are the easiest to come by (if not right at this moment) and usually pay okay. The work is stable and so is the paycheck and benefits.
I started office work because we were poor and there wasn't a whole lot of call for inexperienced theater majors with a second Bachelor's in journalism. At least, that's what I thought. My frame of mind was, "I graduated college, now where is my job?" I had no idea that I would actually have to go out there and find these jobs on my own, beyond online job searches. I felt entitled.
I know, finesse is not a trait I possess.
Years later I'm still working in office jobs. I hate them. I hate office politics. I hate people who don't communicate. I hate playing corporate games.
But I do like my steady paycheck, my benefits (such as they are, I guess having some is better than none), my paid vacation and separate paid sick leave. I like knowing that it will have to take a lot, and I mean moving a mountain a lot, to fire me (don't ask how I know this).
Office jobs bring out my worst. At least what I perceive to be my worst. Specifically, my lack of "tough skin."
Lack of tough skin is my broccoli. No matter how many classes I take, books I read, therapists I see, I am just a very sensitive soul. And for some reason that is a bad thing. My entire life people have told me to toughen up. Grow some thicker skin. Stop being so sensitive. Don't take everything so personally.
A couple of weeks ago I heard a co-worker say about another co-worker, "He's just really sensitive. We need to toughen him up." I know the co-worker being commented about, and yeah, he is another sensitive soul. He's a good guy. He reads books. He wants to have a farm and raise all kinds of animals. He loves his wife and supports her in just about everything she wants to do. He isn't whiny. He doesn't complain. He's just struggling and frustrated with his job. Just like me.
But this makes him "sensitive". And in this case "sensitive" equals a dirty word; as in, "She's so smelly. We need to encourage her to take a bath". Telling someone like me, like my co-worker, to grow tougher skin would be like telling Shaq to grow short. And why should it?
In my position, I'm too sensitive and need to toughen up because I said that I was frustrated for the lack of support in my job. I've asked for help from the get go to understand how things are done in my position. But no one has a clue how things were done by my predecessor. I said that certain people told me that if information I get from another department that I have no control over screws up the changes I'm making it'll be my head.
Being "sensitive" has nothing to do with lack of peer support.
Today, after I was told to toughen up, grow that crazy thick skin EVERYbody else has (all the cool kids have thick skin!), I realized that I was being told to be somebody I'm not.
I am a sensitive person. But I don't think this should be considered a bad thing. When people are fighting around me, I'm usually the first person to step up and make everybody back away (Halloween 2009). I like to work in a harmonious, drama free environment where people work together not because we have to but because working together makes everybody's lives easier. It's important to have sensitive people like me around.
It's a shame that when I'm told to toughen up I can't say, "You know, three years ago I chased, on foot, one of the three guys who broke into my home; a guy carrying a gun. The only reason I didn't catch him and beat the shit out of him was because he has had practice jumping fences. Please don't tell me to toughen up. My skin is thick when it needs to be. Apparently, this is not a time when thick skin is needed. Instead of me changing for you, why don't you change for me?"