"I wish I was special"
So. I've come to the conclusion that I am ultimately a loner. I mean...I have close friends...but in the end I'm too independent even for myself...in the sense that I can't rely on anyone because nothing ever happens the way I want it to, or wish it did...and I realize these things way before other people do.
I may be negative...but not really, I believe that I'm more realistic...and it doesn't bother me.
I don't have one really really close friend that I tell everything. There's not one person that I feel the most comfortable around. I have insecurities, but I don't let them bother me too much.
...What I mean is, I have low self esteem, yes, I think I'm ugly or stupid, etc. [and don't leave any comments saying otherwise because its not like obsess over these insecurities, I just believe them and no ones word will change mine]. But, I have confidence in myself in the sense that I realize I don't care what other people see me do...if they choose to judge me as someone they don't like, than thats their deal, especially if they don't know me, because if they met me they would know that I'm not insane. Also, I believe in myself...other people may think I'm not smart but I don't want to come off that way, especially if I'm around boys, because I hate when girls get giggly and dumb with boys...thats why I don't change when I'm around boys...I may seem a little extreme at first but people soon realize that I'm just different than anyone they've ever met.
But who isn't different? I hate how there are conformities and generalizations in like everything people do...or when someone tells you that you remind them of someone that they know...it's just one aspect or a couple, everyones different and actually unique and it's important for many people to realize that and to embrace it because theres no point in frowning over being not wanted or whatever...its the conformity of people that doesn't accept someone-not the actual people.
I mean I go to all girls school...it's very easy to learn about people when you're in an enviroment with all girls...and see how everyone changes over the years---and how people don't change. I understand how people won't always be the same, and aren't all about one thing...you can't describe someone in one adjective because there are so many different sides to a person...realizing this benefits me in a way...but also doesnt. Mr. waters at school tells me that I'm like no one he has met before and that its a good thing and that I should teach other people about what I think...because it might help...so thats why I'm rambling, sorry if you do not appreciate it.
This past year...and as a matter of fact the past couple years have been pretty hard on me, but I don't let it phase me because I can't change the past...I just have to deal with the future, which isn't easy.
But hey, life isn't easy, right? I mean...some people are confident. They believe in themselves, but others don't at all because of what some people tell them. or media, you know...
BUT all I am really tryin to say is that I'm tired of hearing of people I know being sad or upset with who they are, because everyone is truly special...and I don't mean to sound like a TV show or your mother, but I just feel that theres so much complexity in a person that its hard to not like someone as a whole...you may have different personalities and it may be hard for you to be friends with someone different at first...but I mean I do it all the time, I tell people what I think...I may talk about people when theyre not in the room, but I always share what I think about a person with them before anyone else...
So...just if you are reading this/took the time you read my rambling...don't let anyone get you down...and if you ever see me walkin alone at school [or anywhere else] as I often do, don't be afraid to say hi...and also don't be afraid to express what you feel because differences are really what makes us all alike.
-Theresa
[I apologize for my organizational rambling skills...I've just had a lot of time to think while moving into my new house...]
PS--GIVE SOMEONE THAT YOU DON'T NORMALLY TALK TO A COMPLIMENT.just try not to be creepy ;)
--confidence in yourself comes from compliment...which ultimately comes from other people...awareness of others and self awareness is important.
PPS--I'm so glad I finally have nice enough things to let people see [meaning my new house]...I can appreciate things more now that I've lost so much and I want to thank everyone whos been there for me the past couple of months, you really helped me learn a lot about morals and about myself.
I may be negative...but not really, I believe that I'm more realistic...and it doesn't bother me.
I don't have one really really close friend that I tell everything. There's not one person that I feel the most comfortable around. I have insecurities, but I don't let them bother me too much.
...What I mean is, I have low self esteem, yes, I think I'm ugly or stupid, etc. [and don't leave any comments saying otherwise because its not like obsess over these insecurities, I just believe them and no ones word will change mine]. But, I have confidence in myself in the sense that I realize I don't care what other people see me do...if they choose to judge me as someone they don't like, than thats their deal, especially if they don't know me, because if they met me they would know that I'm not insane. Also, I believe in myself...other people may think I'm not smart but I don't want to come off that way, especially if I'm around boys, because I hate when girls get giggly and dumb with boys...thats why I don't change when I'm around boys...I may seem a little extreme at first but people soon realize that I'm just different than anyone they've ever met.
But who isn't different? I hate how there are conformities and generalizations in like everything people do...or when someone tells you that you remind them of someone that they know...it's just one aspect or a couple, everyones different and actually unique and it's important for many people to realize that and to embrace it because theres no point in frowning over being not wanted or whatever...its the conformity of people that doesn't accept someone-not the actual people.
I mean I go to all girls school...it's very easy to learn about people when you're in an enviroment with all girls...and see how everyone changes over the years---and how people don't change. I understand how people won't always be the same, and aren't all about one thing...you can't describe someone in one adjective because there are so many different sides to a person...realizing this benefits me in a way...but also doesnt. Mr. waters at school tells me that I'm like no one he has met before and that its a good thing and that I should teach other people about what I think...because it might help...so thats why I'm rambling, sorry if you do not appreciate it.
This past year...and as a matter of fact the past couple years have been pretty hard on me, but I don't let it phase me because I can't change the past...I just have to deal with the future, which isn't easy.
But hey, life isn't easy, right? I mean...some people are confident. They believe in themselves, but others don't at all because of what some people tell them. or media, you know...
BUT all I am really tryin to say is that I'm tired of hearing of people I know being sad or upset with who they are, because everyone is truly special...and I don't mean to sound like a TV show or your mother, but I just feel that theres so much complexity in a person that its hard to not like someone as a whole...you may have different personalities and it may be hard for you to be friends with someone different at first...but I mean I do it all the time, I tell people what I think...I may talk about people when theyre not in the room, but I always share what I think about a person with them before anyone else...
So...just if you are reading this/took the time you read my rambling...don't let anyone get you down...and if you ever see me walkin alone at school [or anywhere else] as I often do, don't be afraid to say hi...and also don't be afraid to express what you feel because differences are really what makes us all alike.
-Theresa
[I apologize for my organizational rambling skills...I've just had a lot of time to think while moving into my new house...]
PS--GIVE SOMEONE THAT YOU DON'T NORMALLY TALK TO A COMPLIMENT.just try not to be creepy ;)
--confidence in yourself comes from compliment...which ultimately comes from other people...awareness of others and self awareness is important.
PPS--I'm so glad I finally have nice enough things to let people see [meaning my new house]...I can appreciate things more now that I've lost so much and I want to thank everyone whos been there for me the past couple of months, you really helped me learn a lot about morals and about myself.