LOST IN SARCASMLATION
For those few of you who have not been reading the news in the last eight months you might be surprised to learn that I Dmitri Ian Alvarado went on a brief whirlwind tour of five countries. Yes that is correct. Your eyeballs do not deceive you. I should have many a story to recant and celebrate and while this may or may not be true I certainly have one that ought to appease the left side of your brain. Although this happened many months ago I still remember it like it was yesterday morning.
I had a bright idea that while I was in Argentina it might be worth my time and effort to find a ranch to work on for a few months. This seemed like a bright idea because I would have room and board covered and I would be in the pampas riding with real and alive gauchos in exchange for some good ol' manual labor/grunt work. There just so happened to be a ranch in a city called Mercedes in the region of Corrientes, Argentina. They seemed very thorough and professional and their website presented their business as one that any ranch owner would be envious of. There was even an application process that was four pages long and they require that you submit a CV(resume for all you gringos americanos). Once they had approved this part a physical exam was required to prove that you were fit and in good condition to be working full ten hour days seven days a week. Fortunately they accepted me with less than open arms and it was agreed that I would work for eight weeks mucking out stalls, feeding horses, baling hay, among other things and riding with the the gauchos herding cattle, treating sick cattle in the fields, branding, castrating, and whatever else needed to be done. Before I ever arrived I clearly stated that I was a veggie and I would refuse to eat any meat. They accepted this and assured me there would be no trouble accommodating me. I was to start after I spent a glorious event filled week getting know and love Buenos Aires.
It would have been important to know that the owners of this ranch are Swiss and unhappy. They did a very good job of hiding that fact when I was showing interest in working there. This Swiss man was some one who wouldnt smile even if a ten ton bowling ball landed on his worst enemies foot. He was extremely suspicious of all the Argentine workers there and he never said please or even a little thank you. To him veggie meant eating white rice and carrots for one meal and pasta with no sauce and cauliflower with a bit of cheese disgusted on top for the next meal. This is how I came to learn and love everything about yerba mate. It is important for you to know because now you know a little about what conditions were like.
Despite all the factors bearing a heavy weight against me I was still glad to be there. The staff I found to be mostly pleasant and helpful. I did my work everyday and I did my work hard and fast. Quality with a smile. Then one day everything changed.
Every week I would rotate my duties. One week in the morning I would ride with the gauchos then in the afternoon I would muck out stalls. The next week I would muck stalls in the morning and ride in the afternoon. Let it also be known that the schedule works as follows: one works for twelve days then gets two days off. Meaning every two weeks you get two days off. Kind of excessive considering they are ten hour days but dems da rules. On this particular day I was mucking stalls in the morning and it was the eleventh consecutive day I had worked. I was working on my penultimate stall laying in the sawdust trying to get every single last piece of shit and piss out so it would be clean. One of the workers comes by and asks me if I had seen another of the workers and I hadn't so she went on her way and I resumed my work. Then all of less than five minutes later I am approached from behind by the owner(who 95% of the time sits in his office shouting orders to people over a walkie-talkie). He was also looking for the person and I repeated the same thing I had just told the previous worker. Then he asks me if I needed help sleeping. I thought it an odd question and completely incongruous for the time and place but I replied in my typical manner by saying, "Not right now, thank you. But if you want I can keep my door unlocked and you can help me sleep later tonight." I was just trying to be funny and keep spirits high. I thought nothing of it and commenced with finishing my assigned duties for the morning.
At twelve everyday is lunch time and everyday we meet at the office to collect our food for lunch to take back to the volunteer quarters. The owner had something else in mind though. He had all of the volunteers and some of the staff in a little huddle and wanted to share something with all of us. He had his normal sour face so no one knew what was to be expected. What came out of his mouth next was nothing short of shocking. He said that it has come to his attention that a certain someone has been sleeping on the job. He went on to say that this is serious work and that it is important that you get proper sleep every night and are ready and prepared to work hard all day. He continued saying that if you dont want to work then the door is right there and he pointed to an imaginary door. Next thing he pointed to me and said,"Now do you want to continue working here? Or do you want to spend all your time sleeping in the stalls?" I couldnt believe it. He mistook my lying and cleaning the stall to get it 100% clean as my slacking off and sleeping in shit and piss instead of working. All of the other volunteers and staff knew that I hadnt been sleeping especially the one who had came by just a few short minutes before to ask me about the person in question. Besides, there were much better places to sleep if I wanted to then in a stall. Not only that but I cleaned way more stalls than the paid workers who were always goofing off and sneaking off to drink mate or smoke a cig. I was in disbelief and finished the day.
I kept on working and doing my best not letting anything negative bring me down. I thought it more amusing and funny than anything else. A week later I was asked to leave early after only serving 7 of the 8 weeks. I was blamed for letting horses out of their stalls and numerous other things. It was certainly something i was not expecting but it was something that i took and didn't look back. It was not worth it to be there even if I was getting a free room and enough food to feed little Tom Thumb.
At least I got the chance to learn loads about horses and cows. I became a much better horse rider and my spanish improved tenfold. There were some really cool volunteers that I got to get to know and I will always remember El Altillo.
I had a bright idea that while I was in Argentina it might be worth my time and effort to find a ranch to work on for a few months. This seemed like a bright idea because I would have room and board covered and I would be in the pampas riding with real and alive gauchos in exchange for some good ol' manual labor/grunt work. There just so happened to be a ranch in a city called Mercedes in the region of Corrientes, Argentina. They seemed very thorough and professional and their website presented their business as one that any ranch owner would be envious of. There was even an application process that was four pages long and they require that you submit a CV(resume for all you gringos americanos). Once they had approved this part a physical exam was required to prove that you were fit and in good condition to be working full ten hour days seven days a week. Fortunately they accepted me with less than open arms and it was agreed that I would work for eight weeks mucking out stalls, feeding horses, baling hay, among other things and riding with the the gauchos herding cattle, treating sick cattle in the fields, branding, castrating, and whatever else needed to be done. Before I ever arrived I clearly stated that I was a veggie and I would refuse to eat any meat. They accepted this and assured me there would be no trouble accommodating me. I was to start after I spent a glorious event filled week getting know and love Buenos Aires.
It would have been important to know that the owners of this ranch are Swiss and unhappy. They did a very good job of hiding that fact when I was showing interest in working there. This Swiss man was some one who wouldnt smile even if a ten ton bowling ball landed on his worst enemies foot. He was extremely suspicious of all the Argentine workers there and he never said please or even a little thank you. To him veggie meant eating white rice and carrots for one meal and pasta with no sauce and cauliflower with a bit of cheese disgusted on top for the next meal. This is how I came to learn and love everything about yerba mate. It is important for you to know because now you know a little about what conditions were like.
Despite all the factors bearing a heavy weight against me I was still glad to be there. The staff I found to be mostly pleasant and helpful. I did my work everyday and I did my work hard and fast. Quality with a smile. Then one day everything changed.
Every week I would rotate my duties. One week in the morning I would ride with the gauchos then in the afternoon I would muck out stalls. The next week I would muck stalls in the morning and ride in the afternoon. Let it also be known that the schedule works as follows: one works for twelve days then gets two days off. Meaning every two weeks you get two days off. Kind of excessive considering they are ten hour days but dems da rules. On this particular day I was mucking stalls in the morning and it was the eleventh consecutive day I had worked. I was working on my penultimate stall laying in the sawdust trying to get every single last piece of shit and piss out so it would be clean. One of the workers comes by and asks me if I had seen another of the workers and I hadn't so she went on her way and I resumed my work. Then all of less than five minutes later I am approached from behind by the owner(who 95% of the time sits in his office shouting orders to people over a walkie-talkie). He was also looking for the person and I repeated the same thing I had just told the previous worker. Then he asks me if I needed help sleeping. I thought it an odd question and completely incongruous for the time and place but I replied in my typical manner by saying, "Not right now, thank you. But if you want I can keep my door unlocked and you can help me sleep later tonight." I was just trying to be funny and keep spirits high. I thought nothing of it and commenced with finishing my assigned duties for the morning.
At twelve everyday is lunch time and everyday we meet at the office to collect our food for lunch to take back to the volunteer quarters. The owner had something else in mind though. He had all of the volunteers and some of the staff in a little huddle and wanted to share something with all of us. He had his normal sour face so no one knew what was to be expected. What came out of his mouth next was nothing short of shocking. He said that it has come to his attention that a certain someone has been sleeping on the job. He went on to say that this is serious work and that it is important that you get proper sleep every night and are ready and prepared to work hard all day. He continued saying that if you dont want to work then the door is right there and he pointed to an imaginary door. Next thing he pointed to me and said,"Now do you want to continue working here? Or do you want to spend all your time sleeping in the stalls?" I couldnt believe it. He mistook my lying and cleaning the stall to get it 100% clean as my slacking off and sleeping in shit and piss instead of working. All of the other volunteers and staff knew that I hadnt been sleeping especially the one who had came by just a few short minutes before to ask me about the person in question. Besides, there were much better places to sleep if I wanted to then in a stall. Not only that but I cleaned way more stalls than the paid workers who were always goofing off and sneaking off to drink mate or smoke a cig. I was in disbelief and finished the day.
I kept on working and doing my best not letting anything negative bring me down. I thought it more amusing and funny than anything else. A week later I was asked to leave early after only serving 7 of the 8 weeks. I was blamed for letting horses out of their stalls and numerous other things. It was certainly something i was not expecting but it was something that i took and didn't look back. It was not worth it to be there even if I was getting a free room and enough food to feed little Tom Thumb.
At least I got the chance to learn loads about horses and cows. I became a much better horse rider and my spanish improved tenfold. There were some really cool volunteers that I got to get to know and I will always remember El Altillo.