Fahrenheit {chapter five: Why I Cry}
Chapter 5! Please read and review as always!! Nothing's mine but the plot!
Remus glanced over at Lily out of the corner of his eye- they were eating breakfast in the Great Hall, and she seemed to be feeling much more dependent than usual.
Lily was seated in James’s lap as they skimmed through the Daily Prophet together, frowning at yet another mention of the name ‘Voldemort’.
“If he tried to get to you, I’d kill ‘im,” James declared, his arms tightening around Lily’s waist, mistaking her silence for fear of the self-proclaimed ‘Dark Lord’. The real reason for Lily’s sudden change of heart, however, was sitting across the hall at the Slytherin table, a strange expression playing across her beautiful marble features. Lily quickly averted her gaze- this new expression was disconcerting.
In Potions, Lily was partnered with Narcissa yet again- perhaps Slughorn truly hated her. As the blonde upperclassman made her way over to the table, Lily began to pull out the materials.
Narcissa sat on the edge of the table, her feet on the chair as she watched the redhead work with her trademark lack of interest.
“While your little speech last night was deeply touching and heartfelt, I’m sorry to say that I didn’t buy into a bloody word of it.”
Lily almost dropped the cauldron she was holding- it was as though nothing had changed. A sudden rush of déjà vu swept through her body, and her mind slipped back to the night of the Yule Ball with no provocation.
She had looked so beautiful in her emerald dress with those serpent earrings dangling from the silver chain that it almost hurt. Lily’s heart had begun to race as Lucius and James began to square off- Narcissa opted out of a verbal fight, however, waiting for them to solve their silly little problem.
For some reason, Lily had decided to trail along behind her- Narcissa must have known, but she had said nothing. Suddenly, a strong wave of something that wasn’t quite hate or vengeance swept over Lily and then-
“You’re quite close to seriously injuring yourself, Evans,” the present Narcissa drawled, inspecting her cuticles. “Both mentally,” she continued, “as well as physically.” The blonde gestured to the large carving knife that Lily had accidentally selected from a drawer.
“Go throw yourself to the Giant Squid,” Lily muttered harshly as she exchanged the knife for something slightly less gruesome.
Narcissa frowned in faux hurt. “Surely you don’t mean that, Evans,” she murmured as she glided soundlessly behind Lily, her chest brushing against the younger girl’s back. Lily’s hand tightened around the blade, and she let out a small cry.
The knife clattered to the floor, and Lily fought back tears as she cradled her bleeding hand. James was beside her in an instant, his wand aimed at Narcissa’s throat. “What’d you do, Black?” he growled as Narcissa raised her eyes, glaring up at him from under her long lashes.
“Your precious girlfriend managed to do this all by herself, Potter,” she replied icily just as Lucius arrived on the scene, Slughorn far behind him. By now, the assignment had been abandoned by the rest of the class- their eyes flitted from Lucius to James, silently betting on who would cast the first punch. Unbeknownst to any but the blonde Queen and the red-headed protégée, Narcissa’s hand had instantly found the small of Lily’s back.
“Got a problem?” Lucius sneered from behind James, his own wand digging into the messy-haired Gryffindor’s lower back. “Hex a girl, would you, Potter? Why don’t you turn around and fight like a ‘true Gryffindor’, as you so quaintly put it?”
“Your girlfriend’s going to kill Lily,” James said venomously, but withdrew his wand from Narcissa’s neck.
Lily, gritting her teeth in pain, shook her head as much as she could under the circumstances. “It wasn’t her,” she said quietly, and James’s eyes flitted over to his girlfriend, but it didn’t seem to matter who the blame rested on anymore- Lucius had offered a challenge. Swiftly and silently, Narcissa guided Lily behind a couple of table’s, her hand still resting against the younger girl’s lower back. Lily looked up at her, her freckled face twisted in confusion, but Narcissa shook her head, and she understood. The blonde was unwilling to fight her at the moment, even for her fiancé’s sake- not while Lily was bleeding profusely. Narcissa cast a quick charm to reduce the bleeding and raised her gray eyes to Slughorn, catching his attention before gesturing to the door. The large man nodded quickly, his face red and sweaty with his nerves as he attempted to stop yet another fight from breaking out.
“Where are you taking me, Black?”
“To Azkaban,” Narcissa replied coolly as she guided Lily up the stairs. “The Hospital Wing, Evans- where else? If you don’t get treated soon you’re going to suffer from a rather nasty bout of anemia.”
“I know where the Hospital Wing is,” Lily said sullenly. “I can go there by myself.”
“I’m your partner,” Narcissa replied briskly. “If you want to stab yourself to death when this assignment is over, be my guest, but until then it’s my job to keep you alive and pulling your weight.”
Lily pouted as Narcissa pulled her into the bright, Clorox-scented room, but kept silent and allowed Madame Pomfrey to fuss over her deeper-than-average cut as the blonde sat in a chair by her bed, legs and arms folded with an amused look playing across her features.
“How’s the hand?” Remus asked as he dropped down in the poofy armchair next to Lily in Divination. The redhead held up her healed hand in response, smiling tightly.
“You’d think I’d been bloody cursed the way she fussed over me,” Lily muttered, rolling her eyes. “That and Black refused to leave until I was back to normal- just sat in that chair with that stupid, know-it-all smirk on her stupid face the whole bloody time.” Lily dropped the crystal ball onto the table with more force than necessary with those words.
Remus raised his eyebrows, but said nothing as Lily fumed over the older girl’s nerve. Finally, once Professor Sinestra had given them the lesson and Lily had had a chance to cool down a notch, he said calmly, “Doesn’t that set off any alarm bells, love?”
From the confused look that she gave him, it was safe to say that it didn’t. “I told her to back off the other day in the library, and the only thing that actually bothered her was that she was losing, and I quote, ‘a good snog’.” Lily drained her tea in one gulp and subsequently went into a coughing fit as it burned its way down her throat. “That’s going to hurt in the morning,” she said, blinking rapidly.
“I don’t think Narcissa would wait with you in the Hospital Wing, even for a good shag if she cares as little as you claim,” Remus said softly, bracing himself for the fire.
Eyes wide, Lily glanced around the room quickly before leaning forward in her armchair and fixing Remus with a look that clearly said ‘shut up, you bloody idiot, before someone hears you!’. “If you’re so convinced that there’s something more between Black and I, why is it that you can’t see whether Sirius feels something for you or not?”
As Remus’s face fell, Lily felt a pang of guilt, but she didn’t back down- Narcissa Black was stuck up, shallow, vile, positively infuriating, inhumanly beautiful and… No! She shook her head hard- she would not fall for the Slytherin Queen. “There’s nothing there, Lily,” he murmured softly in his dejected voice. “Sirius and James are as straight as they come, aren’t they?”
“Quit that bloody mourning! You’re not a bloody puppy and nobody’s bloody kicked you! You’re right, Remus- nothing’s about to change unless you bloody do something about it! All you do is cry to me about never being able to hold the one you love- how can you say that when you’ve never tried?
“And maybe your chances are ninety-nine to one, but that one percent’s all that matters, Remus! As long as you hide, there’s always going to be that bloody chance!” Lily was fuming, her emerald eyes ablaze as she continued in a hissing whisper, “So you’re right- you’ll never have a chance with him if you continue like this. One percent or none, Remus- you do the bloody math.”
The scrawny boy’s jaw hung open, threatening to break away from its hinges as Lily flipped her hair back, satisfied. There had been other lectures like it- James had gotten them every other day back when Lily cared- but Remus had never been the victim before. When she got passionate about something, she had the mouth of a professional Quidditch player at his best. “Okay,” he finally said as Lily squinted into the empty tea cup, trying to decipher the black and brown blob at the bottom. She looked up, her eyes full of so much childlike hope that he almost couldn’t believe that she was the same Lily who just lectured him. “I’ll tell him- it might take me a while, but I’ll tell him. What’s the worst that could happen, apart from becoming an outcast in the magical community and a faggot to my best friends?” He widened his eyes comically- ‘What could possibly go wrong?’.
Lily grinned as she realized that she had finally won. “They won’t abandon you, Remus- you’ll be their comic relief when the whole ‘Oblivious Moron & Incompetent Prat’ routine becomes too stressful to bear.”
Remus laughed out loud, cringing at the look that Professor Sinestra shot his way. “But you really should think about this whole mess with Narcissa,” he continued, raising his voice an octave as Lily rolled her eyes. “She’s a Slytherin- it’s not like her to care at all, let alone enough to accompany you to the Hospital Wing and stay.”
Lily scoffed. “Black doesn’t care so much that she does care- she’s just trying to confuse me, and I’d bet my life on it,” the foul-mouthed redhead declared confidently.
Raising his eyebrows, Remus finished his own up of tea and looked inside as Professor Sinestra stalked by their table suspiciously. When the class finally ended a few minutes later, he picked up his bookbag and gave Lily a pointed stare. “You’re speeding towards death- if you’d stop being so stubborn, you might see past the cover.”
“Wow,” Lily replied sarcastically as she followed him out. “That’s so deep I’m drowning.”
Narcissa cornered Lily on her way to dinner that evening.
“We’ve got to start the write-up,” she gave as her excuse as she smirked cheekily as James, towing Lily away by the crook of her arm.
“I know you hate my guts, Black,” Lily began as she yanked out of Narcissa’s loose grasp, “but I’m afraid that starving your enemies to death just isn’t going to cut it in the courts. And why the bloody hell are we heading for the Forbidden Forest? That’s, you know- forbidden??”
“Relax, Evans.” With a lazy flick of her dark wand, a cluster of trees parted to reveal a moonlit clearing with several pixies darting around in violent pinks and greens.
“If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were trying to seduce me, Black,” she finally said lamely.
Narcissa sat down, her arms balancing her body from behind. “And if I wasn’t sworn to the Malfoy legacy, I would agree,” she replied, her usually airy voice as soft and smooth as velvet. Lily, who had just sat down, started to scramble to her feet, but found that Narcissa had cast some kind of charm to prevent her from escaping. “I thought Lily Evans never runs away from a Slytherin,” she said softly as she twirled a strand of hair around her wand. “I apologize for kidnapping you, but that seemed to be the only way to get around boy wonder.”
“I find it hard to believe that you actually feel something for me, Black,” Lily stated stubbornly, though Remus’s words came back to haunt her yet again. Why hadn’t she believed him? “Only you constantly shower me with insults and recently have taken to forcing yourself on me because you’re jealous-”
“I never forced myself on you,” Narcissa said, her voice frozen once again. “I kissed you, yes, but I never forced myself on you, Lily.”
“What happened to Evans?” Lily asked, her tone straying from the emotionless mask it had become. “What happened to mudblood? What hap- don’t you do it, Black, or I swear to Merlin I’ll bloody hex you!”
Defeated, Narcissa sunk sullenly back onto the balls of her hands- she had leaned over to steal yet another kiss, but Lily had caught her in the act.
“That’s right. As I was saying, what happened to the insults? What’s your game, Black, because I’m tired of guessing!”
Sighing in strained patience, Narcissa gazed at Lily from under her thick eyelashes. “Are you quite finished?” she asked as Lily fumed silently. “May I please kiss you now?”
Frowning, Lily stared at her in disbelief. “Really, Black?” she asked. “Do I really look that bloody daft?”
“You look beautiful.”
Narcissa leaned over once more, and a stunned Lily made no sudden movements towards her wand, so she closed the short distance between their lips.
Instantly, the different sensations swarmed around Lily, almost so crowded and confusing that she couldn’t take it anymore, and yet she couldn’t pull away. Narcissa’s tongue, which had been brief and teasing at her lips before, was now pressed forcefully against her own, as if they were chemicals reacting. She sucked on Lily’s lower lip as she pulled away at different intervals. The blonde smelled like raspberries and tasted of peppermint, and Lily felt herself melting into her firm grasp like a candle.
Too soon, Narcissa was pulling away, her eyes trained on Lily’s as if asking for permission to continue. Though it took all of her remaining energy, Lily shook her head slowly.
“James…” she murmured weakly, unable to meet the other witch’s expectant gaze. Lily felt Narcissa tense as she inched out from beneath the older girl, but she never expected what came next.
“What of him, then?” Narcissa’s gray eyes were burning with a cold fire that sent a chill of dread down Lily’s spine. “What the bloody hell of James Potter? All I ever hear is James, James, and more bloody James!”
Lily shrunk back- she had never seen Narcissa lose her cool before, and prayed that she never would again. “We’ve been together since second year,” she murmured.
Narcissa ran a hand through her silky blonde hair, already regaining control of her emotions. “That never stopped you before,” she said stubbornly, her eyes downcast to the left.
For some strange reason, Lily felt the unsettling urge to crawl into Narcissa’s lap and forget the world. It was so easy to get lost in those eyes like a snowstorm… “It was nothing before,” she said quietly instead. “I was thirteen- I thought it would impress James if-”
“If what?” Narcissa asked sharply. “If you destroyed the untouchable Narcissa Black’s life?” Lily looked down, and the older girl scoffed. “I knew it, Evans- you want to know how I know so much about you?” Evans, again- but was that such a good sign? Lily didn’t reply, but she continued anyway, “It’s because you read like a child’s spellbook- you’re positively transparent, and you always have been.”
She stood abruptly, flicking her wrist once to clear up the picnic- wandless magic, Lily realized. Narcissa Black may not have looked like much more than strikingly beautiful inferi to Lucius’s whim, but she was so much more- Lily had realized that once, three years before. So she did the only logical thing and reached up, grabbing onto the hem of Narcissa’s robes.
The blonde whipped around, scowling fiercely, but her expression softened involuntarily as she looked down at Lily’s pleading eyes. If only they knew- the untouchable Slytherin Queen, whipped by the insolent girlfriend of that Potter prat. It was utterly pathetic and completely unacceptable, but still, she didn’t kick Lily away. “Please wait,” the Gryffindor begged, her tone utterly miserable- Lily Evans didn’t take well to pleading. “I can’t just leave him, not after all these years, but I don’t love him- you were right about that.”
Lily thought about the sensation that flooded her body every time Narcissa walked into a room- the sweet helplessness she felt when the older girl reached out to help her after an annoyed sigh. It wasn’t that she loved Narcissa- never that she loved Narcissa- but she didn’t love James, and the older girl’s mere presence affected her more than a thousand of James’s rough kisses. Maybe it was because she always had to look after James- the roles were reversed in Narcissa’s case. Lily’s mind slipped back to the girl with the enormous teeth.
Narcissa stood before her, her eyes once again misted over with cool nonchalance as she gazed down at Lily, and the other witch ducked her head down, fearful of the older girl’s indifference. The fear, she realized with a start, It was always the fear.
Narcissa Black gazed down at the fiery Gryffindor girlfriend of James Potter, her carefully sealed heart cracking at the sight. She had broken her- Narcissa had been aiming for this all along, to take advantage of Lily Evans’s weaknesses and twist them against her, like a dagger deep in the stomach. But something had changed- something had resurfaced that was never supposed to. She thought back to the night of that fateful Yule Ball, her eyes misting over with her memories.
The fear had come first- nobody could see. And when it became apparent that nobody had, anger had to come next. Anger always came next.
But no- with Lily Evans, anger never went very far. Sticks and stones.
So the indifferent hatred had taken its place and done its worst, but Narcissa hadn’t been prepared for the sudden urge to hold her enemy. It wasn’t a complete surprise- it had been there for years, really- the urge to tame the lioness Lily Evans, but it had to be for Lucius’s sake now. Everything was.
So she watched as Lily Evans fled, her hand groping urgently for a wand that wasn’t there- she had to regain her pride, no matter who saw. But Lily Evans escaped.
“James will be looking for you,” she said shortly, heading back to the castle- Lily’s grip had loosened considerably.
Why?
Because he loves you, and you love him, though I’ve led you to believe something quite to the contrary over the past few weeks.
But why…?
Must you ask so many questions? I was out for blood- if I could break the Gryffindor’s golden girl, Lucius would be forever in my debt. If I could break you, I could do anything. Potter’s a puppet that you wear on your pinky finger, Lily Evans. Oh, and in case I forgot to mention before, my plan failed miserably- I am completely and irrevocably in love with you even though I can’t possibly be because I’m a Black, aren’t I? Lovely. How cliché, right?
Narcissa’s hand clenched into a fist- it was ridiculous. She was the fiancée to the boy who would become king, or something of the same significance. Narcissa Black couldn’t afford to fall in love, not even with Lucius.
Without looking back, she knew Lily was still sitting back there on the blanket with that same forlorn expression written across her face. Without looking back, she knew that Lily had just realized what had been there the entire time- what could have been there, under different circumstances. And without looking back, Narcissa knew that Lily Evans fully believed that she had ruined everything, and was still just as oblivious as ever to what had been there from the start- what was still there, even as she strode away. But that didn’t matter.
Because Narcissa Black never looked back.
Remus glanced over at Lily out of the corner of his eye- they were eating breakfast in the Great Hall, and she seemed to be feeling much more dependent than usual.
Lily was seated in James’s lap as they skimmed through the Daily Prophet together, frowning at yet another mention of the name ‘Voldemort’.
“If he tried to get to you, I’d kill ‘im,” James declared, his arms tightening around Lily’s waist, mistaking her silence for fear of the self-proclaimed ‘Dark Lord’. The real reason for Lily’s sudden change of heart, however, was sitting across the hall at the Slytherin table, a strange expression playing across her beautiful marble features. Lily quickly averted her gaze- this new expression was disconcerting.
In Potions, Lily was partnered with Narcissa yet again- perhaps Slughorn truly hated her. As the blonde upperclassman made her way over to the table, Lily began to pull out the materials.
Narcissa sat on the edge of the table, her feet on the chair as she watched the redhead work with her trademark lack of interest.
“While your little speech last night was deeply touching and heartfelt, I’m sorry to say that I didn’t buy into a bloody word of it.”
Lily almost dropped the cauldron she was holding- it was as though nothing had changed. A sudden rush of déjà vu swept through her body, and her mind slipped back to the night of the Yule Ball with no provocation.
She had looked so beautiful in her emerald dress with those serpent earrings dangling from the silver chain that it almost hurt. Lily’s heart had begun to race as Lucius and James began to square off- Narcissa opted out of a verbal fight, however, waiting for them to solve their silly little problem.
For some reason, Lily had decided to trail along behind her- Narcissa must have known, but she had said nothing. Suddenly, a strong wave of something that wasn’t quite hate or vengeance swept over Lily and then-
“You’re quite close to seriously injuring yourself, Evans,” the present Narcissa drawled, inspecting her cuticles. “Both mentally,” she continued, “as well as physically.” The blonde gestured to the large carving knife that Lily had accidentally selected from a drawer.
“Go throw yourself to the Giant Squid,” Lily muttered harshly as she exchanged the knife for something slightly less gruesome.
Narcissa frowned in faux hurt. “Surely you don’t mean that, Evans,” she murmured as she glided soundlessly behind Lily, her chest brushing against the younger girl’s back. Lily’s hand tightened around the blade, and she let out a small cry.
The knife clattered to the floor, and Lily fought back tears as she cradled her bleeding hand. James was beside her in an instant, his wand aimed at Narcissa’s throat. “What’d you do, Black?” he growled as Narcissa raised her eyes, glaring up at him from under her long lashes.
“Your precious girlfriend managed to do this all by herself, Potter,” she replied icily just as Lucius arrived on the scene, Slughorn far behind him. By now, the assignment had been abandoned by the rest of the class- their eyes flitted from Lucius to James, silently betting on who would cast the first punch. Unbeknownst to any but the blonde Queen and the red-headed protégée, Narcissa’s hand had instantly found the small of Lily’s back.
“Got a problem?” Lucius sneered from behind James, his own wand digging into the messy-haired Gryffindor’s lower back. “Hex a girl, would you, Potter? Why don’t you turn around and fight like a ‘true Gryffindor’, as you so quaintly put it?”
“Your girlfriend’s going to kill Lily,” James said venomously, but withdrew his wand from Narcissa’s neck.
Lily, gritting her teeth in pain, shook her head as much as she could under the circumstances. “It wasn’t her,” she said quietly, and James’s eyes flitted over to his girlfriend, but it didn’t seem to matter who the blame rested on anymore- Lucius had offered a challenge. Swiftly and silently, Narcissa guided Lily behind a couple of table’s, her hand still resting against the younger girl’s lower back. Lily looked up at her, her freckled face twisted in confusion, but Narcissa shook her head, and she understood. The blonde was unwilling to fight her at the moment, even for her fiancé’s sake- not while Lily was bleeding profusely. Narcissa cast a quick charm to reduce the bleeding and raised her gray eyes to Slughorn, catching his attention before gesturing to the door. The large man nodded quickly, his face red and sweaty with his nerves as he attempted to stop yet another fight from breaking out.
“Where are you taking me, Black?”
“To Azkaban,” Narcissa replied coolly as she guided Lily up the stairs. “The Hospital Wing, Evans- where else? If you don’t get treated soon you’re going to suffer from a rather nasty bout of anemia.”
“I know where the Hospital Wing is,” Lily said sullenly. “I can go there by myself.”
“I’m your partner,” Narcissa replied briskly. “If you want to stab yourself to death when this assignment is over, be my guest, but until then it’s my job to keep you alive and pulling your weight.”
Lily pouted as Narcissa pulled her into the bright, Clorox-scented room, but kept silent and allowed Madame Pomfrey to fuss over her deeper-than-average cut as the blonde sat in a chair by her bed, legs and arms folded with an amused look playing across her features.
“How’s the hand?” Remus asked as he dropped down in the poofy armchair next to Lily in Divination. The redhead held up her healed hand in response, smiling tightly.
“You’d think I’d been bloody cursed the way she fussed over me,” Lily muttered, rolling her eyes. “That and Black refused to leave until I was back to normal- just sat in that chair with that stupid, know-it-all smirk on her stupid face the whole bloody time.” Lily dropped the crystal ball onto the table with more force than necessary with those words.
Remus raised his eyebrows, but said nothing as Lily fumed over the older girl’s nerve. Finally, once Professor Sinestra had given them the lesson and Lily had had a chance to cool down a notch, he said calmly, “Doesn’t that set off any alarm bells, love?”
From the confused look that she gave him, it was safe to say that it didn’t. “I told her to back off the other day in the library, and the only thing that actually bothered her was that she was losing, and I quote, ‘a good snog’.” Lily drained her tea in one gulp and subsequently went into a coughing fit as it burned its way down her throat. “That’s going to hurt in the morning,” she said, blinking rapidly.
“I don’t think Narcissa would wait with you in the Hospital Wing, even for a good shag if she cares as little as you claim,” Remus said softly, bracing himself for the fire.
Eyes wide, Lily glanced around the room quickly before leaning forward in her armchair and fixing Remus with a look that clearly said ‘shut up, you bloody idiot, before someone hears you!’. “If you’re so convinced that there’s something more between Black and I, why is it that you can’t see whether Sirius feels something for you or not?”
As Remus’s face fell, Lily felt a pang of guilt, but she didn’t back down- Narcissa Black was stuck up, shallow, vile, positively infuriating, inhumanly beautiful and… No! She shook her head hard- she would not fall for the Slytherin Queen. “There’s nothing there, Lily,” he murmured softly in his dejected voice. “Sirius and James are as straight as they come, aren’t they?”
“Quit that bloody mourning! You’re not a bloody puppy and nobody’s bloody kicked you! You’re right, Remus- nothing’s about to change unless you bloody do something about it! All you do is cry to me about never being able to hold the one you love- how can you say that when you’ve never tried?
“And maybe your chances are ninety-nine to one, but that one percent’s all that matters, Remus! As long as you hide, there’s always going to be that bloody chance!” Lily was fuming, her emerald eyes ablaze as she continued in a hissing whisper, “So you’re right- you’ll never have a chance with him if you continue like this. One percent or none, Remus- you do the bloody math.”
The scrawny boy’s jaw hung open, threatening to break away from its hinges as Lily flipped her hair back, satisfied. There had been other lectures like it- James had gotten them every other day back when Lily cared- but Remus had never been the victim before. When she got passionate about something, she had the mouth of a professional Quidditch player at his best. “Okay,” he finally said as Lily squinted into the empty tea cup, trying to decipher the black and brown blob at the bottom. She looked up, her eyes full of so much childlike hope that he almost couldn’t believe that she was the same Lily who just lectured him. “I’ll tell him- it might take me a while, but I’ll tell him. What’s the worst that could happen, apart from becoming an outcast in the magical community and a faggot to my best friends?” He widened his eyes comically- ‘What could possibly go wrong?’.
Lily grinned as she realized that she had finally won. “They won’t abandon you, Remus- you’ll be their comic relief when the whole ‘Oblivious Moron & Incompetent Prat’ routine becomes too stressful to bear.”
Remus laughed out loud, cringing at the look that Professor Sinestra shot his way. “But you really should think about this whole mess with Narcissa,” he continued, raising his voice an octave as Lily rolled her eyes. “She’s a Slytherin- it’s not like her to care at all, let alone enough to accompany you to the Hospital Wing and stay.”
Lily scoffed. “Black doesn’t care so much that she does care- she’s just trying to confuse me, and I’d bet my life on it,” the foul-mouthed redhead declared confidently.
Raising his eyebrows, Remus finished his own up of tea and looked inside as Professor Sinestra stalked by their table suspiciously. When the class finally ended a few minutes later, he picked up his bookbag and gave Lily a pointed stare. “You’re speeding towards death- if you’d stop being so stubborn, you might see past the cover.”
“Wow,” Lily replied sarcastically as she followed him out. “That’s so deep I’m drowning.”
Narcissa cornered Lily on her way to dinner that evening.
“We’ve got to start the write-up,” she gave as her excuse as she smirked cheekily as James, towing Lily away by the crook of her arm.
“I know you hate my guts, Black,” Lily began as she yanked out of Narcissa’s loose grasp, “but I’m afraid that starving your enemies to death just isn’t going to cut it in the courts. And why the bloody hell are we heading for the Forbidden Forest? That’s, you know- forbidden??”
“Relax, Evans.” With a lazy flick of her dark wand, a cluster of trees parted to reveal a moonlit clearing with several pixies darting around in violent pinks and greens.
“If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were trying to seduce me, Black,” she finally said lamely.
Narcissa sat down, her arms balancing her body from behind. “And if I wasn’t sworn to the Malfoy legacy, I would agree,” she replied, her usually airy voice as soft and smooth as velvet. Lily, who had just sat down, started to scramble to her feet, but found that Narcissa had cast some kind of charm to prevent her from escaping. “I thought Lily Evans never runs away from a Slytherin,” she said softly as she twirled a strand of hair around her wand. “I apologize for kidnapping you, but that seemed to be the only way to get around boy wonder.”
“I find it hard to believe that you actually feel something for me, Black,” Lily stated stubbornly, though Remus’s words came back to haunt her yet again. Why hadn’t she believed him? “Only you constantly shower me with insults and recently have taken to forcing yourself on me because you’re jealous-”
“I never forced myself on you,” Narcissa said, her voice frozen once again. “I kissed you, yes, but I never forced myself on you, Lily.”
“What happened to Evans?” Lily asked, her tone straying from the emotionless mask it had become. “What happened to mudblood? What hap- don’t you do it, Black, or I swear to Merlin I’ll bloody hex you!”
Defeated, Narcissa sunk sullenly back onto the balls of her hands- she had leaned over to steal yet another kiss, but Lily had caught her in the act.
“That’s right. As I was saying, what happened to the insults? What’s your game, Black, because I’m tired of guessing!”
Sighing in strained patience, Narcissa gazed at Lily from under her thick eyelashes. “Are you quite finished?” she asked as Lily fumed silently. “May I please kiss you now?”
Frowning, Lily stared at her in disbelief. “Really, Black?” she asked. “Do I really look that bloody daft?”
“You look beautiful.”
Narcissa leaned over once more, and a stunned Lily made no sudden movements towards her wand, so she closed the short distance between their lips.
Instantly, the different sensations swarmed around Lily, almost so crowded and confusing that she couldn’t take it anymore, and yet she couldn’t pull away. Narcissa’s tongue, which had been brief and teasing at her lips before, was now pressed forcefully against her own, as if they were chemicals reacting. She sucked on Lily’s lower lip as she pulled away at different intervals. The blonde smelled like raspberries and tasted of peppermint, and Lily felt herself melting into her firm grasp like a candle.
Too soon, Narcissa was pulling away, her eyes trained on Lily’s as if asking for permission to continue. Though it took all of her remaining energy, Lily shook her head slowly.
“James…” she murmured weakly, unable to meet the other witch’s expectant gaze. Lily felt Narcissa tense as she inched out from beneath the older girl, but she never expected what came next.
“What of him, then?” Narcissa’s gray eyes were burning with a cold fire that sent a chill of dread down Lily’s spine. “What the bloody hell of James Potter? All I ever hear is James, James, and more bloody James!”
Lily shrunk back- she had never seen Narcissa lose her cool before, and prayed that she never would again. “We’ve been together since second year,” she murmured.
Narcissa ran a hand through her silky blonde hair, already regaining control of her emotions. “That never stopped you before,” she said stubbornly, her eyes downcast to the left.
For some strange reason, Lily felt the unsettling urge to crawl into Narcissa’s lap and forget the world. It was so easy to get lost in those eyes like a snowstorm… “It was nothing before,” she said quietly instead. “I was thirteen- I thought it would impress James if-”
“If what?” Narcissa asked sharply. “If you destroyed the untouchable Narcissa Black’s life?” Lily looked down, and the older girl scoffed. “I knew it, Evans- you want to know how I know so much about you?” Evans, again- but was that such a good sign? Lily didn’t reply, but she continued anyway, “It’s because you read like a child’s spellbook- you’re positively transparent, and you always have been.”
She stood abruptly, flicking her wrist once to clear up the picnic- wandless magic, Lily realized. Narcissa Black may not have looked like much more than strikingly beautiful inferi to Lucius’s whim, but she was so much more- Lily had realized that once, three years before. So she did the only logical thing and reached up, grabbing onto the hem of Narcissa’s robes.
The blonde whipped around, scowling fiercely, but her expression softened involuntarily as she looked down at Lily’s pleading eyes. If only they knew- the untouchable Slytherin Queen, whipped by the insolent girlfriend of that Potter prat. It was utterly pathetic and completely unacceptable, but still, she didn’t kick Lily away. “Please wait,” the Gryffindor begged, her tone utterly miserable- Lily Evans didn’t take well to pleading. “I can’t just leave him, not after all these years, but I don’t love him- you were right about that.”
Lily thought about the sensation that flooded her body every time Narcissa walked into a room- the sweet helplessness she felt when the older girl reached out to help her after an annoyed sigh. It wasn’t that she loved Narcissa- never that she loved Narcissa- but she didn’t love James, and the older girl’s mere presence affected her more than a thousand of James’s rough kisses. Maybe it was because she always had to look after James- the roles were reversed in Narcissa’s case. Lily’s mind slipped back to the girl with the enormous teeth.
Narcissa stood before her, her eyes once again misted over with cool nonchalance as she gazed down at Lily, and the other witch ducked her head down, fearful of the older girl’s indifference. The fear, she realized with a start, It was always the fear.
Narcissa Black gazed down at the fiery Gryffindor girlfriend of James Potter, her carefully sealed heart cracking at the sight. She had broken her- Narcissa had been aiming for this all along, to take advantage of Lily Evans’s weaknesses and twist them against her, like a dagger deep in the stomach. But something had changed- something had resurfaced that was never supposed to. She thought back to the night of that fateful Yule Ball, her eyes misting over with her memories.
The fear had come first- nobody could see. And when it became apparent that nobody had, anger had to come next. Anger always came next.
But no- with Lily Evans, anger never went very far. Sticks and stones.
So the indifferent hatred had taken its place and done its worst, but Narcissa hadn’t been prepared for the sudden urge to hold her enemy. It wasn’t a complete surprise- it had been there for years, really- the urge to tame the lioness Lily Evans, but it had to be for Lucius’s sake now. Everything was.
So she watched as Lily Evans fled, her hand groping urgently for a wand that wasn’t there- she had to regain her pride, no matter who saw. But Lily Evans escaped.
“James will be looking for you,” she said shortly, heading back to the castle- Lily’s grip had loosened considerably.
Why?
Because he loves you, and you love him, though I’ve led you to believe something quite to the contrary over the past few weeks.
But why…?
Must you ask so many questions? I was out for blood- if I could break the Gryffindor’s golden girl, Lucius would be forever in my debt. If I could break you, I could do anything. Potter’s a puppet that you wear on your pinky finger, Lily Evans. Oh, and in case I forgot to mention before, my plan failed miserably- I am completely and irrevocably in love with you even though I can’t possibly be because I’m a Black, aren’t I? Lovely. How cliché, right?
Narcissa’s hand clenched into a fist- it was ridiculous. She was the fiancée to the boy who would become king, or something of the same significance. Narcissa Black couldn’t afford to fall in love, not even with Lucius.
Without looking back, she knew Lily was still sitting back there on the blanket with that same forlorn expression written across her face. Without looking back, she knew that Lily had just realized what had been there the entire time- what could have been there, under different circumstances. And without looking back, Narcissa knew that Lily Evans fully believed that she had ruined everything, and was still just as oblivious as ever to what had been there from the start- what was still there, even as she strode away. But that didn’t matter.
Because Narcissa Black never looked back.