Fic: From What I've Tasted of Desire
Title: From What I’ve Tasted of Desire
Fandom: XMFC
Character: Charles, Erik, various others
Rating: PG for minor violence
Summary: Charles runs. Charles hasn’t had a shower in at least a week. He hasn’t even been inside a bathroom for days now. He really thought it would all be over days ago, and yet here he was.
Word count: ~2,500
Warnings: Not beta’d, not linear, slight AU after the movie, Charles can walk.
Disclaimer: Not mine, please don’t sue. Title comes from Fire and Ice, the poem by Robert Frost.
A/N: When this picture came across my dash on tumblr I said it made me want to write something, and gisforgreen said I should. I said I wouldn’t know where to go with it and then this came out. It’s not a linear path, but that’s how it wanted to be written. Let’s call it a personal challenge. Thanks go out to everyone who’s talked to me about Erik’s characterisation the last few weeks in various places <3
Charles hasn’t had a shower in at least a week. He hasn’t even been inside a bathroom for days now. He really thought it would all be over days ago, and yet here he was. But now was not the time to think about that. He pulled his sweater closer to himself and looked at the dim light hanging from the ceiling.
Plan, plan, what was the plan? Oh, who was he kidding, he didn’t have a plan. He was running and he was scared and he’d lost… everything. He took a deep, shuddering breath. He was not going to think about it now, if he stopped now things will fall apart and he might as well give up, then he really would have lost everything.
He pulled himself together, pushed away from the tiles and walked to the door, reaching out with his mind. He sensed six people surrounding him, and Erik was probably out there too, with that damned helmet.
We know you’re in there Charles. Emma. He took another breath, trying to block his emotions from her. Just because she knew he was there didn’t mean she had to know everything. He wasn’t completely powerless.
He could fool the five others he had sensed, but he wondered if he could outrun Erik and Emma in her diamond form and keep his hold on the other five, Angel, Raven.
We just want to talk, Charles, she said, they're all here, if you just come out. We won’t hurt you.
And he heard the lie in that, knew it even if Emma hadn’t been connected to him.
Stop taunting him and get to the point, he heard Erik’s voice cut through the connection before he was cut off from Emma.
The connection was back a moment later. We only want to talk, she said again, in complete sincerity, Erik is… fond of you, so we’re not going to kill you.
How thoughtful of you, he replied, and my friends; Hank, Havok, Banshee?
Gone, she said, we had no use for them, no doubt they are looking for you, we just found you first.
“Erik!” he yelled out, squeezing his eyes shut, “you don’t want to do this!”
“You’re right,” Erik replied, to his surprise, “but I need to.”
“My friend-“ he started, and stopped, because that was wrong, they were not friends anymore, not after this, “Erik-“ he tried again but the word was just over a whisper, wrenched from his chest, it would not have carried. He was just so tired.
He steeled himself and pulled open the wooden door to the public bathroom that had been his brief refuge. He walked out, hands first, a show of surrender.
Flashlights trained on him in the dark so he was blinded, but he could sense people in the trees, and a glimmer of diamonds gave Emma away. Erik was close to her no doubt.
He put his hands up to shade his eyes from the light. “You can take those down,” he said, “I’m not running.”
A figure approached and the lights were taken down, pointing at his chest, his feet, and there was Erik standing in front of him.
“Old friend,” he started.
“No,” Charles said, pulling himself to his full height, which was still not tall enough to look Erik in the eye, not that that was possible anyway, with his face obscured by the helmet. He looked into the shadows that hid Erik's eyes. “You came into my home, and hurt my friends, you continually destroy everything I work towards, I trusted you and-“ he stopped to compose himself and started again, “no Erik, we are not friends.”
***
Charles had approached the CIA not long after Cuba. They had asked him where they had gone, but he wouldn’t tell them. They had been scared, he could sense it in all of them, and scared people in power were even more dangerous than those who were completely calm.
He'd explained what had happened, and why they had to stay hidden, and why they needed to work together.
He offered them a hand of friendship and they reluctantly took it.
Two weeks later the facility has been invaded by Magneto and his group. They called themselves the Brotherhood now. They had done a lot of damage.
Charles had had to go back and start all over. He’d even offered that him and his students help rebuild their facility but was turned away.
“They’re just boys and whatever that blue thing is, what help can you do?” they’d said. You should have stopped it from happening, they thought.
***
There was no way of knowing where he was. They had put him in a cold, damp cell that only had a barred window that overlooked the sea and a barred opening that acted like a door. Elegant and so very much Erik’s style; no one else could open it and close it again without destroying it. The only other person to have access would be Azazel.
The first time he'd appeared in his cell Charles had gotten a fright, but Azazel had only bared his teeth at him in a smile and left again, leaving a chair behind. Not long after Erik had approached, carrying his own chair with him.
He'd placed it in front of the other chair, sat down and then gestured for Charles to also sit.
“What do you want, Erik?” Charles said, obliging, “what do you want from me?”
“The question is Charles, what do you want?” Erik said.
***
They invaded at night, when everyone was asleep. He saw Sean with Scott soaring above them, and Hank running ahead of him, Ororo and Jean in his arms, and Alex just behind him when a wall of wind got them from behind, throwing them off their feet.
He'd lost sight of Hank and Alex and the kids, and he couldn’t see Sean or Scott anymore, and worse, he couldn’t hear Sean. He unsteadily got up and kept running till he hit the tree line.
They should have planned better, they should have seen this coming, it was only a matter of time.
***
“I’d like you to let me go,” Charles said, “but that’s not going to happen anytime soon, is it?”
“No,” Erik said, “I'm afraid not, but what do you want Charles, for the future of mutants.”
“You know what I want, Erik,” Charles said, “you’ve seen it, been part of it.”
“And that’s enough for you, is it?” Erik said, “Living in hiding, always being careful.”
“And what you are doing is better?”
“They’re afraid of us Charles,” Erik countered, leaning forward, “you know it better than anyone else, you can see their fear.”
“They have a right to fear us,” Charles said, “we can do things they can’t even dream of, but that doesn’t give us the right to abuse that.”
“Why not? You saw what they did, every chance they have, they will try to destroy us. Whatever power they have over us they will use against us, so why can’t we do the same?”
“Because I am better than that, I am not a monster.”
***
He kept running till he was surrounded by trees. When he was younger he’d known the woods like the back of his hand, but now everything had changed. He did a quick sweep of the surrounding area and found himself alone. He rested against a tree and reached out even further.
Hank? Alex? he searched, Sean?
Prof? Sean replied, Where are you?
I’m okay, he said, did you land safely? Are you and Scott alright?
Yeah, we’re fine, we can’t find the others.
Where are you?
The satellite.
Stay there, he said, I’ll contact the others, once you're all together, I want you to get somewhere safe, and don’t come back for at least another week, understood?
What about-
When you come back, make sure it’s empty before you do anything else.
Professor, what about you? Sean said, and Charles could feel his panic building.
I’m going to lead them off, make them think we all went in another direction.
Where do we go?
Somewhere safe, he repeated, but don’t tell me, I'm trusting you in this.
Okay, alright, Sean said, we’ll wait for the others.
Charles cut off the connection and searched for Hank and Alex. He found them somewhere on the grounds and after making sure they were all okay, he repeated the instructions to them.
Then he walked back to the edge of the trees and projected at the Brotherhood, making sure he had their full attention before he started running.
***
The next time Erik visited was another week after that first time.
“Did I upset you, Erik?” Charles said, with just a hint of a smirk, knowing very well Erik had been furious.
“We could be unstoppable you know, you and I,” Erik said, choosing to ignore Charles statement.
“I know,” Charles said, “have you considered that maybe that is one of the reasons why I refuse to join you?”
“You predicted this Charles,” Erik said, “before any of this happened, before you knew about me or Shaw or the CIA, you said that when a new species arises, living in harmony with its predecessor, if it ever existed, was brief, so why are you even trying?”
“Because we are not a new species, and there are not enough of us to sustain the earth, did you ever think we may need the humans to survive? To thrive?”
Erik's jaw tightened. “We don’t need them, we’re better than them,” he said, “a war is coming, you know that better than anyone, I’m just preparing for the inevitable.”
“You're forcing it, bringing it about faster than it needs to happen,” Charles said, unable to hold on to his calm façade, “if you had paid attention you’d know that brief in this context meant hundreds of years.”
“I’m holding my own,” Erik said, standing up, “where’s yours Charles?”
And before Charles could reply Erik was leaving.
***
Charles runs. He runs and runs and runs until the sun rises and then sets again. It’s dark and the temperature is dropping quickly. He’s in a suburban area by now, and he’s tempted to knock on someone’s door and convince them to let him sleep on the couch for a few hours then erase himself from their memories before he leaves.
But that’s crossing certain lines he’s drawn for himself, and it would put anyone he speaks with in danger.
He’s exhausted and he can’t run any more. He can barely keep himself standing. He needs to rest. He slips into an open shed in some ones back yard and drifts off for a couple of hours. He jerks awake when he feels Emma’s presence searching for him. He puts up a defence as soon as he can, unable to tell if she saw where he was or not.
He keeps moving anyway. By the first week he’s crossed more lines then he’s comfortable with, but he needed to eat, to survive. He made sure to never put anyone in more danger than necessary.
He’d run during the night, and search for an empty house during the day, he’d find the hidden key- there was always one, this time it’s taped to the bottom of the potted plant- and make his way in. He slips into one of the bedrooms, takes his shoes off, put up a constant mental not-here signal, perfected over the last few days, and goes to sleep.
He showered a couple of times over the past couple of weeks, but every house he visits he makes sure to erase any evidence he was ever there.
After about four or five weeks of running and The Brotherhood still hot on his heels, Emma’s constant barrage on his mind, and his own mental defences constantly up, he comes across the woodlands. He knew that this is it, if they didn’t catch up to him tonight, then they would the night after.
He collects his courage and walks into the woodlands. He isn’t going to make this easy for them.
***
He’ll never admit it to anyone, but when Alex shows up outside his barred window, Charles is surprised.
“Professor!” he says, “We found you!”
Charles grins. “Alex, it’s so good to see you,” then, “did you make it back alright? Are the children safe?”
“We did, every ones okay, we’re here for you.”
“We?” Charles asks, and gets closer to the bars to see Hank in the hovercraft.
“Stand back,” Alex says, “try to protect yourself as much as possible.”
Charles backs up into the furthermost corner and crouches down to protect himself, as Alex leans back on the hovercraft.
There’s a crash and when Charles looks back to the window there was a giant hole and melted metal dripping on to the ground.
Charles climbs out just as Erik comes running into the cell.
He puts his hands out and the hovercraft shudders. Alex puts an arm out to push Charles behind him, to protect him and his skin starts to heat up.
“No,” Charles says, putting a hand out to stop Alex, “Erik let us go.”
“Why should I do that?” Erik growls.
“Because then Alex won’t have to kill you,” he says evenly.
Erik hesitates and then lowers his hands. “Our conversation isn’t over,” he says.
“I did not think so,” Charles says, “but maybe next time, try knocking, or calling first.”
He waits for Alex to climb into the craft and then follows. He buckles in and scolds the boys for doing such risky things, and for letting Jean use Cerebro, even if she was the one who had insisted.
He didn’t let himself relax until he was at home, standing under hot water in his own shower, finally letting the tension ease out.
***
“You should have done more before you escaped,” the agent tells him. It was hard to keep track of their names if he didn’t look specifically for it. They all looked the same, black suits and boring ties.
“What do you want for the future?” Charles says, wearily pinching the bridge of his nose.
“What-“ he starts and Charles can already see it. He doesn’t want any trouble, he wants a promotion, a new car.
“This is what separates me from you, Mr. Douglas,” Charles says, standing up, “and even what separates you from Erik. Erik and I will go to great lengths for what we want. We’re changing history as you know it. What are you willing to do Mr. Douglas, besides sit in that chair and tell me I should have killed one of my own people?”
“I-“
“I don’t think I can continue working with your agency,” Charles says, “please let your superiors know.”
He puts his hat on and walks out. It was time for a change in the plan.
Fandom: XMFC
Character: Charles, Erik, various others
Rating: PG for minor violence
Summary: Charles runs. Charles hasn’t had a shower in at least a week. He hasn’t even been inside a bathroom for days now. He really thought it would all be over days ago, and yet here he was.
Word count: ~2,500
Warnings: Not beta’d, not linear, slight AU after the movie, Charles can walk.
Disclaimer: Not mine, please don’t sue. Title comes from Fire and Ice, the poem by Robert Frost.
A/N: When this picture came across my dash on tumblr I said it made me want to write something, and gisforgreen said I should. I said I wouldn’t know where to go with it and then this came out. It’s not a linear path, but that’s how it wanted to be written. Let’s call it a personal challenge. Thanks go out to everyone who’s talked to me about Erik’s characterisation the last few weeks in various places <3
Charles hasn’t had a shower in at least a week. He hasn’t even been inside a bathroom for days now. He really thought it would all be over days ago, and yet here he was. But now was not the time to think about that. He pulled his sweater closer to himself and looked at the dim light hanging from the ceiling.
Plan, plan, what was the plan? Oh, who was he kidding, he didn’t have a plan. He was running and he was scared and he’d lost… everything. He took a deep, shuddering breath. He was not going to think about it now, if he stopped now things will fall apart and he might as well give up, then he really would have lost everything.
He pulled himself together, pushed away from the tiles and walked to the door, reaching out with his mind. He sensed six people surrounding him, and Erik was probably out there too, with that damned helmet.
We know you’re in there Charles. Emma. He took another breath, trying to block his emotions from her. Just because she knew he was there didn’t mean she had to know everything. He wasn’t completely powerless.
He could fool the five others he had sensed, but he wondered if he could outrun Erik and Emma in her diamond form and keep his hold on the other five, Angel, Raven.
We just want to talk, Charles, she said, they're all here, if you just come out. We won’t hurt you.
And he heard the lie in that, knew it even if Emma hadn’t been connected to him.
Stop taunting him and get to the point, he heard Erik’s voice cut through the connection before he was cut off from Emma.
The connection was back a moment later. We only want to talk, she said again, in complete sincerity, Erik is… fond of you, so we’re not going to kill you.
How thoughtful of you, he replied, and my friends; Hank, Havok, Banshee?
Gone, she said, we had no use for them, no doubt they are looking for you, we just found you first.
“Erik!” he yelled out, squeezing his eyes shut, “you don’t want to do this!”
“You’re right,” Erik replied, to his surprise, “but I need to.”
“My friend-“ he started, and stopped, because that was wrong, they were not friends anymore, not after this, “Erik-“ he tried again but the word was just over a whisper, wrenched from his chest, it would not have carried. He was just so tired.
He steeled himself and pulled open the wooden door to the public bathroom that had been his brief refuge. He walked out, hands first, a show of surrender.
Flashlights trained on him in the dark so he was blinded, but he could sense people in the trees, and a glimmer of diamonds gave Emma away. Erik was close to her no doubt.
He put his hands up to shade his eyes from the light. “You can take those down,” he said, “I’m not running.”
A figure approached and the lights were taken down, pointing at his chest, his feet, and there was Erik standing in front of him.
“Old friend,” he started.
“No,” Charles said, pulling himself to his full height, which was still not tall enough to look Erik in the eye, not that that was possible anyway, with his face obscured by the helmet. He looked into the shadows that hid Erik's eyes. “You came into my home, and hurt my friends, you continually destroy everything I work towards, I trusted you and-“ he stopped to compose himself and started again, “no Erik, we are not friends.”
***
Charles had approached the CIA not long after Cuba. They had asked him where they had gone, but he wouldn’t tell them. They had been scared, he could sense it in all of them, and scared people in power were even more dangerous than those who were completely calm.
He'd explained what had happened, and why they had to stay hidden, and why they needed to work together.
He offered them a hand of friendship and they reluctantly took it.
Two weeks later the facility has been invaded by Magneto and his group. They called themselves the Brotherhood now. They had done a lot of damage.
Charles had had to go back and start all over. He’d even offered that him and his students help rebuild their facility but was turned away.
“They’re just boys and whatever that blue thing is, what help can you do?” they’d said. You should have stopped it from happening, they thought.
***
There was no way of knowing where he was. They had put him in a cold, damp cell that only had a barred window that overlooked the sea and a barred opening that acted like a door. Elegant and so very much Erik’s style; no one else could open it and close it again without destroying it. The only other person to have access would be Azazel.
The first time he'd appeared in his cell Charles had gotten a fright, but Azazel had only bared his teeth at him in a smile and left again, leaving a chair behind. Not long after Erik had approached, carrying his own chair with him.
He'd placed it in front of the other chair, sat down and then gestured for Charles to also sit.
“What do you want, Erik?” Charles said, obliging, “what do you want from me?”
“The question is Charles, what do you want?” Erik said.
***
They invaded at night, when everyone was asleep. He saw Sean with Scott soaring above them, and Hank running ahead of him, Ororo and Jean in his arms, and Alex just behind him when a wall of wind got them from behind, throwing them off their feet.
He'd lost sight of Hank and Alex and the kids, and he couldn’t see Sean or Scott anymore, and worse, he couldn’t hear Sean. He unsteadily got up and kept running till he hit the tree line.
They should have planned better, they should have seen this coming, it was only a matter of time.
***
“I’d like you to let me go,” Charles said, “but that’s not going to happen anytime soon, is it?”
“No,” Erik said, “I'm afraid not, but what do you want Charles, for the future of mutants.”
“You know what I want, Erik,” Charles said, “you’ve seen it, been part of it.”
“And that’s enough for you, is it?” Erik said, “Living in hiding, always being careful.”
“And what you are doing is better?”
“They’re afraid of us Charles,” Erik countered, leaning forward, “you know it better than anyone else, you can see their fear.”
“They have a right to fear us,” Charles said, “we can do things they can’t even dream of, but that doesn’t give us the right to abuse that.”
“Why not? You saw what they did, every chance they have, they will try to destroy us. Whatever power they have over us they will use against us, so why can’t we do the same?”
“Because I am better than that, I am not a monster.”
***
He kept running till he was surrounded by trees. When he was younger he’d known the woods like the back of his hand, but now everything had changed. He did a quick sweep of the surrounding area and found himself alone. He rested against a tree and reached out even further.
Hank? Alex? he searched, Sean?
Prof? Sean replied, Where are you?
I’m okay, he said, did you land safely? Are you and Scott alright?
Yeah, we’re fine, we can’t find the others.
Where are you?
The satellite.
Stay there, he said, I’ll contact the others, once you're all together, I want you to get somewhere safe, and don’t come back for at least another week, understood?
What about-
When you come back, make sure it’s empty before you do anything else.
Professor, what about you? Sean said, and Charles could feel his panic building.
I’m going to lead them off, make them think we all went in another direction.
Where do we go?
Somewhere safe, he repeated, but don’t tell me, I'm trusting you in this.
Okay, alright, Sean said, we’ll wait for the others.
Charles cut off the connection and searched for Hank and Alex. He found them somewhere on the grounds and after making sure they were all okay, he repeated the instructions to them.
Then he walked back to the edge of the trees and projected at the Brotherhood, making sure he had their full attention before he started running.
***
The next time Erik visited was another week after that first time.
“Did I upset you, Erik?” Charles said, with just a hint of a smirk, knowing very well Erik had been furious.
“We could be unstoppable you know, you and I,” Erik said, choosing to ignore Charles statement.
“I know,” Charles said, “have you considered that maybe that is one of the reasons why I refuse to join you?”
“You predicted this Charles,” Erik said, “before any of this happened, before you knew about me or Shaw or the CIA, you said that when a new species arises, living in harmony with its predecessor, if it ever existed, was brief, so why are you even trying?”
“Because we are not a new species, and there are not enough of us to sustain the earth, did you ever think we may need the humans to survive? To thrive?”
Erik's jaw tightened. “We don’t need them, we’re better than them,” he said, “a war is coming, you know that better than anyone, I’m just preparing for the inevitable.”
“You're forcing it, bringing it about faster than it needs to happen,” Charles said, unable to hold on to his calm façade, “if you had paid attention you’d know that brief in this context meant hundreds of years.”
“I’m holding my own,” Erik said, standing up, “where’s yours Charles?”
And before Charles could reply Erik was leaving.
***
Charles runs. He runs and runs and runs until the sun rises and then sets again. It’s dark and the temperature is dropping quickly. He’s in a suburban area by now, and he’s tempted to knock on someone’s door and convince them to let him sleep on the couch for a few hours then erase himself from their memories before he leaves.
But that’s crossing certain lines he’s drawn for himself, and it would put anyone he speaks with in danger.
He’s exhausted and he can’t run any more. He can barely keep himself standing. He needs to rest. He slips into an open shed in some ones back yard and drifts off for a couple of hours. He jerks awake when he feels Emma’s presence searching for him. He puts up a defence as soon as he can, unable to tell if she saw where he was or not.
He keeps moving anyway. By the first week he’s crossed more lines then he’s comfortable with, but he needed to eat, to survive. He made sure to never put anyone in more danger than necessary.
He’d run during the night, and search for an empty house during the day, he’d find the hidden key- there was always one, this time it’s taped to the bottom of the potted plant- and make his way in. He slips into one of the bedrooms, takes his shoes off, put up a constant mental not-here signal, perfected over the last few days, and goes to sleep.
He showered a couple of times over the past couple of weeks, but every house he visits he makes sure to erase any evidence he was ever there.
After about four or five weeks of running and The Brotherhood still hot on his heels, Emma’s constant barrage on his mind, and his own mental defences constantly up, he comes across the woodlands. He knew that this is it, if they didn’t catch up to him tonight, then they would the night after.
He collects his courage and walks into the woodlands. He isn’t going to make this easy for them.
***
He’ll never admit it to anyone, but when Alex shows up outside his barred window, Charles is surprised.
“Professor!” he says, “We found you!”
Charles grins. “Alex, it’s so good to see you,” then, “did you make it back alright? Are the children safe?”
“We did, every ones okay, we’re here for you.”
“We?” Charles asks, and gets closer to the bars to see Hank in the hovercraft.
“Stand back,” Alex says, “try to protect yourself as much as possible.”
Charles backs up into the furthermost corner and crouches down to protect himself, as Alex leans back on the hovercraft.
There’s a crash and when Charles looks back to the window there was a giant hole and melted metal dripping on to the ground.
Charles climbs out just as Erik comes running into the cell.
He puts his hands out and the hovercraft shudders. Alex puts an arm out to push Charles behind him, to protect him and his skin starts to heat up.
“No,” Charles says, putting a hand out to stop Alex, “Erik let us go.”
“Why should I do that?” Erik growls.
“Because then Alex won’t have to kill you,” he says evenly.
Erik hesitates and then lowers his hands. “Our conversation isn’t over,” he says.
“I did not think so,” Charles says, “but maybe next time, try knocking, or calling first.”
He waits for Alex to climb into the craft and then follows. He buckles in and scolds the boys for doing such risky things, and for letting Jean use Cerebro, even if she was the one who had insisted.
He didn’t let himself relax until he was at home, standing under hot water in his own shower, finally letting the tension ease out.
***
“You should have done more before you escaped,” the agent tells him. It was hard to keep track of their names if he didn’t look specifically for it. They all looked the same, black suits and boring ties.
“What do you want for the future?” Charles says, wearily pinching the bridge of his nose.
“What-“ he starts and Charles can already see it. He doesn’t want any trouble, he wants a promotion, a new car.
“This is what separates me from you, Mr. Douglas,” Charles says, standing up, “and even what separates you from Erik. Erik and I will go to great lengths for what we want. We’re changing history as you know it. What are you willing to do Mr. Douglas, besides sit in that chair and tell me I should have killed one of my own people?”
“I-“
“I don’t think I can continue working with your agency,” Charles says, “please let your superiors know.”
He puts his hat on and walks out. It was time for a change in the plan.