(no subject)
You wanna know the truth?
The truth is, it hurts me. It hurts me to my core, and I feel like my foundation is crumbling beneath me. All these months of building it has gone to waste because I am falling in between the cracks that are forming day by day. The truth is that I'm crying every night because I don't feel like I'm enough for you. I don't feel adequate. I don't think or believe that I'm ever gonna be the one you want to actually be with. Every single day I'm sewing up my scars so no one sees them, I don't want to be pitied. I don't need sympathy and I don't want to be a charity case. Cliché as it may sound, I am falling to pieces. I really am. Every quarrel is a stab through my body and a little bit of me dies and one day I will finally waste away.
All I want was to be treated like a girlfriend. Do you know what that means? Do you? I guess not. So here is the fullstop to this chapter. Here is where we part, where I walk a different direction, without you. Without expecting you to come running after me, without expecting you to hold me back, without expecting you to say why you need me.
Because your truth is, you never cared. I don't know what the hell I am to you. Or at least that's what I feel. But what I feel doesn't matter because I don't matter. I know I will never be courageous enough to pop all these 20 pills I hold in my hands right now, but at least 1 of these help me forget. It erases my pain, albeit temporarily, but it helps me get by. I'll get by 20 days for now. After that, maybe I'll finally gather enough strength to dream. To be a dreamer, dream that I could fly, and leap off this ledge and end my misery.
To think I've always regarded myself as a strong girl. Guess I've just gotten too good at lying that I mixed everything up.
Goodbye.