(no subject)
i need help.
these urges are slipping through my grasping fingers, falling to the grond, flakes of ash drifting from a ruined fire. it's all i have to hold to the things that i promised myself when i first came here... i can't find another way.
i can't tell my family. i won't tell my friends. and my sisters all already have enough to deal with.
how do you turn something like this down? she couldn't, didn't want to. i never could, either, but now it's so much worse...
i won't go back to the pills. i won't go back to being empty and numb, a careless dummy pulled about by strings that weren't there before the drugs.
i won't allow myself to fall that low again.
but it's so hard, so incredibly hard to try and ignore it, and go about my life, pretending that it's not there, that it won't be there, humming in my blood, as soon as i am alone.
i struggle to not give in to being alone... but i've never been wildly social.
i can't win this fight.
but... i will try.
i can't help but be like imri... it hurts so bad to try and hide this.
and then there's the agony... it's all i can do to keep this longing down.
there must be something wrong with me...
i'm dying,
just like everyone else.
these urges are slipping through my grasping fingers, falling to the grond, flakes of ash drifting from a ruined fire. it's all i have to hold to the things that i promised myself when i first came here... i can't find another way.
i can't tell my family. i won't tell my friends. and my sisters all already have enough to deal with.
how do you turn something like this down? she couldn't, didn't want to. i never could, either, but now it's so much worse...
i won't go back to the pills. i won't go back to being empty and numb, a careless dummy pulled about by strings that weren't there before the drugs.
i won't allow myself to fall that low again.
but it's so hard, so incredibly hard to try and ignore it, and go about my life, pretending that it's not there, that it won't be there, humming in my blood, as soon as i am alone.
i struggle to not give in to being alone... but i've never been wildly social.
i can't win this fight.
but... i will try.
i can't help but be like imri... it hurts so bad to try and hide this.
and then there's the agony... it's all i can do to keep this longing down.
there must be something wrong with me...
i'm dying,
just like everyone else.