Ficlet: Micromanagment
A cracky ficlet based on an awesome comic I found on Deviantart. Enjoy!
Micromanagement
By TheLoneGunWoman
Rated G
500+ Words
Original Comic: Micromanagement by Swisskun
Cuddy glanced up as the quartet spilled into her office. Foreman, Thirteen, Chase, and Taub stood before her with identical grim expressions.
"What's he done now?" She asked tiredly.
"You'll want to see for yourself." Foreman said hesitantly.
"He doesn't even have a patient! How is he getting in trouble?"
The fellows remained silent.
Cuddy sighed and got to her feet. "Where is he?"
oooOOOooo
House was sitting at his desk, a tawdry magazine spread in front of him. A large glass jar was on his right. He was stroking the surface absentmindedly.
Cuddy swallowed a gulp. Had he brought some horrible poisonous bug to work?
"House, I hesitate to ask, but what are you doing with that jar?" She approached him. The glass was slightly opaque, so she couldn’t quite see what it held. It was moving, however.
"What jar?" House didn't even look up.
"The one you're caressing."
"Oh, this jar." House picked up the glass with both hands. "It's Wilson."
"What?" Cuddy felt her stomach sink. Quite clearly, House was hallucinating.
He held the jar out to her. She peered at it, sure of finding a mouse or a rat within its depths.
To Cuddy's great surprise, a teeny Wilson stared back at her, hands pressed against the glass. He looked rather upset, as anyone in his position would.
"Cuddy…please…help me!" He pleaded.
"HOUSE!" Cuddy backed a step away. "What have you done?! Never mind the 'how' for the moment, and just tell me why!"
"Well, he kept doing unsanctioned things. Doomed relationships, dieting…" House peered pensively at the jar. "This way I have complete control over his life."
"You do realize how morally objectionable you are, right?" Cuddy asked. "Not to mention creepy."
House just looked at her blankly for a few seconds. "Naw, I've always had control over his life."
Cuddy shook her head and sat on the edge of House's desk. "Right."
"But now I can do this."
On the last word, House shook the jar. Cuddy's eyes went wide as she heard Wilson bellowing.
"Give me that!" She snatched the jar out of his hands and tried to unscrew the lid. Air holes had been punched in it, she noted as she struggled to release the oncologist. After several unfruitful minutes of trying she handed the jar to House.
"Let him out of there right this minute House, I mean it."
House rolled his eyes, but did as she asked. He gently tipped the open jar onto the table, sending Wilson tumbling out of it. Their was a faint POP as he sprang back to his normal size.
"Thank you, Lisa." He said gratefully as he climbed off the table.
Cuddy snatched the jar out of House's hands and handed it to Wilson. "If I see House come in with this thing ever again, I'm not helping you out."
"Got it." Wilson muttered as she left for her office, to attend to less insane matters.
"Spoilsport." House called after her.
OooOOOooo
The next morning, Cuddy was somewhat unsurprised to see Wilson holding the jar as he came in, a smirk on his face. House was nowhere to be found for the rest of the day. Cuddy made a mental note to ask Wilson for the jar at the end of the day. Just in case.
Micromanagement
By TheLoneGunWoman
Rated G
500+ Words
Original Comic: Micromanagement by Swisskun
Cuddy glanced up as the quartet spilled into her office. Foreman, Thirteen, Chase, and Taub stood before her with identical grim expressions.
"What's he done now?" She asked tiredly.
"You'll want to see for yourself." Foreman said hesitantly.
"He doesn't even have a patient! How is he getting in trouble?"
The fellows remained silent.
Cuddy sighed and got to her feet. "Where is he?"
oooOOOooo
House was sitting at his desk, a tawdry magazine spread in front of him. A large glass jar was on his right. He was stroking the surface absentmindedly.
Cuddy swallowed a gulp. Had he brought some horrible poisonous bug to work?
"House, I hesitate to ask, but what are you doing with that jar?" She approached him. The glass was slightly opaque, so she couldn’t quite see what it held. It was moving, however.
"What jar?" House didn't even look up.
"The one you're caressing."
"Oh, this jar." House picked up the glass with both hands. "It's Wilson."
"What?" Cuddy felt her stomach sink. Quite clearly, House was hallucinating.
He held the jar out to her. She peered at it, sure of finding a mouse or a rat within its depths.
To Cuddy's great surprise, a teeny Wilson stared back at her, hands pressed against the glass. He looked rather upset, as anyone in his position would.
"Cuddy…please…help me!" He pleaded.
"HOUSE!" Cuddy backed a step away. "What have you done?! Never mind the 'how' for the moment, and just tell me why!"
"Well, he kept doing unsanctioned things. Doomed relationships, dieting…" House peered pensively at the jar. "This way I have complete control over his life."
"You do realize how morally objectionable you are, right?" Cuddy asked. "Not to mention creepy."
House just looked at her blankly for a few seconds. "Naw, I've always had control over his life."
Cuddy shook her head and sat on the edge of House's desk. "Right."
"But now I can do this."
On the last word, House shook the jar. Cuddy's eyes went wide as she heard Wilson bellowing.
"Give me that!" She snatched the jar out of his hands and tried to unscrew the lid. Air holes had been punched in it, she noted as she struggled to release the oncologist. After several unfruitful minutes of trying she handed the jar to House.
"Let him out of there right this minute House, I mean it."
House rolled his eyes, but did as she asked. He gently tipped the open jar onto the table, sending Wilson tumbling out of it. Their was a faint POP as he sprang back to his normal size.
"Thank you, Lisa." He said gratefully as he climbed off the table.
Cuddy snatched the jar out of House's hands and handed it to Wilson. "If I see House come in with this thing ever again, I'm not helping you out."
"Got it." Wilson muttered as she left for her office, to attend to less insane matters.
"Spoilsport." House called after her.
OooOOOooo
The next morning, Cuddy was somewhat unsurprised to see Wilson holding the jar as he came in, a smirk on his face. House was nowhere to be found for the rest of the day. Cuddy made a mental note to ask Wilson for the jar at the end of the day. Just in case.